Every single day. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
That is how often I get asked if I want a girl.
Think about that for a hot second. Think about how often that really is. THOUSANDS OF TIMES a year. Every single day I get asked different varieties of the same question multiple times….Do I want a girl? Am I going to try for a girl? Are we gonna try again for a girl? Are we hoping the next one is a girl?
And I want to say this loud and clear….I am not offended. I am not angry at those people or hurt or jealous of girl moms. I am not disappointed in my boys or any future babies regardless of their gender. Haters will say “liar.” but they say that about everything. The thing is….I think of this girl-inquiry as the question…do you want your legs? OF COURSE YOU WANT BOTH LEGS.
OF COURSE I WOULD WANT A GIRL.
I want a girl just as I would want another boy! I want ANY of my babies…regardless of the sex! Babies are amazing. Kids are amazing. And never in the history of ever did a sane and loving parent look down at their child and say “oh but I could have loved you so much more if you were just born with a different Y chromosome setup.” Let’s be real.
(my beautiful niece!)
As far as babies….I don’t think we are done (no, I am not pregnant but I am just putting this out there! We have discussed having ONE more.) and I don’t know what I will have in the future….but I do believe that whatever I get – it will be the most perfect, most divinely chosen baby just for our family. I truly believe that all babies are hand made by God for their particular family…whether for their birth parents or their adoptive parents. I believe all parents are paired with their sons and daughters in the most profound and pure and holy way by the Creator of the universe. It might be over the top to you. Sounds ludicrous. But seriously….parenthood is not accidental. True parenthood sometimes is not even something we choose…but that chooses us! That doesn’t mean parenthood is easy. And it doesn’t mean you get what you EXPECT….but it does mean that there is a greater plan. I truly believe that.
So OF COURSE I WANT WHATEVER I GET.
(another beautiful niece!)
And in my heart, I do believe I would love to get the divine privilege of raising a strong girl. A girl smarter than me. A girl more loving than me and more beautiful than me and more encouraging than me and more EVERYTHING than me.
Do girls terrify me? Yes. Do I know how to change a girl diaper? Not really. Do I think I could figure it out? Possibly. Do I want to pay for a wedding one day? Only if it’s on an island. And if I get to go. And do I want to dress her up and buy bows and cute shoes and all that girly stuff? Absolutely. Would she probably end up wearing her brothers clothing half the time? Probably.
I dream about being a mom….whatever that entails. I dream about taking my boys to football just as much as I dream about taking a little girl to ballet. And you know what? My kids might never play football or do ballet! I might even have a little boy that wants to dance instead! Who knows!? A little girl can play football and little boys can do ballet….it doesn’t matter as long as you are teaching them to be GRATEFUL FOR THEIR GIFTS AND OPPORTUNITIES AND THE GOD WHO MADE THEM AND LOVES THEM. I dream about a little girl with long dark hair like mine….but that might never happen….even if I had six girls, it might not ever happen. I dream about Jeremy having daddy-daughter dances with a little girl and her wearing sparkly shoes….but the fact is – even if I had a daughter, she might hate sparkles. She might be too shy for dances. And Jeremy dances with our boys and it’s still adorable and sweet and I still take a million photos.
But that doesn’t change my heart. That doesn’t change what I think would be amazing. I think being a girl mom is just as amazing as being a boy mom. That’s how love works. I am a loud-and-proud boy mama right now and you know what? IT’S AMAZING. BEYOND AMAZING. (have I said “amazing” enough in this post already?!)
I think it’s awesome that my boys like to pee in the yard. I think it’s hilarious that dinosaur noises are just another language to them. I like that there are sixteen windows open on my iPhone with monster truck videos. And that legos are in my lotion jar as we speak. And that seeing little Spiderman costumes is a daily occurrence. My boys are AWESOME. They are like little puppies with endless amounts of energy and dirt and play time and muddy clothing and pockets full of worms and rocks and curiosity about paper airplanes and snakes and poop jokes.
I have NO CLUE what it is like to be a girl mom to MY little girl and even more so – I have no clue how a girl might be the same or different than my boys. They might all be exactly the same! I might just be cleaning worms out of pink pockets! But the point is – I think I am entitled to want that experience without the expectation that I would want the experience of another son less. Does that makes sense? I can want both a future son and a future daughter…independently. I can still want either one. And that doesn’t take anything away from anyone else. Or make me crazy. Or a liar.
I say all this because I think someone should say it….it’s okay to want what you want and if it never happens, to regroup and say “OK. I love and want what I have. I am full. That other situation would have been cool too. But I trust that this was exactly what was best for my family. And I am freaking happy.”
Happy Monday friends. Hope you are feeling full today 🙂
Love it! This was beautifully written. Wishing the best for you and your family!
