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Bower Power

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Chapter 1 – Holy Pee Stick Batman

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Originally written on July 27, 2009

Last night, I went to bed exhausted from installing a wood floor in our basement.  And while in said-bed, I had a dream about introducing an exboyfriend to a baby girl.  My daughter.  Yes, she went in and out of my womb like a kangaroo hops in and outta the mama-pouch.  I was more freaked about seeing the ex than the experience of a child playing Hokie-Pokie with my crotchal region.  Weird, right?

So when I woke up, I realized that I was seven days late and that the dream probably meant that I should pee on one of those special D-Day sticks.  So I dug it out of our bathroom cabinet.  There it is.  The stick that changes your life.

I barely placed it on the counter when the indicator flashed “PREGNANT”.  I double-taked.  I triple-taked.  But no matter how many times I looked at the sucker, it didn’t take the blaring word away.  

Holy crap.

How am I pregnant? 

Why did this happen now? 

Am I supposed to tell Jeremy?

I’ll probably miscarry.

I’ll more than likely die.

Do I need to blog about this?

How am I going to show pregnancy progress?

The before photos of my stomach will look like most afters. 

Why do I carry weight in my waist anyway?

I should workout more.

I can’t.  Stupid knee with stupid torn ACL.  Stupid knee that can’t get fixed because I am PREGNANT.

Mommy is so mad at you. 

Sorry fetal thingie.  It’s not your fault.

Stupid ACL that can’t stay healthy.

I guess that was our first fight.

Oh my lordie, lordie, lordie – why the heck do I feel like spontaneously bursting into tears?!? 

I can’t even tell if I am happy or not.  What’s wrong with me? 

It must be the pregnancy brain – I’ve heard about this.  First, you can’t tell what emotion you are feeling, then you punch random strangers in the arm for telling you that coffee is off-limits, finally, you feel the need to chew off your own arm or eat soil.

Ok – Katie, calm down.  We must tell Jeremy.  Yes, you can officially refer to yourself as ‘we’ now…I know you have always wanted to…Uncle Doug and his schizsophrenic brain aren’t the only ones.  Afterall, you are sharing your body with an alien lifeform.  One hundred points to being pregnant.   Gotta tell Jeremy.

But Torrey is moving in…and poor boy-toy is stressed.  Maybe I should wait.  Yes, I definitely should.  I will wait till the time is right.  When he is relaxed…and possibly drunk.  That would be a good time.  Maybe I could even score him some weed.  Take the edge off.  Who am I kidding?  I don’t even know what marijuana looks like…much less a joint or how to get it.  I would end up giving him some oregano rolled in toilet paper.  Anyhoo…I am waiting.  And making it special.  Maybe I could even wait till our aniversary.  Is October too far away?  How pregnant would I be then?

Like 30% pregnant?

Does it work like that?   How pregnant am I right now?  Probably like 1%.  

I should look it up.

SUMMARY:  I got sperminated.  First fight with the baby.  Waiting to tell the boyfriend.

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Comments

  1. See…was I right when I guessed your “basement” clue or was I right? =D Congrats Katie!

  2. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay for baby bower:) I know you probably could care less what a total stranger thinks about you having a baby, but we do share the same first name and all, so that counts for something right? Congrats on the baby, I am so excited for you and wish you all the best!

  3. Oh! I loved reading that…it’s what goes through my head every single month for about the past year 1/2 – for a still negative. I’m thinking by the time it’s actually positive I’ll be so nonchalant about it!

    So excited that you wrote this so that we can all share with you!

  7. Oh my gosh, love this story and can’t wait to read more!! Hubs is still in grad school so we aren’t “trying” until next year and I am just about to bust with baby-fever…thanks so much for sharing your experience and letting me live vicariously through you even though I am a total stranger…SO SO happy to hear that you and BabyBOWER are doing well, looking forward to the rest of the story!! : )

  9. Wow. You have some willpower keeping your secret for so long. Best of luck to you & Baby Bower (who will be so freakin’ cute!) Eat that bacon up girl. How funny now whenever I eat bacon I think of a total stranger I know only through her blog!!

  10. Oh Katie I’m soooo excited for you!!! I hope it’s a little girl! and you have not told Jeremy huh? Well you better get to it cause your’e going to be showing soon! and you’re probably like 33% into the pregnancy!!! I don’t even know you personally and I’m soooo happy for you….Well we both live in Georgia so that counts!

  12. This was too cute! You totally crack me up.

    And, yes, I know I’m a dork. But I am already hoping that sometime in the future we get to hear all about Little Bower’s baby shower! 🙂

  18. See this whole ‘random-stream-of-thought, mind-going-a-million-miles-an-hour’ thing? Yeah, it will last for the whole ten months and beyond. And what’s up with pregnancy being 40 weeks instead of the nine months that you always thought it was?? Welcome to pregnancy 🙂

    Oh, and coffee is okay. In moderation. Just like bacon 🙂 But second-hand weed smoke – definitely bad for mama to be, lol.

