I wasn’t gonna ever really post about this…it’s one of those things that is just so near and dear to my heart that I felt like any public attention to it might disrupt the delicate balance of the universe and somehow it would be lost forever….but recently I have had a lot of people ask about it and I think it’s important to talk about.
One of my favorite things.
One of the best things I ever did.
One of the happiest days of my week, month and year.
These are all the same….and they are affectionately called Girls Group.
Right after Weston was born I took play dates super serious. I wanted Will to have social interaction with other two and three year olds…plus, I needed the chance to take a break from the constant vrooming of cars and talk to someone that had at least fifty words in their vocabulary. We had lived in our house over a year and since our neighborhood doesn’t have a ton of little ones running around, I took it upon myself to find the little people for Will. If you were semi-normal looking and at the grocery store, playground or park the same time I was, chances were I was hitting on you mom-style. I scheduled three to four playdates each week and felt like I needed more. The fact was…I was doing this all for Will but this stay-at-home-mom needed playdates of her own. I started talking to the other moms about my ‘need’ and soon I discovered that pretty much everyone (stay at home moms, working moms, even the grandmas I knew) they all said the same thing too…they missed that face to face interaction. There was a social void that we were all accepting and nobody was really doing much about it.
One of my good friends that had a standing Tuesday playdate with me and Will and Weston was on board when I decided that it would be fun to have a girl’s night with the other ladies in our church. We didn’t really know what exactly we were gonna do…but we knew that food would be involved and we would just sit and talk. And thus was born Girl’s Group.
There isn’t a secret recipe to this…it’s just opening up your home and telling people to come. We told everyone at church. Made an email list and send out reminders each week of the time and place and theme. Oh right…last summer we decided to do weekly themes. They were everything from fondue…
to wine and cheese night…
to Mexican food night…
to a masquerade…
During Christmas time we did a cookie exchange…
we had a Halloween costume party…
we have even had a make-up night where one of the girls showed us how to highlight, cat-eye and define…
We’ve also done some ‘service’ themed nights. It’s really fun to have social time and the super small tasks are fun within a big group! We’ve written encouragement notes for ladies in transitional homes, provided lunches for pregnancy resource centers, assembled Operation Christmas Child boxes, and made gift bags for a family in our church that had a nine-year old daughter with cancer.
When one of our group members decided to open a coffee shop, there wasn’t a hesitation to jump in and help reupholster chairs.
Big and small, we try to celebrate each little thing. We’ve done birthday parties, baby shower themes, and even tried our hand at Pinterest favorites…like a mouth rinse foot bath. Which by the way…it turned our feet blue. #nailedit
When we meet, we sometimes bring the kids, sometimes have family night where the whole family comes and the more babies the merrier. It’s a every-one-at-all-ages-is-welcome event.
I can’t say that it has always been super easy…when one of us hurts, all of us hurt. And like any group of friends, it is easy to take things for granted or say things too quickly or without sensitivity. But we all believe that humbling ourselves is healthy. It’s hard to say I’m sorry…or I was wrong…or sure, I will help (even when it’s not convenient or money is tight or time is limited)…those things are the not-fun stuff…and our culture doesn’t celebrate those things like 80’s parties…but we do it because it’s important. The people are important.
We do our share of crying together and laughing together and praying together over monkey bread. Talking about issues like education and money management and our relationships with our husbands has been enlightening to say the least. Everyone has different issues. Everyone has different stories. And honestly it has been one of the greatest things in my world…getting to gather together…sometimes with a craft in our hands, sometimes with a video we need to watch, sometimes waiting till someone finishes peeing on a pregnancy test….it has been one of those priceless, beautiful, wouldn’t-trade-it-for-the-world things.
And I hope that if you are thinking that you want something like this…you try it. I know what that feeling is like…the loneliness from being at home with a kid all the time. It can be so isolating. And you might feel like you are going crazy. But chances are, there are people that want to go crazy with you.
