Dear Me,
Why do you do this? Why? Why do you let those thoughts sneak their way into your mind? You know what they do! They eat, destroy, create havoc, chaos, pain. But you let them in. You allow those notions of doubt to open the door for comparisons. The evil comparison game. But why? Why do you feel the incessant need to compare everything? It’s not healthy. It’s downright detrimental. It hurts you…it hurts your husband…it’s bad for your baby. But you continue to let it happen.
Sometimes you let it start small…is your little one keeping up with the average? Is he normal? Is he developing okay? But then it starts. It creeps in with conversations with other moms. Walking, talking, milestones, accomplishments. Bragging and dates meticulously kept on calendars of the tiniest little things….not just for celebration or memory sake but for proving that your baby is superior. That two weeks earlier matters. But it doesn’t. It never has. It only matters to the mom braggart. It only matters to the mom who feels like she has failed her child. And you have been both. Just stop. Stop the need to compare. You are doing your job. And he is growing…and healthy…and happy. And even if he wasn’t…well…that doesn’t mean that he is better or worse than anyone or that you are better or worse than anyone…it means that you are different. That you have been dealt a different hand. That’s it. So stop comparing.
And stop comparing your relationship with Jeremy to other couples. It doesn’t matter if he writes a haiku for you or if he has created a oil painting of your favorite flower or dedicated a song over the radio or took the time to pick out the perfect ring with a jewel encrusted bow on it…the point is, it will never be enough until you let it. He loves you. He loves you as much as he possible can. And he has proved it. over and over and over. And you both are happy when you let yourselves be happy. You are part of your best possible relationship…the relationship that was a gift from a God that knows you and loves you and wants the very best for you. So let it be the best without getting in it’s way. Oh and when was the last time you wrote a haiku for him?! or did something he would appreciate – like draw him a picture of a smokin’ hot moutain bike with a bikini’ed less-smokin’ hot picture of you on it?!? Okay…you can make yourself smokin’ hot too 🙂
Seriously – stop comparing yourself. Okay…so you want to lose a little weight…who doesn’t?! But that five pounds isn’t going to stop the comparisons…it’ll just be something else next time….clothes, hair, eyelashes, skin, fingernails, hangnails, the list could go on….and on…and on. So stop thinking that changing something about your outside is going to change what’s inside. It’s not. And neither is comparing what you have, what you don’t have, what you do, or haven’t done, what you are naturally or what you want to be. Stop dreaming about becoming a better person and just BE that person. This life is a choice. You can’t control what hand you’ve been dealt, but you can choose what to do with it. So go choose. and then be. and for heavens sakes, stop comparing.
And lastly, I want you to remember something that you learned recently…when you compare, you are limiting yourself to what you could have. Comparing your little one limits the joy you have when he jumps that next hurdle. Comparing your relationships keeps the appreciation out of what you currently are enjoying with others. Comparing yourself creates insecurities and doubts and robs you of the simple happiness of being alive. So stop comparing. Count your blessings. Cherish the moments. Enjoy the small things. Revel in what you have. Because girl…your road may be smooth or it may have bumps and holes, but the view is always spectacular when you are looking up.
xo – me
I’m a fan.
I am the queen of being hard on myself. And comparing what I have/don’t have/wish I had to everyone else in the world. I Know exactly where you are coming from and I totally appreciate this post!!!!
I know it’s hard…praying for you. 😉
Wow, when I first found your blog a few months ago I was baffled by how similar your personality seemed to mine. But this note here is spot on to how I feel most of the time, and especially lately amidst a lot of personal and professional anxiety. This was definitely the wake up call I personally needed, and I wanted to thank you so much for writing this! I especially agree with the bit about couples: women seem to constantly want our guys to show their undying devotion through gestures and we take it for granted they need to do this to us, but not vice versa! All we need is love, and if we get those gestures, we should appreciate them for what they are, not expect them constantly! Keep it up 🙂
thank you.
As a mommy to a little guy who doesn’t have a lot to say, and constantly cries privately, worrying about him…
Thank you.
I so needed this today. Well, for the last few days. Or the last year (since my little one was born). And especially powerful since you and your relationships are one of those I compare myself to. So thanks for sharing. 🙂
And Happy Easter!
