Last year was a rough year for me. This is THAT post. I’m putting it all out there y’all. This probably will be the least attractive thing ever. You may want to not read this because it may destroy what you think I am or who I am. But the truth is….I do not have it all together. Far from it. And honestly, it makes me feel like a con artist when y’all send me those sweet messages saying that you think I have it all together….that I am #goals when it comes to being a mom….or whatever. It makes my day…it makes me blush and so happy but it couldn’t be farther from the truth. The reality is….I feel like I’m falling apart.
So let me start telling you some honest things…some superficial, some a little deeper. Most of 2016 was really fun for me….I was buying new clothes….things that weren’t maternity and I was excited to dress a body that was different but still reasonably good. And then I got pregnant…yes, on purpose so I shouldn’t complain because I wanted it and I was so blessed to have another beautiful healthy baby…but it wasn’t all peaches and cream. More like potatoes and ice cream. For the first time I had daily nausea with a pregnancy….I was sick a lot and my comfort was food….which made me even more nauseas….desiring even more comfort from a hot plate of french fries and donuts and basically anything I could stuff in my face. I gained more with that last pregnancy than with any of the ones before. A lot more.
And Jeremy – my sweet and hardworking Jeremy – he would recognize that I was so wiped and gross from being sick and he would give me every opportunity to sleep. I totally took advantage of that generosity….he took over all the morning duties and it allowed me so much more sleep….to the point of just being lazy. Our days looked like this….I missed their morning routine (me sleeping), then we would eat lunch together (me eating) and they would take a nap (and sometimes me too….more sleeping) and then I would work (the whole time struggling with not being able to spend time with them) and when they woke up or got home from school, I would get nauseas and make dinner and let Jeremy handle the rest while I went and laid down….or ate something. My stomach would settle right around 10:30pm and that is when I blogged. and ate. again. Till crashing around 3 am.
It was a vicious cycle. I had so much mom guilt. I wasn’t able to spend as much time with the boys as I had in the past….I just felt like all I did was sleep and eat and feel sick. And that guilt was overwhelming. I could feel the depression creeping in. I lost count of how many times I fought with Jeremy about feeling like everything was out of control.
And in those situations….when things feel out of control….I tend to cut everything else out….I tend to shut everyone else out. I “hermit down”. And this is not a joke y’all….I literally try to escape life/emotional/physical problems by shutting down everything. I shut down my social life, my productivity, my schedule….I hunker down inside my house and become a hermit. Like I can go a solid three weeks and not talk to anyone outside the house or leave…not even to go outside if I think that it will help. It never does. It is like this really unhealthy escapism. And I need that to stop.
So fast forward to December of this year….and I had the baby and I am trying to figure out the whole ‘healing’ thing while simultaneously trying to let the hormones balance out….and I realize….we are hurting. That ache…the one on the inside….the one in my brain…I feel myself going back to the “hermit down” idea. But I know I shouldn’t….and then we all get sick. Like for the last three weeks I have been ridiculously sick. And my kids are just passing it around amongst themselves. I, of course, worry about every little cough, every little nap interrupted and every booger color that comes out of their precious little heads.
All that to say – we aren’t out of the woods yet. BUT I do recognize the need for some changes in my life. I am very good with goals….I like having them. They keep me from entering back into that mindset of ‘eliminate it all’. Because I know that if it’s a goal, then it’s important to me….and something I shouldn’t try to escape from. So that is why I am sharing this….to say, hey….I am far from #goals…..I am a hot mess express….but I’m ok with that. I realize that I need some growth, some maturity in some areas, some healthy goals to keep me going. I’m not trying to be perfect…I’m just working on taking some steps toward being the best version of me. So let me share the ones that I am able to measure…the ones I am able to act on….here are the resolutions that I think will make 2018 a year of improvement.
Whoever said that having girl babies steals your beauty was not kidding. My skin right now is like the side of Stone Mountain….it’s growing stuff where it shouldn’t be, it’s dry and chapped and craters are everywhere. I have blemishes that aren’t natural and well, THANK GOD for filters on Instagram! The wrinkles under my eyes and my eye trough area in general is looking crazy bad and every time I try to find a good moisturizer, someone tells me that it’s awful for me and I end up doing nothing. Right now I am dehydrated from being sick and from nursing….and I lather coconut oil on constantly. But I want this year to be the year I will try to figure this skin out! Who knows?! Maybe I’ll even spring for a facial! Anything is a possibility!
One of the reasons I was depressed this past year was because I realized that I didn’t ever hone my creativity. I know this sounds weird coming from someone that literally has a job doing creative things…..but it’s so different when you do it for work. Creativity is a very organic thing for me….one that just FLOWS. When I blog about a project, I have to plan out the materials, take pictures after and before and during each step, stage out the final product….it is very produced. And I realized that by doing that….I was literally being a block to myself….to that creative process. That is why each month this year I want to hone some creative skills….whether it be painting, or sewing or cooking or photography….I want to do something intentionally without the idea of stopping throughout the process but just letting it flow and seeing where I end up!
Guys….I have fifty to lose. Let’s just put that out there. I had trouble this time being pregnant and even sitting in a lawn chair. I mean…that’s just sad. I know some of you may have noticed but some not. It’s because I get to curate what you see….so I only posted the most flattering photos. But the fact is….I am not naturally a curvy girl. I naturally have a size 6-8 frame with some muscles…I just don’t have the bones and joints to support a 12-14 size weight. I only put twenty because I want to do it slow and carefully. I don’t want to mess with my milk supply and I have one torn ACL and some hip/back problems. But even with those little issues….I haven’t been doing what I know I should to take care of myself. I know that my diet needs to be completely reworked. I also know that I need to be more active. I’m ready to do it in a very conservative approach. Jeremy and I talked about our options and how we can make this a priority. I’m not gonna blog about this….but just know that it is happening.
Jeremy and I always joke that when you have 1 kid, everyone asks you when you are gonna have another….because one is never enough….obviously. When you have 2, everyone expects you to be done. You did it. You arrived. At 3 kids, everyone extends a little forgiveness….kinda like oh yeah, we had that one sneak in there too. wink wink. At four kids, they pity you….they offer their condolences….they even ask why. But at five kids….they avoid you completely. You are the plague. You are obviously those crazy people that make terrible choices. And we understand. We get it. We no longer fit at the table at most restaurants. We can’t really do playdates because the schedule is all over the place. We require a whole lot of baby-proofing, someone is always crying and there is a lot….A LOT of messiness. And that is very uncomfortable for most people.
At the far out chance we did get invited to something, and the even SLIMMER chance that we attended, it usually ended up being a terrible experience. In response, we have pretty much cut out being social. We didn’t want to inconvenience anyone else. We didn’t want to feel rejected because of who we were. And when we were included, we hated exerting all that energy and feeling like it was a complete fail. BUT we realized that cutting it out completely wasn’t healthy for us or the kids either. So this year we are trying hard. We are trying to just put ourselves out there. Because that quote….the one that says if there is a chance that something could bring you happiness, then you should do it….that one….we are doing that.
Being a home blogger in a world where everyone and their sister is a home blogger is intimidating. Yes, even for someone that has done it for ten years. I have this mentality that I have no place in sharing something because I am not a pro. And it’s true….I don’t have any expertise. I don’t even really have a set ‘style’. I don’t have any authority. None of my rooms have never been a big feature in a magazine and I have never been asked to design anything. And in the past couple of years I have noticed that my posts – the ones that I would share – they have been stalling me out because my perfectionism says “don’t”. My desire for perfectly curated spaces….ones that are done, or even just CLEAN….it has been stalling my ability to share. WELL NO MORE. Prepare your eyes guys…..you might want to invest in some blinders….because I am prepared to share my house with you even though it totally looks like a tornado went through. It’s not perfect. It’s really REALLY far from it. But I don’t feel like hiding that mess is doing anyone any favors. Especially me.
Last but not least is my final resolution of getting help. I need help. I need to find a couple (err….half dozen?) babysitters. I need to find an assistant that can help me do some back end organization on the blog. I need to find a wet nurse. Just kidding on that last one. I might even need to find a person that can help me do stupid stuff….like clean out my Monica closet. And put away Christmas decorations. And force me to get a hair cut….because dude…it’s been over a year and the locks are not rocking. All the things that I stink at….I need help at. And I need someone to teach me to delegate. So that I can actually delegate.
So there you have it. Me in a nutshell. All the things that I am resolved to improve this year….the things that I am working on hard in 2018. Not sure if I will be able to do it….ya know…turn off the hermit tendencies but I’m wanting to try. Not comfortable asking for help….but I know it will…ahem…help. And I’m definitely lost when it comes to skin care….I know face washing helps….but I gotta start somewhere.
We love you for your honesty. My mother always told me that “this, too, shall pass.” Life is tough and sometimes you just hang on until things get better. You can do this. You have great support from your husband and your family. Let them help and tell them thank you.
About the skin, try CeraVe facial cleanser and face moisturizer. It is recommended by my dermatologist AND it’s inexpensive. I wish I had known about it in my 20’s.
