“So how do you get Jeremy to do all those projects around the house?”
“You are so lucky! How do you convince your husband to renovate your home?”
“I can’t get my boyfriend to lift a finger around the house…how do you get Jer to do what you want?”
I get asked these questions or some form of them all the time…so I figured it was high time to share my tricks on how I convince Jer to tackle DIY projects and still want to kanoodle me at night. Please note that Jeremy is one of those rare birds that likes the idea of renovating a home (he doesn’t always like the amount of work that he personally has to invest to get a renovated house…but he likes the idea.) He is also a big fan of things being neat and tidy…so renovating a room usually means it improves our ‘neat’ factor. If your man doesn’t care what his living conditions are like…these tips may not work. This is just a roundup of some of my little methods to get him to say yes to my crazy 🙂
- Show Him Pictures
No, not sexy photos of me in compromising poses…although I’m sure he wouldn’t mind those either…I show Jeremy photos of finished projects that are similar to what I want to tackle. Most inspiration pictures are available online via Pinterest or magazines or blogs. Sure, if I wanted a project done, I could take the time to explain things…talk out each detail of the finish and the design and the sources for all the needed materials…I could verbalize (complete with demonstrative hand motions) how high I want the curtains and how the mirror will balance the light on the other side of the room…or how creative a stenciled floor would be if I made my own stencil from fabric…but that’s a whole lotta words. And in guy language, a whole lotta words usually equals a whole lotta work. I’ve found that since most guys are visual, I can cut straight to the point and show him the ‘end result’ (or some inspiration that is similar in feel/style/look). This is enough motivation usually to get him to be on board with tackling a task.
- Keep The Hatch Closed
When we bought our first house, I walked in and talked about the 1.3 million changes that I wanted to make. Tear down this wall, move the laundry room, rip out this floor, completely overhaul the kitchen, paint everything. Without realizing it, I was completely overwhelming my new-to-home-ownership-fiancee. When I was talking ‘change this and change that’, he heard ‘ca-ching! ca-ching!’ and ‘there goes your naps, guy time, mountain biking, fantasy football, money and all that time you spent scratching something!”. Yes, within two minutes, I had not only alienated my future husband but I had put a horrible taste in his mouth about renovations. That’s when I learned that I needed to keep my big fat mouth shut. I needed to put myself in his shoes…allowing for balance and downtime. I realized that his brain didn’t work like mine. That it wasn’t exciting and thrilling to hear the to-do list. From then on, I kept my focus on a couple tasks at a time and my pie ice cream hole closed.
- Don’t Rush A Good Thing
I know it’s easy to want something done. like yesterday. I know that sometimes you just want a project started already. Believe me. I’ve lived with my toothpaste colored walls for two years now. I lived without a kitchen for six weeks when we were renovating it. And my favorite mantra during that time was “Don’t rush a good thing.”…as in don’t rush the renovation and don’t rush your partner in crime (he’s my ultimate good thing! I should get points for that one, honey!). Nagging only makes things worse…not only does it UNmotivate but it separates you from your beloved. Jeremy has a tendency to think about things for a long time while in the middle of a project. I tend to rush through something. Sure, I get it done in a jiffy…but it’s not always right or perfect. Jeremy takes forever but it is usually right the first time. Both have their pros and cons. So I’ve found that when dealing with a project that involves the hubster, letting him work at his own speed is the best bet at keeping the divorce papers off our table and getting the project done with a smile on both our faces…hence willingness to tackle more in the future.
- Give Him Choices
My boytoy is like most men out there…he likes his down time. But he is also a fan of helping around the house. He understands that our partnership in owning a home means that he has chores too. So instead of asking him to load the dishwasher, or clean the bathroom, or tidy up his closet, I only ask for DIY related chores. This doesn’t make it easy by any means…sure, I would love a husband who vaccumed every Saturday or helped me launder all the towels and bedding….but I’d much rather have painted cabinets or painted trim. So instead of bogging down his free-to-work-around-the-house time with ‘maintenance chores’, I keep his weekly list to three or four DIY projects. Usually that list includes the following….a quick project (one that can be accomplished in less than 15 minutes – like hanging curtain rods)….a long project (something that is an hour or more)….an outdoor project (he likes yard maintenance stuff so this gives him a change of scenery)…and a fun project (this would be demo-ing something or building something or something with instant gratification). If he doesn’t get them all done in a week…no biggie…but giving him the choice means that he has the power to decide…and if the only thing he does is move a heavy table into another room…well, it’s one less thing on the never-ending list.
- Prep It For Them
One of the biggest motivators and biggest helps in a project is to do all the prep work and clean up yourself. Jeremy doesn’t get a whole lot of time at home each night. And I would much rather him be playing with the boys than doing my to-do list…so in order to help him accomplish his goals (ahem…our goals :)), I do most of the prep and clean up. For example, I wanted the dining room painted. So for three days straight, I spent the entire nap-time (my only time I don’t have a baby on my boob or helping a toddler onto the toilet or cooking or cleaning) in the dining room. I taped the windows, the floors, laid paper, hung plastic, bought primer, paint and got all the necessary tools out. That meant that Jer could spray the room for thirty minutes when he got home. It meant that I ignored my blog, ignored the phone and facebook and served quicky meals at dinner time and stayed up later to make up for the time spent in the dining room…but to me…it was more than a fair trade. He just spent an hour in the car and all day at work…so he’s not in the mood either…but in the end, we have a newly painted dining room that we are both really happy with. It’s like those renovations on HGTV….all the tedious stuff is eliminated…leaving the instant gratification stuff for your viewing pleasure.