I am one of four girls and my husband is one of four boys. So it’s weird to me to have one of each (and baby sister on the way). In a way, it seems so much simpler to keep them all the same gender. My dad loved having four girls in his welding shop (and now we’re okay with having had that experience). I think my MIL would have loved to have a girl, but my parents never expressed any disappointment in all girls. Plus, son-in-laws are easier! 😉
Feeling grateful for what you have makes perfect sense to me.
Excellently written. I feel like I am going through a similar phase right now. We have one little boy and are currently expecting twins. Everyone keeps asking me if I am hoping that one or both are girls. I feel weird responding because I know full well I will be happy with whatever comes. I would love a little girl or two but little boys are wonderful as well. I will not be disappointed either way. It can be a touchy subject but I agree completely. The children are put into your life by God and they are just what you need.
Well said! Your niece with the mustache fabric head wrap… (ha!) I swore that was Will! They resemble each other so much!!
You know what’s funny, I get told multiples times a week how “lucky” I am that I’m having a girl this time, since baby #1 was a boy. I get “oh, one of each? You’re set!” and other “You can stop now” type comments. As if my decision to have more kids (which we definitely will) is based on the gender(s) of the ones I already have!!
AM I excited this baby is a girl? YES! Would have been excited if it was a boy? YES!
I think we all feel that way about our own families, but have this picture in our mind of what the “perfect” family is and we expect everyone else to be chasing that even if we’ve decided it is not for us. So for those who think the “ideal” is at least one of each sex, they think that’s what everyone else is chasing, even if they themselves have chosen not have more or whatever. Just like I find myself wondering (but never saying anything) about those who only have one child. My thought-process is “What?! Only one?! How could you stop after only one?! Only experiencing a newborn’s first smile once?! Only one-time to wear all those cute clothes?!” etc. It’s just hard for me to imagine, but I’m not them and I’m not in their shoes and I know that. So i don’t say anything.
That’s a lot of rambling to say that we all get comments on our family’s make up.
Great insight and well said! I have 3 girls – I never felt sad that I didn’t have a son but now I have a Grandson and I think my oldest daughter was meant to be a Boy Mom. She was into ballet, heels, make-up, and all things pink as a child but is completely enjoying the rougher side of her son. I do have to note that it does appear that little boys take up so much more space than little girls. I love watching his imagination work – little boys have sound effects for everything! Love it!
Katie, that was perfectly said. I have 2 boys, whom I love more than anything, but when I am listening to burps and poop jokes, I dream of a little girl and tea parties and dollies! I think it would have been amazing to have had a little girl, but I am completely blessed to have these 2 boys, And I agree with you: children are blessings and are chosen for each family!
Have a wonderful day, Bower Family!
Simply beautiful post!
You have a beautiful way with words, Katie! Thank you!
Yes yes yes!
I had an image of what my “girl” would look like when I had my first- dark curly hair and look/act just like me! Instead I got a boy (who looks just like me) and a personality TOTALLY OPPOSITE ME.
Then I got pregnant with my girl and thought “This is the girl I dreamed of!” NOPE. Red hair and blue eyes and totally opposite mine and hubby’s black hair. She looks nothing like me or what I ever imagined. She is amazing. He is amazing. How did I get so lucky?? I can’t even wait to see what the next one is like!
I feel you! I am having my second child (a girl) and I already have a boy (2 1/2 years old). Apparently, according to everyone we are “done” because our family is “complete”. Whereas I feel that I am done after this one (I’m tired of being pregnant! – I couldn’t imagine doing it 4 times!), I still don’t like how people assume things! I also share your fear about the girl diapers. It’s stressing me out more than it should! 🙂
I love this. Thanks for your honesty. I am a mama to three boys and we made the decision to be 100% done with our family. Yes, of course there is a small part of my heart that feels a bit wistful that I won’t have the experience of mothering a daughter, especially since my mom and I are very close, but I also feel like my boys are exactly who I am supposed to mother and that our family is complete. I love them so much I feel like my heart is going to break.
I love this post. We were blessed with three children, after several miscarriages. A son and two daughters, now grown with families of their own. We wanted healthy babies to bring into our family, we could have cared less if boys or girls. Having each, you love them exactly the same. And they love you exactly the same. Some will think, sure easy for her to say, she has both. But the differences of raising boys or girls is really not that different. Our son was rough and tumble and ” all boy” with a love of bugs, snakes, trucks and trains but was sensitive and sweet too. Our girls were sweet, sensitive, loved frills and pink and dolls, but would roll in the dirt, collect bugs and snakes and played ball with all the neighbor boys. They all cuddled, and grew, and learned, and made us smile, and made us proud, and upset us, and filled our hearts exactly the same. In different ways..but exactly the same in how our love is felt for them. We don’t love our daughters any differently than we love our son. We just love them. I wish people didn’t ask such silly and private questions but they do. We have friends and family with with all boys, and some with all girls. Sure they may have thought for a minute a boy or girl would be nice…but not one would think that now raising their family of girls or boys. They just all feel blessed to be families. The second you have that baby in your arms you are filled with total joy and love to be blessed with that child. Love is so deep, so encompassing, it is not boy love or girl love. It is just love. Pure and simply just love…
Thank you for saying this!!! I’m only a mom of one boy (my own William) and we just found out we are pregnant again (fingers crossed this one sticks)… my ENTIRE family is always putting in my mouth…”You know you want a girl”. All my husband and I want is a happy, healthy child. The parts that make it either way doesn’t matter! I seriously forwarded this to the entire family!!
