Imagine this. The four kids – ages seven, four, three, and two sitting around the dinner table not eating dinner. Because you know….that would be too easy. Instead someone is trying to cut the table into pieces using a butter knife while complaining that their juice tastes like water, someone is putting food in their mouth to spit it out to the dog, someone is pretending they are too asleep to eat and another is stuffing so much pasta in their mouth, they are certain to choke. And then comes the bait…..if everyone finishes their meal, we promise to do something super fun…..the rodeo and all that it entails.
It is a family tradition at this point. Each year we go. Each year we love it. We pull out the hats and try to find the boots. We promise the time of their little lives. Pile into the car blaring The Bull 94.9 on the radio. Pull in and see flashing lights….the cop tells us that they are all sold out and Jeremy and I look at each other in shock.
It’s like that moment when you are a teen and you screwed up your parents car. Your eyes get big. Your heart beats fast. You know you have to tell but you really don’t want to. It’s pure fear. And our little army of noisemakers are expecting pony rides and funnel cakes and barrel races. IT WAS PROMISED. THE FOOD WAS INGESTED FOR THIS VERY REASON.
The world ends.
Not really but it was very very sad and our little nuggets had no reason to be happy for any photos. But I asked anyway….they all said yes….I couldn’t ask for smiles so we did have one sad cowboy.
He had fallen asleep in the car and that made things extra emotional.
As hard as it was on them….and it was….don’t let those sweet faces fool you….it is telling of how we all handle expectations, disappointment and change. I am a Weston….that pain runs deep and I need a good cry about it before anything else becomes an option. I used to say that I was sensitive….but in general, it’s not a sensitivity about what others think of me or say about me….my older brother toughened me up about that a long time ago. It’s a soft spot to failed plans and unrealized hopes. Those hit the hardest.
Seeing how the kids handle those moments….it teaches me so much. Not just about them….but about myself. About life. About how to listen to emotions but not always trust them. About how we try so hard but sometimes we get the horns…the short end of the stick…the poop on our boot. It teaches me about trust….to breathe….to feel it but not to cling to it….and most importantly to hope.
I’m getting a whole lot deeper than I intended….but if you are hurting….you just want to hide your face in your hat and cry for a bit…..I get it. But also know….its amazing what a little cuddle time, a funny movie and a batch of cookies will do for your spirits.
And that even the strongest of cowboys are allowed to cry….get it out….and then turn up that chin because it may not be what you expected….but it will be ok.
Speaking of ok….this dude totally didn’t know what was going on and he was just happy to make a loud noise stomping on a little sheet metal.
And this guy is a true happy soul….sure, I’m 110% positive he still wants a pony ride….but there isn’t a whole lot that can suppress that smile.
And then there is my deep thinker. my old soul. my contemplative kid.
He can force smiles….walk the straight line….stare into that camera and put on a happy face. But I would much rather prefer capturing him like this….looking way WAY too grown and just being his serious self.
And we got a photo of our youngest there too. She was kicking me so hard that I have a hunch she might be the toughest one yet.
OH MY LORDY IS HE CUTE!
Wondering if he could see the pony rides from the ladder…
And the face he makes when I talk about having more kids….
In reality…this will probably be our last baby. Our final ride into the world of pregnancy and all that. One of these days I will write a post all about that and how it’s breaking my heart just a little to think about the end of an era. But like I said….I don’t like change. And that feels like a very big change.
I can’t complain. I really can’t. I have the best of the best. Wanting more of that isn’t wrong either. It’s just the time to throw in the towel….or the hat. And learn to really be content in what comes next….no matter what that might be.
And you can bet your bottom dollar that next year, we will be back….five kids in tow and dressed in our boots and our hats and ready for a pony ride.
That post just made me happy. You are doing it all right Katie! This is coming from the Mom of four boys and one little princess at the end. Great job cowgirl! ❤
Amazing pictures! Great story about them too.
Such a sweet, sweet post! Thanks for sharing with all of us. Those cowboys of yours are the absolute cutest!