Wow,
It reads beautifully…seems easy enough to do. How come it’s so hard to follow?! Or believe?! I think we ALL struggle with comparisons. You’re totally right, it starts small and then snowballs from there. Thanks so much for sharing! What a great insight for me personally to reflect and apply to my life.
Kristy
Awesome. We can all relate and I love how you worded this. It’s all so true and we definitely need to tell ourselves this from time to time.
Love this Katie Bower. Love, love, love this. Happy Easter to you and yours!
Someone recently told me, “When you compare yourself to others, you always lose.” You’ll either find yourself to be inferior, or even if you’re better, beating someone else doesn’t really make you a good person. I’m working on this too!
We all do this to ourselves; it is so easy to find the negatives. I try to remind myself that I would never treat a stranger the way that I treat myself sometimes. Keep your head up and try to focus on all the wonderful things that you have in your life right now. Thanks for this post- it helps remind all of us to focus on what we have in our lives.
You’re not alone, Katie! And I know I can certainly use this reminder about 80 times a day. Sending you prayers and lots of virtual *hugs* 🙂
It’s so funny. I could have written this.
Satan just loves when we doubt ourselves and constantly compare. Perfectionism is a happiness killer and joy stealer. I wrestle with all of the above constantly too. It’s a battle, that we, with God’s precious help, must demand to win. God gave us life, life abundant.
God made you just how he wanted you to be. And you are the best you there will ever be!
Like your blog header says….Let your light shine!
Hollie
Amen. 🙂
Yes, yes, yes. True words, and so timely!
Please also remember that while you might compare yourself from time to time, *you have also been compared to.* (I know because sometimes I have to talk myself down off a ledge when I start thinking about all you beautiful talented bloggers who I admire so much.)
Also, I saw a little boy the other day who also did not yet have sideburns, and it secretly cracked me up. And I almost took a stealth photo of him to send to you, but then I remembered that 1) you don’t know me from adam, and 2) the other boy’s parents might construe that as creepy. So just remember that there is a little boy somewhere in Oregon also sans sideburns!
Thanks for the continual inspiration!!
-Victoria
That was beautiful. And just what I needed to hear, so thanks.
Beautiful. Perfect in timing. Thank you.
I have been reading your blog for a while and I really want to thank you for writing this. I am the same kind of person – I compare everything. And you are so right, that it only limits us. Thank you for sharing your own struggle with this. <3
Amen sista! I couldn’t have written this better myself. I think this is something that many of us need reminded of… I know I did!
Thank you girl… for your honesty, realness, and timing…. needed this SO MUCH!
i just had a conversation related to this with my husband today, in which he kindly reminded me that i was comparing myself again. thank you for sharing this! it struck a chord today…
ahh…so refreshing. Thank you, Thank you! I am SO hard on myself all the time and it’s nice to know that other people are as well…as crazy as that may be.
For reals, KB, for reals.
AH-GREED!
Basically sub in the he (your baby) for a she (my baby) and the Jeremy for Brad and you’ve got a letter I need to write MYSELF.
Thankyou, girl! SO true!
Beautifully written! I’m bookmarking this to read again and again!
Thank you for being so real to so many people. Your words will be an encouragement to many more than you know. Have you ever read the devotional, Jesus Calling? It’s written as though Jesus were speaking directly to you personally, with Scripture references. Love it and I know it would bring you encouragement as well.
Amazingly well said. We all need to remind ourselves of this. 🙂
I definitely needed to read this today. It’s amazing the little things God puts in your path, isn’t it? Thanks Katie!
I understand how you feel. You know, I had to take a break from facebook for awhile because I was seeing all these “status” updates and it was making me compare, and become jealous. It is really tough. I have to say I struggle with this on a daily basis. I have to pray for God’s help with it every day. It is definitely harder than it used to be years ago… now that everyone has blogs and facebook. You can basically see everything everyone else is doing. Most only show their successes….Its tough.. I definitely understand.
Isn’t it crazy that we all compare ourselves? The blogging world makes it hard to *not* compare our lives to others. I hate saying it, but. A lot of us are super jealous of your house, adorably gorgeous baby boy and your handsome hubby. We always want what we can’t have : /
Let’s all pray to be satisfied with status quo.
Thank you for that. It sounds just like something I should write to myself. I am on a mission to be happy with myself and it’s a tough one, but hopefully someday I’ll get there.