Thank you Katie!! You made it easy for us to hold our ground!!
Agree 100%!
When I was pregnant with my second (first is a girl) people assumed I wanted a boy. I wanted a healthy baby. And when we found out it was in fact a boy, people would tell me that we had the perfect family. Our family would have been perfect for us no matter the gender of our second child. It didn’t upset me but it bothered me a little bit because people had this idea. And if we have a 3rd, I’ll want the same thing, a healthy baby.
We have four daughters and then the son surprised us. When they were little and we traveled in a pack people would be rude enough to say {you got your boy} as if the girls were throw a ways until we got the real treasure. I was perfectly happy with all those girls, still am. Good for you to realize that each child is special and unique to your family!
Great post! I have one 3 year old boy and another on the way. We are thrilled. We kinda wanted two boys – but would we have been sad with a girl – NO. I am only 24 weeks along and I am already getting questions if we will try for a girl. My mother in law replied ‘well i guess you will have to try again!’ when we announced a second boy. We are DONE with two 🙂
i could have written this! I have 2 boys – 3.5 and 20 months and just found out we are sure with our 3rd boy in february. I am so excited, but the second we told people we were having a 3rd boy everyone said…”darn, will you try for a girl?”…THIS BABY ISN’T EVEN HERE YET! So I couldn’t agree with you more. Your boys are awesome!
I love this Katie. I have both a son and a daughter and after asking if my husband and I are done (YES!) they then say, well you have your girl and he has his boy. No I’m done because during the 1st pregnancy I had pre-eclampsia and he killed my gallbladder; For the second I was borderline pre-eclampsic, had charlie horses in my abdomin (nope, they weren’t contractions) and she ripped my stomach mucsles permenantly apart. We’re not having anymore because I’m running out of “spare” body parts.
“But the point is – I think I am entitled to want that experience without the expectation that I would want the experience of another son less. Does that makes sense?”
That makes perfect sense, well said.
You have a gorgeous family. If you add a girl or another boy next time it will still be gorgeous and perfect.
I’m glad you included adopted kids being in God’s plan too, because that’s exactly the way I feel about my kids. I sometimes get asked “why China?”, and I’ve always just responded with “that’s where my kids were”.
This is so great. We just found out our second is going to be a girl, and while I’m super excited, I also found a small part of me was worried. I already have a boy, so how different will a girl be? I love that line, that all babies are picked by God for their particular family. Talk about perfect. I’m going to keep reminding myself that, even when I think of the terrors of experiencing puberty all over again. Thanks, Katie 🙂
Hit the nail on the head, Katie! I have a beautiful little guy who will be two this month. As we’re getting closer to having a second child, i daydream about having a daughter. Being able to use my American Girl dolls again and make cute little skirts for. But, on the other hand, I’ve got this boy mom thing down and i SO love all of the tractors and things that he is into. When people ask if i’m hoping for a girl, i don’t know how to respond, other than saying the typical “either way will be great!” If we have another son, i will love him the same way i will love a daughter and vise-versa. <3
Yes, worms and spiders and all things yucky and crawlycome out of pink pockets just like the blue pockets. Lol! I think it’s awesome you’re considering the possibility of one more! 5 is our goal, we currently have 3. You’re an awesome momma, you’re boys are blessed!
Love your post Katie! I have four daughters (2, 5, 8, and 10), get asked if “i’m going to try for a boy” all the time (the answer is no, we’re done!), and wouldn’t trade my girls for the world! We’ve always said the same thing….we just wanted healthy babies! My girls get out there and as the Zootopia song says “Try everything”! God Bless you and your family!
You are such a beautiful person <3
You are just a great mom- to whomever God sends you:-) Love this post. As a Mom to two girls, and wife to a man who coached football and wrestling for much of his career, we were always asked the opposite- if we “wanted” a boy. Well, we wanted whatever God gave us- trusting He knew better! Love your perspective!
Amen! I was so offended when in the HOSPITAL with my second newborn boy several of the nurses asked if we would be back in a few years to try for a girl. Uh, NO. And that is NOT something you say to a chick pumped chock full of pregnancy hormones.
What a treasure your boys are.
What a miraculous gift it is to have four healthy babies. To have the privilege of watching them grow.
What lucky sons they are to have such a wonderful mama!
As a mother of five sons, I understand what you are saying. I love my boys and they have been perfect for our eternal family.
I thought the same!!!
very . well . written . that is all.
