1. I’m complaining here. You were warned. I want a freaking baby. Like yesterday. Like three months ago. Like right freaking now. This month makes it one year. One year of letting it happen. One year of disappointment. One year of trying not to hate all the pregnant girls that are around me. One year of the most intense pain and frustration and sadness that my poor sheltered life has encountered. One year of crying myself to sleep and stressing out Jeremy and basically feeling like an ungrateful selfish obsessive overanalyst. Because that is what I feel like. I have a beautiful home, a wonderful husband, a pretty outstandingly awesome son and all I think about is what I don’t have. And as much as I would love to say “It’s fine!” or “I needed this time to learn so much” or “I’m enjoying Will” – that’s crap. (sorry mom for pulling out the c word but I really wanted to use the s word). I mean, I could certainly say those things while being pregnant. or while I’m holding a newborn. And I know that I trust God. I do. So don’t anyone dare tell me otherwise. But trusting His timing is so hard for me in this moment…in this area…when my desire is so deep that it could drown a normal person. Letting go of this idea of control…this concept of being in charge…of getting to decide how my family is going to develop and grow and fill out is like pulling my guts out onto a table, performing surgery on myself and using prayer as my only pain killer. It’s excruiciating. It is like making a clean freak lick the floor of a truck stop bathroom. And if you have ever been in a truck stop bathroom, you will know that it’s probably easy to contract a disease from just breathing in there. Little did I know that pulling the goalie and adding just a little bit of time makes for a whole lotta obsessing, a semi-crazy feeling that just hurts in the pit of your stomach and just so much overthought-out sex. Who knew that wanting a baby so badly could make a normal (um, yeah, I’m stretching that word a bit) girl like me in the bedroom into a complete nut job…pun unintended. It all just stinks. And stings. And is beyond the depth of the word “frustrating”. In other news, a sweet online friend sent me a fertility monitor. It’s all systems go people. This is the first month I’ve gotten to use it, and of course, the result is the same…instead of thinking about the ultimate birthday gift, I got a different kind of present….one that comes wrapped in red with a little white string. I say all this just to vent…not for your sympathy or beggin for your words of encouragement or for anyone to give me tips on what book to read, what to look for in my thunderwear, or how to conceive…but just to let you know that I am cranky…and if one person says ‘just relax’ I might just throw my laptop across the room…just sayin’.
2. I am in a unique situation. I have MANY friends…a whole bunch of amazing, creative and fun women that bring huge amounts of joy to my life…and I have never met them. Yeah. I’ve been thinking about that. It’s weird. and kinda awesome. Just wanted to say that.
3. I also thought about telling you something you might not know about me…you know to share – because that is what I’m all about lately – oversharing….oversharing my cycle news, oversharing to the lady at the checkout counter, oversharing about my frustrations with being house poor…just oversharing in general. So here it is – I am a hermit. I tend to stay inside my little hermit hole with my little hermit family and we do hermity stuff. And I think about making new friends and inviting them over and spending random time with them doing nothing…and I like it. I want it. And then my insecurity pops up and I think “why would anyone want to hang out with a hermit? a very awkward borderline offensive hermit that says anything that comes into her brain and overshares regularly? a hermit that literally puts her foot in her mouth and is really boring at times…because being boring is kinda a definition of being a hermit…and so I don’t. I don’t make the move. I’m like that poor skinny dude in the teen chick flick that has too many zits to get the girl. I think that is why I blog. It’s easier to be me. It’s easier to unload this emotional baggage with a few clicks on the keys than to deal with having to talk.
4. Are you frustrated with something recently? I’m sure it dwarfs my little speedbumps.
5. A picture because a post without a picture is just sad.
6. I am gonna try to have some photos of my sister’s wedding up later. It’s not much – seeing as how I still don’t have a copy of her pictures – but the very few that I took, I’m happy to share. four months late 🙂
7. Love you.
Oh girl- I’m sorry you have to go through all this- I know your pain and I know that intense yearning and I know how hard it is to “wait” and “relax”…praying for you, mama…
Dear Katie: I just happened to be on your blog when you must have (recently) uploaded this post. So, you don’t want sympathy, or tips, thats understandable, life sucks sometimes. Just be cranky, thats okay sometimes.
Being cranky is good, and sometimes a little yelling helps too. My thoughts are with you. Feel Better.
We tried for just shy of a year before we got pregnant with baby #2. Like you, I wanted to SHOOT people who said, “Just relax & it’ll happen.” UGGH! Hang in there and be cranky if you need to! Sometimes we just need to unload. The good news is that if you got pregnant once, the odds are seriously with you that it’ll happen again. In the meantime, you have a lot of buddies here that read and love your blog and are sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.
You sound like my twin. On all accounts. I hope my military husband gets stationed near you, I’d love to be hermit-y and awkward and home schooled together.
Want to hear a funny story? No? Ok, well, I’m going to tell you anyways. My son Daniel came up to me awhile back and told me I was skinny. I went overboard on the thank you train and was so flattered (because I’m absolutely not skinny haha) and then he said, “yea, you know, because you have so much skin- you’re skin-y” hahahahahaha. I was so humbled. My 6 year old just tactfully told me I was fat. 😀 Love!
Also, I am also a hermit. We’re game board folks over here. And, I just got high score in Mario Kart.
And, I was a major crab last week for many of the same reasons as you….my husband told me that I should maybe take a nap. Whoops.
Oh Katie B – Cranky is okay.
Sending you huge hugs and so many happy thoughts and prayers.
You are a beautiful, inspiring , ambitious and downright friggin hilarious hermit.
Hi Katie –
I just love the honesty and vulnerability in your blog. It’s why I keep reading. And it’s why a girl in Ohio wishes you could be my next door neighbor. I would have you over for a cup of hot chocolate and a hug.
Sending love your way, one nerdy girl wanting a baby to the next.
Oh, Katie…and we love you too! I won’t tell you to relax because I don’t want anything to happen to your laptop…(I still need to read your blog posts!) JK…but really, the way you explained your frustration of not being pregnant yet, and how you’re trying to remain calm while waiting for God’s plan to unfold…it really made me think about my own situation. I am constantly pining over beautiful engagement rings and weddings online…and after being with my honey for over four years now, I should just relax and be patient and know he’ll ask when the time is right…til He (both God and my other half) decides it’s right. So, out of your frustration came a realization for me…so, Thank You Katie Bower for that. Patience may be a virtue, but I’m terrible at it too. =)
I read your blog all the time but hardly ever comment. I just wanted to send some cyber hugs. If you’re ever near Orlando let me know! I have a lot of hermit tendencies myself.
So we could definitely be friends because I am a hermit too :). I have a 2.5 year old so besides activities like the park, bookstore, chick-fil-a, etc, we stay home (and if I didn’t have a 2.5 year old, I’d stay home even more). In the baby front, have you talked to your obgyn? I know mine will start trying to figure out why if you aren’t pregnant after a certain amount of time. In this case I’m quite the opposite of you – I don’t know what happened after I had my first baby but I really have no desire to have another. It’s like birth messed up my hormones and they won’t get right. I thought surely I’d be ready by now because two 3 years apart sounds perfect for us….well that time came and went and just not ready. Now I am aiming for four years apart and I’m going to try even if I still am not ready because at some point I have to quit being selfish and tell whatever whatever is wrong with me to move along.
I hear you. It’s been about a year and a half and three failed IUIs for us. And we don’t have “anything wrong” with us. WTF? Why can crackheads get pregnant but not me? Huh, God? Why? And, like you, I do trust Him. I do. It’s all I can do. But, it still sucks. Hang in there!!!
I admire your strength Katie. I don’t have any kids (would love them someday) so I can’t sympathize, but I admire how strong you are to not only vent to the world, but more importantly to still be able to keep your faith. I think that’s hard for a lot of people in the face of adversity.
I know it’s hard for you, but I love it when you talk about your pregnancy struggles. It makes me feel not so alone. I’ve been trying for not as long as you, but it feels like it, for my first. Everyone in my family has had babies the second they thought about it, or even when they weren’t thinking about it. Every time I look on Facebook someone else I know is announcing it. It sucks to not feel genuinely happy for them. I know God has a plan, and I pray every day for increased faith… and a baby.
A cyber hug is all I know to give you! I’ve been reading for a while, but rarely (if ever) comment. So here is my cyber hug.
I think of you as my slightly older twin in Georgia. Seriously, that is how I refer to you when I mentioned something off your blog to my husband. Hope you don’t find that too weird. My gut says you won’t 🙂
Blessings!
Katie I know you’ve heard it a million times. But just FYI here’s how it went down for me. 1st child conceived within 2 months of trying. We tried for over a year and some change for baby 2 and nothing. Torture turned into a visit to the gyny and fertility doc. It was a crazy feeling having to be there but I thank my lucky stars because it was a super easy fix. Turns out my hormone levels were a tad on the lower end of the scale… enough for me not to get preggo. I never had any problems before. 3 little blue pills with the lowest dosage (chlomid 25mg (i think)) and BAM we were pregnant the next month. Flash forward 2.5 years and baby #3 was a complete surprise since I didnt expect to get pregnant again. I guess the body just has a way of regulating and not regulating itself. Dont despair… just make sure all is working first as things can change even after the first pregnancy. Good Luck!
I sympathize with you really. I feel your pain. It took over 1.5 years for me to get pregnant with my first, she is almost 9 months old now and I already have my sights set on a second.
However, I can’t help but laugh. I remember the day you posted your first letter to yourself about how Will wanted you all the time, you weren’t showering, your house was a mess and you thought he was going to turn into a monkey cause all he would eat is bananas. And you wanted to pull your hair out then too 🙂 That was a great post by the way.
I am a hermit as well, I love my house, I love my stuff, I love my routine. It’s hard to break out and do something different and put yourself out there. It’s so easy to be witty and funny when you don’t have look at people in the face.
I will be praying for you Katie Bower and I know that everything will be as it should. Even if that means you being cranky 🙂 Love you girl –
It took me 3 years of trying to get pregnant with our wonderful little boy. He’s just a couple months younger than Will. I know the pain you feel and there is nothing like it. Words don’t help and the jealousy you feel toward pregnant friends feels shameful. Its really hard to love and trust God when your righteous desires aren’t granted. I’m afraid that when we decide to have another baby we will run into the same problem again and I don’t know if I could keep trying for years again because it hurts so much. So, no advice, just a HUG! And I think it OK to be a hermit. You married your husband because you like him, so you should be able to spend time together.
Thank you for sharing, Katie. I had a miscarriage in September and I still don’t have my groove back. I wasn’t prepared to be such a hormonal mess for so long. I feel your pain but hopefully it will be short-lived 🙂
Oh Katie, Rela– um, never mind. As for #3, be careful what you wish for. We, who foloow your bog, all love you and if you keep posting things like this, next thing you know we’ll be google-earth stalking your house so we can come visit, and that might get creepy now, might it not? 🙂
Cranky days come, then they go. Tomorrow is another day. And if it makes you feel any better, you and your Do It on a Desk post inspired me to organize everything in my kitchen (except the desk – go figure!) this weekend, and I was thinking of you throughout the entie project. You just never know when unknown blog readers are thinking about you! So thank you in advance for the happiness I will feel when I get home tonight and open my pantry, or my fridge, or my cabinet where I now keep my glassware, and I am pleased all over again.
Good night! Pardon my horrendous typos! “foloow your bog”?????
I wish I could hug you right now and we could both just cry and vent together. It has been 2 years and 3 months (but who’s counting) of waiting and being disappointed. I agree with every word you said. I appreciate you sharing your feeling because it getting harder to share mine.
Random: Every time you mention BACON in any post, I always get a good laugh.
Every time you mention your desire for another BABY, my heart goes out to you. I appreciate your honesty! You are a real person, with real joys, real struggles, living real life. That is why people love reading your blog.
I will do the best thing for you – pray!
It took us 18 months, incl 6 months of drugs, to conceive our one and only daughter. I get it. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this!
Hang in there. Nothing I can say can take away the anxiety and the ache, but it will happen. Talking/blogging about it is good — at least you’re not keeping it inside. And get out — do you have any playgroups you and Will could join? I think you would feel less alone and realize there are lots of women out there in the same boat as you.
I was in your boat for a long time (2 years) and all I want to say is that what you are feeling is normal. I had this quote to help me through my bad days— “Sometimes God doesn’t give you what you think you want, not because you don’t deserve it, but because you deserve so much more”. In my 2 year struggle my H decided that it was too much for him and decided he didn’t want children. So now I am in the process of adopting my foster son on my own as a single mom. Please know that I am thinking about you and hoping for the best for you and your family.
Let it out, girl!!!
Your honesty is outstanding, and amazing… When we were trying to conceie, I didnt tell anyone, I was so scared to tell anyone, for fear of the “it will happen” or “just give it time” & the oh, you are so young… whats the rush?” everytime I would see a pregnant girl I felt like my uterus was going to explode… but I kept it all in, and wouldn’t cry until I was alone on the bathroom floor. So kudos to you for letting it out, I hope it helps and I hope you know your online family is always here to listen 🙂
I’m cranky about this same thing today. 9 months of trying. Thought so bad that this was my month. A visitor today proved me wrong. And I’m not just cranky. I’m livid about it. So. Yup feel ya!
Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way!
i read your blog and enjoy it. i believe we are about the same age, and i have a daughter named Rigby and she is 21 months which i believe is close to Will. Just to let you know you are NOT out there alone. We also pulled the goalie and have not had any luck. It has not been a year for us yet…but i totally understand your frustration. we had a month that we got 3 positive pee tests, and then 3 weeks later aunt flo showed up. devastated. not trying to cheer you up, or look for sympathy myself, just letting you know there are those out there who understand and relate.
Katie, I think sometimes we all just need to vent a bit.
Sorry to hear about your struggles with having a second bambino. I don’t know your medical history at all, but have you considered talking about these issues with your gynecologist? After a year of trying I think you should consider that if you have not spoken to your lady doctor already.
In terms of tracking I have an app on my phone called Period Planner Lite (eeeww, on the title!). It’s free and will let you track your cycles easily. It also calculates your most fertile days for you although you could buy some of those clear blue ovulation tests to help with that too.
I probably just told you crap that won’t help, hehe Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and your fam!
Katie B. you complain all you want. I’m feeling the same.
Hi Katie – I love your blog and all the creativity and humor you take the time to share with us. I will pray for you!