  19. Congrats! Just breathe, ok? Hope you and the alien life form are doing well! Hope Jeremy’s holding up ok too! So when does the nursery makeover start?

  20. Congratulations. I am glad I am not the only one having crazy thoughts about pregnancy. Keep sharing all of your fun baby stories!!

  22. NICE!!!! I just delivered our first baby girl in July. Be kind to yourself for the first three months…and just focus on surviving…it gets totally awesome after that!

  27. Hahaha! Such a funny post… congrats, kid! Can’t wait to hear the rest of the story — I’m sure you guys are over the moon!

  28. Oh my goodness…. I’m so happy for you.

    And, this is BY FAR, my favorite post and post title to announce a pregnancy. And, I love love love the photo. Somehow the fact that you peed…on.that.stick…. totally doesn’t bother me. Sometimes when I see photos of it on the bathroom counter it kinda grosses me out.

    Okay… I’ve said too much.

  29. Use dried, crushed up basil leaves in gift wrap tissue–it’s almost like the real thing.

    What I’m trying to say is, it might be easier just to get him drunk.

    Can’t wait to hear more about your pregnancy!! CONGRATS again, love!

  31. I knew it! But then you had me all messed up in the head when you made a big deal about someone saying you were pg a week ago. Ha! Congrats!

  35. Congratulations! Everytime I hear someone is pregnant, my mind flashes back to Father of the Bride 2 when Martin Short (Franck) learns Nina is pregnant. Anyway, I am happy for you guys!

  37. Love it!
    I started reading your blog via a link on YHL and I have told all of my best girls about you and your delightful sarcasm and wit. This is hilarious… looking forward to hearing more. We just had our first in May and it has been the scariest and most amazing thing thus far in life. Best!

  40. that’s so awesome! Congratulations. I dont know you outside this blog but I think you’ll be great parents. You’ll hear lots of horror stories and comments about how having kids ruins your life, but dont listen to any of it. I love being a Mom and having children is the greatest blessing anyone can experience. Congratulations and God bless.

  42. Katie!! I am so happy for you.(SO happy!) Being a Mommy is the greatest blessing. Your life is about to get so much sweeter. I will keep you in my prayers.

  43. Congratulations! I can’t wait to read the rest of your pregnancy “chapters”!
    Some friends of ours have been trying for over a year and had a pretty tough time with failed fertility treatments and a devastating miscarriage. Last month, at a mutual friend’s wedding, the husband whispered in my ear right after the ceremony (I was an emotional bridesmaid), “We’re having a little bambino!” and I burst into tears.
    “…whatever your labors and aspirations,
    in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its shame, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.” That’s what new little people growing inside a woman’s (even a stranger’s) womb reminds me each and every time!

  44. Congrats! That is going to be one stinkin’ cute baby! Can’t wait for all the funny pregnancy stories that are sure to come your way!

  46. Congratulations!! This is just so weird because I had a dream the other night that I had a baby girl and I introduced her to my husband. She was baby Lily.

    I woke up and thought it was so real and vivid and thought maybe it was a sign. I told my good friend about it and when she read this blog, she texted me that I had to read it. Just too weird!

    Anyway, I am now rambling, but congratulations!!! You’ll be a fabulous mom! ‘Wild with child’ looks good on you!

  48. Oh, Katie, even when major things are happening in your life you are still hilarious! I have a feeling this is how I will be when I find out I am pregnant down the road. I’ve been looking forward to it my whole life but I bet it is scary!

  50. I know I’m a couple of months late on this post, and I only just found your blog through the millions that I seem to cycle through while procrastinating from work, but CONGRATULATIONS, and OH. MY. GOD! That was hilarious! I ain’t pregnant (never have been, but definitely looking forward to it), but my oh my does your train of thought look like something straight out of my own crazy brain! Right down to the “stupid ACL” side thoughts (1 repair on each knee and counting… well, hopefully not REALLY counting!) Anyway, CONGRATS! I’m looking forward to reading more!

  51. I am laughing out loud reading your posts! I love it.
    I feel like you take some words right out of my mouth.
    lordie lordie lordie.
    I am loving your blog…thanks for sharing!
    Cece

  52. Omg…I remember that moment…it was a “before and after” moment of its very own. My life before, my life after…total transformation! I know this post was written a long time ago but I just wanted to say that it brought back my very own pee-stick moment and that feeling of my heart just dropping right out of my chest. Amazing! 🙂

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