So honest Katie! I love it. I’m a mom to two, one of each a son (3) and a daughter (1). Love is love, it’s the same and entirely different (because of who they are rather than what they are and that is always the case isn’t it?) It is such a privilege to be their momma. I come from a family of girls and bringing home our son was daunting (I just felt like I didn’t know… like I would be better at the girl thing). I quickly learned just how very much HE had to teach me, I needed him to find the balance in myself. When we were lucky enough for our second my childhood/life long dream of a daughter was realized. All of the sudden I learned how much both were really the same. The dreams, hopes, moments, LOVE and prayers, all of the sudden seemed truly equal. Sons or daughters are both the best!
I have three boys and am currently expecting our fourth child (sex yet to be determined).
It’s kinda funny…people are either “you must want a girl!” or “you should be happy with what you have. Do you know how many people can’t have babies of their own?”.
I was happy our first was a boy. I love a male as the eldest! I was easily happy with #2 being a boy. Brothers! When we found out #3 was a boy, i cried for 5 minutes in the ultrasound room, but it only took that amount of time to be able to say “three boys is going to be awesome!”
This time around, I have to be honest. There has been a bit of anxiety. I don’t have expectations of what life would be like with a girl. I’m not into nail polish and sparkles. I just want something different, you know? But a lot of my anxiousness has disapated since thinking of a name for a possible boy. I am glad we can go into that ultrasound knowing we can come out of it knowing this little person has a name. Girl or boy.
But I don’t think I could do it a 5th time!
I’m glad to know God knows and cares about the desires of our hearts! And more so, that he knows what’s best for our hearts!
And just imagine…one day we get to have daughters-in-law!
Love this! And PS, I have a sparkle loving, dino crazy, peeing in the backyard baby girl. And a little guy on the way….can’t wait to see who he is 🙂
Your boys (and all future babies) are lucky to have a mama who accepts them and loves them for just who they are!
Story of my life!
Goodness I am a Mom of three boys and get this alllllll the time. I just smile and tell people we were trying for humans 🙂
I love this! We have two girls and everyone expects us to have third child. It’s the oddest thing ever…”so, you have two girls, when are you having a boy?”
Yes, we placed the order however, it must have been lost?
Love your boys! And I love being a girl mom, actually I just love being a mom.
Such an eloquently worded post! So so so many people give their opinions on YOUR family planning that the point about it being FAMILY is forgotten! The wanting or having more children is not for their gender but for their wonderful addition! And I loved how you said your “picture” of sparkles and frills and pink and ballet just might not be what you get and that’s ok too. Thanks for writing this post. I have a son and a daughter and too many people told me to be done because now I have one of each. And I feel like your words made my mind a little clearer, so thank you!
Roo has an awesome blog post on this subject – I found it very enlightening – must read really
One of the biggest takeaways for me is that her family is complete and making comments seems to belittle her fabulous children who yes all are the same gender.
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/020614-hey-my-family-is-not-incomplete-without-a-son/
I understand your heart completely! I had four boys, and my husband and I decided to go for number five–did I want a girl?–yes!!–did I realize there was a 50% chance I’d have another precious boy?–yes! 🙂 But it WAS a girl 🙂 Then we had a surprise a few years later and God blessed us with another girl! I’ve been reading your blog for years and just wanted to let you know that it’s possible after four boys 😉 Philippians 4:6-7
I was standing in line at a store with my 3 kids, 2 girls and a boy, when a woman say the exact same thing to me. “You finally got your boy”. I was outraged. I replied that I got what I always wanted, 3 healthy children. And she simply repeated her statement! This was nearly 20 years ago and it still pisses me off.
I have one girl and one boy and I am EXTREMELY offended on behalf of anyone who has several single-gender kids when people say, “Oh! You’re so lucky! Now you have one of each! Such a lucky family.” Like if I had two girls I would be less lucky. I know people don’t mean to be offensive, it’s just small talk that pops out of their mouths (file it right next to, “were you trying?” when you announce to people that you’re pregnant. Think for a second about what you’re asking me to tell you about my sex life.) but it makes me so sad.
“I think I am entitled to want that experience without the expectation that I would want the experience of another son less. Does that makes sense? I can want both a future son and a future daughter…independently. I can still want either one. And that doesn’t take anything away from anyone else. Or make me crazy. Or a liar.”
Yes!!! This is SO PERFECTLY written. Amen, sister.
I always thought I would have nothing but girls. I am the proud Mom of two boys, and god sent my exactly what I needed. My life is messy, funny, chaotic, and blessed. I can’t imagine life any other way, and I know I was meant to be a BoyMom. Beautiful post.
Well said! I barely announced our second child was another daughter before I got people asking if we were going to try for a boy.
This is my favorite thing you have ever written. <3
Wow. Best post on this topic I have ever read. You rock Katie. And I love your testimony of parenthood. <3
This brought tears to my eyes. So beautifully said !!!! We have what we have because it’s God ordained. And you have expressed that so perfectly. God bless you and your children and any future babies God blesses you with!