Boo for your unwelcome period! That sucks. I have always hated waiting and some of the most difficult months of my life were the months that we were trying to conceive. I don’t think people talk enough about how stressful (and so not sexy!) your relationship can be when you are trying for a baby… especially if you like to plan and be in control! I imagine it is even harder to have reached the one year mark and still not have what you are hoping for. Hang in there. I admire your openness and honesty in sharing. I know a lot of people (including myself) can really relate to your hopes and frustrations. Here’s to hoping for a baby for you soon!
Find an acupuncturist who specializes in fertility. It worked for 3 of my girlfriends. Good luck and hugs sent your way.
hugs.
Katie – I know your pain. I went through it for almost 2 years before we finally got pregnant for the first time. The best advice I got was something “au naturale” straight from my doctor. She told us to start having sex on day 8 0r 9 of my cycle (whether it was done or not – I know, eewww) and keep doing it every other day for 2 weeks straight. We both got really frustrated with the process, but 3 months later, we were pregnant. We tried just about everything up until this point and thought we were headed toward more expensive fertility options or even adopting, but it worked! And, it doesn’t cost anything to give it a try. Just wanted to share my 2 cents and tell you that you’re not alone. Chin up. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
I feel your frustration and totally think its justifiable and sometimes we have to vent. I never had an issue getting pregnant but at 37 week my daughter died. I got to hold her for 4 hours and than she was gone. The year and a half that I didnt have a baby, I was so bitter, jealous, upset why did God to this to me, what is his explanation because I want one now. and seriously I still do because no bible explanation is good enough for me, nor do I ever think it will but that is beside the point. Anyone who tells me its his plan drives me nuts because more than likely they have had a pretty peachy life and its very easy to say that. So I understand you.
I will say that now I am fully happy in my life, still miss her loads, still wonder how life would be if she would have lived but I am happy. Like you said thought its much easier to be happy once the hard part is long ago lived. best wishes and vent away sister!
(hugs). I don’t comment much but thought this post was appropriate since I struggled to get pregnant with my second. I learned to “know” my body. My first pregnancy was unexpected so I didnt realize how much mechanics goes into baby making! I used everything fertilityfriend, tempting, and ovulation predictor kits and that was the only way I got pregnant. I didnt know when I ovulated and when I got my + OPK me and my hubby went at it… lol. (sorry if that’s TMI). I used temping to confirm that I did in fact ovulate and we waited for the time to test. It was a wonderful feeling to know that sometimes you need a little help and a little discipline(I had to wake up at 6 am every morning to take my temperature!). I wish you nothing but the best and I hope and pray that you get your second baby. Whoever said getting pregnant was easy – was lying! Big time!
I love your blog, KB. You’re so brutally honest and vulnerable and I think that’s what makes you truly unique. I won’t tell you to relax because I know that doesn’t help. And I won’t give you advice because I’m unmarried and 23, so pretty sure I’m the LAST person to offer advice on this place in your life. But I do appreciate you sharing even the things that aren’t all bubbly happy and the parts of life that make us all human because even as the one in a million of your readers… I consider us all friends. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
It took 18 months to get pregnant with our second. 18 months of charting, tears, Clomid and eventually IUI’s. I have no idea why my cycle never returned to normal after our first child was born (we also found out that my husband had his own issues as well). I just wanted to say that secondary infertility is awful. Especially the whole “be grateful for the one you have” business which makes fitting in with infertiles hard and alienates you from your super fertile friends too. You have every right to be cranky…it is an awkward place to be. PS> I am right with you on #3!
I know you’re not asking for advice, just venting, but try the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility (if you haven’t already). It is awesomeness. It shows you biologically (but in dumbed-down terms, which was, um, perfect for me) how to get pregnant and how NOT to get pregnant. Because apparently some people have THAT problem, if you can imagine.
Coming out as a first time commenter here….Wow, did I write #1 of this post?! I hear you on all fronts. It does make it easier to hear when its not just you that feels like that, so I appreciate you putting it out there for others to read. Best of luck!
I too have been trying for a year to get pregnant, but for my first not second. I am going to a doc appt soon so hopefully I’ll find out something good. I hope we both get pregnant soon!
So I can’t relate to you in the way of #1 BUT I understand about being cranky! This last week was a really rough one that I don’t want to repeat. I had a couple of mini melt downs behind my office door so noone knew. the only thing I wanted to do is watch the saddest movie that would make me cry so hard I would have snot bubbles. I just needed to share that and get it off of my chest. I’m still kind of there today.
And since you don’t want anything mushy… here is a Gibbs slap to the back of your head. Ok, that is only funny if you watch NCIS and you are me because when Im in a mood I do not want anyone to be nice to me so I can be mad at the world. So please don’t think I was just being mean. It is all out of love!
Being cranky is ok sometimes. Sending lots of love and virtual hugs your way from my hermit-y hole in North FL, KB!
xo ,
c
I would TOTALLY hang out with you and do nothing if we were friends, I think you seem really fun and cool. I think that I am boring all the time 🙂
I’m sorry lady! Virtual hugs from me to you (I don’t like to hug so this should mean a lot 🙂 ). As far as being a hermit.. My husband recently accused me of being an agoraphobic! Which is truly not the case. If we’re being honest, which it seems that we are, I just don’t really like that many people and the people I do like I’m afraid of scaring away!! I too am an oversharer and awkward.. we once had a whole convo about BM’s at a birthday dinner complete with the “everybody poops” book being read … Does it get weirder or more awkward than that? I’m not sure …
Huge hug to you today Katie B! I’m not going to tell you to hang in there…that just makes you want to punch something right?! What i’ll tell you is just to TRY to forget about it (like asking you to solve the crises in the middle East no?). I believe that the moment you move on to something else, it will happen. It’s happened to numerous people that i know. They moved on. They signed adoption papers or they channeled their energy elsewhere and when they weren’t looking it happened. It happens with boys too. I don’t mean boys having babies, I mean girls who have boyfriends that SUCK and they go from one boy to the next in search of the “right one.” But when they decide to focus on themselves, when they’re not looking, “Whamo!” Magic…
May magic come to you, sooner than you expect!!
We tried for almost 2 years before we finally got pregnant. My husband even had to have surgery to correct a varicoecle. Now, my daughter is almost 2 and I’m afraid to start trying again because I remember so vividly the pain of wanting a child and not being able to have one.
This is my suggestion, especially if you are a control freak. Try the book, “Taking Charge of Your Fertility.” It opened my eyes to how my body works. Ever since I started taking my temperature and charting, I feel like I know exactly what is going on. And I attribute it to the reason why we were finally able to get pregnant. It’s also a great way to have hormone-free birth control. Because, if you do it right, it never ever fails.
I’m kind of a lurker and rarely comment, but I just wanted you to know that I get it.
{HUGS} Katie. I don’t even know what to else say. I am a self proclaimed hermit too. I like staying at home too. I can make memroies at home and leaving the house always costs me money in some way or another. I love just hanging out at my abode doing crafts, gardening, eating homecooked meals and spending time with my family. I would much rather have friends come over or go to their house rather than going out to a restaurant or movie. It sometimes is amazing I even have friends b/c when did I meet them?
I’ve been in your shoes and it sucks. It just sucks. It sucks that the same clues our bodies give to tell us we’re pregnant are the same sucky clues that tell us our periods are coming. And trying not to think about it only makes you think about it more. No judgement here, vent away… and know that you aren’t alone in feeling the way you do about wanting a baby so badly it hurts.
I am a hermit too! Except that I wasn’t always a hermit. It’s just SO hard to meet people as a young, married woman. I feel like I have to sort of “court” new girlfriends. A little flirting in the elevator, maybe we bump into each other at the coffee shop… then a lunch date, eventually I introduce them to the family… etc.
It’s just.so.weird.
Tell me again why I got married and moved away from all my college girlfriends?!
There are no words. We are approaching 3 years of trying for our first baby (we did get pregnant once, but her heart stopped at 5 monts pregnant), so since that loss it’s been over a year of trying. The pain is just unbearble and the only way I can explain it to people is to say that the ‘switch has been flipped on and there is absolutely no way to turn it off’, meaning the desire for a baby. It is all consuming and actually physically hurts. The monthly roller coaster of emotions is exhausting. And our poor husbands, they get to learn things about the female body and cycle that they never wanted to know. I feel frustrated and while I don’t question God or his timing, I do often ask myself if I am pushing for something that God doesn’t have planned for me and that question is a very painful one to think about.
On a lighter note….I’m picking up my hermit crab shell and moving to Greenville, SC this summer so I’m going to hunt you down and knock on your door so I can have someone to hang out with (creepy much)!
Without sounding really crazy and stalker-like, we would totally be real-life friends if we lived in the same place (but alas, Portland OR is really far from you) 🙂
And, vent. It is really healthy. God wants to hear it. It makes him love you even more. I completely understand. My husband and I have had similar trials – except we can’t get pregnant – and probably never will. BUT, we have two beautiful and amazing daughters that we adopted. but, still the pain, the frustration, the freaking pregnant people that decide to surround you everywhere when you can’t get pregnant and you just want to scream at them and punch them in the face especially the ones who LOVE to be pregnant and want to share how wonderful being pregnant is with every freaking person they see, is beyond frustrating. So vent my virtual friend. Vent until you have no more tears left. It will feel better, it will get better – I promise (and I know – I’ve been there first). God bless you and your family Katie.
Hugs, Heather
Oh Katie! You’ve described your frustration so exquisitely. You’re a brilliant writer (not that that’s much consolation right now, I’m sure). We’re all feeling your pain right along with you. I’m sending you lots and lots and lots of bear hugs (or should that be koala bear hugs??) all the way from Australia! Hang in there.
Lots of love,
Bec
I have a sneaking suspicion oreos might help. Covered in (you guessed it…)bacon? Sounds about right. Lots of Minnesotan hugs your way!
I’ve been reading for a while, but never comment. I feel your pain. I really do. Well, minus already having a child, but I am sure the pain is just the same.
We have been trying for four years and nothing. Two rounds of IVF and nothing. We just met with an adoption agency this morning to start that journey.
It really just sucks. And people don’t know what to say. Or they think they’re being supportive when they’re really just being asses. If I hear one more person tell me to relax, go on vacation, adopt and then I’ll get pregnant, etc etc etc I might just lose it.
I have gotten a lot of help through Resolve. It’s the National Infertility Association. They have volunteer-led support groups that can be a lifesaver. I actually lead one now. Before I took it over I attended every month. There is nothing like spending some time with others who really, truly know what you’re going through and won’t try to give you advice or tell you to relax.
Anyway, if you want to check it out, the website is http://www.resolve.org. Like I said, it has literally been a lifesaver for me many times over!
Don’t times of waiting and trying to trust in God blow you know whats! I was dating the same guy for seven years, lived together for two of those, broke up, started trying to work it out 7 months later, and four months into that he shows up to dinner with some mutual friends of ours this weekend with another girl 🙁 We are definitely going through different things in life, and I don’t feel exactly your pain because I am not at that point in my life, but I am feeling pain right along there with you. Here’s to you having a baby and here’s to me finding a man who will treat me right. CHEERS 🙂 P.s. I’m the ultimate hermit as well. That’s why I’m a wee bit concerned about moving on with someone else…. where will he come from God? Kinda difficult when your best friend’s boyfriend is best friends with your ex, that leaves out hanging out with friends to get out. WOW, can’t believe I just put all of this out there, but I guess it’s what I needed.
OK, I’m a long time lurker and first time commenter (also a hermit, even online). Your post has brought me out of the shadows. I could have written it at one time or another. I have an 11 year old (surprise) and a two year old (hard-earned). I was also conception crazy. We tried for three years, in total, to get her. During the time we conceived a baby who had a condition incompatible with life (anencephly – don’t look it up if you don’t already know what it is – you really don’t want to know). We decided to let him go and not carry to term. Then, because the pregnancy was also molar (cancer scare, anyone?) we had to wait for a YEAR before trying again. After we started trying it took six more months – quick, right? Well, my Miss Emmaline couldn’t wait until her due date and came 13 weeks early. That’s right. I was six months pregnant when I had her. She fought hard for 64 days in the NICU before we got take her home and today she’s a 32 month old Perfect (capitol P) baby girl with a sassy attitude. I guess I say all that to say my journey prepared me for today and without it I wouldn’t be as grateful or as appreciative of what I have as I am right now. Emmaline spent four hours today crying? No biggie, she didn’t cry at all for weeks after they intubated her in the hospital (YKWIM?). I know you’ve heard it all before, and I know the wretchedness of knowing that your baby is up there waiting on you and you miss them already before they’re even here. And because you’re a Mom already , you get it. You know what you’re missing out on already. Before you’re a Mom you don’t get, you think you know, but not really. You don’t know how you can miss someone who you’ve never even met. I just hoped that by sharing my story that you might get a little peace, a little relief from the pain. It will happen and when it does, it will be glorious. More special because you’ve suffered (dark? maybe, but true).
Hang in there from one hermit Mommy to another.
Robin
This too shall pass. Like a really big hemmroid. Hope you get your baby soon! It hurts now though and you have every right to be grumpy!
Love you Katie! I’m totally hermity too and would much rather stay in my pj’s and work on a project while my son tries to get into the paint. It’s hard to be social and put yourself out there when you hurt. I’ve been there…totally understand. Sending good vibes from Seattle!
I love your blog – your honesty and your corny humor. 🙂 And I totally understand wanting to have a fit. Trusting God’s timing stinks. Although I have no idea how it feels in your situation. My oldest daughter ran away last week. And even though I know she is still in town and going to school, the ache I feel with her room empty, and not seeing her every day is excruciating. And I know God is working on her like he is working on me, but it hurts. And trusting His timing to work things out without any inkling of what that is is the absolute pits. I do not like surprises – and this pretty well takes the cake on ’em.
So hang in there – we can wait together. And know that God already knows the outcome…
Katie, I was just about to post a comment when I realized Andrea described my exact situation. 4 years of waiting for the marriage question (so very different than a baby, btw), but your post helped me realize that we all go through bouts of crankiness. And feeling like…why her? why not me? why not yet? So you also gave me a great realization…life will be filled with thousands of moments of ‘wanting’ and ‘wishing’ and praying. I will continuously remind myself that 10 years from now, this will be but a blip in my life…and I don’t want to rush through the good stuff right in front of me.
Oh, and by the sounds of it…we should all create a hermit crab(by) club! 😉
Katie – I feel like I’m reading my own diary here. I don’t know you, but just know that you are not alone. Sometimes it completely sucks. And that is OK.
It will not always be like this.
My husband and I dealt with infertility issues with baby #1, and it just about killed me. Now we’re trying for baby #2, and in the same boat you’re in, for about the exact same amount of time.