- DIY
No literally. Do. It. Yourself. I know this is a tough pill to swallow but I’ve found that 99% of home improvement projects CAN be done by yours truly…or you truly 🙂 Sure, it’s hard. Sure you don’t know how. Sure you want to have a darling handy man who will do it all while flashing well formed triceps…but there are TONS of capable women out there that already have done everything you have on that to-do list. Yeah, it’s probably gonna suck cockroaches…but just think…you don’t have to wait on someone else and you’ll probably learn a lot along the way and you totally get bragging rights when you kick butt at finishing it up. (oh and just so everyone knows, sometimes when I decide that I am willing to tackle something myself, a certain fine man with a finely shaped rear end is usually a gentleman and helps me along the way!).
- Barter & Bribery
When all else fails I have been known to hit below the belt. Yes. I admit it. I am not above bribery or bartering. Sometimes it is as something as easy as asking nicely after his favorite meal. Sometimes its a gentle reminder of “I am so excited about the dining room paint job…it’s gonna be AMAZING!” (said with a huge smile and while holding a snickers bar). And sometimes it is doing a little dance with nothing but his button up shirt on. TMI? I hope so. It’s all about delivery girls. And if nookie-with-your-husband isn’t your thing, then maybe you could barter! He wants to sleep in on Saturdays…you want the living room to have curtains…tell him you won’t ask for anything else this month if he hangs those dang brackets. Of course, you have to stick to it…but you can secretly plan next months barter session while basking in the cool shade of your newly hung ikat curtains.
- Know Your Alternatives & Your Man
My dad is one of the smartest men I know. He’s incredibly hardworking. He’s kind. He’s can figure out how to use any tool. He taught me to build a computer in 8th grade and he’s willing to help out anyone that needs it. However, my mother has figured out in the past 40+ years of knowing him that DIY is just not his thing. Sure, he tackled his bathroom tile job. Sure, last summer he decided to grow container tomatos. Sure, he has the tools and the smarts to figure it all out. BUT IT’S JUST NOT HIS THING! And as much as my DIY-loving mother would love it to be his thing, she realized that she can accept him for what he is…or she can marry her daughters off to DIY-lovin’ guys who will come help…or she can save her pennies for hiring folks to do things that she can’t do herself. It’s not a shameful thing to hire out…we’ve done it…it’s sometimes just what a marriage needs 🙂 I recommend finding out what your friends husbands like to do and maybe bartering with them if they have a special skill (you’ll make two weeks worth of frozen dinners for electrical work), or utilizing Angies List or Craigslist or local handymen or ask a family member if they could watch the kids for you while you tackle that laundry room. It’s not always about the journey…sometimes its just about getting the dang kitchen painted.
In the end, I’d like to stress one really important thing…it’s just a house. I’ve never seen an obituary where it listed the person’s home updates. The most important thing is that you show your mate the love and respect that you promised them. We all fail at that from time to time…(some of us…ahem…me…fail at it all the time) but even in the name of gettin’-it-done, it’s really vital to remember that they are your friend and partner…and that even if they never lift a DIY-finger, that they have other skills (maybe they make you smile everyday or make a mean latte or always drive you to the airport). In the end, a healthy relationship with your spouse is worth much more than a perfectly decorated home. And if you are able to convince your loved one to rearrange the furniture…just remember that a simple ‘thank you’ goes a long way. With that, I’m off to shower my own man with compliments and a back scratch….afterall, mama wants her nursery painted before the baby turns one 🙂
Back scratches work in my house too, ha!
You and your boyfriend are my faves!
Haha – very cute, and oh so true!
My husband works(a lot), doesn’t get home until 9-10pm most nights and works most Saturdays too so Sunday’s he’s usually not ready and raring to go on my DIY list.
I have learned to do most things myself and for anything I can’t do myself – just like you said, I lead up to things with photos and then prep everything I possibly can myself so when he has time (and feels like it) – “I” can get something done!
This past weekend we had a rare Saturday off, we sent the little one (2.5 year old) off for a sleep over at grammy’s and got to work – we demo’d an entire bathroom, including removing the tub and while we wait for the friends husband (plumber) we also manged to paint our living room, halls and stairwells – it was a productive weekend!
Now I can’t say how long it will take us to build the room back up but at least we got a start and hopefully the view of that unfinished bathroom each morning, along with our beautifully finished walls will motivate us (him) to get it done!
Awesome tips Katie! My husband and I just bought a home that has a TON of projects we will tackle over the next 10-20 years…hopefully our forever home…and I alternate between getting really excited and overwhelmed. My hubs is a lot more methodical and thoughtful than I am…I just want to jump in and get it done, and often mess something up in the process because I’m so focused on the end that I don’t take the time/lack the patience to do it right. Thanks for sharing these!!
Nice tips! I will admit that I’m often envious of you and other bloggers that seem to have super eager, DIY happy husbands! I think I’ve been guilty of spewing out all my ideas and overwhelming my hubby, and also not being so willing to try to handle things on my own. Somehow it’s easier to recognize when I read that someone else has done it too. 🙂
The only one of those that works for me and my husband is the DIY one. Which I don’t mind because I LOVE home improvement. Often it ends up with me telling him I’m going to go build something and he can watch the kids while I do it.
That and guilt. I never, ever try to make him feel guilty, but he’ll often see me working and feel like he needs to as well, and will jump in and help.