That is what community is….coming together and just being in that moment…sharing a bowl of hummus or having an ice cream social. I like to think that the recipe is coming as you are and bringing food. That’s it. That’s all it take for people to connect. Oh and maybe a box of Kleenex…because let’s face it, tears from laughing too hard are easy to come by when you open yourself up.
p.s. Thanks Sarah for always posting photos of girls group! Love ya friend!
This post was exactly what I needed to read this morning and gave me tears of longing. As a new mom I’m feeling the isolation, exhaustion and loneliness that you mentioned (no one mentions or prepares you for this part of motherhood). Life can be tough and good friends always make things better. Thank you for inspiring me to reach out and see if I can create something similar in my life as well.
Great post, Katie. I do something similar with a group of women. When the company we worked at was sold and moved out of state, two of us kept in touch and went to lunch every few months midway between our new jobs. The other lady also kept in touch, met for breakfast, with two others from the same workplace. One Christmas, I was invited to join their group for breakfast, so then we were four. With everyones busy lives we started getting together for birthdays and Christmas only. Over the next few years, 2 long time school friends of one of the ladies joined us, then a sister, then a friend from church, a sister-in-law, another sister-in-law (who happened to go to school with some of the others)joined the group, so that now we are 10. We go to a restaurant for breakfast or lunch and just have a great time. Since we now have almost every month covered with birthdays, we decided to just go to lunch one day on the month no birthdays are represented. It takes a little effort on everyone’s part, but we really enjoy getting together. It has now been 17 years we have been doing this and I now have a great group of friends who otherwise I would only have known as co-workers or never would have met in the first place.
I love this! My goal this year is to create a community for my little family…and I may or may not have rescheduled my daughters check up so we don’t miss playgroup…LOL.
What an awesome idea! I know if I have kids I will want some Girl Group time!
so obviously the baby on the left is crying because she doesn’t get to be next to the cute boy in the cars pajamas.
This is so wonderful. Friends make all the difference in the world. I’ve really struggled to find great friends since moving to Atlanta. It’s really freaking hard when you’re an adult! Everyone seems to be in cliques with people they went to school with, or people they work with. I always felt like the odd ‘man’ out. Being a former expat doesn’t lend itself well to making long term friends in any single place.
Having a kid has really helped me meet other moms though. Slowly but surely.
x
V @ Life+1
Thank you so much for sharing! I have been spending time individually with a lot of girlfriends lately and I love the idea of getting everyone together, with or without kids. I’m inspired to reach out and plan something!
What a fantastic idea Katie!! I love this! There’s nothing better than community to lean on and laugh with through life’s many seasons. I’m definitely going to arrange something similar in my community. You’ve totally inspired me. Thanks for sharing 🙂
What an amazing thing, I wish I lived in GA! 🙂
I’m so happy for you. I also have a tight knit group of lady friends and really rely on them.
What a wonderful thing you are doing all together! I had this with my sisters but now live on the other side of the world for them. I think it is time to try and gather some friends around me like this. Thanks for the inspiration.
Katie, Thank you so much for writing this. My momma heart need to hear it. I have been lots in the isolating days frequently lately. It’s just like you said, I have to desire to change things, But, I have been lost on the first step. And this introvert is definitely not ok with meeting random people 🙂 But, you have inspired me to try some new things. And for that I am grateful. Thank you for opening up about from so personal and allowing Jesus to use it 🙂
Hello, I am glad that you decided to post about this. Community is a beautiful thing.
Thanks for sharing! I’m a mom of two year old twin boys, and I totally know what your talking about. It’s hard to make “me” time as a mom of young kiddos. I am definitely going to plan a girls group night, combining my girlfriends and my love for a good theme party, YES please! Thanks for the inspiration!
Katie, your such a great hostess for the girls group. I’m so glad to be part of it and so thankful for meeting all you wonderful girls!!! Love you all and our fun times together!!
This is exactly what the doctor ordered– Go you and all girls groups!!!
Oh man I wish I had that kind of community. I work outside the home full time so it’s really hard to find other moms to connect with. Even harder because we moved all the way accross country last year, so I really don’t have any friends. I hope I can find a group like that someday, I’m so happy that you were able to reach out like that and make it happen!