Also, I’m a hermit.
Also, we’re about to be house poor 😉
Praying for you!
Definitely pick up the book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” (http://www.tcoyf.com/). Sadly you can have as much sex as you want, but if you aren’t ovulating or not having sex during that small window of opportunity your chances to get pregnant are very slim. Many women chart their cycles by taking their temperature with a basal body thermometer each day and checking their cervical mucus, etc. You can create a chart of what your cycle looks like using Fertility Friend (http://www.fertilityfriend.com/) to find out when you are ovulating, how long your cycles are, etc. It will also be helpful to learn more about your body and to be able to show a doctor what has been going on with your body, etc. If you have any questions – there is a really good message board for moms trying to get pregnant – (http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/9549164/ShowForum.aspx?MsdVisit=1) I hope this helps!
katie b!
i’m not close to having kids yet so i can’t really relate to the frustration you’re experiencing, but i can imagine how agonizing it must be. you’ll be in my thoughts! every day!
as for hermitness – no apologies! i’m a total hermit and i wouldn’t have it any other way. (luckily i have a hermit-boyfriend, so we’re compatible. i love that i can spend a day bumming around the house without showering or putting on makeup and my boyfriend still loves me all the same.)
we all have our crabby days and i think all of your readers who know and love you understand that even you, katie b., will have a crabby day every now and then.
love,
emily
Oh, I’m sorry! I know a couple of different people trying to have second babies right now, and it just stinks how many great parents (and I definitely include you in that category!) have trouble the second time around. The good news, if there is any, is that after a year of just letting things happen, doctors might be more willing to actually help you out!
Maybe you’re already using them, but the first step for me was getting over-the-counter “ovulation predictor kits” which you pee on sort of like pregnancy tests. They test for a different hormone to see if you’ll be fertile within the next day or so. The costs add up if you have irregular cycles because you end up taking so many tests, but maybe you’ll find them worth it. They can be a nice complement to the fertility systems because unlike charting, which you can look at after the fact to say, “Oh, I ovulated that day,” these give you a small amount of advance notice (but you’ll keep testing “positive” for the rest of your cycle, so it’s important to catch the first positive one by testing regularly).
Good luck, my internet friend! I know it hurts to want something very, very badly and I hope it works out for you soon.
Ohh Katie B… I am right there with you, girl. We’re trying to have our first and its been 1.5 years of nothing so far but tests. Sucks.
I second the appreciation for sharing about your pregnancy desires. I’ve been wanting a baby for two years, but we’ve only been trying for a couple of months and it’s making me crazy in exactly the way you describe. I was homeschooled and plan to homeschool too. I think it’s especially hard because we plan to dedicate our lives to raising kids and having them always with us for the next 20+ years, so if we don’t have kids, what are we supposed to do with ourselves? I don’t know how the story ends for you or me, but I’ll keep reading.
I’m so sorry you’re having “one of those days” or months or years. Hopefully it was helpful to vent. And you’re not the only one who feels like a hermit, I promise.
Katie – I will add you to my prayer list. I don’t have any babies yet and have been trying for almost 2 years now. My husband and I finally saw a fertility doctor last summer and have tried multiple cycles of clomid and iui’s. We just did our first IVF and am patiently (thats an understatment!!!) until thursday to pee on a stick. Please pray for me. I get it Katie. I truely do. It sucks. I could give you a million reasons why… but I’m sure you know all about them. But seriously Katie – you are in my thoughts.
Vent away! I appreciate your honesty. I SO know how much it sucks. We hit 12 months of “officially” trying in October ( I was nursing for 6 months before that, but still trying though the Dr. said any trying while nursing didnt count). Never in a million years did I think I would be here… I was seriously terrified of getting pregnant the first 6 months post partum since with my son I was insta-pregnant.
Asking for forgiveness for being jealous and angry about the swarms of pregnant people around has made it much easier for me to be around pregnant women.
I am a hermit too who wishes I could find friends; And I am not even cool enough to blog!. How do grown ups make friends?
I’ll add you to my prayers.
I waited 3 yrs between my two kids & its the best ! My son is a wonderful big brother to my daughter & all things happen when they are supposed to happen. I think once you let go of what you want , you will be given what you need.
Your number one is like my worst nightmare at this point in my life too. That whole “putting in God’s hands” thing is no cake walk and I haven’t even pulled the goalie again yet. I will be honest and tell you that I’m having a hard time trying to decide if I want another one yet. My son is 18 months and I definately think about it a ton but I just don’t think I’m ready…..but then once I am and nothing happens….I will be just like you too. 🙂
Love your blog but this post hits close to home that I had to comment. I am probably one of your “older” admirers and love all your clever ways of bringing fun to family life and you have great style. It took me 8+ years, trying many/almost all different fertiltiy methods I could write a book, to finally being blessed and concieve a child. I am not commenting to make light of your situation-because one year/many years…disappointment still hurts. But one thing I wanted to suggest is that you see your Gyno-sometimes there is just something like a fibroid or some light complication from the first birth that might be getting in the way. An ultrasound may help shed some light in why things are taking their time. Also sometimes just making an appointment is all you need to make something happen. You are right and remember God has a plan…and you know it is a good one! Try to take the pressure off and focus on the “Fun” of it. Good luck to you!!!
PRAYING!
xo – kb
Today’s blog is exactly why Ilove your site. You keep it so real! I could say all those things that you have heard before but they don’t help. You already know that God does all things in His time and not ours. So, I will just say keep trying and hang in there. I’ll bet we will be hearing some good news soon.
Have you read “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weschler? Very helpful and informative. I highly recommend it.
It’s okay to be mad & sad. I think nothing is more frustrating than being sad while simultaneously feeling guilty for being sad. It sucks. Anyway, hang in there. XO
Hi Katie B-
Your words today made me teary, as I’m right there with you on both the baby front and the hermit front. We’ve been trying for over 2 years now for a bambino, and my body is absolutely not cooperating. I only have a couple of people to talk about TTC with in real life, so it’s comforting (in a twisted way) to read your posts and know I’m not the only one struggling.
And I totally relate to feeling like a hermit. I feel like the things I want to talk about would bore/disgust most other people (since most people don’t want to know about things like temping and OPKs – ha!), so I stay in my little bubble. And then get sad about it.
Anyway, thank you for being so honest about uncomfortable subjects. It’s very appreciated. 🙂
PRAYING FAITH!
xo – kb
Hi Katie,
Been following your blog for about 18 months now – it always makes me smile and feel inspired to do something with our house of nothing…. 😉
But I just wanted to say go buy some cheap mugs/plates and throw them at something hard – then give Jer a dust-pan and brush and sit down with a cup of tea!!
It took me 18 months to get pregnant with our little girl (she’s 3 months old now and rocking our house of nothing) … So cranky is a feeling I have much sympathy with and can def recognise!
Big hugs…
Love you too (even though I don’t know you personally). Love your post and love how you keep it so real. People would be lucky to count you as a friend! If we lived closer we’d have a blast hanging out and “telling it like it is!” You’re awesome, Katie!
Katie- I am so proud of you for opening your heart and being so honest. That takes strength. I am sorry that sometimes life just stinks. You can count on my prayers sweet girl!
Katie – I just want to let you know how much I admire your bravery (how’s that for a corny opener). I have no idea what to say about the baby stuff but I totally understanding wanting something and being impatient (that’s my life) but really you are so amazeballs to put it out there.
Also, I love being hermity. Rock on.
I get being cranky about having another baby. I’ve been there. The book, Taking Charge of Fertility, is the only way I’ve ever gotten pregnant and if you’re having trouble getting pregnant it can help you figure out why. I’m sorry you’re hurting. Praying for you, KatieB.
Oh, I UNDERSTAND on the hating the timing thing. I’m 29. And single. Single single single single siiiiiiiiiiingle. No prospects in sight. And I want to have faith that Mr. Right (and the father of the babies I’d like to have had oh, yesterday) is right around the corner or even in the far-off future (but not TOO far off, please?) but after literally YEARS of dating and being no closer to that it is HARD HARD HARD to wait. And HARD to have people say they understand or that you have so much to offer or blah blah blah. All I want is to actually find the damn guy already. And I’m sure once found I will continue to have problems, but at least they will be DIFFERENT problems, right? RIGHT? So I feel you.
Katie,
I have never posted before, but I just had to tell you that I completely understand. I have in your exact same place while trying for baby #2. It is okay to complain, be sad or angry. On my worst day, my best friend told me to get off the floor, get dressed and bought me a margarita. Nothing she could have said would have gotten me out of my funk, but her actions spoke volumes. If we were buddies (and I still lived in Atlanta), I would totally buy you a margarita tonight. 🙂
Hugs,
MK
Dude. I remember those crazy days of boy trouble. That totally sucks too.
Heres to you girl. And here’s the the future man of your dreams 🙂
xo – kb
So many hugs and positive thoughts for you. I can’t imagine how excruciating it must be, but my heart aches for you.
I’m a hermit too. Online is safer. You can disappear easily if you make a fool of yourself whereas you can’t do that in person. So many times I want so badly to form close friendships with awesome women but my awkward self freaks out and scuttles back into its shell. But, you know what? We can do it, Katie. We can be accepted in all our awkward glory, even by other people who aren’t awkward. We are likeable, nice, kind, funny ladies! (P.S, I like to have coffee/tea/muffin/whatever dates at cafes with potential friends, the neutral territory is comforting, plus I can escape easier if it all goes wrong: “Ooh, emergency text from my mother, must go, sorry!”)
Love you!
Katie B, there are no words except: thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. We have been trying for 18 months and it’s nice to hear someone else who is also frustrated. I agree, I know God has the best plan possible laid out…but I am just impatient. So thanks for making me smile today! And it is so refreshing to have someone be so open and honest..even if they are a hermit 😉 JK. You could always try the drinking water at our church…it seems that every other women is getting pregnant…I seem to be the “other” instead of the “every”…maybe I’ve been drinking from the wrong water fountain?!? Hmmm…
fertility diet…
http://www.amazon.com/Fertility-Diet-Groundbreaking-Research-Ovulation/dp/0071494790
I strictly followed. Worked for us. Hang it there.
Also read this
http://www.amazon.com/Omnivores-Dilemma-Natural-History-Meals/dp/1594200823
And watched the movie Food Inc which we changed the way we eat.
I just started following your blog and have to comment on this post. As I sit here with another tab open on my laptop, STARING at my fertilityfriend chart, PRAYING that it somehow will jump out at me and whisper I’m pregnant. This is our first and we’re on month 7. I cry when I see babies on tv and I’ve become a disgruntle biatch that judges teen moms and silently asks God ” Why not me?”
I feel your pain and hope that God blesses us BOTH soon. So we both can rejoice in 1 Samuel 1:27 ” I prayed for this child, and the LORD granted my request.”
Huge virtual hug!
Hey, venting your frustrations and feelings is really what blogging is all about. We are here for you and will listen as long as you need, so vent away my friend. Praying for peace for you. 🙂
sending virtual hugs, prayers and baby dust your way!
Oh Katie. I don’t know you but I feel like we’re best friends. So I’m sending such a hugemundous gihugic monstrocity of a hug your way.
There’s another blog I follow by a fellow photographer, and she’s done a series on her (in)fertility. She’s 25, happily married, and no babies yet. 🙁 Here’s her blog: http://belvederephotographyblog.com/ and here are the ones a/b their baby-trying: http://belvederephotographyblog.com/waiting-for-grace/ I hope you read it and enjoy it. I know nothing will make things better except a baby, but hopefully by reading her words you’ll find a little bit of comfort in knowing there are others who are faithful who are also a little rattled by it all. I’ll pray for you and your future family of four!
xoxoxoxo
Gibbs slap right back atcha 🙂
xo – kb
I read your blog every single day and I never comment, but I thought today would be a good day to tell you that I am way weirder than you. I totally think we’re friends and you didn’t even know I read your blog (feel free to italize that in your head to prove how weird it really is). So beyond the fact that you are not the weirdest hermit this side of the Mississippi (I have total dibs on that), please know that I’m sending lots of happy vibes and sunshine and prayers your way 🙂
Also, my own personal theory on this, is that since YHL Sherry isn’t allowed to start trying until May, you won’t get pregnant until May so that Will and Clara will have same-age siblings. (Which is 3 more months than you want to wait, but is still in the very near future).
I feel a little odd that I know this much about people I just read about… 🙂
Hugs, my friend. I’m a hermit too. If we lived near each other we could be hermits together without any expectations. =)
Don’t worry – you’re not along, Meredith! HA! And I like that theory 🙂 Hopefully it makes Katie laugh and smile 🙂
TWINSIES 🙂
xo – kb
Oh, I’m sorry! I know your pain FAR better thank I’d like. I got married at 24, bought a house, and started “trying” to get pregnant at 26. We did everything “right” and were ready. It took us 4 years, countless tests/dollars/drugs and women in white coats with turkey basters to get pregnant with our first all with being told nothing was “wrong” with either of us which sucks because you just want them to figure it out and fix you. When my step-brother showed up that last Christmas with his girlfriend and their “oops” baby we had to leave, we couldn’t take the heartbreak. I skipped Easter that last year because his 22 year old neice who’d been married for 3 months was pregnant and it literally made me sick to my stomack (not that I’d have admitted that to anyone other than him). I had my last go at IUI that day and laid on our couch in the dark crying most of the day. Little did I know it worked. It took 6 IUI’s with our first and 9 (and another year) with our second.
Even with two beautiful happy girls I HATE that we couldn’t do it ourselves, I HATE that we have/had no control over how many kids we have (I still wish we could have had a third), I HATE that I had them at 31 and 35 when we started trying at 26. I could go on and on.
I’ve started a blog post so many times about things NOT to say to a woman trying to get pregnant. The two biggest are “Just stop trying/relax and it will happen.” and the worst is “I know (have heard of) people who started the adoption process and then gotten pregnant.” I want to hit them! My dad actually said to me, “if you end up adopting you’ll love them just as much as you would have your own.” No SH*T Dad, that doesn’t help when my heart’s being ripped from my body daily though!
I work at a HS, it’s really awesome seeing little pregnant teens running around school. Even better, the time I had a 15 year old tell me she was pregnant and going to abort but I was the only one other than her sister that she’d told (this was while we were desperately trying for our second”
Ha ha – sorry this was crazy long, I guess obviously I still get a bit worked up about it!