Amen, sister!
This is so well written Katie. So many good reminders in this post. Thanks for sharing.
Lady this is for every woman who has ever married, mothered, and pretty much lived, thanks for the reminder!!
“I once had a garden filled with flowers that grew only on dark thoughts but they need constant attention & one day I decided I had better things to do.”
You’re a brave woman. Thank you for being you 🙂
I would have loved to see it. Mostly because I would have died laughing thinking about that kid’s parents probably thinking it was creepy. That kinda awkwardness cracks me up 🙂
xo – kb
I’m your fan.
xo – kb
Love this, love you. I’ve been so down for the past year while my hubby is deployed overseas and today, another holiday alone, was no exception. But every day I try to make the choice to be happy and content with what I do have. That’s a lesson this deployment has taught me. Today was hard with everyone all put together at church and holding hands with their husbands while my eyes were red-rimmed from crying them out last night until the wee hours of the morning because I haven’t heard from him in so many days that my mind starts filling in the blanks with anxious thoughts.
As hard as this last year has been, hope this doesn’t sound strange, but I do love being able to look forward to dropping in on my favorite blogs, including ABP. It’s the little things that make me smile and logging on to find someone that I respect like you keeping it real, well that makes me feel normal for a little while 🙂 Thank you for that girl!
…that’s interesting that you write this. I read your blog all the time and compare myself to you & think I’m no where near your beauty, your hair, your smile, you have a cute baby, you have a handsome husband who renovates WITH you, you own a large home and you are a talented photographer, successful blog that in turn let you meet Mr. Berkus—I go away thinking- blah! she’s got it all!!! You are so lucky to have all these things, because I don’t!!!– there’s my comparison to you!!! I know a lot of us readers do this!!!
So true – comparing never leads us anywhere good. Thanks for being so open and honest.
So true Katie! Thanks for being brave enough to write about it 🙂
I recently saw a quote and it has changed my life. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I don’t know where it came from, but it has helped me.
-Amy
Jenny,
Your post made me cry. Keep your head up…Praying for your husband to come home safe 🙂
Lynn
could have written this myself (but thank you for doing it for me!)…AMEN!!!
Katie, I truly feel that God has led me to your blog. You have no idea how much I needed to read what you had to say this morning. Thank you.
Great post – and so true.
Hey Katie,
I’m gonna come clean here…I love you and your blog and I’m SO jealous of you (in a good way)! You are so lucky…the next time you’re feeling down, go back and read the post you wrote when you took Will sledding in the laundry hamper. That post made me get a little teary – everything I want is right in that post!! I look up to you and your family as what I want to have one day. Until I get it…thanks for letting me live viacariously through you 🙂
Good word! Thanks for the honesty! It makes us all take a look at what is in our own hearts.
Love it, love your blog, love you and your little fam 🙂
Thank you.
so true, sooooo true. “it will never be enough until you let it” – needed that one today! once read a quote that summed up your thoughts: comparison kills contentment.
I got something in the mail the other day to renew our Zoo membership, and on the front of the brochure was a little boy, sans sideburns, kissing a monkey and from the back it looked just.like.Will! Kid you not. I saved it just to scan and send to you but didn’t know if you would think that was creepy. It was too adorable though.
Hi Katie,
I am right there with you – our first baby was born a few days before Will. I feel exactly how you do in that letter…thank you for writing it and reminding me not to compare. It is hard, because I think we just want to make sure your baby is OK, but they are. I don’t need to compare…I have everything I need. And you are right – I am happy when I stop comparing and truly see what I have.
Thank you for a wonderful post and an awesome blog!
Good reminder. I sometimes think too much Facebook and blogging can create this kind of comparison mentality. I’m very guilty of it! 🙂 I always know when I need to take a break for social media, because suddenly nothing in my life is “good enough”.
Thank you for posting this. I need to write a similar letter to myself!
Dear Katie,
As a new mom, I totally feel this! Thank you for taking the time to write this, as it is a gentle reminder for me to let go, enjoy, and breathe!!!