Love this! Thank you!! As the mother of three boys I get this All. The. Time. Yes, I would like ONE more baby, but I am not “trying for a girl.”
KB I love you. And I cringe every time I see comments asking you about girls. Your post was the best just like your awesome boys. Xxoo
Perfectly said! As someone 20 weeks pregnant with our third boy, I either get sad looks and “ohhh” or asked if we are going to try again for a girl. While I would love to experience having a girl one day, I wouldn’t trade my boys and couldn’t love them any more.
I only have two boys and I get this question all the time. Thanks for putting down my feelings so eloquently!
This is perfect! Expecting boy four and this completely describes all of my feelings. I never would have imagined it but now can’t imagine it differently. I don’t understand why society thinks you are only “lucky” if you get one of each. My boys are pretty awesome if I say so myself!
Amen!! You said it sister! I am pregnant with my 3rd baby & first daughter. She is an answer to my prayers. Over and over again I prayed for the chance to also raise a girl. But first and foremost I’d stress–Healthy & Happy. I wanted a healthy & happy baby and that is what I prayed for. When people hear I am pregnant with a girl and a boy mom for the past 5 years they are so happy for me & I always feel slightly defensive of the boy that might have been. I’ll never know what it’s like to raise 3 boys (and raising 2 boys…these brothers…AMAZING). I thank God for my littles and feel incredibly blessed.
And PS I do think it’s rude to ask if you’d like a girl next time.
I loved my 1st a son. I wanted a little girl so badly.6 yrs, 2 miscarriages, bedrest, sick and almost stroked after. We were done! Then I miscarried a year later at 5 months, a boy. I desired another but hubby was done. Then the kids were 15 and 9. Had problems. Pregnant and 20 weeks along! Dr said stop taking the pill today! He came out screaming and huge. 16 yrs later and we are still not over the surprise! But God blessed us with 3 totally different children! Give thanks for them every day.
Beautifully written with a touch of humor!
Yes! Your kids are adorable!
I love this so much! As you know, I only have one, and I felt the same way… More would have been sweet, but the one we did get filled all the empty spots, and we praise and thank the Lord for him…
I could have written the EXACT same post as a mom of 4 girls! All kiddos are a blessing. (And I have no idea how to change a boy diaper or make a dinosaur noise:)
Yes! As a mom of 3 boys (the greatest!) it really chaps my hide when people give me a pitying look and ask if I’ll try for a girl, in front of them! Imagine how that must make them feel, like I’d prefer it if one of them wasn’t here. I’m always quick to say I adore having my guys, but it really sucks to have to defend your happiness sometimes.
With those adorable boys of yours,who wants a girl? Thank God they are happy and healthy. When my children were born,parents didn’t know the sex until birth. Most of us asked are they OK before asking the sex.
I could have written this myself 3 years ago. We had 4 boys in a row…and then we had a surprise girl. Never ‘tried’ for a girl…ever. But now that we have one it is so very different and she is such a blessing. God is good. He loves to give good things, even things we never knew we wanted.
Beautifully said! As a mom of three boys who grew up with two sisters, I am completely happy with our family as is. I have eight nieces and close friends with girls when I feel the need for a “girl fix”.
We never found out the sex of our babies before they were born, but I knew that they were boys. If I’m perfectly honest, I did get a little teary after our third was born, knowing that there would be no mother-daughter shopping dates, coffee chats, etc., but I haven’t looked back. The mother-son bond is pretty awesome.
I had 3 girls, then I finally “got that boy” everyone told me I needed. Now all I hear about is how he needs a brother because he has so many sisters. I just take it as I have really awesome kids and people want me to keep having them. I’m happy to oblige! 🙂
Yes, Amen, Hallelujah! Very well though out and written. You are so articulate. Thank you for sharing your gift!
We live on a farm and have three little girls. We (understandably) get the opposite question quite a bit. My husband gets the look of pity when people see him with three girls around him on the farm, but thankfully he sees it as a blessing and responds with some form of, “I just know I’ll get three awesome son in laws to work the farm if they want to”. We want to try for a fourth next year and are excited for whatever divine appointment awaits. I am freaked out about boy diapers though. Ha!!
Oh and also…I am cleaning worms, rocks, and Legos out of pink pockets
Love this and your blog! Happy Monday to you!!!!
Julia. “That’s where my kids were.” Brings tears to my eyes. Amazing and true and so simple. Thank you for sharing.