This is great! I hope he doesn’t read it and learn all your tricks though 😉
Great tips! I’m just figuring out how to work with my husband’s DIY idiosyncrasies rather than against them. For example, he likes to take his time on a big project so as to not burnout, whereas I say to heck with burnout, let’s just get it done! It’s a learning process 🙂
SUCH an ADORABLE post. You two are the greatest 🙂
My husband is so not handy, he’d rather right a check using money we don’t currently have then pick up a paint brush. When we were dating only a short time, I somehow convinced him to paint his bedroom, and he was done before we even finished the prep work. So I sent him to make lunch. I’m the handy one (my dad’s a contractor), and I always think looking at your blog how sexy your BF is (with all due respect and no amount of weirdness) doing all those home improvement projects. My husband is great, hard working, loving, caring, but some times I do wish he would do something hot like hang some curtain rods 😉
Well said!
Thank you for that honest and helpful post! I often look at women like you and Sherry Petersik who have these husbands who seem endlessley ready and willing to DIY all the time when their wives ask or want something done, and think how lucky you are! Although I realize that is John’s full time job, it’s nice to see that a man like your husband who works all day and commutes so far can still find time to do those projects for y0u both! My husband is very handy and can do a lot of stuff, but he is SO busy with work, hobbies, etc, that it’s pulling teeth to get things done around the house. I think it just doesnt mean as much to him as it does me unfortunately! But I will certainly keep your helpful tips in mind 🙂
Great post! It was fun to read and accurate.
Jillian
Katie this is great! I’ve been married alot longer than you have, but you have NAILED “how to talk to a man” in spades! Even after all these years, these tips are so valuable because communication with the XY species seems to get even harder as you both get older (great, right?) It’s so easy to start speaking to a man and all he hears is “nag, nag, nag.” You’ve got to remember that they don’t look at things the same way we do!
As much as I love your stunning “after” posts, this is one of my favorite posts from you. I am often frustrated with my husband’s lack of interest in doing home improvements. You hit such great points in this post and I really appreciate it. My children are a bit older than yours and it is getting easier to have the time and energy to tackle stuff on my own and not wait on him for help. Besides who wants to have a beautiful home but be filled with resentment towards their hubby for not DIYing along side them?!?!
Can I get an Amen, sister! My hubby is not what you would call handy, which was really hard for me since my dad can, and does, build and repair everything. However, if you give choices, stay patient, show pictures and volunteer to do the crappy prep and clean up…amazing things can happen. My guy is a gem for putty up with my ideas and being willing (most of the time) to help me make it happen.
I love this post and totally agree with all your methods and have used many myself. I will have to try the bartering one a little more though. Like fixing a meal or doing all the housework for a week while he tackles a DIY project for me (us). My hubby is a lot like Jeremy in that he likes his house to look nice and realizes that it takes some DIY and work to get it that way. Sometimes he is a little too opinionated on how it should look though. LOL! Just kidding….he gets input too.
A word of advice that I was given, ignored and regret ignoring.
It’s really tempting during this time of being home all day to let him stop pulling his weight with day to day stuff. But in a couple of years you’ll have a finished house, school aged kids and a husband who thinks it’s perfectly normal to do nothing. If he never stops you never have to have that fight to get him to start again.
Of course you can’t expect him to get out of the car and head into the kitchen, but he could clean a bathroom or do a couple of loads of laundry or cook the meals or do the dishes on the weekend, or clear the table and pack the dishwasher after his dinner.
Nicely put- Just emphasizes the differences in men and women so honestly. Relieved to know you DIY bloggers don’t actually have secret, magical extra hours in your days like I originally thought.
This is a wonderful reminder about being considerate of your partner! Sometimes I get so caught up in accomplishing things, I forgot that oh yeah I have a husband that would like real attention and not just a To Do list.
One thing you could add to this list for incentive for Jeremy, just think of all the compliments you’ll get from blog readers about your skillful help and cute butt.
Don’t worry, we know he’s all yours! 🙂
Aww I love this post! I think the end really hits the nail on the head – it may seem ooberly important now but what’s more important is your relationship. Me starting things and the hubby seeing me struggling and/or working really hard not only makes him proud but makes him want to help. Pictures are key too as well as a short list. So pretty much I completely agree with all of the above on your list!
Great post Katie!
I couldn’t agree more about how to handle DIY projects at home with our hubbies.
Personally, I’ve found that lists are our friends when it comes to projects. My husband will jump in to a giant project (ahem, a new deck) while completely forgetting to finish of the last project (the trim still needs painting on the new doorway), so we keep a list on the fridge and update as necessary.
Jeremy is lucky to have you do a lot of work at home to keep things even, I do most of the cleaning and pet-care around the house, but I’m a terrible cook, so I can’t even promise to make a yummy dinner as a bribe!
Also, I completely agree on finding out what your friends are good at, and calling in the experts when you just can’t manage something on your own. Good examples are running gas lines and re-building chimneys, sure, we have the skill, but who wants to take on that risk? 🙂
Katie,
Thanks so much for such a great post. Luckily the Mister enjoys DIY projects, but lots of times he also enjoys his breaks and after 4+ years of remodeling I sometimes forget that. Thanks for the reminder 🙂 Hugs, Val
I always smile from ear to ear while reading your blog. You are so funny – especially in the TMI part 😉 Please keep going… Best wishes all the way from Germany!
Fabulous post and the last paragraph is so true. Thanks for the reminder (As I type my hands are splattered with primer from a late night painting session b/c I’m trying to finish up a project before Hubby comes home from a business trip…he falls into your Dad’s category.)
Katie- My husband and I have been in our first house for a nine months now and have certainly had many a fight over getting things done. He doesn’t love DIY projects and ultimately, we decided our marriage was better than $100 in the bank and hired out for a few projects. But truly, thank you for writing this post. I think it’s an excellent reminder!!