I’ve read your blog for a long time (love it!) but this is my first time commenting. It took me quite a long time to conceive my first and I know just how you feel. The anger, despair, frustration with putting your dreams on someone else’s time line…it does feel crappy. But remember that you can get pregnant and give birth to a beautiful and healthy child and in time you will again. I really wish you all the best as you seem like a wonderful and fun mother. Hang in there…
Hi Katie,
I am going through a similar situation. I appreciate your post, it helps me feel not so alone :). I recentlly started a program that you might be interested in. It is a lot less invasive than what normal doctors would have you do. It is called NaPro technology, this system uses a charting system called the Creighton model Fertility Care system. Look it up and see if it’s right for you 🙂 Good luck!!
Hi Katie,
I read your blog regularly, but rarely comment, but I just had to to tell you to be angry all you want- I haven’t gone through these issues and can only imagine how heartbreaking this would be. I love your blog and love your writing, and I am thinking of you-
Guuurl, ditto. Right before I read this, I was praying that God would give me a miracle. That He would remember me, just like he remembered Hannah (in the Bible). I have struggled with infertility for years and I’ve had enough! I have a gorgeous daughter that we adopted and I’m incredibly thankful for her, but I still long to concieve and give birth. Infertility sucks and it isn’t fair, I’m sorry you are dealing with it.
It took us 4 years to conceive the baby that I’m prego with now. My daughter is five years old now. The doctors could never give us a solid reason for the lack of conception. Finally, they were going to do an exploratory surgery. The surgery could only be done within a small time frame in my cycle. They scheduled the surgery. The day that I HAD to get my period was the day I found out I was pregnant. It was the only time that I wished for my period in FIVE years. My doctors joked that they scared my uterus straight.
Just a comment to say rant away.
And if I was in Altanta instead of Charleston atm I’d tell you I’d bring over dinner.
Can’t help with the baby stuff.
As far as the hermit/loneliness, I can relate. I’m a youth pastor’s wife. That can be a lonely place in itself. Most of the people we see are church folks, and I know most of their problems. It’s great trying to eat with someone when you know they complained about you to the pastor the week before. Sheesh!
When you’re a staff member of a church, people look at you differently. My very best high school friend was my maid of honor, and I was hers. After we both got married, and she realized that I was going to be a youth pastor, she stopped hanging out with me. I think she and her husband thought that if they drank a beer in front of us, we would condemn them or something. I basically lost my best friend of 10 years, because she feels uncomfortable around my husband.
I type all that to say this…there were a lot of times over the past few years I felt lonely and like a hermit. My husband had friends, and I didn’t. I supposed he was just cooler than me…high school, anyone? The teenagers at church would come up to me and complain because they didn’t have any friends, and I would encourage them, but I didn’t think I had any friends either. Then one day I realized, you have to make your own friends sometimes. We started inviting people over to the house to watch movies. We invited ourselves out to eat with people, and I made two fantastic girl friends who are completely unlike anyone I’ve ever hung out with before. Just make an effort (scary as it is), and you’ll find someone who you least expected. Maybe you’ll start hanging out with someone your mom’s age because she likes to shop at the same thrift store as you (happened to me). Maybe it will be a college student at your church who is about to get married (my new best girl friend). Good luck. The hardest part is poking your head out of the hermit shell, but it’s worth it.
Katie – I’ve read your blog for at least a year or so now. You are the sweetest girl ever so you’re totally allowed some cranky days. Maybe this is all God’s way of finding the perfect birthday for your little one to come or maybe to avoid some of the GA heat? I’ll keep you in my prayers! – Jen
Just relax, its all gonna be okay.
Ha just kidding. My husband likes to tell me that all the time. Its been over two years for me. Two years of no protection, just plain lovin’ between Bry and I. And guess what? NO FREAKING BABY. I’m dying. I cry in the shower. Both my sisters have babies. Only one lives close so I get to love and kiss on my nephew all the time and I love him, but it makes me ache. Im so sad. But I don’t tell anyone. I just say “Oh, it’ll happen someday!” when people ask if we are planning on having kids.
I see all these stupid unmarried, knocked up/recently birthed women who still go out and party and color their hair blue and are never with their kid and yet I? who has wanted a baby and wanted to be a mother my whole life? Nothing. Not even close.
But I trust in God. I make love to my husband with the sole purpose of loving him. I want my baby to be birthed out of love. Not because of a strict schedule. And we are young. So if it doesnt happen in a few years maybe I’ll see a doctor. But for now, I’ll just keep chugging along.
I’m praying for us both, girl.
Praying for you…
I feel you Katie, We tried for 5 months before we got pregnant & I remember the severe disappointment everytime the monthly visitor came, Plus everyone seemed to be getting pregnant around us, It just didnt seem fair! I cant even begin to imagine what that would have felt like for a whole 12 months! 🙁 Sending you lots of love & really hoping it is going to happen for you soon.
I love that your blog is so honest, thanks for sharing.
sending you lots of love & well wishes all the way from Australia!
x
I’m saying a prayer for you miss Katie. I wish I had something wonderful to say that would make you feel better, but I honestly think its a good thing for you to just let it all out. Take a deep breath and go treat yourself to a nice hot bath.
We too have been trying for about a year for our first. It is frustrating and you’re right, very painful. Just know that you have someone praying for you and sharing in your pain. Rest assured that God’s timing is perfect…even as much as it does hurt.
You’re awesome. That’s all.
I was trying to think of something that wasn’t encouraging or sympathetic or full of advice. But still true.
And if you lived closer, I’d make you stop being a hermit and come hang out with me. Cause like I said… you’re awesome! <3
You are so entitled to be cranky!! Everyone is once in a while. And I feel pretty hermit-y too… And I love blogs even more when I’m feeling this way. Yours is awesome! I admire that you put your real self out there. All that to say- praying it gets better soon!
I don’t care how creepy this sounds.
I’d be the shell to your hermit — if you were a crab.
We’d be besties.
You’re great and I <3 you!
So sorry you're going through some crap.
[sorry k's mom…i said crap too. twice now!]
*ANG
Katie-
I feel for you… I was in that exact same situation. We started trying for our first and successfully got pregnant the second month of trying…we were so happy. Only to have a miscarriage at week 7. For the next 15 months it was full of trying, unwanted advise, people telling me it would happen when it was supposed to happen, etc. My husband and I finally said that we had enough and saw a specialist. It was not the easiest after that… as they could find nothing ‘wrong’ with me. A surgery, many blood tests, and way more people looking at/inserting things into my vagina than I care to think about, and about 14 months later I finally got pregnant.
I am not telling you this to make you lose hope, or feel bad that I am pregnant… but so you know that there are a ton of other people out there going through the same thing.
I have 3 pieces of advise for you – to take or leave:
1. NEVER feel bad about being crabby, having a sob fest, not wanting to talk to your good friend about her pregnancy, etc. You have to look out for your own feelings, because this can be an emotional ride.
2. Drink. Eat Sushi. Breathe in paint fumes. Do the things that you can’t do while you are pregnant… it doesn’t make up for not being pregnant, but it does make you feel like you are sticking it to someone, somehow.
3. Seek professional help. And make sure it is someone that you like. Chances are you will be seeing this person A LOT, so if you dont like them, look for someone else. And someone that will be as aggressive in pursuing options as you want.
Lastly, read this blog. This woman is too funny, and makes jokes out of infertility. Because sometimes if you dont laugh, you cry:
http://www.999reasonstolaugh.com/
Good luck… and I am proud of you for sharing your feelings.
Not really where I thought I would be at 26, but hey not for me to decide I guess. Thanks for responding to my comment, made me feel better at least for a little while!
Wow, I really like this theory…totally makes sense when you know (hah – read) both of your websites! Big hugs, Katie! You’re not going through this alone. Look at all this love and support from the Internet!
PS Sorry to ask, but I have to…have you been to see your regular old ob/gyn yet?? I put off seeing mine when we were slow to conceive, and when I finally did, I was kicking myself of course. Sometimes something small and dumb can be holding things up (barring the YHL connection that is). Love to you dear! Hang in there, we’re all rooting for you!
I am with you on being frustrated and wanting another baby. After my last negative test I just felt exhausted. Period, taking tests, charting, ovulation, waiting….waiting…waiting….taking tests way too early and then failing. It is mentally exhausting. And overwhelming. And I just don’t feel prepared to do it all over the next cycle. It sucks. Of course, I will, but it keeps getting harder seeing those stupid negative results. Especially since I did have a positive four months ago that resulted in an early miscarriage. I’m so tired of seeing pregnancy announcements. I appreciate your openness. I don’t have people I can really share my thoughts with other than my supportive husband. Sometimes just typing it out feels better. I don’t know.
Thank you.
I feel ya!! We tried for 2 years before we finally got pregnant w/ this one(our 1st). After finally giving up I got my bfp. My absolute pet peeve is when people would tell me “don’t stress about it and it will happen”. Excuse me, but having children is the most important/amazing thing I will do in my life , so if I am ever going to stress about anything it will be that!! Of course only those very fertile people would say that. I have to say that the timing couldn’t have been better though. Had I gotten pregnant right away I would have had to put him in daycare and work, but now I will be able to stay home w/ him!! Hang in there, I know it’s hard.
I feel your pain! My husband and I have been trying for awhile now and it’s definitely gut wrenching every time that little red line appears on a test. I pray and pray that I will one day see a plus sign and it is hard to let go and let God take control. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s good to know others are going through something similar.
Something to chew on … During the years of saying hello to Aunt Flo when all I really wanted to do was kiss her goodbye for 9 months, I thought I would lose my sanity. So one day I decided to make a pregnant bucket list. A list of all the things I wanted to do but wouldn’t be able to if I were pregnant. Each month when that crazy aunt, who couldn’t take a hint, would show up I’d treat myself by doing one of the things on my list. It didn’t take the hurt away, but it did allow me to take my mind off of what I was missing – even for just a little bit. 🙂
Aww honey, you know God can handle your frustration. He knows how you feel and has an abundance of comfort and peace for you. Infertility is such a mean thing. My sister (who has no kids yet) has been dealing with it since Nov ’10 and has had 1 miscarriage. I hurt for her and pray for her. You are not alone. Be careful that the bitterness monster doesn’t steal the joy you can still have in the journey (not that you sound bitter…I just know it can come easily with this struggle). That monster kills the good stuff in a tough situation. I will add you to my prayers and I hope you get your BFP soon.
PS- I have nothing helpful to offer on the trying to conceive front, but I will say this: I miss my best friend. The one who totally gets me (the whole me) like no one else, and who doesn’t mind when I just want to hang out and do nothing. It’s a really long story as to what happened between us, but it’s frustrating. I’m trying to let go and just let things happen as far as whether or not he wants to be in my life still, but that’s about as easy as any other time someone says they’re “letting it go”. The other night my husband told me to “just relax” about it and I almost bodychecked him across the kitchen.
PPS- In case my virtual hugs earlier were too mushy I’ll just go with…. fistbump.
Looks like you’ve received tons of support and cyber hugs already, but one more can’t hurt. 😉 It took me a year and a half to get pregnant the first time. I know all about the tears and the crankiness. It’s good to get it out. He knows your desires and His plan is best, but dang it – waiting on His timing can freaking kill a person! Hopefully, you find comfort in knowing that many have been in your shoes.
Girl, I’m cranky right along with you for the exact same reason, except I went to my doctor in my new town and he told me he didn’t trust my medical history (I had to take a combination of medication to get pregnant with my first) and that he wouldn’t give me the medication I needed and I got in a yelling match with him (yep…I did) and when he suggested running tests and I asked if those tests would be covered by my insurance, he said, and I quote: “Frankly, I don’t know and I don’t care.” Let’s just say he is no longer my doctor…I stormed out of there slamming the door telling him that there was a little thing called social media and I was about to blast him on it. (Of course, I only have like 10 Facebook friends and blog readers that actually live in this new town, but if someone googles his name it totally pops up on the first page.) So, not only am I cranky…I’m pissed! It took 18 months to get pregnant with our one and only child and we are 7 months in this time and it’s no easier, so I know how you feel!
I need to do this! What were some things on your bucket list if you don’t mind sharing?
This post brought me out of blog stalking to tell you that even though I don’t know what it feels like to go through what you’re going through and I’m not a hermit (but I’m certainly overly emotional if you ask my boyfriend and I think oversharing is awesome)… I love your blog and I will pray for you (and my sister, who DOES know what you’re going though).
Whether or not you always (or ever) feel like it, you are awesome and you are doing a great job.
At everything.
And, as far as I’m concerned, patience is the lamest virtue anyways… so it’s probably fine if you don’t have much of it 😉
I know you don’t want advice but I’ve been telling just about anyone I meet that I think MIGHT want a baby to try these (very cheap!) ovulation kits. You get 50 of them plus 20 pregnancy tests (although those don’t work as well as the expensive preg tests). But 50 ovulation strips for $13. So you can test every single day, or multiple times a day, if you’re obsessive like me, to figure out when is prime baby-making time: http://www.amazon.com/Ovulation-Prediction-Strips-Pregnancy-Test/dp/B0026995KO/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1327964402&sr=8-3
Also, I think you took the words right outta my mouth with #3. It’s really hard to make friends as adults when we’re all so wrapped up in our own routines and little families. And when you’re looking for someone you can be yourself with – warts and all – it’s really hard to find someone you’re comfortable letting your guard down with. I’ve tried – and failed – with people. They were too neurotic or I was too open or whatever – something happened and the friendships didn’t work out. But I kept trying and have made two really great friends. I could always use more though so, if you ever come out to STL, hit me up. And I know Boots so he can tell you I’m not (totally) crazy.
I feel your pain Kaite. I have been trying for 18 months for my first. We have seen many doctors and have an appointment with a fertility specialist in the near future. The hardest part is that my best friend is now 4 months pregnant so I have to be happy for her which, a lot of the time, is sadly and act. I am jealous of what she has and upset that I can’t have it. I hope that both of our stories have happy endings very soon!
It’s good to vent Katie! It’s good to get some of that out of your head. My blog was invaluable during my fertility struggles. My husband and I tried for four years to conceive and were never successful. We finally decided to go and get some tests done and it turned out I have a blocked fallopian tube and my husband’s “swimmers” were a little slow. 🙂 It was “possible” for us to get pregnant, but who knew when it would ever happen. So one day I woke up and was just sick of waiting and called my fertility doctor and said sign us up for IVF. It worked and I’m 2 1/2 months pregnant. I’m not saying you should do IVF! Oh no! Clearly you can get pregnant, you have WIll to prove that! I just wanted you to know that I understand what it means to want something that you seem to have no control over. It’s beyond frustrating. It’s a frustration I never knew existed! It’s hearbreaking! Don’t ever feel bad for feeling frustrated. Feeling frusrated doesn’t take away from the love and appreciation you feel for Jeremy and Will. And I TOTALLY understand what “baby making sex” can do to your sex life! Oh man! Talk about a turn off! People used to say to me, “well at least the trying part is fun”. HA!