I’m praying for you.
Thank you for this post. Last year wasn’t so hot for me either and I appreciate your honesty. It’s so easy to only see the perfect on the blogs – house, clothes, etc. And I’ve actually been considering dropping most of my reading because I feel it’s only making me feel worse. This post was a breath of fresh air. And hope. Sending prayers your way as you tackle these goals.
Girl, I feel your pain. While my life is slightly different (I have 4 kids ages 7-16 and even though I’m Mormon and it’s not unusual to have a bunch of kids, we still get “the look” all the time ;-)), I also feel like I lost myself somewhere along the way between responsibilities at home, church, the kids’ schools and being self employed (we breed Pomsky puppies). Thank you for being real, for putting yourself out there and for continuing to inspire me with every post. Here’s to making 2018 a better year than the last (**picture me raising a glass of Martinelli because I don’t drink alcohol :-P).
Well said Mama! Go get ’em! We eat up what you’re dishing out so much like a dinner, it doesn’t have to be perfect or everyone’s favorite. We’re just glad you’re at the table.
Thank you for being so vulnerable and open with your readers. We are here to support you!
Your honesty is one of the reasons I love your blog so much. I totally relate to the hermit thing and have to force myself to get outside or be social sometimes. My goal for this year is to invite more friends over. I’m not a very good cook, so I’ll work up to having people over for dinner, but for now we are trying to invite families over for desserts and a game night, or I try to do play dates during the day while the older kids are at school. We are a family of 6 and most of our friends have just as many if not more kids so hosting a game night means having various games, toys, movies ready to go for the different age groups to play with. I always feel better after spending time with friends, plus it makes me keep my house clean which is another goal of mine. Best of luck to you on your goals. You can do it. Writing it down and telling people helps with accountability so you are half way there, right?
You’re very brave to put this all out there. A couple areas I can comment on … Better skin, I had bad skin for a long time and was really lazy about it. I tried lots of different products, trends, etc. and finally realized that what I needed to do was to commit to these 2 things every day: 1) moisturize w/ SPF ; 2) always wash my face before bed. For products, I use Mario Badescu – heard about the brand from Anna Dorfman of Door Sixteen blog, tried it out, and love the products. They have an online skin analysis tool that will recommend products for you.) For weight loss, I hear you. It is tough and gets harder as we get older. I joined Weight Watchers in May, have lost over 30 lbs, and I love it. I started with healthy eating and then as I felt better and the pounds started to come off, I added exercise. My expectations were very low because I wanted it to be manageable for the rest of my life. I do meetings, but if you can’t commit to that, there is an online program too that a lot of people like (including an online social network called Connect built within WW platform). I prefer meetings because I like in-person accountability. Good luck!
Honesty and not feeling over-produced is one of the reasons I love your blog. I’m rooting for you!
Thanks for this great post!
You’ve got this! Yes on the asking for help. Use it to go do something by and for yourself once in a while. I so feel you on the being social thing. I have a 4 yo and twin 2 yos so I feel like I can’t go anywhere without my husband because I can’t handle all 3 by myself. I want to be able to take all 3 out by myself and actually have an enjoyable time, and not freak out that I feel out of control when they all go in different directions. Thank you for sharing, your blog inspires me greatly!
i feel like i could have written most of these goals myself. I told husband i want skin care stuff for christmas and the past 3 weeks my skin has been so much better with a little product. I really didnt want to spend a lot and wanted drugstore stuff. Try the Olay Regenerist micro sculpting serum, it comes in a red bottle and makes my skin feel amazing. Also Loreal Paris Hydra Genius is great and not that expensive too. Its hard to spend tons of money on products you dont know will work for you. And i just had a baby in september and the baby weight this time around is a struggle. We can do it!
I need most of those too as my goals, except the blogging related parts. I most desperately needed to hear the part about being more social. I’m shaking my head in a “YES! I totally get that one way.”. It’s so hard. We still go out with our four but it’s exhausting and we often wonder if it’s worth it. It’s sad but even family can make you feel like your too much, and our boys are actually well behaved, they’re just boys under the age of 6. It’s heartbreaking and lonely to feel that way. Just wanted to say I’m with you and here’s to a year of getting out there in the world and doing things, eating at restaurants, going fun places, being with those we love. Constantly Praying for grace and forgiveness from those we come in contact with, because we can’t teach our children how to behave if we don’t take them to those places to show them what’s expected.
This is why we all love you. You are honest and real. You share your struggles and your good times. I know that everything out there from everyone is curated… But I really appreciate knowing that you are “just like us!” 🙂 I’m sorry that you had a rough year.. But these are great goals! Good luck! I hope you share throughout the year so we can cheer you on! 🙂 I wish you lived close to me.. I’d totally be the person to help you do stupid stuff, like clean out your Monica closet. 🙂
This… All of this. This is just what I needed. I have been feeling all out of sorts after baby #2. (she is 15 months now) My hubby talked me into a house move, so I blamed that for a while as to why I wasn’t feeling “connected” to things anymore. Like something was off so it must be that we haven’t fully unpacked or put our stamp on the house yet. I used it as an excuse to sit and do nothing and let the laundry pile up and up, even though I know that putting it away and an organized life would make me feel better. I used the excuse that the girls would make a mess again anyway, so why not live in the mess. I work from home too, so I don’t get out much. This and bad skin from baby #2 (I am curious if you find the secret!) cuz my cheeks have decided to have the largest pores on the planet and my forehead breaks out like a teenager! I keep hoping that spring time will be the cure. That when it is no longer too cold to go outside, and the girls and I can venture out, we can be back to normal. I am not sure what the switch is to flip things back. But I am happy to hear that I am not alone in feeling “off”. And that you resort to just hermitting too. Cuz I do that. My hubby and I are going to try to have a date night once a month to get out and be us without the girls. Sometimes typing that feels guilt-inducing. But I think when you are more “you” you are a better mom. Hoping it helps. Best of luck with your resolutions. Hopefully after I get over this awful flu, I will have the energy to start on mine. (no laundry waiting to be folded!!)
Katie,
I think we all have these moments (or years…). I’m coming out of a depression from losing my dad a year and half ago and have recently realized how much I have let go or simply stopped doing. Small steps are what I’m taking and I hope you start taking some too. This was very brave of you to acknowledge and put it out into the world your imperfections. I’m rooting for you.
Long time reader… have NEVER commented. But just had to say this was a GREAT post and you are not alone! You offer so much and share your heart beautifully. I admire you for being you and admire you even more after this post. Thanks for being so brave to put it all out there!
I love your honesty in this post. Your blog is one of my favorites to read, and posts like this are at the top of my list.
I am pregnant with my 2nd child and am struggling with some of the issues you talked about. Thank you for putting them out there!
And totally random, but coconut oil actually can dry out your skin. Try jojoba and that may help!
This is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing with us. I had my first kid 17 months ago via unplanned c-section and I’ve been super down on my body ever since.
Anyway, everyone’s skin is different but I’ll share what’s worked for me post pregnancy and maybe some of it will work for someone else. I wash my face with Dr Bronners baby soap at the sink or Alaffia Everyday Shea Bodywash in the shower. If I have tricky eye makeup I just use a gentle foodgrade oil (grape seed) to remove it. And then witch hazel as toner.
Love these! Your honesty is so refreshing. You do so so many amazing things that I love reading about and seeing! But I also love these honest, vulnerable posts. Hope you start to feel better as you tackle your resolutions!
I’m crying as I’m reading this… because I just had baby 3 and I feel you, girl! I hope you know that posts like this are why I love you and why I follow your blog. I follow you because you are real… you’re a real mom, with a real family. You do things like cook dinner with kids running around and dress yourself on a budget. You’re not afraid to admit things are hard but you somehow also leave me encouraged and ready to jump back in on the hard days. You remind me that sometimes we need to give ourselves grace. So thanks for being real, and for being you.
Resolution: Get Some Help… I want to do this too. (I have a Monica ROOM!) My frugalness, my pride (?) and ability to ask for help are my barriers…. I am really going to try this year!
Love this for all the honesty. You can do this. With a little help of your family and friends and your long time readers! It’s impossible to be perfect. Embrace your imperfections and go forward!
Great resolutions! I’m also going with the ‘share if it’s not perfect’ angle – with so many good photographers on Instagram, there’s no way you can beat people with the most professional shots all the time, but you can share “honest” and real photos that connect with people nonetheless. And it’s also worth focusing on spontaneity rather than taking a million photos and choosing the perfect one.
Grace. It is so hard to extend to ourselves something that God gives to us. Katie, you are not alone. I, for one, am right there with you with many of the same goals for the year. Take it one day at a time. You will definitely have days when you are right back at this same spot feeling the depression creeping in, but allow yourself to have that day. Then wake up the next day and try it again. And again. And again. Thank you for sharing of yourself and your family with us.