YES!YES!YES! I’m a mom to 4 boys too. With my baby there is a 7 year gap and everyone(except my parents) wanted it to be a girl. I got asked a thousand times if we were trying for a girl. Honestly, we were rant just trying for a baby. When we found out he was a boy I cried and then I cried because I felt so guilty for crying. I felt like I was letting everyone down. I have had to let go of some of the visions I had about having a girl. I even get a little jealous inside when one if the boys ask if “just the boys” can go do something. But, I wouldn’t trade any of them for a girl, not even on a bad and extremely noisy day. I think why the question seems so hurtful is because it makes us feel like they think all boys or all girls isn’t good enough. That to be “complete” you need both. My sister in law found out she was having a boy and was a little disappointed( which is okay) and I told her once she held that baby in her hands she would only want him. You know what? I was right! And so far she is a fantastic boy mom. My little boy is a spit fire who looks just like his older brothers and they are all rowdy and my house is always a mess and they are gentlemen when we are out and sometimes I want to pull my hair out. They are everything you hear about boys x4 and I love it!
Beautifully written, Katie! You have been so blessed and any new addition to the family would be so lucky to have you all.
I always thought I would be a boy mom. Amazingly I am a girl mom of 2! I love and Andorra them and think that they are amazing. But yes, I would like a boy and no, I don’t ever wish that one of them were a boy. My girls live for outside, playing in the mud or dirt and they live for baby dolls and dress up. My children are amazing but if I am fortunate to have a boy in the future that’s great, but I’d also love to have another sister for my girls!
Hi Katie,
I just wanted to let you know that you last two or three posts don’t show up in Safari as they’re supposed to. I can see the pictures but not the text. Both on the iPad and the MacBook. I don’t think it’s got anything to do with my end so I thought I’d tell you in case it’s a general problem for Safari users.
Loved this post! Your boys are so cute : )
My parents always used to say before they had kids that they didn’t care what it would be as long as it was healthy. 🙂
Nadine
Katie, I just love this post. So much so that I put down my phone and jumped to the laptop so that I could comment more easily.
I, too, am a boy mom – I have three boys. We contemplate whether we’re done or not with having babies, but I get that question ALL THE TIME: “You’re going to try for a girl, right?!” I also don’t get mad at that comment – I get it. People are probably curious if we wonder that, too. Having three boys is so different than what I pictured. But I am so thankful that the Lord knew what I needed better than I did – that he said “no” to all my prayers for a daughter because he knew three boys was better for me. And I can’t imagine my life without them.
I really resonate with your thoughts too and I thought you articulated what boy moms think very well. Another baby in our family – boy or girl, would be welcome if that is what the Lord wants for us. I DO think about what my daughter would be like. What my husband and her would look like playing out in our yard. Her long straight, brown hair. Her name. Everything. I’m certain, however, I would wonder about my son that way if I had had three girls instead. Those thoughts, however, don’t diminish the three boys I have in front of me. It’s hard to articulate (but you did it so well!) how having those thoughts and wonderings doesn’t mean I am incomplete or sad without her.
Anyway, my boys are exactly what I need. I love the awesome responsibility of raising men and I do love the looks and stares we get when all three of them follow like little ducklings behind me in stores! And if the troupe of them get attention – all the more glory to God to share how awesome He is and how perfectly he designed our family and a chance to share His word.
I LOVE the response, Julia!!
This was great! I do have to admit that when I found out I was pregnant even though I KNEW this baby would be a boy, I was hoping for a girl. Does that make sense? Like, I was so sure he was a boy but still had hope. Anyway, when we confirmed he was a boy, a tiny part of me was sad for about .5 seconds and then just joy and more joy for the little boy that’s coming.
I think you should print up some business cards with the link to this blog post and just hand them out with a smile every time people ask…although thats a lot of business cards!
I have two (one of each) Had my son first, and I did want a little girl but would have been thrilled with a another son as well. When my sweet girl came, people said, oh, now you can be done! You have one of each. NO, we are done bc we wanted two kids. 🙂 People always have an opinion and for some reason gender of children is ok to to voice apparently!
Love this!
Side note – there’s a tiny error in the stylesheet for your blog that’s causing the text to be the same color as the background in Safari (chrome ignores the line because of the error, so it’s fine in there).
body {
background-color: #efefe9;
color: #0200; <— there’s an extra zero at the end, hex codes only work properly if they’re 3 or 6 digits.
}
Well said! I have 2 nephews and 4 grand-nephews and 1 grand-niece and they are all amazing! I know my sister agrees too.
I have a question about LJ–does he wear the cape to bed at night? 😉 Just wondering.
Thank you for pointing out that just because you imagine what life would be like with your future child doesn’t mean it would actually BE that way. I think it could be a slippery slope for parents to have those expectations that a child may not live up to.
I’m expecting #2 (our first is a girl), and I think another girl would be great (Sisters! I don’t have a sister, so I can only imagine that bond), but in reality they could have different personalities and never be close at all.
Thank you for sharing your perspective! It’s fine to be wistful about what could have been as you reset your reality, but dwelling in your imagined life is only going to ruin your REAL life experiences.
This was good to read – well done Katie! Just because you want for a child [boy, girl] certainly does not mean that you are not happy and content with what you have. I think that is often misinterpreted. [by likely well intentioned people].