Anyway, chin up my virtual friend. 🙂 I used a basal temp thermamoter to track my temperature to make sure I was ovulating. It helps. You may want to give that a try along with the ovulation pee sticks.
Oh and by the way, if we have a boy, we’re naming our son Will after my husband, William David (who also goes by his midle name)
I feel you girl. I’m ‘only’ 7 months in and not completely freaking out outwardly yet … but inside it seems like all I can think about. Vent all you want. It is nice? to hear that I’m not the only one.
Man I would love to enjoy a glass of wine … or even a Coke .. but I can’t cause it might make my uterus unhappy.
Type A personality sucks! Sometimes it seems that God sends these trials/plan derailments (Is that a word??) to those with the most planned personalities just to provide some comic relief upstairs.
I feel you. I hope all of these comments cheer you up! I love reading your blog and never comment, but this hit home. If I lived near you, I’d be a hermit with you! Sending love your way!
This blog post is exactly what I needed today. My husband and I have been trying for almost 4 years for our first. For the first two we just let things happen, then we got on the fertility treatment train. Anyway, I was telling my husband today (we had yet another IUI) that I am tired of people I don’t know sticking things in my vagina. Dealing with infertility stuff sucks. I think you have every right to be cranky and grumpy and mad. I wish more people who go through this would let the world know. When you are going through this you feel so alone. So often people just tell you to relax, stop stressing, do this, do that, “just adopt” or whatever else. It is hard. Making decisions about what to do during the process is hard. Getting your period every month is hard. Nothing that anyone can do or say will make that easier. But, that being said, I know that God loves you. He has a plan for you and your little family. Thank you for giving me comfort on a day when I didn’t know if I could continue waiting. I hope you get your positive test soon.
I’m a hermit with a little (20 month old) boy like you and while I’m sitting inside I’ll be praying for you…not that you asked for it, but I’m a giver…a hermit giving mama:)
I couldn’t read without commenting, but truth be told I don’t know what to say. I was you 4 years ago when we were trying to conceive our first. I’m totally familiar with every emotion you’re going through. Life just kinda sucks sometimes. Just know that you’re not alone, even if you’ve got hermit ways (I do too). But I fully recognize that sometimes you want to think you’re all alone, that you’re the only one who has ever experienced the pain that your in. If that’s the case, know that no one knows exactly what it’s like to be in your exact situation. So if you want the comfort of community, know that it’s here for you; and if you’d rather feel all alone, it’s totally understood. Sometimes that’s just what you need.
Sheesh, you’ve got me in tears over this. I’d like to think that it’s because I’ve been sick lately and extra emotional. But in truth I think it’s that you and I have a lot in common. I think you’re like a waaay funnier version of me. Heck, we even share a name. And as my husband and I think about trying for a second child (which for us will most definitely mean a ridiculous amount of doctor’s appointments and medications and tears) I worry that all the feelings you’re having will just come flooding back to me. And I’ll have to deal with all the well-meaning comments that just sting every time. But we’re strong women. We most definitely can get through this. Good luck Katie!!
Venting is good…it’s healthy and totally necessary! And I love you and your blog more for it!
I’m thinking of you and hope hope hope for it to happen for you soon!
Jo-Anna
Hang in there, Katie! It took us two years of trying to conceive our now 15-month old daughter. We were not trying, but also not preventing and the second time around we got pregnant on the first attempt. However, that resulted in a miscarriage at 9 weeks. I would much rather go through the intense, agonizing game of waiting then the hell I’ve been through these past few days with the miscarriage. Everything will work out how it is supposed to. I know for us, stress was a huge factor in our inability to conceive. Be easy on yourself. Good luck! xoxoxo
Remember how I freaked out when I wouldn’t get pregnant? I got pregnant the one month I decided not to “try”…..on vacation in florida….just saying.
If we lived near each other, we could totally be friends. Friends IRL, even.
i feel your pain! so deeply. my husband and i have been trying for our first baby for a full year now too. we had one early miscarriage and i was recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism. i’m 24…i feel like it should be easy for me to get pregnant! not fair. i feel the same way about pregnant women, the words “just relax!”, and “trust in god’s timing”. i think it’s something no one understands unless they’ve been in these shoes. and seriously this self-diagnosed hermit would totally want to hang out with your hermit-like self and your cute baby boy and b*t* about not being pregnant! so just know i feel ya!
Katie, you are amazing! You sound just like me. I love it! Hugs and prayers to you about the pregnancy thing… I understand! <3 Hang in there chickie!
Hi Katie, old friend. I’m sending you a big ol’ hug. I am where you are, though in the 1.5 years we’ve been trying for our second I’ve had two miscarriages at 12 weeks and 13 weeks. And that plain sucks. I’m now in cycle monitoring which is a depressing thing all on its own (sitting in packed rooms full of women who can’t conceive doesn’t make me more optimistic that this is the solution).
But I am hopeful. And I am happy. Because I know I can conceive and carry a baby to term and in that regard, I am very very lucky. And, though it doesn’t lessen the longing for another child, at the end of the day when I’m sad and feeling sorry for myself, I can reach over and give my daughter a kiss and thank my lucky stars that I was able to experience the miracle of birth even once in my life.
I’m praying for you (and me). Wish you weren’t such a hermit (or lived hundreds of miles away), ’cause I’d invite you over for some tea and chat. xo.
katie- yes. yes, yes, and yes. we’ve been trying for almost a year and…it’s obviously not working…which would be fine if my 6 millionth single bartending fb friend weren’t pregnant…or if the moms of kids i teach weren’t pregnant with #6 from the 4th baby daddy…or if…well, the world were perfect, i guess. we recently had a sermon on hannah and it was so. hard. for me to listen to because i was like uhhhh i respect hannah’s position but a) i don’t want to put my kid in the church instead of my house and, b) i don’t want to be as old as hannah. i want it to be NOW. fertility friend makes me feel better…except last month when we did it when we were “supposed” to and it still didn’t happen…but i’m trying really hard to have faith…check CF, etc.
i have prayed for you since you said something a few months back and will continue to lift you all up. my cycle was 42 days in october instead of 30 and i was so hesitantly STOKED. and then i cried. and cried. and wanted to punch things. and cried. then i woke up in the middle of the night and threw up…so excited. and then the nagging rag came. and i cried. what’s worse? being married for over a year and having friends with babies (that i LOVE) and so every middle-aged person around us goes, “SO WHEN IS IT YOUR TURN?” and then i shout (literally), “WHEN JESUS AND MY UTERUS DECIDE TO GROW A BABY…WHY DON’T YOU ASK HIM?!” …yes. i’ve said that. yes. they think i’m kidding. no, they don’t seem to figure out that i’m tired of them asking OR that they’re dangerously close to being punched in the face. 🙁 i have complete faith that God is bringing you, Jeremy, and Will a sweet new Bower in the future. His time is always great, of course, but sometimes it sucks to not know anything about it. it reaaalllyyy suuuucks.
also. i stay home. anytime i’m not at work or church. i like my couch. i like my projects. i like reading books. i like my tv. no shame in the hermit lifestyle. 🙂 we’ll all be your virtual (or eventually real life) friends. duh. and i know you don’t need encouragement, but know that someone else is sitting here angry and waiting too…and sometimes wanting to hate pregnant people. also, i have a friend who struggled for years to get pregnant. she has a sweet baby now, but she sent me this video when i was particularly pissed off: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJRzBpFjJS8
hope it makes you laugh!
Aw, Katie Bower. I wish we’d just had this conversation over a glass of wine. Because that’s the one benefit of not being preggertons. It’s so frustrating, and nothing your head tells your heart’s gonna change it. Remember that it took that one VERY SPECIFIC set of circumstances to get you Will…and God’s holding out for the very right genes to come together for a babe you won’t want to trade for the world. I’ll be sending prayers your way, for a babe and for your heart! And for protection for the next person who tells you to relax…
I want in! I’ll bring apps!
I felt led for the first time to leave my two cents. I have been down your road and it proved to be one of my biggest life lessons. Every month I would beg the Lord, plead with Him, to give me a baby and then after saying amen, I would take it upon myself to figure out what I/we/the Dr. could do differently to change the outcome from negative to positive. I asked God for His will but then would turn around and try to control the process. I knew what He wanted to hear but had a hard time completely surrendering it all to Him. After 16 months, I was broken and desperate for peace in my heart. For the first time, my prayer went from ‘please give me this baby!!!’ to ‘please have your will in my life and let me be at peace with whatever it is’. I surrendered…totally. I conceived my daughter that month. Looking back, I get it. His message is so clear now…I am not in control…He is. Four babies later, I still need to be reminded at times to “Be Still”!! I feel so certain that your baby is coming and when he/she does it will all make perfect sense.
Ahh Jen…how did I miss all that in your life? I didn’t know. Did you even blog about it? Now I feel like a poor bloggy friend if you did and I missed it. I’m prayin for both of us 🙂
xo – kb
p.s. your ALT recaps were so fun…I poured over them 🙂
PHONE DATE>>>WHEN!?!?!
xo – kb
I get it. I really do, Katie. Chad and I wanted to get pregnant again in the fall of 2010. But it didn’t happen until the fall of 2011. And then we lost the baby. I’m pregnant again now, but it doesn’t make up for the wanting and the hurt of the past year+.
I was intensely jealous of everyone I knew pregnant with their second child and I had the same dialogue running through my head, ‘I have an amazing family, I have a house I love, I have a kick butt little boy…I should be enjoying this.’ But I didn’t. It sucked and nothing made it better.
So I just want you to know that I get it. And I’m sorry. 🙁
I read your blog all the time but don’t really comment….but with that said,
I am from California but have lived with my husband in south Korea for the past two years. Hermit should be my middle name. I want babies but we think it’s best to wait until the we are back in the states, but it’s hard to postpone.
Anyways, I’m praying for you and sending a hug.
P.s. I would love to eat some bacon together…mainly bc we can’t get it here, so it’s been a long two years!
yeah…husbands should know by now that not telling us to relax is cardinal rule #1.
my Jer learned the hard way 🙂
xo – kb
oooh – me too…I wanna know what was on it!!!
xo – kb
Dear Katie – Your blog today made me cry. See years ago I was you. Wanting a baby so bad that it makes you hurt. I went through all the medical testing, procedures and IVF’s and nothing worked. I smiled and laughed when friends and family called new purchases of furniture or the car as consolation prices for not getting pregnant. But the smile and laughter never reached my eyes. I gave up and left it up to God. If it was meant to be it would need to happen naturally with all of my internal reproductive problems. A couple of years later it did and my son – the miracle baby – will be 18 this upcoming spring. I hope that you find peace in this journey. I know it is not an easy one.
Take care,
dn
My heart hurts for you, Katie. I don’t understand exactly what you’re going through, but I sure as heck know what it’s like to be frustrated beyond words. And to want a baby so bad you can’t breathe sometimes. My husband and I have been married for nearly 2 years, and it’s AWESOME – I’m trying hard to soak it in right now (the sleep, the lack of responsibility, the QT with my husband…). I know that me + hubby + God is enough. MORE than enough. I absolutely love being married. And I know that I am already blessed more than I deserve. But my heart ACHES for a child. I feel guilty for not being content. I’m still in graduate school, so we have to wait another couple years before we can even try. Everyone thinks I’m crazy for wanting a baby as much as I do now. But I swear, I can already FEEL love my child/children. I pray for them. Every time I see a little one my heart just aches (now I’m crying big sloppy tears…cool). I know my husband will be the most wonderful father (he wants a baby too, but is less emotional about it than me). Grrrrr it’s so hard to be patient! I’ll be praying for you, and me too…that we can TRUST God’s timing, and that we’ll be WONDERFUL mommas to the children we’re given. You seem like you already are 🙂
I was just going to 3rd these lovely ladies! I am 6 years in, done dating and just READY for a ring! I am such a total planner, OCD, semi-control freak. I just want it like yesterday. But like you girls said, I know it will happen. For me there is no one else, just an empty finger pining for some bling 🙂 My Pinterest board more than agrees.
Katie, I just want to say I love your blog. And I love it the most because you are real. You don’t sugar coat, you keep it real. I am a total hermit too. I have the good fortune of working from home, and live 45 minutes away from all my family and friends, so I entertain myself with gossip mags, reality TV, the quirks of my furry children, and of course being crafty fabulous like you in our house.
From one hermit to another, you got this girl!
7. Love you too, Katie!
I know we don’t actually know each other, but whenever I tell my husband about something you write about I always say, “My friend Katie…” It’s so much easier than explaining to him about the world of blogging!
And thanks for blogging about making new friends. I moved away from home with my husband to a town of 600 a couple years ago and I am still having a hard time finding other young people to hang out with…I end up becoming quite hermit-like myself. 🙂
Katie- I had a horrible 2011 (I won’t get into all the details) but through out everything I trusted in God. It turns out His plan was the right one and what He has planned for you will be the right one too. Just keep the faith.
One a side note, to make you laugh, Jeremy may have a twin in Syracuse, NY (Go Orange!!). I was reading the engagement announcements in Sunday’s paper and thought, “that guy looks really familiar”. Then it dawned on me- he looked like you husband!
Katie –
What an inspiration you are. I suffered in silence when nobody except me and my husband knew that we were trying to conceive. I never mentioned to anyone the heartbreak of seeing that biotch Aunt Flo every month, and by the responses of your readers, I wish I had somewhere I could have gotten this much support, even if it’s from blog-friends. I too cried myself to sleep for 8 months, and although a year is longer I hope that you get your gift eventually. Praying for you .
**And don’t you for one minute feel bad about not being happy for other preggos – It’s hard not to watch someone who takes a pregnancy for granted and not wanna punch them. When we were struggling to conceive, someone I knew decided to abort twins that she’d conceived when she cheated on her man because they didn’t fit into her life. Every inch of me hated her, even though it was her choice to make. Then I got pregnant with my twins, and it might not be right, but I hope a little part of her heart breaks when she’s reminded of her twins every time she sees my little boys. Even now, I can’t shake the feelings I have towards her, and honestly I dont think I ever will.
Your post made my heart ache for you. A very dear friend of mine lost her son during labor, following an extremely normal pregnancy. There are just no words or explanations for her situation or yours. My condolences to you.
Hey Katie!
