Gosh this is hard.
This morning hurt. Like go-chop-off-my-finger-hurt.
Jeremy woke me up by rubbing my back – he never does that. I turned to look at him. “Katie – your dad called”. He didn’t have to say anything more.
The question is – Why do I spontaneously combust with tears? Why today? Why is this so dang hard?! And it is…this is way harder than I thought it would be. I knew it would happen one day….I just didn’t want it to be today. or tomorrow. or the next day. I didn’t want it to ever happen.
Let me tell you about her…
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Grandma loved to laugh. Every joke was giggled at…even if it wasn’t funny. It meant she loved you.
Once we went to a church dinner together. She leaned over and whispered “These old people are so funny – Do they not like flavor on their food?” She was the oldest one there. Then she giggled as she reached for the salt and pepper.
One time I kicked her when I had chicken pox. I was 7. It wasn’t an accident. But she simply said – “it’s okay honey, I shouldn’t have gotten in the way of you scratching”. That is just how she was…she saw the good in you even when there wasn’t any.
She would make the yummiest nut roll. Every time we arrived for a visit there was at least three full rolls for us to devour. Our other Mummum heard how we liked it and tried to make some for us but it wasn’t the same. I believe the secret ingredient was grandma.
Grandma was married in a navy blue suit. It had white piping and white buttons. She saved all her gowns from her go-out-dancing days. My sister and I dressed up in them one time. Grandma laughed and clapped and told us how to dance.
I like to think Grandma was a young woman trapped in a 91 year old body. I would tell her that she should grab her bikini cause we were going to the beach. She would say “are we going to pick up some fellas first?”. I think she was partially serious.
She had four boys. So obviously, it was a miracle that she never got mad at them. My dad said that if any of them acted out, she would deck em. Which is funny because she is the size of a 8 year old.
She also had a weiner dog at one point named George. Years later she would talk about George like he was another son. I think that she loved animals so much because she grew up on a farm.
Grandma was one of fourteen children. She would sit and tell us stories about playing in the fields and running to her papa when he came in to eat. She loved her family very much.
She had a pig head on her kitchen wall. It held the dishtowels. She would say to rub the nose for luck. I would rub and rub hoping that “luck” meant candy. It usually did. She always would chuckle at the fact that I saved some candy for my own daddy.
I can’t possibly share everything about this amazing woman. It would take days. All I need you to know is that time is whizzing by…so hug your family a little longer. On days like this when your heart is breaking, you will wish that you never let go.
Oh I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Your grandmother sounds wonderful.
Oh Katie! I am so sorry to hear your news. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family! My grandma has been sick lately, too, and it is just so sad and scary. Hang in there, kiddo.
My heart goes out to you, Katie. She sounds like an amazing woman and it must have been wonderful to have her in your life.
I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother’s passing. I love my grandmother, one of my favorite people a year ago and I know how you’re feeling. Hang in there and remember all of the great times you had with her.
Aw Katie. So sorry for your loss. Lots of BFF smooches and hugs from VA.
I am so so sorry for your loss.
Im so sorry! my heart goes out to you! that picture of you and her is so sweet!
I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
This is just the sweetest, most love filled, post. I can see what a true star she was in your life. What a treasure and now heaven has her. She’ll be happy there, probably telling stories and making people laugh. She’s being cared for and you don’t need to worry.
She’s watching you now. As you weep and she’s probably holding your hand and saying something to help you pass the time. She loves you and she knows that you loved her too. She won’t forget.
Many prayers to you and your family during this time. It’s hard and you are allowed to weep for as long as you need. We’ll be here for support, as we always are.
Hugs.
Sorry to hear this news, but I know this pain…Keep the thoughts of her running always..and go to sleep every night with the hope of seeing her again. It will get better with time..but will never go away. I can see the love in the pictures, but seems like she lived a wonderful, loving , fun life..the best kind.
Tam
I am so sorry for your loss!! I know this is so hard. You are in my prayers. Your grandmother was beautiful!!
Oh, Katie. Words escape me at the moment b/c nothing can possibly compare to this lovely tribute to your grandma. I can see that she did represent the good and the humor we should have in all of us.
I can also see that she passed a lot of those qualities onto you. I am so sorry about your loss. Thinking of you, my dear.
oh katie, i am so so sorry to hear that.
that last picture of you and your grandma laughing is absolutely beautiful. it looks like you all had a wonderful relationship, and i’m sure that is something you will always treasure.
I’m aching for you right now. It was such a lovely tribute though, I have tears in my eyes. Thinking of you and your family, and so grateful that your grandma passed her kind and joking personality onto you for us to benefit! I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry Katie. What a touching post – your grandma sounds like an amazing woman. I’ll be praying for you and your family.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your memories brought back my own memories of my grandma. When she left us, I hurt everywhere. There are still days that it hurts, but I think that’s just my body’s way of remembering how much I loved her and how much I miss her.