I identify with SO much in this post 🙂 First off, I can help you with your skin care goal – stop using coconut oil on your face. While it can be great for some people, and on other parts of your body, it’s not actually that great for your face. It has a higher pore clogging rating than other natural oils, so it might be causing break outs. Surprisingly, it can also be quite drying (I know, it’s oil so you would think the opposite). I tried using it and about a week later my face felt like sand paper and I was breaking out. After doing some research this is actually a pretty normal thing. I switched over to jojoba oil and my face is happy now. Rosehip oil is also a great option. Do some googling to see what options are recommended for different skin types and do some experimenting until you find a good one for your skin. Also, remember that hormones will change your skin, as will getting older. It creeps up on us and is totally not fair!
Second thing is – thank you for wanting to push away from perfect. I’ve been reading so many blogs lately where this seems to be a common theme. People got caught up in the need to put their best foot forward because others (advertisers included) were taking notice, and it turned into this machine. We all started writing because it was fun. I’ve struggled with this same thing in the past year or so and it squashed my creativity and my desire to just share life, which is what people connected to in the first place. Be yourself, be real, and have fun with it. If no one reads it then at least you’ve created a great scrapbook of your life that your kids will enjoy reading one day. This is how I’m choosing to look at things this year, and it’s waaaayyyy more fun 🙂 Hang in there!
Hi, thanks for your honesty. Check out Rustic Pallet’s skincare system – she just shared it on her Instastories and it seems very simple and her skin is beautiful. I have 3 kids and Weight Watchers really worked for me to lose the baby weight. HTH!
I don’t want to minimize anything you wrote, but I think you’re amazing. i don’t know you personally, and I get that what you share is your “curated” reality … but when I read your posts, your love for your family and your talent/skill for what you do shine through in such a beautiful way … you’re genuinely inspiring. Best wishes as you work on your goals!
What a great post. Seriously you made 5 kids look easy! Almost…. almost made me think to have more because they are so cute. I love honesty so thank you. I’m looking forward to your more real day in the life pictures.
Ps Rodan + Fields is amazing skin care.
Katie, I am a long-time reader and currently studying to be a nutritional therapist. I would be honored to help you in thanks for the joy your family and stories have given me through the years.
I’ll send you an email with some ideas to get you started and I can do free Skype sessions if you’re interested.
(incidentally, I love cleaning out closets too but don’t live locally hah) Thank you for your honesty.
Thank you SO much for sharing this. 2017 was a tough year for myself as well for various reasons (adjusting to life with 4 kids, starting a new business, etc.) I recently was feeling super down and was feeling like I was failing in all areas, and then I came to the realization that I needed to step back from Instagram for a bit. I realized that I was comparing myself to these these bloggers, influencers, etc. who seemingly had these perfect lives, with perfect homes and perfect children. It made me feel frustrated with myself. So, thank you again for sharing. I love looking at beautifully curated feeds and blogs for inspiration, but at the end of the day, my family and being a mom is most important, and if I can look to others who are also in the deep thick of parenting and trying to so in the most messy and graceful way possible, sign me up! I cannot wait to follow along with you in 2018.
From a fellow mama of five (mine are ages 14-6): having #5 was when everything fell apart for me, too. I joke that I having five kids has taught me that I can really only handle four. I totally get your socializing-as-a-family problem. Sometimes telling people I have five kids is like admitting I have a weird disease! So hang in there. It gets easier. Pretty soon your oldest will be able to babysit his siblings and you’ll feel like you just went off to college (the freedom!). And I definitely endorse getting help! No shame there. My two cents is to get help with your weight goal. A nutritionist/personal trainer, a regular class where people know you, anything to help make exercise a priority! Exercise is my sanity-saver.
Oh my word. I somehow love you even more for this honest, vulnerable post! Thank you! Wishing you all the best this next year. Take care of yourself, mama. Your family and you are worth it.
Also, definitely look into Beautycounter for skincare! Sorry, haven’t read any of the other comments so I’m not sure if it was already mentioned. I’m not affiliated with them in any way, I just really love their products. Spendy? Yes. But really good quality, clean ingredients, all nursing safe.
Thanks for keeping it real! If you can swing it, babysitters and housekeepers are so so helpful when the children are little. The newborn stage is wonderful, but also so isolating and you have to deal with body stuff and no sleep and, well, it can be a little depressing. You’ll get through this. We’re all rooting for you. 🙂
Thank you for keeping it real and being so honest! I know that a lot of us reading this sympathizes with you and has felt the same at one time or another. Please know that you are not alone and this will pass. Hugs and respect to you!
I try to never offer advice (There’s so much good information out there when people are ready to find it) but as an assistant to a cosmetic dermatologist, I can only say STOP WITH THE COCONUT OIL. It’s likely making your skin drier (yes!) and more broken out than it would be without. There are many mild, non-comedogenic moisturizers out there, and almost anything would be better than coconut oil. I’m not joking. You might consider a consultation with either a dermatologist or an esthetician, and tell them you need a simple, affordable routine to get your complexion back on track. Yes, you CAN love your skin again!
Thank goodness we have a God that loves us dearly and walks with us in the different seasons in life. I pray that you will completely lean on Him as you seek Him daily to be the “best” Katie that He designed you to be. He will provide all that you need in this journey, and you are not alone.
I’ve always had bad skin (and am currently pregnant with a girl so I’m midlly afraid of what is going to happen to me, ha!) and one thing that has helped a lot in recent years is taking a daily probiotic. I’m not even going to pretend to know the science behind it, I just know that it was recommended to me and if I skip it for a few days I can tell the difference.
Good luck lady! The days are long but the years are short. 🙂
Just a quick “thank you for your honesty and vulnerability! You’re amazing!!!”
I’ve been reading since before William, and never usually comment, but I loved this post. Thank you for your honesty, Katie.
Yep to all of this. I have the “normal” two kids + dog family but ALL OF THIS. Good luck for 2018!
Your first resolution is one of mine too. I just had a facial and my skin is dehydrated also. I bought a few of those masks that you have on. They feel sooooo good. I bought some of their products and I’m going to stick with it.
🙂
It also wouldn’t hurt to go to your doctor – might you have PPD that needs treatment? I enjoy your blog very much and it is one of the few that I follow. Take care of yourself.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the honesty you shared here. I too really struggled in 2017 and am trying to make some small (and big) changes for a better 2018. A couple small things that I started in hopes to set a positive/productive tone for the day are reading a daily devotional first thing in the morning, making our bed, and trying to drink more water throughout the day. We are also incorporating essential oils to help with stress/anxiety/sleep. Over the last year I have really realized that so many people have similar struggles, but they are rarely talked about. I have found that once you open up and share, you will be amazed at how many people are feeling the same way, or can at least relate. Asking for help is a constant struggle for us, but is SO needed. I have struggled with not feeling like I am allowed to ask for help because “I asked for this” (twins via IVF – now 2 years old). While I absolutely did and would not change it for the world, it doesn’t mean that it is not hard and that I shouldn’t be allowed to ask for help. It is definitely a work in progress, but when I do have some help with the house, kids, etc. it provides me with so much relief and I am able to focus on what I feel is more important. Thank you for sharing, and know that the honesty and real life posts/pictures/etc. are so appreciated.
Internet hugs from a stranger! I’m currently expecting my third and final baby, and am jealous of your family! In my dream world I would have 4, but we can’t afford it…so three beautiful kids it is 🙂
I gain a lot of weight no matter what I do during pregnancy. I could eat grass all day, every day, and still pack on 40 plus. I tried the 21 day fix after my last pregnancy, and lost weight following the food plan alone…because exercise everyday with two under two? That’s a joke, right?! It was pretty easy and didn’t require too much thought, so I definitely recommend it!
I’ve currently switched to honest beauty skin care and could not be happier. It’s affordable NS is delivered to my door…can’t recommend that enough, either.
Hang in there!!!
I so love your honesty in this and your home. It can be such a struggle to balance work and family, especially when your body is struggling and forcing you to step back. It’s scary to let go and accept help, especially for things you feel like you should be doing/ able to do, but also so neccessary at times. I am all for anything that will allow me more quality family time. I struggled with going back to work full time after my first child was born and found my resolution was to go to part time for my sanity and to have quality time with my family when we are all together instead of spending our time constantly running around doing errands and chores. I realize that I am lucky and not everyone is in this position, but finding what worked for me has made all the difference in my sanity and mom guilt. As simple as it sounds written out like that, it took quite a bit of time struggling and being unhappy to get to the point where I knew something needed to change and then more time to figure out what and even once I knew what I needed to do, it wasn’t an easy decision to make/ put out there.
I hope you give yourself some grace about the last year. It was a season and now you are taking action and onto the next one. We will all be cheering you on along the way!
Also, for what it’s worth, I think your style is happy, comfortable, and livable which I love. It is real life with 5 little kids – there will be toys- everywhere 🙂
Like so many others, I LOVE you and your blog for your honesty and “realness.” The beautiful pictures on blogs are nice to look at but let’s face it, they are not REAL. I’ve read your blog for years and look forward to every post, especially the personal ones. My situation is the opposite – I’m retired with no children, and am a full-time caregiver for my paralyzed husband. I pay someone to come in to sit with him for 2 hours each week so I can get out and run errands, shop, etc. My advice – GET HELP if you are able. Even a few hours away from everything is refreshing. Will keep you in prayer as you work your way through your goals.