So sorry 🙁 Have a couple of friends going through this and I know how it can make you go crazy. One tid-bit of advice (I’m an RN if that gives me an repoire)…new research is showing that during the days of your cycle when you are fertile, it is actually ideal to “try” (haha) every OTHER day instead of every day or multiple times a day etc etc. That worked for me Bing-Bang-Boom. But who knows, There could be lots of factors…but in CASE you haven’t tried that one… it couldn’t hurt, right?
Good luck, we are all rooting for you. Or should we say the lil swimmers…
so sorry I can’t imagine how hard that is. and I totally know what you mean it does help to get it out and I know that in the middle of it it seems hard to know what the Lord’s will is for you during this time of waiting that he’s asked of you. we are in the middle of waiting as well and I found some encouragement from this article http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2011/09/26/gods-will-for-your-wait/
hope that helps! saying a prayer for you!
thank you for being you…and bring real…and sharing your struggles.
praying for you and sending lots and lots of love.
THIS is the worst part. I let myself get my hopes up month after month. It’s exhausting and I’m making my poor husband crazy AND I always get let down. Grrr.
I think the ONLY possible silver lining to all of this is that hopefully God is planning to line up Bower Baby #2 with Petersik Baby #2, so that you can have another set of best buds who will be betrothed from birth 🙂 Oh yeah, and so that you and Sherry can go through all the ups and downs of pregnancy together 🙂
Praying for you!
I don’t normally comment but want to share. I have two boys, boy number 1 came right away.
I mean like after 1 month. Boy number #2 took 18 months, seriously. We thought it would
never happen. We thought our 1st one was a fluke. We thought we would raise an only son.
We were about to give up, and then it happened.
He is 16 now and a total monster. I mean I could totally kill him on most days.
Relax it will happen and the timing will be perfect when it does.
I have been reading your blog for several months and I love your honesty. I don’t completely understand where you are at, but I do know what it feels like to want something so bad and for it to not happen the way and when we choose. You aren’t alone and I am sending cyber hugs and prayers your way. 🙂
Thank you. This means I’m not alone. I’m so proud of you for writing this post, as I’ve been too chicken to write a similar one myself. My husband and I have been trying for a year and a half for our first child. The testing for my husband turned out perfectly normal, and I’ve had more blood work done than I can even recall, I took Clomid for several months, had an HSG procedure that was normal, and I’ve been doing acupuncture (for fertility) once a week since October. There are no clear signs as to why this is happening when day after day I’ve monitored my temperature, and month after month the ovulation test kits show that I’m definitely ovulating (& regularly at that)! Meanwhile, everyone I know is pregnant. It’s frustrating. Extremely. But thank you for sharing your struggles because I can totally relate to the “crying myself to sleep” comment.
And then I came back..twice and read tons of these comments. And cried. Twice. That ugly cry. Hard cry. But. Feel better than I did this morning. Well as good as I can. Just had to say that. So thank you
It took us a LONG while to conceive our first, due in about 4 weeks. It was the most painful journey I have ever been on and all I can say is I am sorry you are experiencing it. There is nothing like the emptiness of wanting a child and not being able to conceive one.
I will be thinking of you! I hope it happens for you soon.
Dude, overshare away! Let it out, it’s ok to be cranky! I know you said you didn’t necessarily want I’m sorry’s or tips, etc…but I had to share this prayer with you. I found it in my grandmother’s desk drawer when we were cleaning out her belongings after she passed away. My grandmother was pretty incredible, you see. She literally never worried…when she was told that she had breast cancer & that if she didn’t treat it with chemo, she would only live 6 months, she said “so be it” & had a mastectomy. She refused chemo & went about her life only to live 12 more years! At the time that I found it, I really needed it. & the things that happened after I started to say this prayer would give you chills. Since then I have passed it along to a few others who I thought it would help…anytime I felt like I was trying to control a situation, I said it…& let me just tell you how often I say it, but I promise it helps! Here ya go, girl…
Heavenly Father, I bring this need of mine before You today. I place it on the altar of your mercy & grace. I relinquish my hold on this situation in every way & choose You to move on my behalf in a supernatural way for a miraculous answer to this prayer. I come in faith, believing that You hear this cry of my heart right now. Dear God, I recognize that only You are able to provide this miracle. I take my limits off you. And now I ask You to help me see, in a special way, just how You are answering this prayer…in Your special way & in Your perfect timing. And I promise to give You the praise. I ask this in the Name of Jesus, & I thank You & praise You for your love & compassion. Amen.
I really do feel like it was left in that drawer for me…& it’s interesting to see who I have felt the need to share it with…maybe it was meant for you too… xoxo
Three things:
1. I think people who leave their homes are the weird ones. I lead a very full life with my shades drawn
2. The only thing that could makes things worse for you right now is to leave the comfort and safety your house and chance meeting said weirdos.
3. What makes you different is what makes you special, my little snowflake. Don’t go changing. Hide under your rock until you get bored…or run out of bacon. Whichever comes first. That’s what I do.
Baby fever is strong and painful and all encompassing. I understand what you are going through and I pray it happens soon for you xo
Aw! This made me sad. You’re a good mom, you deserve more babies to love. They’re there, just waiting for their time to be yours. And what a magical time it will be! 🙂
But totally worry and freak-out and cry and scream in the meantime. Why not? Sometimes it feels better, sometimes not. But if you’re already feeling cranky, it can’t hurt. 😉
We’d make good buddies, Katie. 🙂
I agree – the stars are just taking their time aligning! You know you’d love to be pregnant with $herdog!
First off, I THANK you for being so honest and for sharing your struggles. My husband and I have been married almost 6 yrs and the goalie was pulled immediately after the wedding! Several months of Clomid and a laparoscopic surgery to find out what’s wrong and nothing yet. I should be making an appt with my doc this week but avoiding it because honestly, I’m just exhausted. Baby-making is fun, but trying to make a baby is not, if you know what I mean 🙂 I’m sharing this not because I’m throwing a pity party for myself (which might not be entirely true) but to thank you for being so honest and brave and putting it out there. It’s really tough to admit that you feel like you’re failing at something (only speaking for myself here) so I appreciate you putting that into the words that I can’t always say for myself. I’ll keep you in my prayers and just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone and you are very much loved by your blog readers!!! xoxo
Katie, I’ve been reading about your pregnancy struggle and I want to share something with you. I’ve been trying to get pregnant since around the time Will was born. My life is very different from yours. My husband and I both work outside the home, I’m over 30, we make great money and we’ve enjoyed 7+ years of marriage “child-free”. Everyone assumes that we don’t want children, but the truth is that it’s been difficult for us to conceive.
In December I went to a reproductive endochronologist for help. The next day I found out I was pregnant. I almost fainted.
I’m at the end of my first trimester and about to reveal the news to friends and family. I’ve been very sick and I could have lost my baby. Luckily I have excellent medical care and we’re all going to be okay.
Not sure why I’m sharing this, but I just want to let you know that there are doctors who can help and that there’s always someone who can understand what you are going through. We’re so happy to have this one baby that we aren’t even thinking that we could every possibly be blessed with another. I just want to live in this moment and be happy about this child.
I was never the type of little girl who dreamed of being a mom. My husband and I never wanted a large family. However, when I couldn’t get pregnant I felt helpless, so I understand. We all have different stories, but remember that there are women who see your life, husband, and toddler and they wish they had what you have. You are blessed. We’re both blessed.
I’m in a totally different situation, but you post really does help me put things into perspective too. I’m on the other end of things; preggo with baby #2, with basically no having to “try” for either pregnancies…we said lets have a May baby and BAM here she comes. My thing though was that I so badly wanted a boy this time; I actually cried when I left the ultrasound and found out it was a girl. Thanks to my sweet, best friend of a younger brother, I was able to stop crying long enough to listen to him describe what he imagined my daughter’s life with a sister will be like, and I must admit, never having a sister myself, it sounds pretty amazing. Now though, since this will most likely be my last pregnancy, I feel so awful and guilty and sad that I’m just not enjoying it. I don’t like all the nausea, and the feeling huge, and the swollen feet and the anxiety that something is wrong every time I have gas or heartburn, or the overwhelming fear that something will go wrong and I will die during childbirth and leave two girls motherless! What if my first daughter never forgave me??? So see….like my mom says, it’s a crapchute either way!! Your post helps me to remember that as much as I may be hormonal and uncomfortable and pissy and feeling like a big fat hippo now, there are soooooi many women who would kill to be in my shoes….again, the guilt 🙁 Good Luck to you all.
I spent three years struggling with secondary infertility. I had that first baby so easily and then hit the wall with the second. It’s depressing and heart breaking and HARD. I am so sorry!!!!
Wine! You need a huge glass of wine 🙂
You say that you’re a hermit, yet you are a very brave person. I too, feel your pain, but I’m not brave enough to say it “out loud” whether on my blog, to my family or friends or even sometimes to myself. In fact, I deleted this comment about 6 times before posting. So, yes you may be cranky today and you may whine now and then and you may cry sometimes, but you are brave. You are brave and you are strong. I’m not exactly religious myself, but I do believe in people and I do believe in you. Hang in there.
Sincerely,
Another one of your adoring fans that would gladly live next door and eat cookies and cry with you.
Hi Katie!
I’m in the same boat, sweety, except subtract the precious son and add a year of cranky. Just heard about this: http://www.fertilemindset.com/suedumais/ Not sure if you’d be interested, but I’ll be on it, and I just wanted to pass it along.
Couldn’t have said it any better. Thanks Jill!
It is going to happen for you Katie! My hubby and I are hoping to start trying so I don’t know what the future holds for us but I have faith. My BFF and her hubby were trying for a little over a year for their first baby with no luck, both went and had fertility checks,where they found there was nothing wrong. The month they were going to start trying fertility drugs they found out they were pregnant. They now have a beautiful 6 month old baby girl. Thinking of you girl! xo K
I say be cranky! You have every right to be, just don’t let it stop you from doing all the things you love and expressing all your love for Will and the hubby. I say curl up with some ice cream and a good chic flick, and be cranky!! Also, I love the hermit part- I am definitely a hermit. I adore reading your blog and I really hope to meet you one day, you are very very very inspiring!
Katie – I’ve been struggling with infertility for almost 3 years. I’m currently about to start my third IVF. Get yourself to a reproductive endocrinologist to get checked out. Sounds like you have secondary infertility – which is very common and nothing to be ashamed about.
(((hugs)))
Oh man. It’s totally understandable to be cranky. As always, I love how open and honest you are about things.
I’m cranky too, a person who has been like a grandfather to me my whole life is dying, and at Thanksgiving I didn’t get a chance to talk to him hardly at all, there were so many people there. And then he got really sick. I went home to say goodbye this weekend and it broke my heart knowing it’s over. Life seems so cruel sometimes.
On a lighter note, I feel so safe being my silly, dorky self behind the screen. And have the same fear of meeting people in real life. Not that this will ever happen – but despite my introverted-ness, I’d jump at the chance to meet you. You’re one of the few people online who I feel like actually shares her real self.
Hey Katie-
I’ve never left a comment for you on here before…I don’t know why, especially since I think we’re pretty insanely similar! My husband and I were never supposed to be able to have babies without medical intervention. We went through countless infertility treatments and therapies, and uch, girl. I feel your pain so much. We (thank God) have a beautiful baby girl now, our miracle, but I know how frustrating the whole “trying to conceive” process is. My husband is a pastor, and so is my dad and my father-in-law, so to say I heard the phrase “in God’s timing” a few too many times is still an understatement. I heard it every day, multiple times a day it felt like, and holy crap (I want to say the s word, too) I wanted to punch every person in the face that said that to me. I KNOW IT’S IN GOD’S TIMING, BUT HIS TIMING SUCKS RIGHT NOW! That’s how I felt…how I feel even now thinking about when we decide to have another baby, because I’m pretty dang sure that it’s not going to be easy. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be insanely hard, and that is just a freak out waiting to happen. So, from a state away and stranger danger beware, I’m holding your hand…praying for you…understanding your frustration, yet knowing that your pains and fears and angers are completely your own. No one else is inside your head, or your bed (except the boyfriend, but you get my point), or your heart… I love that you’re so open and honest about the process you’re going through. I didn’t really have the strength to be transparent about it until after I had my girl.
On the hermit note- THANK YOU. I sit at home pretty much all day, every day, and I love it. My husband gets so frustrated with me because I don’t want to leave, but I’m suuuper house poor and that’s just plain depressing, and I would rather be in my pajamas with my hair in a top knot and my nerd glasses on all day. If my friends want to hang out, I just want them to come over and lie around with me…I don’t like to think I’m lazy, buuuuut maybe I am. A little.
Honestly, the best thing in the whole world for me has been running. I have always HATED running, but for once in my life, I needed something that was completely my own. I put in my head phones with ridiculous, inappropriate rap music and sweat it out- the fears and frustrations and loneliness and everything else going on. So, all this rambling to say…I would encourage you to find something just for you. Something that isn’t work! Moms so often neglect themselves, and I fell victim to it for a while, and especially with everything you have going on, you need Katie time. Find some Katie time even if it’s hard…it will be so worth it. I know you don’t know me, but I love you! In Jesus and in blog world, and just as girls who can commiserate. xo, S.
delurking to add another very heart-felt cyber-hug to the stack. There are a whole bunch of listening ears (eyes?) ready whenever you need to vent. The beauty of the interwebz!
Praying for peace for your heart and a baby for your arms. May God meet you as you wrestle in/with faith.
just wanted to let you know your post made my day ! My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant ( with #1) for the past year . IN the mean time working 10 hrs a day and coming home to read your blog ( among others) to beinspired with great mom / creative ideas. I too have been really down about it . Your post today made me chuckle a little and cry in relief that others are feeling to same way . Thanks Katie
Have you heard of Vitex. It seemed to have worked for me…my periods were somewhat irregular and this all herbal concoction regulated them and also makes great cervical mucous (tmi). it will happen.
I’m awkward too! It’s so HARD to make friends as an adult! I thought that was all supposed to pass as teenage awkwardness but…nope…now I’m a mid-twenty-something awkward person with a daughter and no mommy friends, and none of my old non-mommy friends because it was too hard to keep up with them when I became a mommy and they didn’t. And now I’m hermity, and it sucks. I JUST WANT A GIRL’S NIGHT! I feel you!!
My very best wishes that you get pregnant soon.