I loved reading your memories of her and love the first photo of the two of you. It looks like you are cracking up. =)
My thoughts are coming your way.
Oh I’m so sorry, she sounds like such an amazing woman. My prayers are with you!!
What a beautiful tribute to your grandma. So sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am very very close to my grandma. Yours sounds like a blessing to everyone.
Oh Katie I am so so sorry. I am weeping at my computer as I look at your photos of precious memories and feel the love you and your grandmother had for one another. My nana just started chemo and we are hoping for 12 more months with her– she is my everything. I can’t imagine what it will be like when she’s gone but I know it is what you are going through. My prayers are truly with you and your family.
Katie I am so sorry. I have nothing grand to say. I am thinking about you and hoping you find some sort of peace. Your grandmother sounds a lot like mine and I cannot imagine how you are feeling now. Lots of hugs are being sent your way.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family. Your grandma sounds like an amazing person. You are incredibly lucky to have been so close with her, and have such wonderful memories!
I am sorry to hear of your loss. I will be praying for you and your family. From your tribute, it is clear where you get your lovely humor and joy for life. It’s wonderful that your Grandmother can live on through you!
Katie, your grandma sounds like one of a kind. I am so sorry for you loss.
Your whole family is in my thoughts.
Katie, I am so very sorry to hear about your grandma. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this sad time. It doesn’t matter how old our grandparents get, we still think that they are always going to be there. May God give you the strength to heal for you and your family.
I’m so sorry. My thoughts are prayers are with you.
So sorry ot hear this. Hang in there sister!
Oh dear friend, I’m so sad to hear this. What a treasure of memories and photos you have…plus the obvious spunk she passed on to you! I love you friend, wish I could be there with you to sit in jammies and eat too much chocolate and hear stories of Grandma.
I’ll be thinking of your family.
I love ya-
Steph
I’m so sorry for your loss. She sounds like an amazing woman and you were very lucky to have her in your life. My heart goes out ot you and your family.
I am sorry to hear about your grandma. It sounds like she was an amazing person. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Katie, I’m crying for you – I’m so, so, so sorry for your loss. I’ll be praying for you, that you will have the peace, comfort and strength you need. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}
Katie, I am so sorry to hear about your grandma. What beautiful memories and pictures you have left of her to carry you through this difficult time. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.
Signed,
A lurker coming out of hiding
I’m so sorry for your loss. You did a really great job summarizing your Grandma, I felt like I got a little idea of her sparkling personality — she sounded like a woman that loved life, and that had a great sense of homour! I know you will miss her forever, but reading your blog, and getting a b it of a sense of what your personality must be like, I get the idea that you are probably going to grow into a woman just like her — which will be the best tribute you could give her!
Oh, Katie, I am so sorry for your loss. But if it is any consolation, that is the most beautiful post I’ve ever read. I’m sure your Mummum is watching down from Heaven giggling at you right now. Lots of love and prayers, Katie.
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family. I know it’s never an easy time, but I hope it brings you comfort that she lived a long and happy life. It is really evident how proud she was of her family in all of the pictures. The one of you and her on your wedding day will be a cherished keepsake, I’m sure!
Katie, I’m so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you. I know the pain of losing your family’s matriarch. Peace to you as you walk this grief journey.
I am so sorry.
The picture of you two on your wedding day is beautiful.
Oh your post made me cry, and cry. And then I called my own grandmother just to let her know how much I love her. I am so sorry for your loss.
my heart and prayers are with you.
Oh Katie. I’m so sorry for your loss. That is just heartbreaking. :hugs:
I’m sorry for your lost, Katie. I know that it probably doesn’t help, but you are so lucky to have had someone like her in your life.
I am really wishing I had Grandparents now, I know I must have missed out.
I can only hope to be like your Grandma and I’ll make sure to have lots of children to make up for my lack of family and pray they all turn out like you both.
Love and hugs,
Jamie
Thanks Jamie. It’s still hard even now (especially when I think that Will won’t have a chance to meet her), but in the end, her ‘homecoming’ allowed us to refocus our lives, remember the value of family and even inspired us to start our own 🙂
I really wish you all could have known her…she was a really special lady.
XO – kb
This is precious! I did enjoy this, and I also enjoyed the older pictures of you. I would love you to share more…
I know this is an older post, however, I still am sorry for your loss.
Thanks Sara! It’s amazing how the loss gets dulled but it never goes away. And yeah – older pictures of me are hard to come by…but I’ll see what I can do 🙂
xo – kb