Katie, I LOVE this post. We all do this to ourselves–you gave me a positive outlook today :o)
ok, so i didn’t read all the comments, so i’m sorry if someone else wrote what i’m about to…
i LOVE this post and then i read “bikini-less smokin’ ” as in “nekked” and i thought, is that what she meant??? and then i re-read… oh the power of words (and mis-reading)!! hahaha! my mistake gave me a needed chuckle and your post is oh-so-real!!! (oh and of course a guy would love it if the girl on the bike was in a bikini OR nekked). love it!
thanks for being honest.
A friend once told me that the difference between our expectations and reality, is disappointment. This helps me so often, in being a woman, a wife, and a sister in Christ. If my expectations are lower, then all those little things my husband does, they are like the sweetest reward!
wow, Amy, this is so true! I think I’ll have to steal this quote for fb! 🙂
How did you do that? How did you read my mind?
This is how I’ve been feeling alot lately, and I need to remind myself to stop!
Thanks Katie for reminder!!
Facebook, etc… does not show the “behind the scenes” part of people’s lives…the part when they are insecure, jealous, upset, worried, etc…well, it mostly doesn’t show this…People usually show only the good, and what they only want people to see….so, looking at facebook, you aren’t really seeing the true “face” of the person…well, that’s what I think anyway.
Thanks for the post Katie.
You’re my hero. I needed this today!
I’ve been really down on myself about weight and eating lately and have noticed that most of my insecurities are triggered by comparing myself to other women. Thanks so much for reminding me to be kind to myself and that I’m not alone in the struggle! Chances are, it’s all in our heads anyways. 🙂
Thank you! Today is my husband’s first day back to work after having our second baby. I’ve been so emotional and feeling sad for us. I want to be a stay-at-home family, and have told him a few times how lucky you and Sherry are to have the whole family at home. I’m trying to make myself focus on the fact that he got four weeks of paternity leave which is awesome and that we have the best jobs possible for working parents! Happy Monday!
I am so making that my facebook status. 🙂
You are so awesome, Katie Bower. I read through a lot of the comments and it looks as though a lot of us needed to hear that yesterday. I know you were writing it for yourself, but it’s something we all need to think about and work on. You hang in there and thanks for giving us encouragement!!!
It Felt Love
How
Did the rose
Ever open its heart
And give to this world
All its
Beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light
Against its
Being,
Otherwise,
We all remain
Too
Frightened.
Hafiz
Thank you for this. It’s so hard to remember that we all don’t need to be the same to be happy in life. In a couple of weeks my baby is going to be getting a Doc Band and let me tell you how many issues I’ve had with this. She’s almost 6 months and all I can think about is “what are people going to say and think about her” and I am so fearful of the negativity and ignorance of what everyone (including me!) thinks is “normal” (this is just my opinion). BUT we need to remember to embrace each moment because tomorrow’s not always a guarantee. Thank you for reminding me to snap out of it!
xo
“Comparing yourself creates insecurities and doubts and robs you of the simple happiness of being alive.” I will keep repeating this to myself. Love. Thank you!
I don’t have kids yet, so I’m sure the bragging moms are The Worst. But, I can relate on the comparing relationship front. Just seems like everyone is happier but you and I both know they aren’t! I have a lot of friends getting married now so I keep thinking, why was I so stressed with my wedding planning? Why was I so freaked out and they aren’t? But ya know, they probably are. They just aren’t as vocal with their feelings as me!
xoxo
[email protected]
Wow, I really needed to hear this. I sometimes lay awake at night worrying about what my kids do and don’t know, what they can or can’t do. I drive my husband and mom crazy with developmental questions and hypothesis. This helped remind me that they are happy, loved and will learn what they want and be whatever they will be! Thank you!
I TOTALLY showed that post to a coworker and acted like I knew the Bower’s personally!
Ok, so yesterday I was JUST comparing myself to you!!!! As I dropped my beautiful 2-year old on the floor, tossed her Mr. Potato Head, and threw on a video I thought to myself “Will only watches TV on special occasions. Most of the time, Katie is playing with Will. I’m pretty sure she’d actually be on the floor with Will instead of pushing him out of the kitchen while she tries to find 2 minutes to empty the dishwasher in peace. I am SUCH a bad mom!”
To see you write this puts my own Negative Nelly-self in perspective. THANK YOU!
Amen! 🙂
Hi Katie,
I enjoy reading your thoughts. This post is great…been there, done that and will continue to but at least every day that we are aware of this it’s a step forward. Thank you for sharing.