I understand your frustration – though with a different subject. I understand the waiting and especially the seeing others who have what you want and asking God why? The things that we want are good things. You want a baby…I want to get married. (hell I’d take a simple date at this point.) It is so hard to trust God’s timing. I think over and over and over again – that isn’t what I want a good thing. Isn’t marriage a good thing? Doesn’t God want good things for me? But then I am constantly reminded that singleness can be a good thing. Because a “good thing” is something that makes me more like Christ. And right now God is using my singleness to sanctify me and make me more like his son. It is so hard. Waiting is so hard. Getting on facebook and almost daily seeing another person engaged is almost torture. I have to constantly remind myself that God has put me here for my good and for his glory. Its a daily battle for contentment. Some days are easier then others when my married friends talk about having to check with their husbands before they buy something – I remind myself that I get to buy whatever the heck I want without asking anyone (you know within reason…because money is definitely an object). And I get to eat whatever I want and not have to worry about fixing dinner for someone else. And that is nice. But mostly I want to be married. And it sucks because I have no control over it. I believe that the guy is supposed to be the initiator and that I am called to wait – that may be a little counter cultural, but its the way I think it is supposed to be. But it is so frustrating sometimes because I can’t do anything about it.
Sorry for the novel – but there you have it…that is the thing I am cranky about. All I will say is be honest – with yourself – with God – with the people who ask if you are pregnant. Trust me the next time one of the older folks at my parents church ask if I have found myself a man yet I might just hit them…thats right I might smack an old person. Because the question sure does get old. And even though I want a husband – I don’t need people to imply that I am not a complete enough person on my own.
Whoops there I go ranting again.
But anyway…know that you are prayed for.
Can we be friends?
I think you’re hilarious and genuine and faithful and I wish we could be friends! My husband and I aren’t ready for kids yet, but every time I read about your pain and anger and frustration, I’m reminded that while we aren’t ready now, it might not just be a matter of saying: “We’re ready!” and boom! Baby! It put it’s in perspective, ya know?
And as someone who care deeply about children and youth and volunteers with them often and knows all the many struggles they face…It makes me so thankful that there are mamas (and dads!) out there like you and Jeremy who so deeply desire to love and raise children in the way of Christ. How awesome…and a gift that so many kids don’t get. Not that it makes the wait any easier, I’m sure…but boy, that little babe will be one lucky kiddo to be welcomed into the Bower fam!
I’m a hermit too. It’s definitely an insecurity thing. Why would anyone want to hang out with me? Why is it so hard to think of entertaining things to say to people? boo. My poor husband. But I’m working on a bit and praying about it a little and we’ll see what happens.
🙂
Oh KB, my favorite blogger, I hate that you are feeling this way….but I understand. I was there….not with baby #2 because I never got baby fever back after #1 (which is why they are 5 years apart), but definitely for #1! And nothing anyone said ever made me feel better, it just made me want to punch them, so I’m not even going there. I sure wish we lived nearby, I’d bring over some chocolate or *something* and I’d let you throw some of my old dishes and we could be hermits together. I might even throw some dishes too, since my 2 year old is about to make me wish I could run away. Here’s to hoping for a better tomorrow….that’s all we can do, right?
Re: #1 I’m convinced (from movies, books and real life friends) that pouring your energy into something else and “forgetting” about trying is the key. My supervisor and friend tried for at least 6 years (including fertility treatments). The moment that they concentrated on overhauling their house to adopt (I hope that they still adopt), they got pregnant. Her shower is this month. I hear this a lot from people.
Just a thought from someone who real doesn’t know anything about anything.
Oh you are wonderfully funny and I am so hermitty, too. I dream all the same dreams of having fun new friends to play with, make crafts with, etc. And then I just stay in my little apartment hole and snuggle on my couch or sew :o) It happens to the best of us awkward beauties!
I found something that might just make you smile (and giggle a little bit) when I visited my boyfriend this weekend. There is a store in Kentucky called Why Louisville and I laughed when I saw this shirt b/c I remembered your post. Enjoy!
http://shop.whylouisville.com/index.php?product=Put+A+Bird+On+It
Oh Katie, it’s okay to be cranky. I can’t imagine how frustrating that must be. Good luck to you and Jeremy – you are great people.
Love you KB.
I am a hermit too…I’m glad to hear there are other’s with hermit tendencies…I get nervous before I go out and have to meet anyone new… 🙂
Hang in there KB, you are awesome.
Katie, Katie, Katie,
So sorry. Wish there was something I could say to make it better. But since I can’t, I’ll just pray. And tell you that we are all scary hermity, crankmeisters. Pregnant, or period. Hugs, girlie!
Don’t hold in the emotion – if you feel cranky let it out!! I’ve been through a failed round of IVF – you think no one understands, but I think no one talks about it. You’re most definitely not alone in the waiting game. If doing this is making you crazy, you made it past the magic one year mark. Go to the dr and get tested. Maybe it’s just a simple hormone imbalance or infection you don’t know you have that is causing some infertility for you or the hubby? Everyone says no two pregnancies are alike… just cause it worked no problem the first time doesn’t mean it will be “easy” the next time. At least you could put your nerves at ease. Knowing we had a problem put an end to the year of monthly torture and despite where it led us, it was certainly easier to cope knowing we weren’t nuts!! And seriously, I thought I was going to poke peoples’ eyes out when they said things like “relax”… “it will happen when it’s supposed to”… sometimes you just want to hear THAT BLOWS!!! And I’m a hermit too. Nothing wrong with that! 😉 Hang in there. And be cranky if you need to! xo
I just wanted to say that it’s OK for you to be cranky and feel this way! I know you probably know that, but as one who is currently struggling with infertility (3 years going “strong”!) I just want to make sure you know it’s ok for you to be upset, to be angry, to be frustrated and annoyed by pregnant people! It’s hard when you want something so badly that you can almost taste it (though admittedly I have no idea how babies taste so I can’t say for sure 😉 ) but it stays just elusively out of reach. I really hope and pray that you get your next little one very soon!
Anyway, there’s no real point to my comment, just wanted to encourage you in some way if I could. I probably failed. lol. I also deal with lots of insecurities (and tend to be a hermit) so I feel weird being a total stranger attempting to offer the awesome Katie Bower any encouragement! 🙂
It must be nice to be a “hermit” with all these fans! Hope you don’t feel like a hermit anymore. I can’t say I know how you feel because I have no idea. My baby is a year and the whole baby thing is HARD!
Maybe you’re doing IT wrong?! 😉 haha, sorry. Probably not the best time for a joke…I tend to have inappropriate timing…a lot.
PS- The world of TTC is an ugly and frustrating place for a lot of us. Feel free to yell, scream, vent, and/or hit something (non-living, of course…well, unless Jeremy tells you to relax again). 😉
I swear – I just want to meet you and be your friend! You are so REAL and that’s why I love reading your blog! Ugh, such a relief to know that somebody else out there gets cranky, feels like a hermit and just wants a baby (my husband and I don’t have kids yet and I’m definitely more ready than he is…I know he will be someday but it’s hard to wait when you feel that undeniable urge…like, I just want a baby already! What IS that?! Seriously. Did God just wire us women to want babies?!? Sometimes I feel like I drive him nuts talking about it…anyway, not the same thing you are dealing with… sorry for the tangent!) On a side note, he also does not understand when I talk about this “Katie girl’s blog” and your mad photography skills and awesome home renovations…haha 🙂
I’ll be saying prayers for you and your adorable family.
Like you, I’m ready for something to happen in the baby making department and I will lose my $hit if one more person asks me when we are going to have a baby. Trusting in God’s plan takes faith, more faith than I feel I have sometimes, but if this is what I have to do then its what I will do. And there’s nothing wrong with having some bad days, it makes you appreciate the good days.
I read your blog often, but I don’t think I’ve ever commented. I am a total hermit, too. Every so often I try to be outgoing and leave my comfort zone, but I end up retreating again. Completely insecure over here. And I 100% get the frustration with trying to conceive. Anyway, I don’t know if this helps you at all, but I get where you’re coming from. You’re not alone.
I read your blog everyday and look at the amazing photographs you post on your photography site, while I sit here with the camera I am still learning how to use dreaming about taking pictures as beautiful as yours. While also envying your gorgeous home. To me you have got it all! Hang in there! Thanks for being so open and entertaining.
You are amazing, ignore what people say and live the life you imagined.
I am not going to pretend for even 1 second that I know what you are going through. I totally get the hermit thing though 🙂
I struggled conceiving in both of my pregnancies and after several rounds of fertility treatments I was referred to a specialist. Everything was normal except I wasn’t producing large enough eggs to fertilize. They were not growing to maturity. Naturally, I was devastated. Our first daughter was born premature and passed away, so I faced infertility and high risk pregnancy. My husband and I had a huge brouhaha because he believed that stress inhibits the baby making process for a lot of technical reasons that resulted in an argument and left me in tears. But then instead of getting stressed, I got pissed. I was mad our first daughter died, livid it could happen again, infuriated I would always have to deal with infertility to get pregnant and a whole lot of other negative emotions. So, I stopped taking the meds, shoved my Prenatals into a drawer I never open and decided to just stop. I wouldn’t have gotten there if I hadn’t been stark raving pissed. It was the first time in years I hadn’t been on medication for infertility and by the second month I felt happy again. I was comfortable with my choice. Then I found out I was pregnant. It happened on a random day that my many many months of ovulation tracking had taught me was an “infertile” time of the month… So I had no reason to suspect we actually conceived. I hated my husband for telling me about couples that “stopped trying” and then immediately got pregnant. But now we are one of those obnoxious stories! I don’t think it helps to just “stop” for everyone… However, I think something can be said about letting yourself be angry about it and then riding out the endorphins from that emotion until you feel like you can be content, even when you aren’t pregnant. What I truly believe is that you have to do whatever it takes to make you less stressed. For some, that’s not trying, for others, it’s seeing specialists etc. living with infertility you learn never to tell people that it will happen when it’s right because our bodies are intricate and complex and sometimes it doesn’t happen at all. Instead you learn that what matters is that we are ultimately always able to handle the cards god deals us, whether that means prefnancy or infertility, A living baby or an angel one, or a second pregnancy or just one. btw, I’m actually at the hospital triage now enjoying your blog while I suffer out the boredom. Thanks for that! Lol
Ohh Katie! No words of wisdom here, just sending you lots of hugs. Xoxo girl!
Oh man. I hate to admit it, but I’m a hermit too. I also do hermity things with my hermit family. And I go through the same emotions you do. I think I’m a perfectly likeable person, so I think about inviting people over. Then I think… “oh they won’t want to drive that far…” or “they probably have better things to do”. So I don’t. I was always the quiet girl growing up, so I got left out a lot. Not because people didn’t like me, but because they forgot about me. I think it just created one big heaping mess of insecurity. 🙂
As for the baby thing, I honestly don’t have anything to say other than, hang in there. It’s okay to be cranky about it. Thanks for being honest, though. It’s nice to see mommas out there keeping it real.
Hi- I’m a long time follower, first time writing … I feel your pain, ive got baby fever . I have a 2 year old and I’m aching to have another! Have been for a year… My problem is getting my Hubby on board…… I’m crossing my fingers for you, I’ve been waiting for the post when u say your preggers!
XOXOX
sending powerful thoughts and prayers
I want the same thing as you, here’s to hoping that we both have something to celebrate in a month
I am RIGHT there with you! We very recently stopped trying to stop it…yeah we thought BAM it’d be instant. but nope. and everyone on facebook is announcing it…even LITTLE KIDS (well…sixteen year olds – same difference). and a ton of these people were trying to prevent it! it makes me want to delete facebook. ::sigh:: and it’s hard to not freak myself out thinking we’re broken or something. but yeah anyways…you’re not alone!
Own it. Be cranky. Let it out. Sometimes that is just what you need. Good juju to you from one hermit to another.
I know how you feel, and while I hate that you’re in that situation, it’s a relief to read that I’m not the only frantic basal body temperature-taking, sex-timing, frustrated person out there. It’s been about 12 months total that my husband and I have been “trying.” But to add to the stress, it has been over the course of the last three years. Because of my job, I thought I would try to plan having a baby, but looks like the joke was on me. I have prayed and prayed, and I’m not even a really religious person. I know there is a plan, but dangit, I just wanna know what it is! Anyway, I just keep trying to appreciate the life I had now, but like you said, sometimes its just hard when you think about what it is missing. Maybe one of these days SOON we will be pregnant at the same time.
Oh petal, I’m sorry – that sucks! I’m a regular reader and don’t think I’ve ever commented but just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and crossing my fingers and toes and umm… eyes?! for you. And I would totally come over and be a hermit with you – just let me find air fare and I’ll see you in 12 hours or so haha!
Much love from Scotland! Jx
Katie & Jeremy-I just wanted to share some thoughts…I am married for two years now and although we haven’t started our family yet, and I don’t for a moment know what you are going through, I want to offer some perspective. If after all your trying you have no success maybe you guys can consider adopting. I myself was adopted. It was arranged before I was born and was a closed adoption so I had no two sets of parents thing going on growing up. I know when my husband and I try, we hope to have our own too. I just know that there are a lot of babies out there that mom and dads like you two…I have grown up feeling lucky to be alive, after all, I could have grown up with parents that couldn’t take care of me or didn’t want me, or worse, have been aborted. The only significance my biological parents have in my life is that they saved my life to give my parents a child that they struggled to have as you two are now. My mom says that she knew I was hers the moment I looked into her eyes when I was brought home from the hospital. Sorry if that was too much-or more than you give a crap to hear right now…Just know this could be an option for you guys too, you could save some other little babies life too, like my parents did mine.
Oh, Katie. I’m so sorry. It’s good to be cranky once in a while. And you have reason. And I hope no one says laptop-throwing statements to you. And if they do, I hope it’s a laptop you wanted to get rid of anyway. Praying for you.
I say be cranky. Thankfully we have a God that loves us in spite of our cranky tendencies. Husband and I have been trying for baby #1 for almost 2 years. It wasn’t until December that I got really cranky. The same time that we started IVF treatment, 2 of my husband’s *teenage, unwed* cousins got pregnant…both with baby #2. Pretty sure the thoughts in my head have surpassed cranky all the way to mean and ugly (and again I’m thankful that God loves me in spite of my ugly thoughts). Thank you so much for being so honest and cranky. One of the reasons I love reading your blog. Sending hugs from Arizona!
Katie, … can I just say THANK YOU for posting this! I exhaled in relief to see that its not just me. Welcome to the Cranky Club.. This is one year and six months for us.. I believe we are card carrying members! But I have faith and will now keep you in my prayers. I just wanted to comment to say that I understand your vent session.