Hang it there! These all sound like fantastic resolutions. I think you should also include ‘grace and kindness to yourself’. You are raising five individual human beings and running a business.
I am in the oldest of 9 children – I understand what you are saying about a social life. Other than church and hanging out at home we didn’t do much with others socially as a family. As we go older each of us kids had school and school friends and activities – so I would like to think we had a social life, just not as a family. As an adult I have 3 children of my own. A lot of our friends have 3 or 4 kiddos. We try to take turns hosting each other at our homes. Many times it doesn’t go smoothly and our conversations are constantly interpreted by someone needing something, but it goes and we have reasonable expectations for this stage of our life. Dinner/lunch includes when we get together include simple things – store purchased treats and side dishes, taco or pasta bar, chips and dip.
Hang in there – remember everything is a phase.
I loved this post. I love reading all of your posts. I love your sweet family.
From a mom of five. 🙂
Loong time reader, first time comment-maker. I can totally relate to all of this! We had baby no. 2 and moved from Wisconsin to Colorado when she was two weeks old. I piled on mom guilt about everything! But now she’s 6 months old and I just started feeling content and settled. It felt like the sun came out from behind clouds. Guilt can still hit me when I’m not balancing self care and child care and family time the way I want, but it seems to be showing up less often.
Growing up I was one of five girls and felt like my parents rarely “socialized” but now I see it was just so challenging! Good luck with everything! One step at a time.
Thank you. Thank you for sharing what you and so many of us are going through. Thank you for your honesty and being real! Looking forward to great things in 2018 – in many ways 2017 was just a bummer of a year and looking forward to putting it behind.
I am sixty five years old and your blog is the first one I read….I enjoy your honesty, your creativity and your cute as a button kids..things get easier as your kids get older. I know that,s hard to understand right now, but it will happen. Find a good moisturizer and use it daily, twice a day…lol..there are lots of good ones out there and for a little bit of money…but the best advice I will send your way is this…continue to be yourself. You are blessed with your family, your husband ..and continue to blog…we all love you.
I’m surprised that anyone who reads blogs or follows FB or IG ‘believes’ that that’s the way a person’s life is all the time! This shocks me every time I hear it. That’s just a pet peeve of mine! You sound like you HAVE A PLAN, which is the absolutely most important part. WAHM got trapped, I think, in a do it all mindset…maybe FB and IG contributed to that, but no more than SitComs IMO. Working from home is attractive to moms bc it means you can be around for the littles, and for the home, and have a flexible schedule. But that is it’s greatest flaw too! Can any working away from home mom even IMAGINE how hard it would be to have a couple little kids following them around all day while they are working? Yikes. Hell to the NO.
So putting some boundaries around work vs home is very important. The benefit of having your own biz is you DO get to decide how much time you spend on the biz, and how much time you don’t. Bottom line.
2018 is going to be better!
Have you ever considered an au pair. We have 4 kids now 17, 16, 13, 10 and we had a wonderful au pair come live with us when baby number 4 was born and she is like our 5th and oldest child now. (she has her own first baby). she lived with us for 7 years (much longer than a normal au pair) and was the life saver that we hoped for. Babysitter, house helper, friend, big sister etc. You seem to have the perfect set up with your basement and I can promise if you find the right fit you won’t ever regret it. And affordable.
I wish the USA had the tradition of just inviting people over for coffe/tea & bread. Hubby is from Central America and many people are invited over for coffee/tea & bread (or cookies/crackers). No pressure to have a full meal. it is more about the conversation and spending time together–without stress of money or time cooking a gourmet meal.
I very rarely comment, but something compelled me. I’ve been reading your blog for years (I dont own a home or have children) and I just want to say thank you for putting yourself out there. It probably took a lot to push publish and as a long time reader I appreciate your need to show us your authentic self! Best of luck with your goals and just know, no matter what everything will all work out!
I’ve never commented but I wanted to say good for you. Guaranteed you’re doing a hell of a lot better than you give yourself credit for.
Can I offer a suggestion? If so – get into yoga. Seriously. Get out of the house (alone) and go to class. There are a million physical benefits, but among those are your mental health. You’ll feel amazing after class and it gives you the energy to head home and do it all over again.
Give yourself the gift of trying one class (if you haven’t already.) If you have, walk into it with a new mindset. Just say you’ll consider it, k?
Love it! Keep being you! It’s always good to strive to be better. The more you take care of yourself, the better mom you will be! What about more date nights, lol? I find that if my husband and I are on the same page, I can share my inner feelings with him and I don’t take on the “burden” of all the worries of me and kids and life. We are in it together and try to communicate as often as possible.
Thanks for being awesome! Love your goals.
Katie,
When I read this post, I felt like you were speaking to me. My depression during pregnancy and after manifested itself in so many of the ways you described, and I only have one child. I think your goal setting and courage to share your struggle is a testament to your resilience and strength as a woman, and because of that, you will get through this tough time.
I have been an avid follower of many home blogs (including yours) since 2008 when that world was in its infancy. Over the past decade, as many of those blogs have become popular and successful, I have noticed that real, honest discussions surrounding struggle and imperfection has been left by the wayside to overly curated, perfectionistic blog posts. And I get it from a business and personal perspective, and I say that with no judgement.
However, I think there are many readers like me who still crave REAL, authentic posts that discuss the very things you described in your 2018 Resolutions. When I read this post, I started to hear the beginnings if your “true voice,” and I found it SO REFRESHING to read that I had to comment. (And I NEVER comment!)
I guess what I’m trying to say is depression is hard. Children are hard. Life is just plain hard sometimes. But like I said, you have resilience and I am looking forward to the growth this year brings you. 🙂
beautiful honesty.
Thank you for your honesty. When you were doing your painting series over Christmas, I wondered how you were so “together” with 5 kids, as I’m struggling to pack food for a weekend trip and I only have 2 kids! 🙂 I think it’s unanimous when we say” GOOD” that you aren’t perfect! It sucks to be in a funk in life, but I’m glad you are willing to share it with the world.
Good luck keeping the resolutions – we will root you on! And don’t be afraid to snap pictures of the not-so-perfect house–I’d love to see it! It may not make me feel so bad the next time I have to dodge the landmines of Legos and baby doll accessories just to open the blinds in the living room. 🙂
Katie,
One of the main reasons I keep coming back to Bower Power is because I know your house is not picture perfect all the time, and is way more likely to reflect the chaos in my own house. I like see how you and Jeremy manage your own crazy home, and it gives me inspiration to manage mine.
I hear you on the cycles of depression and hermitting. I think getting out more with one or two kids at a time, or getting help with the house or blog will really get you out of your rut.
And creative bursts will, too! I find I can get out of my rough times if I force myself to do a hobby for a half hour each night. It makes me think of the things I am good at and want to do, and reminds me I am me before I am a mom.
Great post Katie. I could have written it myself. Just had baby number three when you had Ella and I put on ten extra pounds with each baby. Two things that have worked. The BBG program. (4 seven minute circuits. Means you are done fast and it works ). And do a biggest loser competition with family and friends. Putting some money down and being forced to stay accountable is huge. Praying for you. You got this.
I love that your resolutions involve so much self-reflecting. No one is perfect but striving to be the best versions of ourselves is what life is about. To be honest, I feel like I’ve noticed some of these things you mention above in my little view from instagram and the blog. The best thing you can do for yourself is to take a break, re-organize and prioritize your life and go from there. I would hate to see you leave the blog but I also think some time spent reorganizing would revive your creativeness, happiness and the blog. Best of luck!
You Go Girl!
One of my resolutions last year (and this year) is better skin too!
I have found setting myself up a habit works best, so now I wash my face when the kids get a bath at night. I’m in the bathroom anyway! It is only since I switched to this that I have been able to religiously get it done because by my bedtime I am just to dang tired and going to cut corners.
Always love your honesty, and realness, Katie! Here’s hoping 2018 is your best year yet!
Have to also comment on using coconut oil. Stop using it asap! My dermatologist said it can be very drying and this leads to other issues. I started getting zits at 44. Never had zits in my life. They were gone after a week of not using. For something natural, my dermatologist recommends jojoba oil. I put a little on my face, in the shower, after washing my face. I get the jojoba oil from Trader Joe’s. Super cheap & a little goes a long way. My dermatologist also recommended the Olay Regenerist Micro Sculpting cream in the red jar. I was actually already using this, and you can get 2 jars at Costco, for the same price as one jar in Target/Walmart. My dermatologist believes in the less is more theory, which I find so refreshing in a dermatologist. But she does recommend prescription Retinoids. Started using once my face was used to it’s new routine, and i can definitely see an overall improvement. Hope this helps! Take care of yourself both mentally, and physically.