We have a daughter. We wanted to have more children but it wasn’t in the cards. I am happy, content, and ever grateful for the one we have.
Katie you are so wonderful! I love your honesty. Every kid is so different and wanted and loved. Your boys are so lucky to have you as their mommy!
Yes yes yes. I have one boy and another TBD baby on the way. Everyone asks if I hope it’s a girl, like that will change the way I feel about my pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant last time I hoped for a girl, because I , duh – I’m a girl and I have one sister and I had no clue what the heck to do with a little boy. Now I find myself wanting another boy, because what the heck do you do with baby girls? I’m sure it all comes to you naturally, but at this point I’m kinda terrified! 🙂
I think it’s so cool that you have all boys. If I had the stamina and money I would love my own little army of dudes.
Katie, I LOVE this! I have a little boy who will be 2 this month and I get this question all the time! Along with “isn’t it time you tried for a girl?” or “You better hurry up…you aren’t getting any younger!” Those two are extremely hurtful because we HAVE been trying and we’ve miscarried. I know people are just making small talk, but it’s insensitive. Honestly, I’d be equally happy with a boy or girl. I agree with you though. God gives us the perfect family for us! 🙂
This post was beautifully written… I don’t consider myself a religious person but I kinda feel the same way, if that makes any sense.
I am still having trouble with your blog. No words come through in your posts and the comments are also blank, so if you are responding, I am not seeing. Am I the only one having this problem?
Such a special post. We find out the gender of our baby in 6 weeks!
Cara Fritz
http://www.ravishingrevamp.com/
I used to have those same thoughts of not being able to understand one child families – until I ended up a mama of an only – NOT by choice. I’m so glad you never say anything, because chances are, those families didn’t choose to have only children. Some might have, but even in this comment thread, I have noticed several people mentioning how thankful they are for the one they have, although they had hoped for more….
Yes, yes, YES. Boy momma of two here, and we get asked this so. much. It makes me feel like my boys are somewhat inferior? God blessed us with these amazing rough & tumble boys, and I wouldn’t change a thing about them. Do I think about all the girl things too? Absolutely! But I’m not pining my life away hoping for a girl, as if they are the pick of the gene pool. I love what you said about parenthood choosing us – we have two surprise babies that came on their own terms and time, not ours. But they arrived perfectly on God’s time, and I wouldn’t trade one nanosecond of my boy mommahood for anything. Boy mommas unite!
He takes it to bed…but he isn’t allowed to wear it in bed…so he treats it more like a lovie 🙂
xo – kb
YOU FOUND IT!
I even submitted the blog for a programmer to find the error – so thank you so so so much!
xo – kb
I hope I fixed it. Special thanks to Karen for helping out!
xo – kb
This is beautiful, and I admire your honesty and ability to convey complex feelings in such clear and loving terms. And as someone with “one of each”– before my daughter was born, I had a preference for a boy, and all my instincts said boy… now I have this incredible, loving, strong daughter who spends half her time in princess dresses and the other half digging up dirt in the yard. When I got pregnant again, even knowing that this was probably my last child, I had a preference for a girl… I wanted my daughter to have a sister because I am closest to my sister, and I loved raising a strong girl. But now that I have a boy I absolutely would not have it any other way… I love the closeness between my kids and love discovering him every day. I love his sweetness and fascination with trucks and pride when he puts on his big sister’s headband (around his neck).
I do wish I could have used more hand-me-downs, though…. it is way harder to hand down big sister clothing to a little brother than big brother clothing to a little sister! (In retrospect, boy clothing is way better… his shorts actually cover his knees! His shirts are big enough for a chubby belly!)
Beyond this, though, each child is a completely different individual child. I expected my daughter to have dark hair like me, and she came out blonde. I expected my son to be blond like her, and he came out with his dad’s medium brown hair. They have completely different personalities in some ways and similar personalities in other ways. As you know so well from the differences between your boys, it is not like there are two models: BOY and GIRL. There are infinite numbers of versions of kids, with infinite appearances and personalities and interests, infinite combinations of their parents and their own unique traits. We get to discover each new child, and gender is just part of the discovery!
Anyway, this is nothing not already said or that you didn’t say better… but as someone who was a little annoyed every time someone implied that our family was “complete” because we were expecting a boy after having a girl, I really loved what you wrote here and know you mean it with your whole heart.
Maya
I just wanted to say that when I read the beginning of this post I thought: “Wow, the only question I would ask Katie is if she really wanted that many kids (before they were born).” I have never seen a reason to prefer one sex over the other.
It might be because of how I was raised (in Sweden, both my parents are very modern and my childhood was pretty gender neutral) but I don’t see a difference between boy babies and girl babies.
After reading the rest of the post too I also want to add that I’m looking forward to reading about the next Bower baby!
And (a few words my Swedish brain doesn’t understand) why would you pay for your child’s wedding? And why only girl children? If you have the money to spend on your children’s weddings, great, but why not on the boys?