I found this book to be a very helpful. I pick it up and read it about once a year to help remember. The Power of Now
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577311523
Marilyn
Ooooh Katie, I SO relate!! But I gotta admit, I’ve been intimidated by your, um, perfect little life? ARgh. I hate admitting jealousy. But seriously, you are smoking hot, your hubby is smoking hot, your Will is the cutest thing evah, and you have a dream house. What more could you ask for??
I’m so bad at the compare game. Seriously LOVED this post and I’m sharing it on facebook!
My favorite line, “comparing… robs you of the simple happiness of being alive.”
SO true. One of my dearest friends had a massive stroke two weeks ago, at age thirty, and is in the ICU in a hospital right now. She has been such a great example of living for the Lord and for others. She has nothing to regret, while if I were in her position I would regret worrying about all the small stuff and comparing myself to others and not being CONTENT and FRUITFUL where God put me! It truly is a blessing just to being alive and well!!!
I am always surprised how you seem to question yourself. If anything, I think a lot of us feel bad comparing ourselves to you, as we may think it you are near perfect and your talent and great eye for decorating seems to come so easily to you as we struggle to imitate,lol. But, I know no one is perfect, no matter how much it may look like it from afar. You are human. As a mother of two boys (5yrs and 16 1/2 months), I have realized they do things when they are ready. I was embarassed at the Peds office when they asked how many words my youngest could say- not many. But in my mind I realize my oldest was the same way. It’s not that he isnt smart, b/c both of them are. My oldest didnt start a majority of his talking until after he was two and my youngest may be the same way. I mean he babbles and yells his brother’s name (which is the cutest thing in the world) and says a few other things, but that’s about it. I know it will happen in time. I think boys get the physical stuff down first, then the other stuff. My neice at his age knew all her colors, etc and was a smarty pants, but she could barely get up and down stairs without help and is still clumsy whereas my 16 1/2 month old jumps off the couch, climbs up and down stairs, moves chairs to where he wants to climb up to get something he isnt supposed to, etc (which is driving me crazy!!). Each child is different anyway. I say there is no need to rush them. Youre life is good.
*your*
Katie –
This came through on my reader today and it made me think of you…
http://www.becomingminimalist.com/2011/04/25/stop-comparing-your-life-start-living-it/
Here’s to believing that you – just as you are – are wonderful and to be celebrated!!
Yu don’t know this to be true Nikki…Katie may take some time to do the dishes…clean up, while putting him on the floor to play by himself…we all need to do that sometimes…i don’t see how any parent can play with their child all day long. Even though it is fun, we need a litttle time to ourselves.
Katie, is this true? 🙂
thanks for being real again. i so relate to you as it is so hard not to compare… but you are right, it’s so damaging and keeps us from being content with where we are. there is a quote i used to have hanging on my computer that i found so comforting “you are exactly where God wants you to be right now.” thanks for the encouragement! enjoy seeing bits of your life from here in iowa 🙂 give will a hug from me!
thanks for keepin it real! i so relate to you as it is so hard not to compare… but you are right, it’s so damaging and keeps us from being content with where we are. there is a quote i used to have hanging on my computer that i found so comforting “you are exactly where God wants you to be right now.” thanks for the encouragement! enjoy seeing bits of your life from here in iowa 🙂 give will a hug from me!
Preach it!
KB, thanks for sharing! It is so funny to think someone I envy has the same insecurities that I do.
haha…perfect? um no. BUT I know that is what we put out there…we want to remember the happy moments, the ones where we feel alive, the seconds of bliss…so that is what makes it on the blog. And I’m sure that if everyone only put good & happy on their blogs, then we would all feel that pang of jealousy!
xo – kb
Lisa, I always spend quality time with Will in vast quantities. There is never any crying or neglected chores, there aren’t any fights in our house or fights over fights, everything is in it’s place and our storage is well organized, dinner is always made in a timely manner and tastes delicious and we never cry, throw things, or have a lunch on jelly beans and soft pretzels. No. everything here is perfect.
xo – kb
p.s. BWHAhahaha!
hahahahahaha. when i was reading the first sentences to your reply, i was like “i like reading her blog, but she is lieing in this reply.” until i read the ps-bwhahahaha.