I’d also like to add: Step back from DIY blogs that showcase husbands and wives working together if it’s ruining your mood and marriage. I had to do this for a little while and it helped bring me back to the real world!
xoxox
Katie
I really liked this post, but now, all I can think about is a MOUTH FULL OF COCKROACHES.
Disgusting. So, thanks for that. 🙂
Good ideas, Katie. As long as we remember that our life-partner is an intelligent and capable human with his/her own identity and put ourselves in his/her shoes once in a while, things go ok, seems to me.
I especially like the last paragraph. There is no way in heaven or hell my dear one will ever do a hundredth of what your boyfriend accomplishes, and I used to bemoan that a little, but in the end I care not. His being here and being him is what matters most to me, and not much else does. Except maybe cheescake.
Also that idea on doing it oneself. Taking my self-pity out of the picture, just grabbing the bull by the horns. And being busy is contagious, as you pointed out.
You guys have got to be one of the sweetest DIY couples in creation. Thanks to Jeremy for letting himself be photographed and talked about, he’s just charming! Merci à tous les deux!
I know what you mean about the 1st one – photos! We dont own a home, nor are big DIYers (yet) but I could blabber on about something but as soon as I show my husband an after photo – it clicks. He gets it and is on board. usually.
A lot of what you wrote goes for life and marriage in general, in our house. My hub and I both work from home. There are times, yes, when I’d love for him to help with the laundry (like you noted) or even the dishes, but I know that his doing something else is a bigger help or more important.
To my husband’s credit, too, he knows what is important to me. There are so many mornings that I wake up and he has the kitchen in immaculate condition.
Our keys are respect and positive communication, along with a few others.
Love the post! I usually go down the DIY route, which can lead to my bf waking up to a pink entrance because I woke up early and decided to finally get something done 😉 Thanks for some further ideas to get him involved!
Well, like I said at the beginning…Jeremy is a rare bird in that he actually likes things neat and tidy. He would do those things anyway…but I don’t ‘expect’ it. He would never ‘do nothing’ but I think it’s fair to warn others that there are some folks out there that would ignore their share!
xo – kb
It is not beneath me to put out for something that I really want . . . like light fixtures. It keeps everyone happy:)
This all sounds SOOOO familiar. My hubs is always willing to help me out (read: do most of the heavy lifting) on a project. I have learned so much from him over the past 7 years and can now do a lot more myself, but I think he secretly enjoys the satisfaction from doing something for me and seeing my reaction. He has a lot of other hobbies like working on old cars and fishing, so of course when he needs/wants time to do that, I am happy to oblige. And of course, he enjoys all the “special” rewards that come with completing all those projects… 🙂
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Thanks for the tips.
I will have to ease into these with my hubby.
http://happinessiscreating.com/
Had to write to tell you my little guy(a few months younger than Will) just pointed to Jeremy’s pic and said, “It’s Jeremy!” Sure, that’s my bro’s name, but I still found it funny!
I love this post! The sticking to the DIY on the to do list is a great idea. We have 1 year old twins, so chore time is after they are in bed, which can lead to not much time for doing anything… but if I suck it up and take care of the other things, maybe we can get more done around the house!
I have also had good luck scheduling a DIY vacation day. We both work, so every once and a while it is fun to take a vacation day from work and work together to get stuff done while the kids are happily playing at daycare!
My husband and I had this talk over the weekend. We’ve been in our house almost 3 years, our first. Thankfully our house only needs new light fixtures, paint, some of our touches to make it more home. We are not looking to demo anything. With that being said I thought we’d be doing more or have done more 3 years in. We’ve change out a few light fixtures, I painted my craft room, wallpapered the guest bathroom, switched out the cabinet hardware but that is about it. I’m really ready to jump into doing more but my husband seems to be happy with the way things are….I am not. Every time I show him my ideas he said he doesn’t like them. If I show him a before and after he says he likes the before!! I just don’t know how to get him on board with doing some projects with me. I’m going to try a few of your tips and see how they work. This post was perfecting timing for me 🙂
Thanks for the reminder – I have erred on the nagging side a time or two 🙂
Just what I needed. Reminders that it’s just a house, and he is my best friend and greatest thing given to me whether he wants to hang curtains and help me paint, or not. Thanks KB!
Katie, THANK YOU for this post!! I read your blog (and YHL) daily and end up with unrealistic expectations that your husbands are all gung-ho about home repairs and what is wrong with mine that he’s not. We got into a huge fight on Sunday when I was painting and he was sanding and I got mad that he was taking so long. Yeah, ridiculous. So my new mantra is your “don’t rush a good thing”.
haha! That’s hilarious 🙂
xo – kb
Ha, ha! Good tips! I really like your prepping suggestion. I hate to load off all the work on my hubby, but it can be hard sometimes to find ways to help him as well. I’ve also found that being the prepping/clean-up crew is something he really appreciates.
i am so glad you don’t have a daughter. this is disgusting. was there some sort of challenge issued for you to cram as many as possible sexual references into this post?
there are other ways to get your partner’s buy-in on projects than sex.
I’d love to hear other input as well! Dish those ideas!
xo – kb
well in my house i ask my husband to do something, he does it, i say thank you.
i don’t have to bribe him with sex. we’re adults.
Good thing! I’d hate it if you were a child 🙂
All joking aside…what are those ideas? Besides asking? Because that is what this post is about…helping out those gals that have husbands that need motivation. What would you tell them?
xo – kb
well considering the fangirls are falling at your feet over the sex approach, there’s really no need. i’ll go away now.
Well, in the future if you think of anything that hasn’t already been mentioned that could help a sistah out, I’d love to hear it and I’m sure others would too!
xo – kb
You had me at compromising poses.
