How to Host a House Crasher

I am not Martha Stewart. Not even close. I am more like Cindy Stewart (her younger, quirkier, less-talented-in all things-craftiness sister). And when it comes to hosting houseguests, Cindy likes to KISS (you know – keep it simple stupid!). So for our recent guests (who excel at all things fabulousness), I did just that. And now I am here to share how to host the heck outta your house crashers…the simple way.

1. STOCK JUST-IN-CASES

I read somewhere that John & Sherry liked all-natural body products…well, we all know how effective those are…so just in case the Hotlanta weather took its toll on the Petersik pits, a basket of extras is in the guest bedroom. Stock up mini toothpaste tubes, contact lens solvent, even sunscreen to take your home to 5 star hotel status. Best part? When something gets used up, replacing it costs usually around a buck.

2. SCRUB SPARINGLY

Let’s face it, most folks don’t have time to clean their house from top to bottom for houseguests. And although I may be disgusting clean freaks from here to Timbucktwo, I only REALLY clean the spaces that are gonna be home for my friends – namely, the downstairs bathroom, the guest bathroom, the guest bedroom, and the kitchen. Everything else gets a quick sweep & tidy-check. (please note that this was NOT the case for the Petersik stay – where you could have found me running around like a crazy person – yes, for one day I was Paula Abdul of the clorox wipes!)

3. BEDROOM BEVERAGE

Dehydration is a real problem. And I am not talking about celebrity-dehydration (coughLohancough) which usually means that they aren’t drunk. C’mon guys – hangovers don’t mean you need your own hospital staff. Moving on. During the athletic event of house crashing, one can get thirsty. That is exactly why I like to make sure that the guest room has a couple glasses and a decanter full of H2O.

4. SUPPLY ROOM EXTRAS

Supplying your guests with a luggage rack is a great alternative to knee or back surgery. And although you aren’t responsible for their orthapaedic problems, a place to put their stuff is always nice. Even John mentioned that it was a nice spot for his Disney figurine collection (yeah, he takes it with him everywhere – oh wait, that was me!). Other extras that are great for your guest room are a blanket, extra towels, a little reading material, and a small dish for jewelry or change.

5. SPELL IT OUT

Sometimes the smallest details can make your guests feel right at home. And since Sherry is a writer at heart – I knew that she could handle this seven-letter word…WELCOME. Nothing says come in, take off your jacket, relax like this word. And I like to keep it up year-round (written on a white plate with a dry-erase marker) for a little greeting signage.

6. KNOW YOUR GUESTS TASTE

With John & Sherry on their way, we knew they had more refined (and when I say refined, I mean organic, natural, and healthy) tastebuds. So we made sure to stock up on orgagnic foods. No, that is not a typo. Don’t judge me…me & preservatives get along just fine. When you have your guests, keep in mind they might be on meat-free, milk-free, or calorie-free diets.

7. APPEAL TO THEIR SENSES

In order to mask the smell of bacon, air freshener is our friend. And my boyfriend was sure to spend about fifteen minutes spraying our odor remover all over the house prior to the Petersik arrival. Let’s just put it this way, if your guests smell the pork stank when walking in the door, do you really think they wanna risk keeping their 10 lb doggie in there? The correct answer is no.

8. GIVE A HUG

Do not go in for the full frontal hug uninvited. Trust me…it’s a little awkward. Instead give your guests a hug in plushness. A terrycloth robe, matching slippers, a snuggly blankie, even extra socks (NEW…NEW SOCKS! WITH THE TAGS!!) screams ‘I want you to be comfortable here!’. And that is exactly the message you wanna send to people that could blast you on the internet…not that they would ever do that…right Sherry?!?!

9. AVAILABLITY IS KEY

When it comes to prepping your house, keep in mind that basic needs still need to be met. Make sure these basics are available to your house crashers…snacks, internet, knowledge of where to poop your dog…that didn’t come out right…wow, the potty humor is just oozing today. pun intended. The point is that suppling & informing your new friends of the ins & outs of your home takes the ‘ows’ out of ‘houseguests’.

10. DO NOT DO THE ABOVE

Seriously. Bad. Idea.

Well, there you have it folks. A little insight on how to host a housecrasher for a fraction of the time and energy. Afterall, you will need that extra oomphf later when they ask you to give a foot massage….to their chihuahua. Not that that ever happened.

And to see the results of the housecrashing (which includes some fun photos of my partially cleaned and non-bacon-smelling house) go over to Young House Love…and tell em crazy Katie sent ya!