Wonderful idea! This is one of my most favorite posts you’ve done!
Girl’s Groups are the key to staying sane as a wife and mother! Love it!
I love this idea. Thank you for sharing!
I may not be a mom, but I still look forward to my LOL group (that Ladies of the Lord). Sometimes we bible study and sometimes we just eat and laught and have a good time. Oh those girls they make me smile!
We love ya girl! And let’s face it…your cooking and cute baby and personality is just what the group needs 🙂
xo kb
Love love love this. 17 years is true friendship! You go girl!
xo kb
I love this! This is really encouraging for me since it is hard to remember that other mothers are feeling just as lonely. You’ve definitely given me confidence to hit on other women… mom-style of course.
This is a sweet blog. A group of us girls that were friends in high school still get together at least quarterly for a girls evening. 8 of them have kids, 2 of us don’t, but it doesn’t matter because we can catch up right where we left off. It’s fun, refreshing and good time!
BTW, what are you doing in the Halloween costume picture? Eating?
I’m in a book club that meets once a month. We generally meet at a restaurant so no one has to attempt to cook or clean a house. The club consists of seven members who I’m almost 100% certain would never have ended up together if not for this club. A few of us met through work and we have two different groups of high school friends (separated by more than a decade in age!). Some of us are married and some are not, some have kids and some do not. Friends are priceless and these ladies mean the world to me. Thank you sharing your own little ‘club’. 🙂
I am part of a book club with a group of about 8 friends from church. We are all relatively close in age, some of us have teenagers, some have young children, some have no children. We get together once a month to discuss the book we read, but it’s so not about the book! There is no pressure or judgement if you didn’t read it or didn’t like the book enough to get past chapter 1. It’s about getting together with girlfriends to talk about life. The books we read often lead us into interesting conversations, but it doesn’t just stop with conversation about the book. We pot luck style and bring dinner/dessert and have even joked that we should call our book club a supper club since we usually get more excited about the food. Having friends to laugh and share life with is essential!
I didn’t realize how much I need something like this until I started crying while reading it. We’ve done 2 big moves in under a year and I had just made friends through church then we moved again. We are now in Calgary, if anyone would like to meet for a play date I have a 14 mth old daughter 🙂 Glad you have this in your life Katie, thanks so much for sharing 🙂
This is such an amazing thing! I really think that getting everyone together is really important, we all need people around us who are going to laugh and cry with us.
Thanks for sharing.
Love this post that I can really relate. We have a girls group of 7yrs and counting! We started right when we are off college, two left the country and then we added two members back. We were either dating or single when we started, we married off 5 and were each other’s bridesmaid, the 6th is now engaged!
It’s really not easy to keep a close group meeting weekly and doing bible studies and other stuff. God had really given us a lot of grace!
What a great, heartfelt post, Katie.
Katie- I truly love this idea. It’s hard to “find time” unless you schedule or make time. I am going to talk to some of my girlfriends and suggest we do a monthly girls night! It will be SO much fun. Can’t wait!
Our church has a stay at home mom’s group that does playdates and mom’s night out. My only regret was waiting to join! It has been one of the best things I could have done. So many great woman!
photobombing 🙂 and yes, while eating!
xo – kb
I love this so much! What a fabulous and special thing. Cherish it!
You go Katie Bower! What an awesome thing. My husband and I just recently moved and left our close knit church community. I totally long for a new group and can’t wait to find/start it. Thanks for sharing 🙂
How often do you get together? Weekly? Monthly? I have so many amazing women in my life, and I never see them. I heard a radio show this morning about hospitality and being willing to open one’s home to others, and now this… I think I’m supposed to be listening!
My husband and I moved when I was 4+ months pregnant and we didn’t know anyone. After my son was born I really struggled to find other people to talk to and kids near my son’s age for him to be around. A lot of the play groups in our area were for older kids but I had an 8 month old so that wasn’t working for me. So my friend and I started our own baby play date group. We started it last summer with 7 moms and today we have 380+ moms in it. It has been a godsend in our lives.