I find pictures work the best. Maybe because he’s english as a second language- and the fact that I can talk a mile a minute. Or maybe its because he’s a man. A simple man that just wants to go get it done so he can go back to the internet/tv/butt-scratching… what is it that they do anyways??
Oh yea, they hang the curtain rods! I knew I kept him for something…
Katie: Yeah, I find that taking care of the clean up helps make the whole DIY experience less arduous for my husband. Five years into my marriage, and two years into fixing up an old house I’m discovering my husband is like your mom’s husband. He’s an engineer, super smart, super capable, but just doesn’t enjoy this stuff. Thankfully we’re nearing the end of major work on the house so we can NEVER buy a fix’er upper again!
Kristen: Sex is not a childish thing. Why on earth would you suggest that it’s not an “adult” way to appreciate and reciprocate in a loving marriage? I can’t think of more appropriate circumstances.
Agreed. This whole post makes you sound like a bumbling idiot. Tee hee me and the gals sometimes throw on our sexy bfs shirt and do a wiggle so I get the room painted 😉 😉 seriously? Youre far too old and youre a mother, have some dignity.
Also I really couldnt care less what you and Jeremy do in the bedroom but if thats what you feel the need to talk about then feel free. Its gross you seem to always want to bring up the fact you and your husband have sex. We get it. Clearly youre not the Virgin Mary. If you had simply said “sometimes when the living room is dirty Id rather give my husband a bj than do more work myself” and left it at that I’d be like alright… not my thing but not my marriage so whatever. But when you eliminate the cutesey terms and then admit “I had sex with my husband so he would mow the lawn” that doesnt sound so nice, does it? I’m not sure why you feel the need to always try to use childish terms when referencing sex.
This is awesome… and helpful… one of my fav posts and a future point of reference for a newlywed over here! Thanks xo
Thank you Katie, this was a wonderful reminder to show grace and respect to my man, I love him so!
Thanks for the smiles and laughs! You definitely brightened my Monday 😉
Is this post a joke? I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help but wonder that the whole way through. There were actually people asking you how you “get” your husband to do DIY projects and this is your response?! I find this patronizing…. it reads much like an article on how to get your toddler to do x, y or z.
Marriage is about compromise. In my own marriage, we both work hard. My husband is a SAHD and I work, and though each of us sometimes doesn’t feel like doing what the other one wants, we make sacrifices and compromises because we love each other. All I need to say to my husband (and vice versa) would be, “Hey, can we work on X this weekend? Because it means a lot to me.” Thankfully, it’s not more complicated than that for us…
I love the dynamic that you and your hubby seem to have; it really seems to be a great partnership, and I really admire that! The thing that has worked for me in “encouraging” my hubby to do projects has really been starting a blog. He likes that he is part {often a BIG part–he’s definitely the handy one} of the transformations that I post, and it is motivating for him to have a “deadline” if I’m trying to get something posted by a certain day. Starting a blog has also made me more willing to try things myself {as you so expertly suggested!}, and when he sees that, he’s willing to give more too– it’s all about the partnership! Thanks for sharing these tips and ideas, Katie! Have a great week!
~Abby =)
It’s wonderful how much you love your husband!! You guys appear to be a great team, your home is beautiful! You and your hubby are me and my fiancé’s inspiration for when we buy a house 🙂
W-O-W! Just wanted to say that I found this post to be one of the most helpful DIY posts of all time. It could really be titled DIY-Life Balance or How to have save your marriage while re-habbing your house. Lots of great info and stuff I had never thought of.
Great job, Katie! You write really well – well-organized, to the point with a good dose of hilarious. Love ya!!!!
I definitely need to try the first one. You’ve got some good insight. I feel like I’ve done the whole explaining with hand gestures, listing off the things I would change, etc. but I never really thought of how the hubs may be seeing it. None of it is intimidating or daunting to me but I’m the more handy one out of the two of us (he cooks and packs my lunches). I understand now why I get some of the looks that I do. My poor husband.
OMG, LOVE your response to Kristen. Its official, I have a girlcrush.
Hi! Such a great post!!! I laughed so many times and nodded at all your good ideas. My man is a DIYer and I am trying to learn the ropes too. I get this same question from friends and will just refer them to this post in the future. Have a nice day!
Love it, Katie! ESPECIALLY the last paragraph. “It’s just a house,” is something I have to remind myself of all the time. Who really cares that the baseboards are scuffed up? (Sadly, I really do!) My husband is not a DIY enthusiast, which sometimes bums me out, but he actually does make a mean latte and is amazing in nine million bajillion other ways.
Oh, and the first time I read your last sentence I thought you wrote, “I’m off to shower with my man….” Double take! LOL
Kristen, I’m sure your husband thinks you are just a true ball of joy, excitement, and happiness!
haha 🙂
So….I guess that makes me a prostitute if I sleep with the hubby to “encourage” him to hang drywall!?!?! HAHA
**good ~~~ladylike~~~ comebacks to the snark**
Ok, of course I love this post and agree, but you missed the big one. The tools, man, the tools. When a guy gets to do/has to do/’can only get sex for doing’ — a DIY project, a huge incentive will be the tools. Really, when we built our deck (one strong enough that it could hold one or two of our 4 ford pickups on btw) I had come home from work and Gary said ” I went to Lowes to get a saw…..and they wanted $400 for this saw, and I (insert disgust here) and I wasn’t going to pay $400 for one saw. I just sat down on a stool in the garage and said “uh huh, …yeah,…..where’s the saw?” And he whips out this guitar sized case from under the bench and very proudly exclaims “so I paid $700 for THREE saws!!!” what a deal…and I told him that I recognized now what was happening….it wasn’t a deck! It was a ~tool decoy~ yes!
