Did my clothes shrink or something?
Did my belly button always show when I wore this sweater?
Were these supposed to be capris? Cause I thought the tag said long?
How come my buttons keep popping off?
I have this conversation in my head every morning. Do you ever wonder what happened to all of your clothes? Each new moon I seem to be getting larger (not just gaining weight, but getting longer everywhere). It is very discouraging to walk into a dressing room where nothing fits correctly…and the few items that do fit look like they are from the early 90’s. Ok – they probably are. But that is neither here nor there.
So this past week when Jeremy was off playing golf and winning some fab prizes (way to go honey!)…I took this as the perfect opportunity to meet up with my friend Jules and go shopping at twilight. Little did I know that I was soon to have an affair. It snuck up on me quite unexpectedly…like I was Bella headed to Forks…when all of a sudden I saw my Edward – beautiful and attractive. I was in the dressing room at New York & Co. and I literally had to remind myself to breathe. Breathe in…breathe in NOW! My skin was electric. Dizziness washed over me like a blanket. What the mirror was showing couldn’t possibly be real. 
This shirt – hanging on my body like it was tailored to fit my every curve. It knew where to touch and where to give me space. It knew how to hang and how to subtley bring out the very best in me. About three things I was absolutely positive: First, NY&Co had a perfect shirt. Second, there was a part of it -and I didn’t know to what extent that part might be – that would shrivel and shrink at the sight of my laundry machine. And third – that I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with it.
I bought it in two colors. I have worn them four outta the last five days. I heart NY&Co. It was a love affair made in retail underworlds…forbidden and painful (cause let’s face it, I am cheap)…but in the same breath, excruciatingly satisfying. It was a total eclipse of the heart. My love accepts me for who I am – poochy tummy and all – and I swore to wear it until death did us part, which includes the great possibility that my washer might eat it whole. Either case, we are bonded together with the cords of love…beyond the breaking of dawn or the day of the midnight sun. I was also able to purchase a few other items from my newly favorite store to hold me till my other clothes decide to grow up…what do you think?
Jeremy was quite surprised when I brought back a big bag of my newly purchased items. Clothes shopping doesn’t happen very often. I even held up my love for him – to which he shruggingly said ‘oh’. I didn’t assume he would be initially aware of how the relationship between me and the shirt had developed into more…so I decided to spill the beans…right there in the kitchen. First I made him close his eyes. I slipped it on with vampire like speed. I whispered ‘ok open them’…and when his baby blues adjusted to the light his only reaction was spoken in a calm and knowing manner “I didn’t know…wow…I just didn’t think it would be like that”. He knew. He knew then and there that my life would never be the same.
I even decided to wear my new shirt to the movie on the 21st…don’t know what movie I am talking about? Well, then you probably didn’t get half of the jokes in this post either…