We do weekly.
xo – kb
I love this post Katie. I so believe that life is all about community and loving others. I feel that it is such a rewarding way to live life. Jesus calls us to love others and I just really love this post and am inspired. thanks! xo
Since moving to Atlanta both my husband and I have found it a true struggle to meet people. Like you I have struggled with loneliness of not knowing many people here. We had such a great support system prior to moving. If you ever have room for another addition I know a really cool 3 year old, fiesty 6 month old and a fun couple that would love to meet more people!
Does weekly feel a bit too much at times or is it perfect since you love it so much that you look forward to it?
And did you have a hard time convincing women to come out? I feel like the girls in my church would say they need it but would feel it was too big of a ‘commitment’ during this season!
Long time reader, rarely comment: well done, you!
It’s wonderful to read about and I know what you mean about being reluctant to share but someone will join something because of your encouragement.
Thank you Katie. Sniff, sniff.
check out meetup.com for mom groups in your area. I did that when we moved and found a great group of ladies! I think it’s the only way to survive.
This made me realize again how much I need/miss having friends. We moved last March and between work and stuff it’s just hard to make friends. I need to work on this.
Love this post. I need this and I’m not a Mom and I’m old enough to be your Mom. 😉 I was involved in a single’s bible study through church and we had so many good times and most of us were middle aged divorcees or widows/widowers. We meet weekly at our home still, 12 years later (I married the leader) but now it’s a mix of couples and singles. The people in the group have changed over a lot and now several of the current attendees aren’t physically able to do a lot. While I love our weekly group, I crave another that can be more active. You’ve planted the seed…
This is so lovely! My husband and I relocated to NYC for a career opportunity and have found it difficult to find a great community of friends here. I would love to start a similar weekly meetup – thank you for giving me the push to start!
I’m wondering what you think the key to success of something like this is?
I’ve just found that with like Family Reunions, if I don’t do it it ain’t getting done. I’ve had a few groups, but they seem to fall apart after a few months, unless I am the one putting in all the work. Everybody “wants” it, but nobody is willing to put in the time to make it happen. SO…Did you have to really take charge and be the one initiating it all, organizing it? Or how do you keep it going?
Oh I want to come!! Too bad I live all the way up in Charlotte! Boo-hoo! I have a handful of girlfriends to do this with, but these dates never happen often enough!
One more question. What day of the week do you do this and how did you decide on that particular day?
Katie…
I love this. Reading the post gave me chills and made me tear up. I am a long-time reader, and I consistently see your heart for God and his Church (as well as those outside the Church). Thank you for being bold and generous with your love. Your blog is an encouragement to me as a wife, friend, and believer. My husband & I joined our church about a year ago–and an idea very similar to this has been on my heart. We have women from 18 to 90…and I think we need to really know one another. So…maybe this is just the motivator I need to go with it. (I am sharing your blog link with my pastor’s wife as I type!)
Thank you for sharing your life.
–Anna in SC
Love this!!
Wow this post has left me a crying mess on the couch! What a wonderful network you’ve created and sustained. I love how you’ve commented othe difficulties that obe faced together as well as the positives. I teach high school and one of my most common phrases to my senior students is ‘It’s hard sometimes because its important. Anything worthwhile is difficult.’
As the only non-mother in my immediate and wider circle of friends, I feel the loneliness too. Maybe it’s not the same. I know it’s not the same. And I go to visit my friends and their kids all the time. But I miss the group gatherings of our younger years and the support of a wider group of people that I love. Maybe, in my unfortunately childless state, I should be the one to bring this idea to life.
As always, thank you for sharing your life with us and planting this seed in my mind. Xo
Amen sister. Friends are priceless. 🙂
Katie, you are just about the sweetest thing ever. I loved this post. Keep it up, all of that sounds really good for your soul, and your sanity.
Oh my gosh what a good idea! I think it’s just what I need to get through the baby blues! Thanks for the great ideas!