That was a beautiful post!
I know baby girl is coming any day. Good luck with labor and delivery!
Such precious (cow)boys! They look so adorable!!
Wishing you the best as you prepare for your baby girl!
I am usually the last person to post something negative, but a third of Houston lost everything they own last week along with their homes… I think you guys will survive not making it to the rodeo one year.
Oh how I “get” this post! So very much! I had my fourth and last baby in January. And 6 weeks later as I sat in pre-op, awaiting my tubal, I started crying and couldn’t stop. Just something about the finality of it all made me crazy emotional. Not even sure I would EVER want a fifth baby, but knowing that in 30 minutes I COULDNT…it was all too much. And I was sad for a few weeks after that. I would cry over it all of a sudden, all the time. I have a 3 year and 8 month old now. And I also have a 14 and 11 year old from my previous marriage. Our life is filled with kids of ALL ages and because of that, let me offer you some happiness in what I already know to be true. What comes “next” are the years that the kids go to school and you see them blossom into independent and smart little humans. You find yourself able to do more during the day because you have a break from them and they have a break from you (needed on both sides!). You find yourself one day sitting BY a pool at the beach, instead of needing to be IN the pool the whole vacation. You find yourself turning on the water in a shower for kids that can take their own. And most importantly, you find yourself with a lot more time to devote to your spouse and get to know each other again. Your kids get older and that IS sad, but there are also SO MANY reasons to be happy. The years when your kids get older and more independent are sad in a way; but they are also a lot of years that I actually look forward to now. Because I know that I can find myself again, separate from being someone’s mom in those years. All the stages of life are pretty great aren’t they?! Hugs!!
Love it! Well said….or written. I’m most likely in the same spot of life processing the same feelings as I hold my newborn #4. So absolutely blessed to have these little treasures and yet the sting of bittersweet knowing seasons change. This is the job I always wanted,this very season. How lucky I am to have experienced it. And seasons changing can be so beautiful ,who knows maybe I’m in for a pleasant surprise and what’s around the corner will top the smell of a newborn head and squishy baby thighs and first giggles….nah, those r the best but you know what I mean! thanks for the real life honesty as always! also now im if feeling regretful that didn’t take a sassy cowgirl pic with my preggo belly! So cute!
Can I be related? I just love your family to pieces! Such a sweet, sweet, post, Katie.
Cutest pictures. Ever. On your entire blog.
Such a lovely post!
Loved this.
That’s how I process things too…I try to compare to those who have such tragedy…but that isn’t fair either. Just like this post isn’t about me missing the rodeo…life shouldn’t be about comparison…for me, it’s about helping others, sharing with others and learning that contentment isn’t in getting or having. My heart is broken for those who have lost in Houston…and in Louisiana and in Montana and in Oregon and California and all over this world…and I hope that you understand that this post doesn’t take away from that.
xo – kb
Gosh you guys have beautiful boys…. can’t wait to meet your lil girl.
Adorable photos…. all of them. 🙂
You handled this comment really well Katie. And I don’t think you sharing a moment from your life takes away from anything currently going on in the world.
Jenn, Katie is sharing a moment of her life with us and the lessons that not only her babies learned, but she learned as well. Her kids faced disappointment, and had to learn to manage and cope with it in their own way. I think those lessons learned can be incorporated in any circumstance, even those many are facing right now. Implying that Katie is ignoring the tragedies and loss the world is experiencing right now, completely misses the purpose of this post.
Wow, first timer here. You have a beautiful family, congratulations! 🙂
Great post with lots of things to think about.
We need to embrace change, it’s what keeps up alive.
What a sweet post – and so true. Also, it reminded me of a family vacation once upon a time. My family drove from OK to Tennessee with our best friends to go to Opryland and when we pulled into the park, it was closed for the entire time we would be there. It really was straight out of National Lampoon’s Vacation. I can only imagine that my parents shared your reaction. Now, it’s one of our favorite hilarious memories, as this will be for you.