Another way I’ve found for the little jobs, was to start to do them myself and when I messed it up pretty bad he’d take over and finish it (he also loves things done right, and doesn’t rush) and I didn’t have to nag at all. Now, years later, I got my first cordless drill last christmas! and I’m allowed to keep it charged!
Oh yes, the tools are such a huge incentive!
xo – kb
Yes, you do what you gotta do for lawn care 🙂 And I don’t know how it is for other people but to me, sex is funny. And it can be fun. And sexy. And dignified and flirty and everything all at the same time.
xo – kb
Oh absolutely – this would not be the post for you then…it sounds like your husband is more willing than mine! Everybody (and everybody’s hubs) is different, right?!
xo – kb
Great List. I think I have used most of these at one stage or another. I’ve found that pre-warning and a short list really help. Most friday nights I will tell my partner what I would like to get done that weekend and he will normally get straight into it saturday morning so that he can spend the afternoon playing xbox uninterupted.
Sometimes on a saturday morning if I haven’t mentioned any plans he will casually ask what I want to do today, as soon as I mention the words craft room the xbox remote is in his hands. Cracks me up everytime.
He’s not that keen on housework but he will do his fair share every other week. And we both fight over whose cooking dinner because the other one has to do dishes and we both hate dishes. He normally wins cooking duties because he beats me home by an hour most nights.
I may have just read this entire post outloud while laying in bed next to the husband. He actually laughed too 🙂
Great post and oh so true. You are the best!
Hi Katie! I am amazed that some people are so criticial of your style of writing and what you have to say. I hope you realise one or two grumpy people are not reflective of everyone out there! Keep writing YOUR way. Its your blog and we love it – and your family. Hugs from Cape Town. xx
Huh? Well oooooobviously this post is not for me. I guess I’m not married to a guy from 1950 who just came home fresh from having his lobotomy.
If I painted my husband in the light that you painted yours, mine would be seriously offended. Seriously.
You make your husband look like a disinterested, brain dead performing monkey who works for sex.
Does he read posts like this and give them his tick of approval?
Because the way you represent him here makes him, frankly, look like a bit of a douche, and I’m sure that’s not your intention.
Way to handle that like a pro, Katie. Good job!
Great post! My guy doesn’t mind DIY, when it comes to his projects that is. In fact he has to drag me off the couch sometimes to get things done. If I want a project done I think I might start trying some of your tips. Thanks!
Great post, Katie! I’m also a “hurry up and get it done”… I’ll have to try your “don’t rush a good thing” mantra. And, I love your graceful responses to the negative comments.
I read your blog everyday while at work (gets me through the day), but I’m not one to usually comment. I just have to say that this post is funny, cute and not in any way offensive or degrading to women. I myself use some of these same tactics to convince my hubby that my crazy DIY projects are great ideas and he would love helping me. I just felt compelled to leave a comment after reading some of less than kind words some people left. I have huge respect for you for putting your life on the internet for strangers to read. You have inspired me to tackle projects that I have talked about for years and after finding your blog I was encouraged to pull the trigger. Thanks again for being REAL, honest and funny!
PS – I loved you and your blog even more after learning of your Pittsburgh roots!
What a funny post! I can’t really relate yet, as we are still renters, but I appreciate your willingness to help a sistah out! Also, way to handle the haters! I think your patient and friendly responses show just how classy you are at the heart. Thanks for being a good example. You’re right when you said “sex is funny. And it can be fun. And sexy. And dignified and flirty and everything all at the same time.”. I agree wholeheartedly 🙂
Geesh…Jer looks pretty good for being 63 years old, huh?!
Seriously though…yes, he gets approval first. And you are right…that wasn’t my intention. But since you are married, I’d love to stay on topic and hear how you get your husband motivated to do DIY stuff!
xo – kb
Love this post! It was in no way, shape, or form offensive to me. You are so refreshingly honest and open. 🙂 You and the husband seem to have such a fun and real relationship.
Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you aren’t still a wife…with a hot handy man honey! 😉
Oh Katie, this post was great. Sometimes men need motivation. And sometimes women need motivation too. Nothing you said was demeaning and if anyone spent any time reading your blog, it would be obvious how much you adore and respect Jeremy. Keep on keepin on girl!
Pictures are so, so key. If I try explaining something in detail, my husband just gets overwhelmed and anxious and thinks it will be a) too much work and b) not turn out well DIY’d. But pictures and step-by-step tutorials via pinterest and other blogs instead of my rambling? They go a loooong way toward getting him on board!
Awesome post. Seriously. It’s so easy to make assumptions about people based on the little bit of info we see on a blog. And it’s also easy to assume someone else’s life is perfect. Not sure why, but…
As I was reading your list, I realized that I do a few of these things too… and more importantly, I realized how much better things go when I am doing it this way (as opposed to getting bitter and hateful about everything he’s NOT doing).
My husband is a residential builder (built our house) and has the skills to do pretty much any diy job I could ever ask for. But the kicker is exactly that- he does it all day sometimes 6 days a week. Who wants their time at home to feel like work? Me neither. That realization has been huge for me. So I try to lower my dreams and expectations for our house to things that I can do. Then it’s an unexpected bonus when he helps out. And a little bribing with extra-curricular activity never hurts. haha
I agree, good job! As the saying goes, “We can’t controls other peoples actions, but we CAN control our reactions to them.” You’ve learned that lesson well. You acknowledged their right to an opinion, and handling it with respect and a bit of humor. BRAVO!!