🙂
ah, always love your honesty, because you speak so well for the rest of us!
i have a quote up in my most used cupboard (so i see it OFTEN 🙂 that will hopefully encourage you too. i know i need constant reminders to have a right and godly perspective!
“i would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature i could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God’s thought, and then made by God is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking!”
that said, i don’t think you know how much you really shine! 🙂
Ahhh… don’t be so hard on yourself! You are a beautiful woman (and so funny and clever!) with a lovely home and family! There will always be someone who is in your opinion prettier, richer, thinner, craftier, more successful, etc… but there will never be another Katie. You share a lot of great things and are cute as a button! Have fun with your life and quit comparing! Just be you… because it looks like many people like you just as your are and if they don’t… then they are the ones with a problem! 😉
“You are part of your best possible relationship” i am in love with this thought. thanks kb!
It’s refreshing to see such honest introspection. We all struggle with this comparing business–don’t be hard on yourself! See all these comments? Is not that proof enough that you are loved and admired for just what you are? Love that baby–it does not last!
Ha, I’m ALWAYS doing this when trying to convince my fiancee of something Katie Bower did/does…when it comes to decorating, renovating, loving the Dream House style, etc.! He always goes “You’re always talking about Katie Bower and you don’t even know her! Knock it off!” except that through posts like these and the photos she posts and the goofy humor that Katie and I share, I DO know her! 🙂 Keep it comin’ KB! 🙂
Thank you for writing this Katie. I don’t have kids yet but I am a person that is constantly comparing myself to others. I think it’s so incredibly brave of you to write a post like this. I have a few quotes that I thought I’d share (they’re from my lulu lemon water bottle!)
“The pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness.”
and
“Jealousy works the opposite way you want it to.”
Sending virtual hugs your way KB!
Awe, don’t cry Lynn I’m sorry! Thank you for praying for my sweet hubby and for taking the time to tell me so, that is so greatly appreciated! 🙂
Sounds like you’re having a tough day, so here’s a bit of gratitude. I want to thank you for your inspiring blog. Your butcher block counter post led to an amazing (and super cheap) kitchen makeover, and my powder room now looks just like your old one.
On a side note, I was watching the William and Kate movie last night (cheesy, I know) and I thought the actress looked just like you! Here’s a link: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2569832/
Jenny, I know you know in your head that you are not alone and many others are going through the same thing as you are, but I thought maybe it would help to hear it again. I TOTALLY understand how you feel and how hard it is to go through church and holidays alone. It IS gut-wrenching to sit there by yourself. You have every right to cry and hurt. But after the tears you pick yourself up and keep on going because you are STRONG. Crying is not feeling sorry for yourself. It would be unhealthy not to grieve over your separation. My husband was gone 15 months; I was five months pregnant (with our first) when he left and our daughter was 11 months old when he returned. I only tell you this to let you know I really, really do know how you are feeling, and you know what? If I could get through that, you can too! I’ll be thinking and praying for you . . .
Wow. I just cried… a little. I do the same thing. I can’t believe you shared that. So personal, so true, so helpful. I’m going to start kicking my butt with words of wisdom too. What a way to release all the worries and stress in your life.
Thank you.
I just wanted to say I love your blog and thanks for sharing. It was perfect timing for me to read that and remind me to do exactly the same. Keep on focusing on the good stuff, it will bring even more of it into you life 😀
Jenny,
Take this time to find yourself too. I feel into deep depression when my hubbie deployed (and gained nearly 20 pounds!) and one day I decided to find out what I’m made of. I met new people on the base, explored California, and tested myself. I learned how to be alone and it turned out to be the best thing. I missed my husband and would wait for him to call but he was so happy to hear that I was doing t hings rather than sitting around. It’s hard at first because you feel bad that you are having fun when your husband is away but it helps time go by and makes you a better person.
I know you will make it through,
Jenny
Katie, I love the letter! It is such a good idea. Everyone should write one of these every once in awhile.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for the post. It is exactly what I needed to hear today. And the point about how our negative thoughts not only effect us, but the most important people in our lives, like our husbands (in my case, no kiddos).
Thanks again Katie.
i loved this post… thank you for sharing your heart:)
Love it Katie!