Beautifully written! Beautiful photos! Love everything about this post!!!
Jenn, this hurricane has been absolutely horrible for so many Texans, hasn’t it? It’s a terrible tragedy all around. I can’t imagine the loss they must all feel. And I’m absolutely hopeful in humanity to see so many awesome Texans saying they are so thankful that all they lost is “stuff”.
I hope you understand that a hurricane in Houston also does not take away from the pain Katie feels from entering her last giving-birth-day, her last newborn stage, her last pregnancy.
There is always a terrible tragedy that is (thankfully) much worse than most of us will ever experience. But when we are sad or emotional over something in our lives that we have lost, (be it all our possessions in a hurricane or “simply” the loss of knowing we will never be pregnant again – and everything in between) we have every right to feel how we do and express those feelings however we choose.
Man how I needed this post! We lost our first baby early August and then ended up having an emergency surgery at the end of the month due to lack of doctor followup among other things. I’ve had many people tell us “It was Gods plan the baby didn’t come to be” or to “move on and don’t linger on the pain”, but this reminds me IT’S OK to be sad!! I (we’ve) gone through alot this last month, and it’s ok to be disappointed where we are right now!
I love the photos in this post though! Your boys are so gorgeous. I can’t wait to see your little lady amongst her brothers!
Seriously? No need for this stupid comment. KB has a good heart and this is not necessary.
Katie-
I loved this post and your heart. I just feed my last baby her last bottle tonight and it has me all kind of emotional. I had a hard time for a bit dealing with the end of an era. Three kids is the right fit for us and for as much as I love being a mom, I felt so very sure I just wanted three… however, being “done” with pregnancy and babies is hard and scary. Something you dream of for so long and then it’s done and you wonder what’s next? I’m looking forward to what’s ahead and savoring the moments longer with this last one. Prayers for you and your sweet, sweet family!
Love…all of it!
She never for one minute suggested that she wouldn’t survive. Suffering is not a contest. There is no prize for who is the most disappointed, Should someone who lost only their wedding photos to Harvey flooding not be heartbroken because someone else lost their whole house or god forbid someone in their family? Do you see where this goes? Someone will always have it better and someone will always have it worse. Someone else’s disappointment (especially that of small kiddos) does not take anything away from the people of Houston. Perspective is important, and gratitude too and compassion for those who are hurting. But I regularly see all of these from Katie. If you are in a bad place, I’m sorry you are hurting but you aren’t any better off for spreading that poo around.
Jenn,
If you’re so concerned about Houston, why are you reading a blog and criticizing the author? You have a choice…either visit the blog and enjoy the stories that are shared or don’t visit the blog.
I think we’ve all had some sort of WallyWorld experience in our lives. I remember one year my parents drove us 2 hours to go to the NYS Renaissance Festival and we were a week early. I remember another time we were gonna go to an aquarium and when we got there it was literally a pool with some water and fish in it and not the grand experience we all thought we were getting. My husband and I took our oldest daughter on what we thought would be an epic adventure only to find out when we got there that the place we wanted to take her was closed. I love that you captured the disappointment and didn’t try to get fake smiles out of them. Your blog is so honest and real and full of truth. Your a good mom and you and your husband had no reason to think it would be sold out. It’s happened to the best mom and dads out there.
Aww…Weston’s face in that first picture is just breaking my heart! His disappointment is palpable. Such sweet beautiful cowboys – all of them. Amazing how their personalities come through in every picture.
And to Jenn – people all over the world are suffering at any given moment. You cannot compare disappointments and tragedies, because they are just not related. Of course it’s important to always keep a healthy amount of perspective over our disappointments, but that does not mean that we don’t feel them. In Weston’s little world, this was a BIG DEAL. And he’s allowed to feel that emotion, and Katie’s mama-heart hurts for him. Let’s not turn a lovely post about real life in a family into a pissing contest over who has suffered more.
Ok. So. What’s baby girl’s name LOL.
Nicely written, Katie.
These are adorable!