Gained 60 lbs with my first, lost it all plus about another 15 pounds in about a year and right away turned around and then gained 75 lbs with my next pregnancy. Took me about 15 months to lose those pounds after pregnancy #2. Its hard work and in my experience it takes as long or longer to lose it than it did to gain it. Just start small and keep going! Best of luck and hugs because 5 pregnancies is a lot!
You go girl! The “get some help” part will help clear the clutter in your brain to help with the focus on the other resolutions. 🙂 I’m with you all the way.
Totally feel you on all of it!! In fact a lot of your goals for this year are very similar to mine. My son is 18 months old and i still feel like I haven’t gotten the hang of this Mom thing yet most days.
On the fitness front, I’ve recently discovered Pop Pilates and totally love it. It’s surprisingly effective and really low impact; which could be good for you since you’ve said that you’ve been having some back problems since Ella was born. Just a thought
This social media world of ours needs a whole lot more of what you just did – be honest. Life is hard. Kids are hard. As women, I truly everything is even harder – we are harder on ourselves and, unfortunately, sometimes on each other. I try very hard not to dish out unasked for advice but I hope you’ll consider two additions to your list: adding date nights for you and Jeremy, and talking to a professional if you feel like you aren’t able to get out of the “hermit” place.
Girl, hang in there.
They say realizing there’s a problem is the first, and hardest step.
Your being very hard on yourself, tho.
These things of life happen, and it’s not like its been years of discontent, right?
you can do it
you empower others and have that in you
You Go!
I am feeling ALL of this! Mom-ing is hard and sometimes it feels like everything is taking over. Here’s to a year of taking better care of ourselves!
Again, I think you are amazing! The past two years have been rough for me as well, but little by little the light is shining through! I have five wonderful, amazing children and so I remind myself over and over how blessed I really am. God loves us so the rest will come. Keep on keeping on girlfriend!
I just wanted to say Thank you for this very honest post. I know it must have been very difficult for you to write. Your readers like to see the real you. Good or bad. You will feel better soon . Keep taking it one day at a time. You’ve got this!
Listen up hometeam. You are perfect in your imperfection. All your goofy banter, self-deprecating humor, never-waivering devotion to– and love of– your man and your children. That makes you the perfect you.
What you are experiencing is perfectly normal and to be expected. That funk has all kinds of names and it hits every mom at some point. Nobody with a brain could see all that you have going on an expect that it’s just a breeze. Relax about expectations. Nobody with a soul could judge you in a negative light. I don’t know you in person, but I do know that if I met you–we would be friends. You are honest. I’ve been a reader since your posts about trying to get pregnant with #2. I love how you try to be yourself even when you have to make ends meet doing sponsored posts. I know that has to be difficult. Just know that there are people who appreciate you for you.
Man, I hope that didn’t sound too stalkerish. I don’t really read blogs much at all, just happened to check in on yours today to see if your little girl was as cute as the boys were when they arrived. She is.
Oh, and for what it’s worth. I will agree with Jenny above. I did the coconut oil thing too. It really does NOT work for everyone. A simple moisturizer without SPF is the best thing to use. I recommend Cetaphil or CeraVe. Use that every day and put a good sun protection on each morning afterwards. You want the moisturizer to absorb well into your skin and those mixed with SPF, well, they just don’t by design. You can add products to help with lines/discoloration and such, but I would recommend seeing a dermatologist for the best plan for your skin. Nothing has been as effective with ALL my skin problems as Retin-A has been. But there may be some contraindication when breastfeeding, not sure. And the best thing about going to the dermatologist- samples. So many samples. Nothing better than miniature bottles of lotions/creams/shampoos etc for free. 🙂
Your honesty is your best quality! Don’t be too hard on yourself either – looking at your 2017 recap post, you still accomplished sooo much, even if you felt like it was a “messy” year! I’m looking forward to your future posts/updates that aren’t “perfect” — “perfect” (and constantly striving for every detail to be perfect, and/or apologizing when it isn’t), is exhausting and not real! “Works in progress” are real!
You’ve gotten a lot of great advice in other comments. Bottom line…you’ve got this!!
Check out Cerave skincare products. Relatively inexpensive and dermatologist recommended 🙂
I love your honesty and your “realness” + all those stinking cute kids are hard to resist 😉
I second WW, and have had a very similar experience. I needed to change my eating habits first, and then as I saw great results, I added in exercise. I lost 30lbs in 4 months and have learned better eating habits for life. I took a few months off during a stressful time, and I’ve been back on track for a month, losing another 8 lbs. It’s not restrictive and really teaches you how to eat healthy! I love the Connect social aspect for encouragement, ideas, and inspiration.
And it’s nursing-friendly, giving you extra points to eat if you nurse as it burns calories!
Katie, first of all – try not to be so hard on yourself. In crazy seasons (pretty much all the time) we need to realize that there’s abundant grace and unmerited favor from our Daddy God. He gives us the good we don’t deserve because Jesus was perfect in our place, we also don’t get the bad we deserve because Jesus was punished in our place. In many Christian circles we have this idea that we have to be perfect, produce perfect results and sooner or later we all realize that we can’t live up to that – that’s where grace enters. Someone who teaches this wonderfully is Joseph Prince (Joseph Prince.org) who’s got a free on demand broadcast daily, or search YouTube. He’s helped me immensely when it comes to letting go of perfection and getting out of the cycle of aiming for perfection, failing and then beating myself up over the failure.
I’m a fellow hermit too Easiest way not to show people your shortcomings. But isolation does no one any good. Sharing what’s going on in person and/or online is the way out of it. We found our group of people at church but it only works if you’re in one where people dare to be real instead of pretending everything’s just fine. Maybe your church has a small group for parents of young kids or maybe you want to invite some people in similar situations to try to get one going?
I work little odd jobs like organizing, cleaning and such and I love finding those on care.com. They have categories for anything from housekeeping to babysitting and organizing. Employers leave reviews of people they’ve hired which may be especially important for babysitting. They can also do background checks. The jobs I see on there can be anything from a one time small thing to full time so you can really ask for whatever you want.
One thought I had was to possibly have someone watch some of the kids while you (and/or Jeremy) go be social with someone else. That way you get to be social without it having to be such an ordeal.
Anyway, these are just things that have worked for me, take it or leave it You’re not alone, we all have issues.
Oh Katie how I adore you! I love your honesty and that you don’t sugarcoat things. I am a mama of 6 so I totally relate to being a hermit with no life outside of the house. Social life? Nonexistent during this decade! Womp Womp.
Hello sweet friend ❤️ I love your transparency and I’m 100% a believer the more we share the more we all can relate with each other. No one is perfect even though that’s what we perceive most of the time. Remember to go give yourself Grace and go easy on you. I get overwhelmed easily so I can talk myself out of working out in a hot second. So this year I’ve told myself to let it go and do what I can in the time that I have. Stretch for 15 min, sit still for five min and do nothing, take time for positive self talk, pray, and listen to your body. At the end of our lives our weight and cellulite and how big our behinds are won’t matter. Your heart shows in every post you share with all of us.
Be kind to yourself.
xo,
Sara
PS For skincare I’m committed to fewer harmful chemicals since it’s our largest organ. I love Beautycounter’s commitment to removing harmful chemicals known to cause cancer and hormone disruption. (Try the charcoal mask!) You can always compare your product labels to EWG.org to see how they score. Good luck in your 2018 goals. One step at a time.
((All the hugs)) from me to you. Motherhood is a journey for sure.
I’m a long time reader but I don’t think I’ve ever commented. Thank you for your honesty. 2017 was a very difficult year for me; I lost my husband on Dec 31, 2016. I spent the year permitting myself to just be. Part of why I enjoy reading you so much is because you are truly real. I admire that about you.
Be patient with yourself, and realize none of us are perfect. You do something all of us are afraid to do-put it all out on the internet!
Wishing you much success in your resolutions this year!
Thank you for your honesty. Just take it one day at a time. My saving grace was a good friend who became great friend and helped get me out of the house and made me realize to just try to accomplish one thing at a time.
I LOVE how you keep it real. We’ve all experienced these things, but too many of us are afraid to talk about it. I have a cheap and effective skin suggestion. Rose hip oil comes in a bottle with a little dropper. Putting it on clean skin keeps things hydrated and it is supposed to even out discolorations. I like that it’s all natural and cheap. I’m betting that being more active will help a ton with eliminating depression. Getting some sunshine and moving your body (even gently) makes such a difference for me. Maybe walks with the kids (pushing a stroller with a baby on your chest would be amazing cardio) after your physical issues are resolved. Pilates or yoga dvds during naptime could help soothe your hips in the meantime. I love that you’re looking to be creative on your own terms. Any busy mama can benefit from doing something that makes her feel alive and like her “old” self. My kids are now 17, 14 and 12. I remember well the exhaustion of homeschooling them and caring for them at a more “needy” age. Things get much easier when everyone is potty trained and more self sufficient. You won’t need to maintain a pace like this forever. Every season of parenting is rewarding and wonderful, but some are more physically brutal than others. Praying 2018 is a fabulous year for your sweet family.
