The Gene Machine.
Avoid it at all costs.
It will have you in tears. And then you will want to slit your wrists after possibly downing a gallon of anti-freeze.
Let me explain. A Gene Machine is one of those little photo booths in a place of entertainment (we found ours at a local Dave & Busters) and it takes your picture and one of your mate and then produces a photo of your future child based on super-scientific facial analysis and structure graphing techniques.
Let’s go back to the scene of the crime. Jeremy & I had recently started dating. I wasn’t 100% sure that this was a forever-kinda-relationship or a get-me-through-the-summer-kinda-fling. Enter date night. Jeremy was excellent at planning date night. Often times it resulted in me getting to spend his money. Dave & Busters night was no different. I was addicted to the game where you hit the button when the flash of light is between two indicators. Jeremy was shooting stuff. My game had just spit out 308 coupons. What can I say? My super fast reflexes rivaled that of a Ninja Turtle. And Jeremy had sufficiently cyber-killed the ducks or the deer or the animitrons that were threatening the survival of earth. And that is when we spied the Gene Machine in the corner of the room.
Two dollars, three flashes of light and a few minutes later, we were standing outside the booth waiting to see the genetic genius that was sure to result. I was dreaming of a little Natalie Portman. Maybe with blue eyes like my date.
And that is when my world crumbled.
Jeremy asked “what the heck is up with that ear?!?!”
I started with a full blown panic attack.
Don’t get me wrong. The kid is fine looking…it has all the right parts in all the right areas. It’s not a cyclops. But the child doesn’t look like me at all. Not even 1%. And then after I realized that it wasn’t me…that my electro-child didn’t resemble my face…I was afraid…terrified….to look over at Jeremy.
All I could think was we need a redo. now!
You can see our mood drastically changed from the first set to the second set.
What didn’t change was our reaction to Baby Boy Bower.
Seriously. Where the heck did that nose come from?
And that is when I started crying.
Oh my goodness. You need to warn those of us at work! I am laughing out loud. Really. Just the change in mood from pic 1 to pic 2 is hilarious enough!
Too funny! My boyfriend and I made the mistake of doing the Gene Machine also. Our little girl is terrible and has the same huge upper lip as your little guy!!!
ohmygosh, i got that SAME ear when i did this with an ex. what’s up with that ear?!
kelly
Too funny!
My husband G and I did the same thing. At the time G had a little too much facial hair going on. We ended up with a kid straight from a horro movie, with 5 o’clock shadow!!! So scary and slightly disturbing. That picture was burned I’m sure.
hahahaha! This is awesome. OMGsh, you’re kid is going to be so adorable, you got nothing to worry about.
I did that with my boyfriend a couple of years ago. Our picture was infinitely worse than either of your pictures! But, I’m sure since both you and your husband are so adorable you won’t have to worry about what your child will look like, he/she will be gorgeous
The changes in your expressions is priceless!! Words cannot express the mixture of emotions that shown through your expressions. If it makes you feel any better. I have never seen an attractive child come from those machines, no matter how attractive the people are that you start with. I guarantee that your child will be the most beautiful thing you ever lay your eyes on.
The picture of “your boy” is creepy! Only because he’s so little but has a grown up pose going on with a weird “I can see into your soul and that’s why I’m grinning” look on his face. So funny! I’m sure you guys are going to make a beautiful baby. So, no worries!
LOL! That is too funny! Y’all’s faces crack me up! Thanks for a good laugh to brighten my Monday!
i hope it helps to know ours came out even worse, if i find it i’ll show you but it was doing one of those fake straight lipped ear to ear smiles and was cross eyed, i almost cried too lol–i was so worried my husband would never want to have kids lol
your baby will be beautiful!
I want to know what is up with the side pony tail? Do kids still wear those? I think the last time I was sporting that was in middle school (which unfortunately was a long time ago!). Im sure you guys will make beautiful babies!
That was hilarious…..never seen anything
like this in Scotland – maybe it’s just
as well!!