Katie,
Thanks for keeping it real. we ALL do this. why is it so hard to stop?? but what you type is real and it helps me feel a bit more normal. thank you for taking the time to sit down and write you heart out and you are such a better person for it! you’re an inspiration in all you do, how you mother, how you wife, how you decorate! will is amazing (from what I can tell on here) and it’s because he has such a great momma. *hugs*
I haven’t read all the comments, so someone else may have already written about this…but me and a few of my girlfriends have been reading through Beth Moore’s book, So Long Insecurity. Soooo good-I highly recommend it to any girl/lady/grandma (every female needs to read it!). We all struggle with it…it’s just so great to have a game plan now when all the comparisons and lies come into your brain. Thanks for being real, Katie!
I used to do this. I always felt like I came up lacking, no matter what I was “comparing” or who I was comparing them to.
Now I see this when I look at myself and what is mine:
I am a 38 year old divorced mother of 6 – who recently ( 3 years ago) found love with a much much much younger man – and had two more fab kiddos. This super younger man has all but adopted my first six kids because their dad has abandond them . I have a child with a genetic mutation that is incurable and fatal. She has given me 2 fantastic grandbabies, who I found out today do NOT have their mom’s disease. I am in the process of getting guardianship of them because thier mom, my daughter, needs help. And wont be here forever. So- Im the crazy lady with 10 kids for all intensive purposes. I have one daughter who is a little chubby, but we go to the gym together and discuss how we can get healthier. I have another who has been depressed enough to attempt suicide a few years ago, but has made an amazing recovery and is happy as Hell. I have two daughters that so far have no “issues” and probably feel a little over looked because of it. I have a son who is still a bed wetter and needs medication to “fix” it. We have a lot of love, but very little money. I am a horrible decorator.
I just compared myself again. But I didnt compare myself to you, or anyone else. I compared myself to the person who could still be in an abusive marriage. Or alone. Or never learned to appreciate the time she has with her kids- even the ones without illness. Or the person who might not have been given grandbabies – or the person who may have had to bury the two she has. Or the person who might not have their own babies at all. Or the person who never found that much much (much!) younger man to love her- and what is uniquely hers, and loved him back.
When I compare what I have to what I might have missed – and someday will miss- I ALWAYS find myself content, happy and the winner. I learned awhile ago that what others think of what you have is irrelevant-you learn to love what you have, cause someday it may be gone and imagine your pain at knowing you didnt consider it “enough”. I am so blessed to have “enough”. <3
Miss Katie,
Such an awesome post! I’m so glad I’m not alone in this world. Over the last few months I’ve been trying very hard to stop comparing myself to others and start living….I ever deactivated my facebook account…CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!! I believe we may be kindred spirits….me, you and all of the other 200 people who commented on this post. HA! Thanks for being so real…I think your fabulous! :)Morgan
Oooops…the teacher in me just saw my grammatical error….YOU’RE! Errr.
You are so great with words. And so darn right.
xoxo,
Jen
Thank you Laura & Jenny, it means so much to hear those words and know I’m not alone 🙂 Add your kind words in with an email from the hubby tonight and I am one very lucky girl! xo
I loved this! To battle this mentality I have to keep my “thankful” diary by my bed and when these things creep in my head I spend 2 mins making a list. It’s amazing how easy it is to drive ourselves crazy.
I have been doing the same thing lately and I know it is hurting all of my relationships around me. Then craziest thing happened…a tornado and your blog post. Both kind of shook me (literally and metaphorically) and made me realize how quickly everything I DO have could be gone in a second. I need to appreciate the life that God dealt me and the people he has blessed me with. I cannot compare myself, my relationships, my things to everyone else, because if I had what they do I would not be living my own life. Thank you for reiterating what I have been thinking about and keep on being you. God made each of us perfect in His eyes, right? We just need to keep telling ourselves that and enjoy what we have while we can. Its our cross to bear, this jealousy thing, and it’s a sin, which is why it is so hard to break that habit. Thank you for your inspiration, daily, and especially today. Be strong!