Thanks for sharing. I think anyone with multiple kids has been here and felt like they let themselves be put on the back burner. My one piece of advice (I’m your same age with 3 kids) – DRINK TONS OF WATER! It has made a huge, huge difference with my skin. It’s like I hit my mid thirties and my skin is changing. Anyway- I’m rooting for you! Happy 2018!
I commend you for sharing your personal story. Many if us have been or still are where you find yourself. It’s refreshing to hear from someone that we have a connection with that we are not alone. Keep on blogging!
If it helps, this is why I love your blog. For the real posts that are so relatable. Not everyone is brave enough to share with the world when things are not perfect. Thank you!
And remember, His grace is new every day.
I’m so very sorry. I don’t know what to say exactly but oh my…you are a strong woman to be able to even write that. I don’t know that I ever could handle such a loss.
xo – kb
Well, I just think you are amazing. I also can relate to your experiences. I bet most mom’s can. We are all doing the hardest job there is and there is no manual. We didn’t go to school to learn how to be a mom and juggle what feels like one million things every day while also living up to everyone’s crazy expectations. So, thank you for this. I’ve definitely realized as moms, we need to put ourselves first because if we don’t, everything can start to just fall apart. (I am trying to take better care of myself this year, and making myself a priority is a true challenge.) I can’t wait to see what the year has in store for you:) I love your energy, passion, and honesty. And your house and family are adorable and best of all real, which is so helpful to see in the land of blogging.
I’m using this quote to help myself, ‘Done is better than perfect,’ and darned if ‘they’ aren’t right.
‘This too shall pass’ is something I have to remind myself of when I’ve been having a difficult time with something – it really does seem to help me. And just a gentle reminder (although I’m sure you are aware) for if/when you feel you are being judged or someone is being critical of you, please know that is almost always a reflection of the person doing the judging – not you. We all have our ‘thing’ that we struggle with. You’re doing better than you give yourself credit for, really 🙂
I’m a long time reader and I just want to say how much I love how honest and real you are. I’ve tried lots of other blogs but I never keep up with them because they paint their lives as being so perfect and I just end up feeling bad with myself. The fact that you share things about your life that aren’t perfect is not only refreshing it’s also inspiring. I really think you’re awesome and I love your blog. Oh, and you also always make me laugh. Sending you a big hug!
My Dermatologist recommended CeraVe as well. She also recommended Cetaphil cream for the rest of my body. Amazing for super dry winter skin. Praying for you.
Love your honesty Katie
God bless you as you journey to a healthier you!
When our kids were little, we had friends over. We rarely went out. It was too exhausting (and they were good kids). It’s just easier to have them home in their own environment. I wished I’d cared less about whether the house was perfect, etc. Life’s too short!
I love your honesty, Katie! I think everyone has mom guilt, even if they are doing the best they can at the time. I love your goals and I know you’ll work hard to achieve them, and we’ll all be rooting for you. Perfection is definitely the enemy…something I try hard to remember myself. As far as skin care, I’ve been following Dr. Dray on YouTube. She’s a dermatologist with awesome skin and she’s all about simple, easy, affordable skin care. I’ve pared back a lot of what I had been doing, simplified my routine (hooray!), follow a lot of her advice, and my skin has never looked better. I know 2018 is going to be a great year for you! 🙂
Well that was super honest!
And I’ve never read your blog before. In fact this is the first post I’ve read from your blog. Did you just cringe? LOL! Don’t. I love it. I loved the part at the end about having 1 kid, and then 2, and then 3 and so on because that was on point. And I’d never even considered Not being about to fit into a table at a restaurant! wow! Well. I’m hooked. I think your blog is witty, funny, real, and cute. Thanks for being yourself 🙂
Congs on losing the weight!
I am so sorry for your loss.
Asking for help and showing others that you are struggling is SO hard, so I appreciate your courage in sharing this! I am 6 months postpartum and am FINALLY going to see a counselor this week, because I also came to the realization that things gotta change and it’s okay to ask for help. Honestly, it’s people sharing their honest selves that has encouraged me to be honest with myself and acknowledge where I’m struggling (guilt for working FT, feeling little control as my baby gets one ailment after the next, not putting time into my marriage or other relationships, etc.). So, thanks for sharing and I’ll be rooting for you 🙂
Katie dear, you are courageous, beautiful, talented, creative and lovely in so many ways. I love your goals, but please don’t forget that you already have a solid springboard to get a leaping start on them (and it’s a springboard you’ve made yourself, with your wonderful family).
Best to you for 2018!
So sorry you are struggling! I second the 21 Day Fix meal plan, along with using My Fitness Pal and a Fitbit. I know when I feel better physically, the other things tend to fall in place! Good luck!
“Typing it out loud” is a great step in the process. Thanks for keeping it real for all of us real people who live in the real world. The word I have for you is grace. Without it, we are all lost.
Hi! Been reading since way before you had Will but not a commenter but this post got me girl. I just had my second child (HOW HAVE you survived 5 pregnancies, births and newborn recoveries??!!) And I feel so much of this. My first was a boy and second was a girl and the girls really do wreak havoc! So much nausea and so many skin issues! Rodan + Fields is the only thing that has saved my skin and im obsessed with it and love that it just gets delivered to my door bc ain’t nobody got time for a mall! I also need to figure out how to lose my 30. Hang in there girl, we are pulling for you and all in this together!
Thank you Katie for this post. 2017 was a rough one for me. Deceptions, a burn-out, losing my job, and a financial situation I wouldn’t wish to any family.
I love this post more than any reveal you did, because if I love watching your hard word at home reds, what I crave when I come to your blog is authenticity, and following your journey.
I totally relate because I had to follow the same timetable : sleeping late in the morning, not being able to take care of the kids, but I wasn’t pregnant, just burned out. Taking care of yourself is the first step.
I’m a bit too far away to be of any help (France !), but you sure inspire me, especially the sharing posts like this one. If I may, my only advice would be to try the whole 30, it really helped me step away from bad food habits, and eat in a way that makes me feel better. (I lost 15 pounds in 6 weeks the first time I tried).
Love to you, and your precious family
This is my life right now. I’m 10 weeks with my second child and have barely gotten off the couch in a month. My house has gone to hell. I’m too tired to care. I’m hungry/nauseous most of the day and only want to eat junk food (I normally eat very healthy). Every time I open the fridge or see leftovers, I gag. I haven’t cooked dinner in over a month. And I’m having major mom guilt for letting my 2.5 yr old watch tv all day. I often look at moms with lots of kids and think “if they can do it? why am I having such a hard time? I only have 1 child to look after” Curious, is this your first pregnancy where you were sick/incapacitated? Both of mine have been like this. I kinda hate pregnancy.
Thank you so much for sharing and for your honesty. We are only human and can only do so much. However, if you were to write down all that you accomplished last year, I think you’d feel differently seeing all that you did on paper. Plus, you had a baby! You made a whole person. That alone is a huge accomplishment and the fact that you did while taking care of four other little people. They were fed, loved, and kept safe. 🙂 If you ask me, you rocked 2017.
Oh my gosh my skin after having my daughter is ack! I’m trying not to get down about it!! Your honesty is refreshing and sometimes putting our goals out into the universe helps us to stay on track and be more accountable. You’re doing great!!
I am so excited for you and your 2018! It’s hard to recognize when things are off and even harder to work towards where you want to be. I am sure there will be lots of bumps, but I wish you the best success and progress in your goals 😀 And if the hermit feelings come back, don’t hesitate to see a therapist – they work wonders!
Yes first time with real sickness. The most I had before was slight nausea and I could chew gum and be over it. I feel for all those people who are sick the whole time. That is crazy.
xo – kb
Well welcome to the family 🙂 I am so glad to see new faces!
xo – kb
Everything you listed resonated with me! We are “social introvert” hermit twins — I totally ‘hunker down” when in crisis mode (I don’t necessarily think this is a bad thing, but hear you that it’s a good goal not to live there permanently)! My idea of skin care is schlepping some shampoo over my face in the shower when I wash my hair! (I know, I know!)
Weight loss — look up “Trim, Healthy Mama”! It won’t cost you a thing other than checking out the book at your library! It is a plan written by Christian sisters and it is FREEDOM and health … and enjoyable (not kidding!)! LOVE it and I’m so thankful to have had it suggested to me!
XO
Girl, way to be real. There is way too much fake put-togetherness on the interwebs these days. You’re vulnerability is brave, and yes, just putting it out there helps. I am a hot mess myself and sharing the reality with my friends has helped me dig out of my own hermit-hole. Be strong, but give yourself grace. It’s a process, and it’s not always pretty, but there is hope. I am praying for you. And grateful that you share so freely. <3
Can you provide more details on what a nutritional therapist is? Sounds like what I NEED!