Thanks for writing an honest post about something that everyone seem to have an opinion about! Even people with only one boy seem to get this question a lot…
That’s more of a statement about traditional boy vs. girl differences….everyone says that a paying for a wedding is a difference…but if my kids needed me to help them pay for weddings, I would regardless of whether they were boys or girls 🙂
xo – kb
I think it’s so strange that people feel like you need one of each to have the “perfect” family. We had a boy then a girl and all we’d hear is how perfect that is! And “now you don’t need any more!” Huh?? We do happen to be done having kids, but not because we have one of each. I’m not sure why people feel the need to even ask people such personal questions and assume so many things of one another. You are free to comment on what a lovely family I have, but you are not allowed to ask if I’m done having children or want more or anything else. :p
I like your quantum theory approach to family size and shape! It might also be why I didn’t learn the gender (or want to) before my babies were born. You grow a bond and love and nurture that little creature regardless of its gender. Plus it’s the most incredible surprise!
Kudos to you for considering adding on to your brood. You’re so brave!
In the US tradition is the brides family pays for the wedding. I think that is changing though.
This post is perfect! I agree wholeheartedly. As mom of two girls we get asked this all the time are you going to try for a boy? Like we need an heir or something. Are we thinking of having a 3rd yes, but because we want to have another baby and add to our family not specifically to have ‘that boy’. Would a boy be amazing probably but a 3rd girl would be equally amazing.
I’m a 40 year old first time father to a beautiful baby girl. The entire time my wife was pregnant we would get asked what gender we were hoping for and my answer didn’t really change much. I always just said “Healthy.” That’s the truth. I would think about the things I could teach and share with a boy and the things we would do together and feel joy. I would think about the things I could teach and share with a girl and the things we would do together and feel joy. It was never an unequal experience. When my daughter was born I was overcome to the point of shaking and tears. When someone asks me (and it has happened) if I would have preferred a boy, I say “I have exactly what I want, healthy.” The only thing that question made me feel was that the person asking it, must not really get what real unconditional overwhelming love is. My baby, Mara Keene aka “Biscuit” is the most amazing blessing and I wouldn’t have her any other way. If my wife and I have another baby at some point and somebody asks me if I want a boy or a girl, I know my answer…
“Healthy.”
I wonder if it’s growing passe slower in the south than other parts of the country? I don’t see it much.
I think the old tradition stemmed from the days of dowries, which was essentially paying a man to take on one’s daughter’s care, so it’s a pretty offensive thing to women, at it’s roots.
As a boy mom to 6 of the most fantastic creatures on the planet, I totally get it! We stopped finding out the gender because while I didn’t mind the comments, I worried it would come off as hurtful for my boys to hear, as though girls were some how better. I always longed for a girl though, and we got her 2 weeks ago <3 Doesn't mean we're done, or that we're trying for another, but I too can't wait to see what God blesses us with in the future!
Me too!!! Until I saw the blond hair.
I have three boys. I also have a Weston(he’s my oldest though). I get this question constantly! I have the easy out of now saying we are done having kids altogether! But I have a unique story in that we thought our first was a girl. No joke, my husband announced on the delivery bed, that our baby was a boy when we had been told by ultrasound it was a girl. And I can say, for sure, without a doubt. IT DOESNT MATTER. We brought that sweet boy home in girl clothes to a pink room. They are all sweet and amazing. And if either of my next two had turned out to be girls it would have been awesome. They are our beautiful creations, we love them without boundaries, and I don’t ever feel bad that I don’t have a daughter. I do get a pang of bummed-out-ness when I stroll the kids clothes aisle and the girl clothes and shoes have about ten times the options though!
As a mom of 3 boys, I could high five you till our hands hurt. Thanks for this post. xo
I have 6 girls and I get asked the boy question so often that my girls picked up on it and they just started announcing to people before they are even asked that “yes, they are all girls”. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone accurately explain the emotions behind that question. There is a 100% contentment in having only girls. But there was always that wondering if a boy would be in our future. (We are done having kids now and the contentment remains the same!). Thanks for sharing this!
Hahahaha! As a mama to five boys and ONE girl, yeah, I get it. More so than the do you want another girl question, we ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS got the “ are they ALL yours?!” question. My snarky reply in my head was always what business it it of theirs? They don’t buy my kids groceries or pay my bills, but instead I always smiled and said yes.
Just last night we went to dinner and came home to a dark front porch. As my husband was unlocking the door I stepped on something very round and quickly said “I seriously hope that wasn’t a snake!” To which my husband laughed and my two boys bent down to get a better look. Ugh. It was a thick length of rope they left on the porch. Here in TN snakes are a real thing. We live in a very rural and wooded area. Now if I’d had my daughter there it probably would have ended differently, someone may or may not have jumped and accidentally knocked another person over the porch deck railing to get away from the innocuous rope. LOL