I totally agree! I feel like I should be sewing my own clothes, making all organic food from scratch, decorating the perfect home, etc! Real people can’t do it all, but it’s hard not to compare yourself to others…
Thanks for this post, it’s exactly what I’ve been needing to tell myself lately. I think especially in this blog world (and facebook too) it is so easy to see others as the perfect couple or family, leading the perfect life. Thanks for reminding me to be happy right now. Because really, happiness is a decision we can make. I like this excerpt from the March 2011 issue of Whole Living Magazine: “Know that happiness is always available to you. The moment you see the truth of this, you can be happy right away. There’s nothing that needs to happen first for you to be happy. You don’t need to do anything else, go anywhere else, reform yourself, or become a different person. Happiness is very simple. It’s only our tendency to complicate things that makes it difficult”.
I guess that isn’t specifically about comparing, but it’s essentially the same thing.
comparison is the thief of joy. 🙂 i tell myself this little saying whenever i start to wander down that road.
Katie, don’t be so hard on yourself! We’re all guilty of those things. My mother recently introduced me to Joyce Meyer’s books and CDs which I love to listen to on my way to work. Battlefield of the Mind is a fantastic book. I swear, everything of hers that I’ve purchased/received has felt like a personal examination of me.
http://www.joycemeyer.org
Be encouraged! I’ll be praying for you! And remember, don’t let Satan get that foothold into your mind! Our Jesus is stronger and will always help.
That was awesome. You are so right and I really needed to read something like that right now!
Katie (my daughter’s name, too!) — This is the first response that I have left on your blog, after reading for a long time. I can totally relate to you on the comparison issue. I am still over-concerned with my “little boy”. He will graduate from high school in 3 weeks. I cry over the fact that he is not a boy, but a man. I cry over the fact that he still can’t quite decide what he wants to do after graduation. I cry over the fact that our family of 4 is going to change and there is nothing that I can do about that. This kind of thing never stops, but as moms WE have to adapt. We have and will continue to love them more than we ever thought humanly possible. Our kids are wonderful, largely in part because of their moms! What other people are doing and thinking so does not matter; it’s what is going within the four walls of your home and within your heart that is going to matter to your family. Thanks for the reminder, Katie!!
SEEEEE Lisa, told ya so! 🙂
Thanks for this, Katie!
Love this post! So funny how you say you always compare yourself to other people. I think we all do that! I think especially when you read blogs it´s hard not to compare your relationship/house/life to those of the people you read about. Heck I´ve compared my relationship to yours and Jeremy´s before! You guys seem like you have such a great relationship and one based in God and I love that. Jealous! haha See we all do it!
Thank you for sharing your heart. I need to be reminded about making comparisons and how it can rob me of living the “now” moments. Love your blog and needed to hear this especially today.
ps. you so totally remind me of Kate Middleton 🙂 so beautiful!
Thank you!
Thank you so much for this post. I too, am guilty of comparing myself to others. It is a no-win situation. If I compare myself with someone and find myself lacking, then I feel like a failure. If I compare myself, and find myself winning, I feel bad for the other person. So thank you for being so honest and showing that I am not alone. I am trying to be a person who appreciates all that she has. Best of luck to you as you do the same.
have never actually written a comment before. but stumbling across your blog and this post…you actually brought tears to my eyes. I could have said all the same words to myself. thanks for knowing your readers are about more than just how their home looks, and allowing us all to connect and realize we are all the same.
Katie, (My name too AND I am married to a Jeremy!)
I just wanted to say that this post really meant something to me. I love all your posts, but this one really hit home. I often think these things myself. I really needed to hear this today though. Changing my appearance is not going to help things. Trusting Jesus is the only way!
Thanks, Katie. I appreciate you.
I don’t even care that you wrote this 6 months ago. What I care about is that I needed this right now, right here. I prayed to God this morning to help me just stop my stupid constant inner chatter, my easily annoyed I need everything to be perfectly done my wayness which is totally contradictory to everything needs to be done HIS wayness. To stop being a jerkatron when my husband jokes about when my birthday is again – we’ve been together for almost 8 years, he obviously knows it. To exercise more and stop laying in bed and thinking “uhhgg I should go run right now” and then snapping because I’m annoyed I didn’t run – my choice, my fault. I realized I needed to give it all back up to the big guy in the sky and knock it off, because even though it’s a narrower road and a lot of people in the world don’t get it and it makes it a bumpier road on the outside, it’s a calmer road for me on the inside when I let Him just take care of it.
I like you Katie Bower. I mean, I don’t know YOU, but I like the you that you show on this blog – and I appreciate it.