Great post! It was hilarious. My hubby thought it was funny too 😉
I’m a long time reader but never commented before. I feel called to speak up because I’m so surprised at all of the negative comments following this post. Yes, wouldn’t it be ideal if our husbands would be motivated with a simple please and thank you. Yes wouldn’t it be ideal if a simple please and thank you motivated me too!!! (Sometimes it does, Sometimes it doesn’t…I’m human!) I am grateful that my husband has tactics to motivate me when I am being a bugger and I have my own to motivate him. We keep each other trying our best. Sometimes that’s just the reality of it. It’s one thing to be spouting off our ideals, but I’ve especially appreciated this post because it’s realistic. Thanks Katie, keep up the great work.
Katie, I have been following you since I stumbled across Sherry and Jon’s site. You are awesome! I am so glad you posted this. I want to DIY stuff but my husband who is very handy would prefer to hire it out. We flooded during Tropical Storm Allison and were down to the studs due to flooding. We did the entire renovation ourselves, hiring out only those things we felt like we needed a pro.
I too bribe, coerce, etc, my darling to do the things I HATE…like laundry. Blech! I’ll offer up just about anything to get him to do that chore.
Keep on writing and ignore the haters. They must not have anything better to do than to cut others down.
Katie,
I think you paint Jeremy as a loving, caring, very masculine man who is a great husband and father and can do pretty much anything around the house. What tha what?!, what’s wrong with him wanting to please his wife and enjoying the rewards that might come with it?! I’m sure many readers, including myself, would like our significant others to be more like him and many men wish they were capable of everything he is!
IMHO, this is the best post you’ve written, Katie. When we’re surrounded with Pinterest, awesome blogs, DIY magazines, and so many other sources of attainable inspiration, we often dream big but forget our own limitations– let alone the limitations of our DIY partner. Respecting your partner throughout your relationship (not just in DIY) means they’ll respect you, too. And he will probably be more willing to work toward your dreams, whether those are inside the house or out.
And bravo for calling out us ladies who should be picking up the power tools ourselves occasionally. 🙂
Erin
I love honest people! Lauren, you are funny!
Loved this! My husband and I rent, but our awesome landlord has let us do some serious renovations to the place (all to his advantage, of course…if we ever move outta here, he can charge a lot more for his hardwood and tiled floors than he did for icky carpet and linoleum!). It was such a learning experience when we tiled the kitchen floor, since my man did most of the work. I’d much rather blast through the job and have two miserable, work-filled weeks. He wanted to take his time. I learned to be patient and not nag; that way, he still wants to DIY!
I’m a long-time reader, first time commenter, and I just wanted to say that I LOVED this post. Seriously, I have been praying for clarity on some of these very issues. Who would have thought, I’d find it on this blog.
Thank you Katie for always being so honest… and treating the nastier comments with such class!
If only my husband would put on a dance (a la Magic Mike) so that I feel determined to tackle his 23 shirts that need ironing, finish painting some trim, stain the deck, wash and polish the kitchen cupboards, and start the clean and purge for the move this summer.
If only….
Great post, Katie! 🙂 🙂
Katie – thanks for the tips. This is my first ever blog comment! My husband is really great at learning how to DIY the stuff he needs to get done and helps with regular house stuff (laundry, dishes, car stuff, home repair, etc.) but we haven’t gotten into much of the decorating or improving stuff. Hopefully I can use some of these tips to motivate him on some of ‘my’ projects, or just do it myself! Also, I bought some frog tape recently 😉
Seems like a lot of these commenters who have an issue with all the sex innuendo JUST NEED TO GET LAID!
Nothing. He loves his family. Takes pride in his house and his position as a provider and caregiver and we work together as a team, renovating, painting, packing dishwashers and doing it all together. He’s not a disinterested party who needs to be bribed or coerced into participating in family life.
xo wtw
Oh Katie B, the ways you weasel into my heart are endless. That is all.
Katie,
This post couldn’t have come at a better time for me. My boyfriend and I just entered the 13th week of a kitchen and bath addition that we are DIYing. He is a construction PM and I’m and interior designer (commercial) so you’d think we could get through it no problem. Being with out a kitchen for this long has been so hard and we’re at a breaking point. I usually motiviate him with great dinners, but that’s just not an option. Your post was a great eye opener for both him and I (yes, I made him read it). While I could do a better job of letting him work at his own pace, he could offer a little respect for my 60 hour work weeks and the fact that I’m right there with him working on the house all weekend long. You really helped us to see things from the others perspective. That’s why I love you blog.
Dani
Hahaha! I like to imagine Jeremy dancing for me too 🙂
xo – kb
That’s truly wonderful. I want to be sure that I say this as respectfully as possible and for you to know that each person is different with different strengths and weaknesses (like I said in the post)….this post was about motivating your husband…and it is very clear that your loving and industrious husband does not ever need motivation. So if you just don’t like me, that’s fine but when it comes to men who DO need motivation, you have little to no experience in this matter…and I am sure you are thankful for that! What a blessing! I think there are a lot of fine men in the world that love their family and are still interested but need a little push to tackle DIY stuff! Heavens knows I do sometimes!
xo – kb
I don’t get why people always have such beef with you. Stop reading if you are going to be sooooo offended. You must get so tired if it. Weird, bigger things in life people. Get a grip.
Loved this post! Would love to say that I have a man as handy as Jer. (You both are so lucky!) This post really did help me. I had never thought to just keep quite with the wish list. I know he sees dollar signs whenever I speak. I’m pretty sure he just tunes out. Also, just doing it yourself… As much as I would love to be able to climb the ladder to paint the stairway…I just can’t. That’s where this awesome man of mine steps in. And no doubt…he’s rewarded! 😉 This speaks to many levels of marriage, not just on a DIY level. Nicely done!