HA HA HA HA HA!!! Sorry, couldn’t help it. The REALLY funny thing is I actually remember when you originally did this and expressed serious, grave concern to me. I probably laughed then too… if only silently on the inside.
Look at y’all now! Married and baby baking, despite the horrific scare of the Gene Machine.
Hahahah! “Where did that nose come from?” How about — where IS that kid’s nose? Poor little thing. I don’t think either of those looks like either of your at all. But your expressions are priceless in the second set. Sheer terror! Here’s hoping your little one is as gorgeous as both of you!
<3
You are going to have seriously beautiful babies. Srsly.
I don’t know anyone who’s gotten a cute ~ or remotely sorta attractive ~ result from these things. {My twisted sense of humor thinks they’re funny.}
oh my gosh. You guys will have a beautiful baby. Not those, though. The second one looks like that democrat politician who’s married to a republican–James something?
this guy–http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlny/original/james_carville1%5B1%5D.jpg
And after growing the babe in your uterus for 40 weeks, it will look like the most beautiful creature ever grown on God’s green earth, even if it has crooked ears.
that first kid reminds me of sloth from the goonies haha!
neither of them look anything like you two! you guys have nothing to worry about, you will have beautiful children!
Oh my goodness Amy – I just died 🙂
HILLLLLARIOUS.
XO – kb
I did one of these years ago and my daughter was SO ugly and had a SCRUNCHIE in her hair! ha YOu guys will have super cute booboo’s tho since you are both so good looking! No worries!
OMG, that is the funniest thing ever! I almost wet myself I laughed so hard!
Thankfully, real life isn’t like that gene machine and I’m positive you are going to have a gorgeous baby! Your boyfriend looks really worried in his mug shot there….
Oh, and oddly enough the girl (minus the Vulcan ear) looks alot like one of my friends kids.
ROFL, you are hilarious! And, unfortunately for you so are those pictures.
HYSTERICAL! The comment about the boy looking like James Carville is dead on!
Followed a link on YHL to your post about cleaning paint brushes and have been browsing some of the posts because you are so funny! Will be adding you to my RSS feed to read regularly. Best wishes with the new baby. It will be beautiful – no worries!
I just read this post now, and it is definitely hilarious how your facial expressions changed from Attempt #1 to Attempt #2. You are both very worried. Haha… Best of Luck, you are going to be great parents!
i just love the gene machine. the baby really dont look like u guys,lolz. the girl had the same nose…but the boy didnt…haha that is to funny. U guys r so hillarious!!! The baby’s look like they should be brothers and sisters lolz. u guy’s r right….whasts is up with those ears, lolz.
i used the gene machine before…..and trust me…..it did not come out so good,it looked mostly like my sister….like seriously…..the baby had brown hair and mostly looked like my sister,also it had a bang,big chin,and big old squeezy cheeks….i wish i couldve showin u guys,lolz
Ok, I have some disturbing news. The Gene Machine… is a liar! We have the same son according to the Gene Machine! And I am talking about the same, exact son.
I called my husband over to look at your “son”, and we were both laughing so hard that it hurt! I can’t believe they would spit out that boy more than once! I’m just glad we are not alone.
I’m going to try to find our Gene Machine creation and send it your way. I seriously think you’ll get a kick out of it – I know we did!
On another note, I have a 19 month old son (Jude) that sounds a lot like Will. I love your take on parenting, and life, in general. I’m glad I found your blog!
Okay, so once upon a time, I stumbled across your blog on Pinterest (yay for your darling nursery wall!) and I just have to tell you that I have almost peed my pants about 3 times and I’ve only read 2 posts {Of course, I don’t think being 28 weeks pregnant is helping my problem…}. but I just love how you write! I’m excited to read some more!
BWAHHHAHAHa!
Hilarious. If you ever find it, definitely send it our way 🙂
xo – kb
Funny story…My husband and I took one of these while we were dating….we recently did a 3d/4d sonogram to see our first baby boy…my mom pointed out yesterday that it looks just like our baby…good thing he was cute, LOL!