Groups like this are so important! My grandma and her best friend organized a group of ladies their age back in the 1950s. They would meet every Tuesday to visit, enjoy a potluck lunch, and bond with other women. Each lady would bring whatever they were working on at the time, mostly knitting and crochet. (My grandma’s secret name for the group was the old hookers — even when they were back in their twenties :D.) They’d go to each other’s houses on a rotation basis, so everyone got to host. While the group may be much smaller these days, they still meet on Tuesdays. Now that their children and grandchildren are grown, they make quilts and afghans for the children’s hospital. Creating that group established lifelong friends who were there for each other for births, divorces, their children’s marriages, and to gather to mourn as their members passed away. They didn’t always agree about politics or religion, but they always stayed friends. Keep going with your group! I know my grandma’s group has enriched her life for sixty years and counting.
Our group of 10 women met in college. We graduated in 1975 and have been getting together almost every month for 39 years! We went to each other’s weddings, gave baby showers, had play groups with our kids, went to our kids’ weddings and now most of us have grandchildren! We have gone on cruises and to all-inclusives, sometimes we’ve included the husbands! As I write this, we are vacationing together in Naples FL (girls only!) celebrating all of us turning 60 this year! I have other groups of friends, but this group is special. One of the husbands nicknamed us “The Hens” years ago and we now include our daughters occasionally and they are known as “The Chicks.” Girlfriends are sooooo good for the soul!
Thanks for sharing your girls group with us. A Long time ago, I had a girls group going as well, and then most of us moved out of town, out of province and out of country. Now we try to get together at Christmas and during the summer time whenever anyone comes back to the original town we all lived in (which is 2 hours away for me). I look forward to it every 6 months or so. A few years ago when 6 of us were celebrating a milestone birthday we all flew to Montreal and spent 4 days of girl time together. So fun!
I delegated some things and we have a ‘standing’ meet time and place. So the food – everyone does. The theme gets picked the week before. The email gets sent out by one of the girls. And if there needs to be crafts – that info gets sent out too in the email. I usually provide the drinks and ice but I refuse to cook (although I did bake that monkey bread!) because cleaning up and cooking is just way too hard. If we want to organize a service event…usually I do it but I tell everyone what they need to bring.
xo – kb
We took a vote on what works for everyone. Oh and if people come late…people come late.
xo – kb
love the nicknames 🙂
xo – kb
Well, that’s the thing…if someone doesn’t want to come or has another commitment…they don’t come. We say four times a month is a lot but three times is too few…and there are some folks who came almost every time and some that don’t.
xo – kb
I love this! A few years ago I felt like even though I had “known” alot of the women in our church I didn’t really KNOW them. Not alot of them anyway. So I decided to start a Supper Club. We have it once a month. We pick a theme..mexican, Italian, Apps etc and then send out a mass email to all the girls. We also do a house rotation. It has been a great way to get to know one another and has in turn given me some of the best, most true friendships I could have ever hoped for. We have even mixed it up and had a painting party and make-up party. As a mom of 3 boys it is a true life saver for myself as well as for my hubs LOL
These beautiful women are what make up our communities. Thanks for sharing. We have a caring and sharing email group at church that we use to organize playgroup, birthday celebrations, girls nights, baby showers, meals for families with new babies, and extras we have that others might need. It has been fabulous and I live for the connections and friendships I’ve made with other women
Do u make all the dishes at gatherings??? Or is it a potluck???
That’s amazing if u are…
It’s definitely potluck. Everybody brings something.
xo – kb
Are you in the Loganville area?!
xo – kb
Our group has 6 girls, so we have a general rule that if 4 can make it, we’ll meet. If not then we cancel. But our tendency is that if we only have 4-5 ppl, we do something fun/ eat instead of BS. We don’t want anyone to miss it since we are doing BS on books.
I love this! I’ve been wanting to start/be a part of a girls group since my daughter was born 10 months ago, but it’s hard working full time. Time to stop the excuses and just do it! Thanks for the encouragement!
I love this! I have a group of girl friends (5 of us total) that have been close since high school. We’re all in our 50’s now. But sometimes it’s like pulling teeth to plan time to get together. I crave being part of a group that meets regularly, to care for and support each other. Thank you for showing us how and being a great role model!
Thanks for this inspiring post. I definitely need to start one of these with my friends.