Bless you. I love you because you are REAL. I love your home because it ISNT a perfect curated show home. It’s something everyday ordinary people can relate to..also as far as the skin goes..I always had oily skin until I hit 40..then it’s like the Sahara took over residence in my body. Especially on my face. No matter what type, brand or how much moisturizer I used..nothing helped the dry flaky skin I had..I even had flaky eyelids and underbrow areA until I tried Puriya Mother of all Creams.. it’s been a godsend and it’s ALL I use now as a facial moisturizer! Try it, it may help.. I look forward to seeing more of your daily life and Home.
This is so beautiful and honest. I can relate so much to this. The mom guilt is for real!! Then it turns into depression, feeling lazy, and not taking care of yourself. I think these goals are so great and you’ve inspired me to make my own list to refer to. I made a promise to myself to have a creative outlet this year that’s just for mama. I’ve already been working on this and it is helping me to feel so much more encouraged and energized. Praying every day you feel encouraged and one step back to the place you want to be! I had loved watching your beautiful family and blog evolve over the last few years!
Thank you so much for sharing. Its so refreshing to hear someone be so honest about their struggles.
I only have one kid, who is now 20 months old. I was 17 months pp and hadn’t lost the baby weight. I decided to try Whole 30 and I am SO glad I did. I lost 12 pounds in one month (and am now down a total of 24 since mid October). But the best part is I feel good about myself again. I like looking in the mirror, I feel more active, food isn’t a comfort or reward and I feel in control of my eating. I’m just really proud of myself for prioritizing me for the first time since my daughter was born. It was so empowering and has made huge changes on my overall health and my husbands. There’s a lot of tough love to this approach but honesty it worked for me because I just needed to say no and just make this happen for ME.
I know you didn’t ask for tips on this but I just wanted to share something that has made such a difference in my life and I know how much my weight gain was emotionally hurting me.
Good luck with your goals. Know that you have lots of people out there rooting for you!
Thanks for your honesty, Katie. I’ve been following along since almost the beginning and I’m not a blog commenter usually, but I’ve felt many of the things you described. I suffered for years with depression both before and after my last baby (had HG during that pregnancy, which was debilitating and started my years of isolation.)
Years of no sleep and emotional stress also left my adrenals exhausted, which made many of my attempts to get back in shape and get my life together stalled before I barely got started.
This last year though I finally made the investment and got some professional help- started with a naturopath who helped me get my hormones on track, then I saw a pelvic physiotherapist who helped me treat a prolapse and improve what multiple pregnancies had damaged.
And last, but honestly THE best thing I did was see a Christian counsellor. My dad is a pastor, my husband is a pastor, one of my kiddos has some special needs (ADHD, SPD, etc) and the combo of being somewhat in the spotlight (or people having expectations of you) and also having a child that doesn’t fit everyone’s expectations- along with all the other stress life can throw at you- had left me so full of shame and mom guilt and feelings of failure. I really didn’t have much left to give my kids because I was carrying around all that stress and shame with me everyday. Having time to work through my feelings with someone who was focused on me and that I could be completely honest with was the best gift I have ever given myself and my kids. I was able to release so much baggage and let go of so many ‘shoulds’ that were holding me hostage. Anyway, I know everyone has suggestions for you, because so many of us have experienced similar things to what you are going through. But there is my plug for good counselling, the internal strength and refreshing it gave me is enabling me to spend this year growing more external disciplines (diet, exercise, etc.)
I hope 2017 holds all the change and growth you are hoping for. Thank you for sharing your life with us! ❤️
My friend has 6 kids. They are all soooo well behaved and she has such awesome humor when dealing with them. I have 3 and I feel like a failure. Parenting is hard and relationships are hard. I am there with you on these goals!
About your eating and diet check out Trim Healthy Mama. Ha, I just noticed someone else mention it. It is a great way to eat and so many great recipes if you need them!
Amber, I do THM as well. Love it!
I have read your blog since before Weston was born. Thanks to you, I have incorporated the color navy into almost every room of my house. This is the first time I’ve ever commented (on any blog post). I just know how much courage it takes to be transparent. I’m going to go out on a limb and declare that your transparency has just made you more relatable to those of us who read your blog.
I’ll admit there have been times when I would hesitate to check your blog because, while I always love your posts, I would usually just end up feeling bad about myself and the way I mothered or the way my house looked after I read your posts. Now that you have pulled the cover back, I will never hesitate to read your blog posts! I am sorry you have been in a funk and please don’t take my appreciation for this post to mean I am glad to know you’ve been on the struggle bus. I am rooting for you! Thank you for sharing 🙂
OH girl. I literally could’ve written this post. I so so very much understand. We also have five, and there are days when I feel like I’m drowning. Remembering to take time for yourself is hard, especially when you feel pulled 5 different directions. Social lives are hard with a troop. I’m always double checking and reminding people how many we have if they invite us over, just to be sure they remember what they’re getting themselves into. I love having a big family, I’ve always wanted one. But I often have felt that because while everyone avoids us like pregnancy is contagious, they’re all watching to see how it works. Are we really the train wreck-screaming mom-kids with pjs on at 3 in the afternoon in walmart type they assume we are? So I put this extra pressure on myself, and unfortunately my kids, to show everyone who’s watching that big family’s can be awesome. And clean, & respectful & keep it together in the store. Some days we succeed. Other days we fail miserably and I want to move so I ever have to show my face in that Target again! But what I’ve learned is, give grace. For yourself and for your kids. Especially for yourself. You are your toughest critic. Take the time to invest in you. Find time to read, or do something you love. Make getting to the gym a priority. Even if it’s just to capitalize on free childcare for 2 hours so you can pee in private and gather yourself for the rest of the day. I promise it’s worth it. Not only does it help kick depression to the curb, but it allows you to be strong enough to calm the chaos and take each day head on. Carve out that time to spend with the Father. He’s where your true strength & grace comes from. He has equipped you for every good work and He will not forsake you. Deep breath. Tomorrow’s a new day and His grace is sufficient. Put one foot in front of the other and celebrate every single teeny tiny win and blown away the mistakes. You’ve got this mama! There’s no one who can do your role better than you! ❤️
My fav line…the wet nurse! Outstanding post x
All of this, right down to the pregnancy and postpartum experience resonate with me so much right now. Thank you for sharing and making me feel less alone. I wish I could follow along with you on your healthier journey, but I understand why that is personal. I may model some goals after yours. Again, thank you, and best of luck this year!
Hold on sister, stop being so hard on yourself!!!! You are beauuuutiful, and also fearfully and wonderfully made. ❤ You love your babies, and they know it…….no guilt necessary! You will lose the weight, your skin will glow again, and all the creative juices will flow. Take your peace, and rest in God.
…Even in the days of small things. What a blessing your hubby is for picking up the slack and letting you rest. No need to feel bad about it, your children are so loved and got all that extra daddy time. ❤ Rest on the fact that God has it all in His hands. Be at peace. You are doing a great job, being a mom is no joke ! Ill be praying for you. Also, my dr. recommended taking vitamin B6 when i was experiencing similar things post partum. ❤
Please come back and look at the comments section on this post when you have a really bad no good awful day. You’ve earned a lot of very supportive loving readers who see the best in you … even when you don’t We all have our own challenges, but most of us aren’t also raising five small human beings and writing a blog about it.
I won’t add any thing about skin care; we’re at different ages of life and what works for my 68 year old skin won’t work for you (or me when I was your age). I’m sharing diet goals; I’m shooting for 15 lb (not aiming for size six, that boat has sailed half way around the world) and want to feel good about my strong and healthy body.
Let’s lose 20lbs together!
I couldn’t love this post more!!! I have been reading your blog since the very beginning and now have two young boys of my own. Motherhood, especially stay at home with the kids allllllllll day long while you slowly lose your mind, is not for the faint of heart!! We all struggle with crap like this but NO ONE talks about it and reading all of this just made me feel like finally someone is being real!!! I wish you all the luck with this new season of your life and know that there are so many of us out here who feel exactly the same way you do and who will be cheering you on from the sidelines! Thank you for your honesty and your humor…I look forward to reading much more this year.
I’ve been following you for nearly all of those 10 years, and I love that I’ve gotten to see the crazy ride! Your kids are beautiful and although some people may be scared at the number, I can almost guarantee that they are envious of the big, loving family you are giving your kids. I only have one sibling and we don’t always get along. It would be nice to have another to settle the score sometimes. I’m pregnant with my first right now and I thank you for all of your honesty and candidness. And in terms of skin care, I started using Paula’s Skin (I’m 33) and love it. It’s really improved my skin’s moisture, pore size and texture. It’s know for now being just packed with chemicals. Good luck! Can’t wait to see what creative thing you come up with next!
Oh, thank goodness! A not-so-perfect blogger? Yes, please!
I LOVE seeing all those perfect spaces – it’s where I get all my ideas about what I want. Someday.
But I don’t live in a home I’d post on Instagram. It’s too full of stuff, and all that stuff is not as organized, or even put away, as I’d like.
I am SO looking forward to the REAL BowerPower! May you all stand up and take a bow!
[And please share your moisturizing skin routine. My rapidly drying 57yo skin will forever be in your debt!]