Holy cow! I just had to comment on this post. I am constantly amazed at how people can react to a post! It’s was done with humor and was meant (I’m sure) as a lighthearted approach to encouraging your significant other to participate in some home improvement. I appreciate your candor and the tactful approach to took to you critics. Well done! I also appreciate your suggestions. I’m the type to dive in and come up with a clever fix to my mistakes. My husband (an engineer) take a slower more thoughtful approach, I often need to remind myself to slow down 🙂
I don’t comment very often because other people often say what I was going to anyway BUT I really feel the need to weigh in on those negative comments. I just think it is hilarious that they focused almost exclusively on you mentioning sex when you said it only a couple of times. Gee, what is lacking in your lives ladies?? I don’t understand how the tone of the post could be so misread. I mean, really, you mention so many things NOT to do (nag, pile a whole heap of overwhelm on your partner etc.) and also how much you can do yourself that I just can’t work out how certain people see it as a ‘sex for task’ list. They don’t see that you asking them to do something while holding a snickers bar would be funny (and that, maybe, just maybe, Jeremy might think it was funny too)? They don’t see how obviously you both work so well together as a team? That you do a heap of DIY yourself? That you have excellent perspective on the whole thing from the last paragraph? I am seriously scratching my head here….
It’s funny how two people can read the same post differently. I thought this was all about compromise- the physical labor and your expectations.
Plus, I think it’s only natural to enjoy a celebratory romp after finishing a project you are both excited about (or at least excited to be done with).
Katie, my biggest take-away is how you categorize your “help list.” My husband is (mostly) willing, but he lacks follow-through. And we both become overwhelmed by a long to-do list.
I adored this post. I find it so refreshing when a couple can openly express their love for each other and what really works for their marriage. Major props to you. And Jeremy. I admire the fact that you two are able to accomplish so much based on the knowledge of each others strengths and weaknesses. Good job Katie. And Jeremy. You’re setting a great example for your children about love, marriage, and communication.
I am bookmarking this for the next time I need my hubby to complete a project for me 🙂
I read your blog because of YHL, probably how a lot of us found you. I commend you on having your own style of writing and wit, as my friend says about you, you have no shame when it comes to pictures of you as a redneck (hilarious), birth stories, DIY mistakes, whatnot. That’s totally not my style, I’m way mote private, but it would be boring if we were all the same personality, so kudos. But I do think there should be a place in the blog-world for comments that aren’t just “yay you’re hilarious, I want your house,” ya know? Like not, a super rude, angry commenter who just writes things without thinking about how that would make a real person feel, but a place where someone can say, hey I’m not a huge fan of the wall color, without commenters forming a cyber mob. And I think your TMI style can be questioned without coming off as mean spirited. Does that make sense? I want to read your blog to gain inspiration (which I totally have from you) and watch your kitchen come together, but as a young single woman, I do feel uncomfortable about a lot of the sexual jokes you make. And I know you’re married, obviously, and I know you could say, hey this post obviously isn’t for you… But I think there can be an appropriate balance. Like the pioneer women jokes about her husbands butt, but it never feels dirty reading it. Sometimes yours can come across a little crass, and I’m just a fan trying to gently reflect that to you, because I don’t think that’s how you’re trying to come across. I’m just one small voice, and I so appreciate you, your style and how your share and respond to readers. Way to go. I just feel a lil compelled (and nervous!) to share this. That’s all. Carry on!
Oh absolutely! Thanks for being so sweet. If people feel uncomfortable, I totally get it. But in the same respect, I am sometimes inappropriate. I don’t ever attempt to be crass…just write what is on my mind…so I guess my brain is like a boys 🙂 There are a lot of reasons why some people read and why some people don’t…and as much as I don’t want to alienate others, I do have to be true to me and try to be as real as possible. I am definitely filled with flaws.
xo – kb
Hi Katie, totally off topic of this post, but what brand is that paint sprayer used in the first picture of this post? I’m thinking of repainting our garage door and that sprayer looks small enough for me to handle. Would you recommend it?
Thanks!
Amen, Kateri!
Great post and I totally get it. My man is not lazy but I get the motivation, bribery, etc. part. Sorry you get such negative comments from time to time.
It’s the Graco True Coat Plus. I definitely think anyone could handle this one!
xo – kb
Yes, I’m a little late to the party on this one, but I thought it was fun, informative, inspirational, and genuine all in one. I read the comments and I just don’t get it. Do these women not ever talk in a lighthearted way with their friends? Are they super serious and highly appropriate at all times? Snore. I’ll hang out at your table, Katie.
And I didn’t notice your boyfriend’s well formed triceps or his finely shaped rear… at all… ever… *nervous laughter*
Love you. xo
Button up shirt. Check. Dancing capabilities. Check. Works. Every. Time. 🙂
SOOOO TRUE!!!! An excellent article. It has taken me a decade to learn all of the above with my own husband!!
I learned pretty early on that DIY wasn’t really a good idea with my husband. Yes, he has painted many rooms in our house, with and without my help. But anything more complex than hanging a picture or holding a paint brush goes on the list for our handy man. We give him our to-do list and he punches it out. Like Katie, I’ll set up the tools and clear the job site and usually handle clean up so he can spend his whole time working.
On really big jobs like ripping out our kitchen down to the studs in a six directions or building a dormer and adding a new bathroom upstairs in the old crawl space, I wrote up the specs and worked with a contractor. Some of us are DIY kings and queens and some aren’t.
I’ve been happy with the results…