Thank you for sharing. If you don’t mind saying, could you share about how much weight you gained? I’ve gained more than ever with this pregnancy too despite nursing for most of it and exercising! It’s hard not to be upset about it but I know I can lose it just like with the first two. But ♀️… I’m 8 months and it’s looks like I’ll have gained 65 by the end of this…
I LOVE this! I can totally relate. We have 4 little boys (Ages 1-6). It’s HARD. I always have weight to lose, my face looks like it has dandruff with all the flaking, I spent a year feeling “off” from postpartum issues after my last pregnancy, we are constantly being hermits and we NEVER get invited anywhere now that we have all the kids. Our own FAMILY doesn’t invite us to stuff b/c they think “it would be too much for us”. It’s a HARD stage of life that we are in and trying to find our place as a wife, mother, and just woman can be so stressful and guilt-inducing for so many of us. I feel ya girl.. Totally feel ya.. I would give you hug if I actually knew you and if I was a bubbly/hugging kind of person… HAHA You are NOT alone in the way that you feel right now. There are a lot of us right in the same boat with you.. 🙂
Thank you for sharing this! Please know that as isolated as you feel, you are not alone. There are so many of us (I’d venture to say most of us) who have resolutions just like yours and who also feel like a hot mess. It’s life. Perfect Instagram squares are not real life. Not shaming anyone about what they curate for their Instagram feeds. I enjoy art and I love taking pictures and being able to highlight or bring out the subject with filters. But it’s art. It’s not everyday life. People stop living in order to admire it and it can be enjoyable. Then get back to living. Which is messy. Lol. Be gentle with yourself. Be confident that there are tons of us struggling, too. You’ll find your way. We’re here with you!!! ♀️
Although so many have said it already — I love your “honesty” posts! You are so brave to put it all out there for us, a whole bunch of very opinionated strangers, to read about. I hope the collective “we” aren’t too hard on you.
I couldn’t believe hearing that you and Jeremy fight! You guys always seem so strong, so on the same page… and as one of those people who admires you and is sure you have it all completely figured out, this was humanizing and made me admire you that much more.
Also… at the risk of sounding SO creepy but in the spirit of honesty and a few laughs … I’ve totally been dying for you to get an assistant-turned-bff so it can be me and maybe actually had a dream about it. (Except no, since I live a bajillion miles away.)
Here’s to being another year older and wiser!
My kids are older but I still have to take a little drive all by myself every now and then. I blast two old country songs – You’re Gonna Miss This by Trace Adkins and There Goes My Life by Kenny Chesney. They really put things into perspective for me. It is a good reboot.
Thanks for sharing!
PS – insecond the Cereve suggestion. My dermatologist recommended it too, as well as a dear family friend who has been a PA in a dermatology office for years recommends it. I use it and it’s easy to get, inexpensive, and effective. Be sure to give anything that you try 4-6 weeks to really see if it’s working … takes time for your skin to adjust.
So awesome you wrote this post! I think when you actually write out your resolutions, rather than just thinking about them, you’re more likely to stick with them. I wish you the best of luck! But also, skincare has been on my list for years, and I have gotten down to the best routine for me. Not sure what your skin is like (combo, oily, dry), but I have combo skin and I have been LOVING Mario Badescu (Ulta) products as well as La Roche-Posay (Target and Ulta). They work wonders for me, especially since I use a Clarisonic as well. I haven’t felt comfortable in my natural skin without makeup in years, and I swear by these products. I am finally getting my skin confidence back! Thought I would share just in case you need some brands to check out.
You should look into getting an aupair 🙂 I was one for a while and loved it!
I second Door Sixteen, she does lots of good blogs on skincare.
You are amazing, mama! Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. I also had a daughter this year (coincidentally named Ella!) and I can totally relate to a lot of these. On the taking care of yourself front, I highly recommend talking to your doctor and considering an antidepressant. I know some people don’t like to consider that option for whatever reason but it helped me so much when I felt myself going into my familiar post partum anxiety when my daughter was about four months old. It’s been a game changer in helping me not feel overwhelmed and be present with my kiddos. Lots of love and grace to you!
I’ve dream of you after this post… It was hilarious! I was babysitting your boys and little Ella, so you could have solid 45 minutes with Jeremy! Hahaha!
THANK YOU!!! Although it makes me sad that you’re going through this hard time & I truly hope that you find your way out of it soon, it feels so comforting to hear from someone who is struggling too. I had my third son in April 2017 & he has been just the best baby & we all love him so much & things are fine on that front but I just feel like I’ve lost my mojo. It just feels like everything is harder. I use to be on top of things for the most part. The things that I use to enjoy doing I just kind of dread because it sounds like so much work. My house is a dang disaster, I have a never ending “to do” list & any sort of a routine has just gone out the window. I’m just tired. Period. Even though I feel that spark coming back here & there, some days are still tough. Thank you for being so honest & real! It means more than you know! 🙂
Fellow mom of 5 here. yes to all of this! These are all my same resolutions. And I have found being creative is super important when you want to feel like at least part of your life is your own. Here’s to having a paint brush in the hand instead of a doughnut!
This. This is why I love you Katie! Just know that even if some criticize you for posts like this, there are those of us who will still come here…and love you even more for it! ♥♥♥
Just commenting on the skincare. This is a recent discovery of mine too, my skin was in horrible shape. I finally got my first facial at age 36 and it’s been the best ever. I’ve whittled down to 3 face products and look far more rested and my fine lines are filled a little. Do it for yourself, you deserve it! Actually, get a babysitter and take an hour to get a facial, you won’t regret it!
I gained 55 with Ella but I never got rid of all the leftover weight from the boys so….yeah 🙁
xo – kb
Ditto Ditto Ditto on everything you just said. The beginning of my last pregnancy started me spiraling out of control. And yes I wanted her yes I prayed for her and yes I dots on her like crazy…. but everything you just said lines up completely with my life right now except for the fact that it’s been 18 months since I had her and I still don’t even feel like I have my shit together not in the least. I thought I was the only one. My husband has taken on so much and I still feel like I’m drowning. All this to say that you are NOT alone. It’s nap time now and hopefully I can drag my butt off the couch now to actually make some progress on the house that has gotten out of hand since we all had the flu this week… but let’s me real it’s been in a state of havoc for a while now bc when I get one step ahead we get sick or we have a million other things that need to be tended to first.
Dote on her not dots*
Can I recommend beauty counter for skin care? It’s a bit pricy (about $35 a product. I use the shower wash, day cream, and night cream, so about $100 but they last for a good 6-8 months) but they follow the guidelines of the strictest countries in the world as far as chemicals and ingredients. It’s safe, and it’s the only thing that I’ve ever tried that got rid of my bad skin.
Wishing I could give you a hug and run the vacuum for you right now. You will get plenty of advice from everyone so I feel a little uncomfortable offering this, but….. You may want to make sure your thyroid is functioning as it should. I went through a horrible time 7 years ago – depression, sleeping A LOT, weight gain, self-induced isolation, etc. I found out that my thyroid was not functioning at all as it should. Getting that back on track sure solved a lot and gave me the energy to make changes that prior to that seemed almost impossible. In the mean time, it seems that you have a very good plan in place. Wishing you every success and sending hugs and support.
I didn’t read everyone’s comments but I’m sure we all are saying we love you for who you are, even if you’re down on yourself right now. I am due in the next several weeks with our baby number 11 so I know ALL about the looks and comments from strangers. There is no such thing as filters anymore and it’s sad. Anyway, most women deal with some post-partum depression but peri-partum depression is a very real thing, too, and it sounds a lot like what you had. Good news with the pregnancy depression is that, eventually, the hormones level out and you can get yourself back to normal without meds. The hardest thing is overcoming the guilt for the past. You’re making good strides in letting it go but you have to let it go completely in order to really heal. Peri-partum depression is a chemical imbalance in your system and you’re not to blame for “laziness” (which is NOT what it was.. really!) and your kids are resilient and will NOT remember that you had a rough year. Move on with life. I LOVE your goals. I share many, except I am not a homebody and I make a LOT of coffee dates (otherwise known as PLAYDATES, in out neck of the woods).. I also make time for myself, alone, for several hours each day by getting up before the kids or staying up after the kids go to bed. Not time to blog or work but for myself to do whatever I want/need. Like your crafting time.. that’s real important to self healing. Anyway, I’m praying for you and your family and if your even in central Ohio then come over and bring the kids.. what’s 5 more when I have seven at home at any given time!
Ugh, sorry for all the grammar errors. That’s what I get for not proof reading and having the kids begging for dinner! I don’t usually comment and this is why.
I love you my sweet friend….so excited to be acre neighbors for life
The more the merrier. If life isn’t crazy and loud then it isn’t fun. Remember that.
Katie-
Love the vulnerability and authenticity of this post! You have amazing strength, tap into it and bring these goals to life in 2018!
Hugs & Prayers Momma!!
You’re perfect as god created us all. Purely powerful transparent post that honestly made my week or even month. Thank you!