Katie,
O know exactly how you feel on #1 after our son we tried for 3 years, and suffered 3 miscarriages, and so so so many heart breaks when the evil monthly witch would show up again. My heart feels your pain and understands. It hurts when people tell you to relax, let go, or at least you have Will……
Hey Katie-
I am in the same boat. We have beent rying for 9 solid months and nothing. I know when the “timing is right” it will happen. But I want it now. I am not getting any younger and my husband and I want to start our family!! (i mean besides our furbaby… he is a cutie!) I have been to see a reproductive endo and found out that we will have some difficulties starting a family, so that is a whole other road to go down. I find that during this time of just wanting a baby, if one more person tells me to “relax and let it happen” i might punch them in the face… seriously. Dont get down on yourself, hopefully it will happen for both of us, and all the other lovely ladies that have commented today, trying to start thier families, or adding to them.
In other news, I am also a hermit. I would totally be your hermit friend IRL!
Aww I never posted here before but if you lived in PA I would totally hang out with you and invite you to a girls night out (that is a very infrequent thing anymore). I can handle crazy and boring.
(((HUGS)))
Crank away.
Cranky is a-okay! I’ve been cranky lately too. I’m getting ready to turn 33 (ugh, how did that happen?!?!) and I’m still *waiting* (patiently??) for a husband. Although I guess I probably should say that I’m waiting for a boyfriend. Can’t jump the gun and go straight for husband when it’s been nearly 12 months since I’ve been on a real date. And sometimes I’m just tired of putting on a happy face & saying that everything is fine. I get you, and what you’re going through. If we could just get God to line Himself up on our schedules, life here on this earth should would be a while heckuva lot easier!!! Thanks for sharing your crankiness & keeping it real!! It feels really good to know I’m not the only cranky one when I don’t get what I want! Oh, and if you know any single guys….you could always send them my way!! Ha! Saying a prayer for you that your desire for another little Bower would be answered soon.
Love you too girl. Praying.
I feel your pain. I’ve been through two surgeries, three cycles of IUI, one cycle of IVF, a positive pregnancy test, and the news that it was ectopic. I’m 30 and that baby meant EVERY.THING to me. To rub salt in my wounded uterus, EIGHT of my friends are pregnant and I’m planning one of their showers.
Vent away, sister. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, and a year seems like such a long time to wait for the one thing you really want. Maybe after this pain is a distant memory and you’re holding your three children in your lap (because I really hope you have twins!!) you’ll be able to encourage others in their quest to make a little person.
Thanks for being real.
Katie,
First of all, thank you for being a terrific human being. Reading your blog is one of the best parts of my day. Second of all, like you and like many of these other ladies, I am also hoping, wishing, praying, dreaming, going CRAZY for a baby. It’s so funny that I’ve spent the past 5 years desperately trying to avoid those 2 lines on that little pee strip and now I have a near heart attack waiting for that second little line to show up. And then, if my poor little heart hasn’t been through enough already, it gets broken all over again when nothing shows up. Not even a shadow. I hope you know that we’re all out here, in out own little worlds, to help you pick up the pieces and hot glue it back together.
Best wishes!!
I swear, everyone I know is pregnant with baby #2 and it’s driving me baby-crazy! I have a 9 month old and so badly want to try for baby 2 but I had hormone issues post-pregnancy so I feel like I would be driving myself crazy. Not to mention exclusive BF = no period 🙁
I think most of us are hermits and it’s OK.
*hugs*
I’m so praying for you. I can kind of understand- all of my friends are engaged or married and here I sit, 24 almost 25, and never been kissed. Or on a date. Or really much of anything. I just keep praying in God’s time, but why does He take so long? I’m sure it’s so tough in your waiting, but it’ll be so worth it. Your family will grow and right now, it’s just growing in grace. I’ll keep praying.
No matter what they are your feelings and they matter…Be cranky as long as you want.
hermit to hermit I understand staying in with the people you know.
Katie,
I have not been in your position before so I can’t say I understand what you’re going through. I’m not even married. Wish I was sometimes, even tough I feel like I am.
I’m afraid sometimes of not becoming a mom at 30 like I dreamed of, but then I just feel happy to have the best boyfriend by my side. I know some people just wish they had a boyfriend so I just appreciate the fact that I indeed found the love of my life.
I do relate on wanting more and not being happy with what I have “right now”, but then I stop and think about all the happiness around me and it makes me realize that everything will come when it’s time.
Not sure if this helps you, just felt that sharing a bit more than a “you’re awesome” comment or “hang in there'” comment. Maybe this will make you smile. By the way you have the cutest baby on the world wide web so I’m sure I’ll be saying the same to you whenever baby #2 arrives.
Big cyber hug to you! and go hug Will and your “boyfriend” I’m sure it will make you feel much better.
Dang, girl. You already have, like, 486,304,001 comments and so I have a hard time believing that mine will make a dent, but I just wanted to say that you make me smile 🙂 I love that you spilled what was on your mind with complete honesty. There are a lot of bloggers out there that paint a pretty picture – a perfect life – and let the others around them feel sheepish that they have struggles. But you’re always hilarious and honest, and you do it with flare.
I would offer words of encouragement but like I already mentioned, you have 486,304,001 comments and I’ll bet you’re a little tired of hearing “It will be okay” and “Hang in there” (no offense to other ‘commenters’, of course!). I know a strong, funny, beautiful woman like you will bounce back in no time. Life sucks, it’s true. But if anybody can make it through, it’s you. 😀
Hi Katie,
I feel so sad for you-and I know exactly how you are feeling 🙁 big hugs.
I am feeling exactly the same right now-we have been trying for 6.5 years for a second child now and I am losing it. Hubby got test results yesterday and his last test was 4.5 years ago and the count hasn’t changed but the morphology has which is good BUT they have issues with their tails still 🙁 His count still is nowhere near high enough to make a difference/help the situation. So I have had a double blow this week and feel like crap too.
I REALLY hope that things turn around for you-you deserve more babies and I pray that it happens very soon for you.
xxx
Sweetie – I am sorry you are having such a hard time. But please – PLEASE don’t let this ruin the wonderful life you have with your darling boy and amazing husband. I was you – had my daughter and was so certain the next 2 would be right on time when I planned for them to join us. They never showed up. And I didn’t realize what I was risking by not paying attention to it until it was too late. I know it’s hard, I know you want another baby – and if its supposed to be … it WILL happen. Just don’t forget to love and appreciate and ENJOY what you have NOW. Just some advice from someone who spent too much time wishing for things she didn’t have and forgetting to be thankful for what she was given. You are blessed – let yourself feel bad for a minute (or 60 …) and then go back to living life in the here and now and enjoying the gifts you have been given – life is short … don’t waste it worrying about things you cannot control. 🙂
About #3: I want to be your friend. In fact, I’d LOVE to be your friend. I may live near Charlotte, but I’m from Lawrenceville and my family still lives there so I visit frequently.
If you need a semi-hermit friend who loves being, my email is harper.elisabeth @ gmail.com. 🙂
i can TOTALLY relate to u! We got pregnant with our first the first month we started trying! Then, nothing happened the second time around. I wanted it so bad, it was all I could think about! Everyone told me to stop pushing it and that it would happen. But…it didn’t. I drove my husband crazy and made sex a chore. I vented to my ob/gyn and we decided to start Clomid to help with ovulation. 1 round was all it took, and it was like a huge weight lifted off of me:) It’s so hard to “not think about” something when it’s all you want! I understand! Good luck…
I’ve been where you are on the #1 front – and the only thing to say is that it sucks. 100% sucks. Nothing anyone can say will make you feel better, no matter how helpful they are trying to be. So I feel for you and I’ll be thinking of you, but I’m not going to try to make you feel better about because I know it won’t work.
PS – Will is adorable.
KatieB-
I feel your frustration. I am in the same boat, literally. Many ladies in my family are expecting so it’s babies 24/7 around here, but none for me. I keep telling myself that I’ll have my moment, and i won’t have to share my spotlight. Doesn’t really help though. Chin up sister! I’ll be praying for you!
-SarahA
First time commenter, long time reader. My son os 26 months old. We conceived him after two months, no fertility problems, which was great…sometimes, i feel like my pregnancy was a cruel joke, as my son failed the newborn hearing screening when I gave birth to him in the hospital. 2 cochlear implant surgeries later, he is hearing better than me and my husband, and is speaking age aPpropriately, with intensive four days a week therapy. Only problem now? Since we have since found out his hearing loss is genetic, my husband and I are sooo afraid to try again, for fear of having another deaf ( but surgically and miraculously) baby. Our son is doing great, but what would you do, katie? Would you try again, we too, want our son to have a sibling…
Just relax! (insert photo of destroyed computer on next post:-). Sorry, I can’t help being a smartass. It seemed to happen overnight with our first also. #2 happened after a year of trying (didn’t even have a goalie to pull) and me telling my husband we were going to take a 3 month break from trying. Suddenly, the pressure was off. That was a fun night! TMI? I too suffer from the same TMI problem (ask my boss) and would hibernate all year long if I could. If only we lived closer, I could stalk you…err, I mean we could have playdates. Enjoy your sexy hubby…like really enjoy him!
Sometimes you just want a friend to listen to you and not offer any advice, insights or judgment, but instead just nod her head and hold your hand, and get mad on your behalf and agree with you that life is UNFAIR and TOTALLY SUCKS and then tell you how amazing you are and build you back up again, because sometimes – and this is one of those times – we need to just vent, feel sorry for ourselves and wallow in self pity for whatever reason. And that’s OK. SO! That being said….
This TOTALLY sucks and you are absolutely justified in feeling guilty/frustrated/discouraged/angry. And if saying crap 10 times a day (or the s- word, whatever works) helps you get through the day then by God, I say do it! You are an amazing woman and you will kick this whole “not getting pregnant when you want to” thing in the arse!!!! I have faith in you 🙂
xoxo
I am not going to lie. I open every one of your posts hoping that it is THE post! Ever since you admitted you were trying, I have been hoping and praying for you. Anyway, I just think it is awesome that you are talking about this on your blog – there are so many couples dealing with this and it is so nice to hear that one of your ‘friends’ gets it. Also, I just think that God wants you and $herdog to get pregnant a the same time so you should tell her to get on that ;).
I read your blog and I love it and I have always envied how perfect your life seems. My life was always “perfect” too, until I offended my family and got a letter saying they disinherited me, and I got cancer when my third son was just six months old and then I lost my job. I kept my faith in God but I was SO SO MAD at Him. I have a great therapist who taught me it is ok to get mad at the people we love — even God. I am trying hard to stop being mad at him, and it gets a little easier every day. Now I need to work on coming out of my own hermit shell. When my family stopped loving me, I started pulling away from all of my great friends, because sometimes the beauty of their love is more than my broken heart can bear. I am praying for you. Hang in there. It might not get better fast, but I have to believe it will get better. Without that hope, we have nothing.
Katie Bower!
You’ve got to be kidding me…not wanting to be friends with you would be like a Reeses PB Cup without the PB! Empty, sad, and totally missing all the fun stuff (random and overshared as it may be). You make my days bright and there have been PLENTY of times where I wish I could just pick up the phone and hear more! haha
Also, I haven’t been blessed with a husband or a family yet (I do have a pretty fantastic new nephew though 😉 But trust me- if your Christmaseveapalooza’s and tattoo’s and family moments are moments that only come from a hermit…SIGN ME UP! 🙂 I love you Bowers!
cyber hug!
-Amanda
crank away!!! and go hermits! apparently there are enough of us to make this a “trendy”‘ thing 🙂 in the midst of eating dinner with good friends i proceeded to tell them that i don’t really like people and that i would live as a hermit if i could…and they still hang out with us PTL!…those are the kinds of friends i want..the ones who don’t really care about your hermity ways and who love ya anyways..we’re blessed to have at least one set of them…
thinking of you guys…and love your blog xo
Katie-I swear we were cut from the same cloth! I myself am a hermit and tend to feel isolated because of my insecurity. I have a beautiful family that keeps me very busy but sometimes those thoughts creep in. You know, the ones like, “wouldn’t it be nice if my neighbor came over for coffee and we talked for hours”! It will never happen because I am stuck in my comfort zone that consists of four people. As for the baby, I completely understand how you are feeling. My husband didn’t want anymore children and I used to ache for a third baby. I would be depressed and think “why are they so lucky” when someone I knew would get pregnant. It hurts so bad! It’s the worst hurt when your heart yearns for something so badly. I hope it happens soon for you, I wouldn’t wish that hurt on my worst enemy. I will be praying for you!!
I love love love your transparency here…I also appreciate how you are the only person who could put such humor into such a frustrating situation. & I would totally hang out with an inappropriate/offensive hermit, if you can entertain with words and photos on a blog then you would surely be awesome to hang out with in real life too! 🙂
I look at your blog regularly and love it! I’ve never been compelled to comment, but it’s such a personal subject and I can relate to your despiration… I KNOW you don’t want to hear this, but if you have been pregnant in the past and you don’t have any physical obstructions (like blocked tubes). You ARE PERFECTLY CAPABLE and without a doubt CAN get pregnant…… with acupuncture. Research on how it works ALL says the same thing. I PRAY that you will research it and try it. It’s natural and healthy. Sorry, but I just couldn’t let this go without saying anything… I’m one of THOSE people 🙂
Yes, I just wanted to scream when people (including family) told me to relax! It took me five years to conceive my first and only baby; I can guarantee you it was not b/c I wasn’t relaxed. I have PCOS and ovulated 4 times a year…if I was lucky. And since it was so infrequent, it was impossible to know when I was fertile or not. My daughter is 15 months now and we just started to “try” again for number 2 but I’m scared that it will take me another 5 years. I am just trying to be as positive as I can, but dangit – I get mad too!
You know what else, I too am a homebody….well, at least in comparison to my other friends. I don’t do 5 playdates a week and party on the weekend or do girls nights out while the husband stays home. That’s fine with me too as I worked what seemed a lifetime to have a baby. I’m happy spending most nights chillin’ in my beautiful home w/ my beautiful family and handful of friends.
I must say I was surprised to hear that you proclaim yourself as a hermit as you’re so beautiful! I would think you’d be trotting around town! I too live in GA and I just find myself going to thrift shops, libraries and antique shops 😉 Anyhoo, keep your head up and it’s your party and be cranky if you want to!
btw, love your blog and I swear once I get my act together(and save more moollaa), I’ll have to email you about a photo sesh for my baby girl 🙂
Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for this post. Next month makes a year for my husband and I too. We are trying for our first and we haven’t told anyone we’re trying and it’s hard not having someone to talk with (other than my husband, who is amazing but still a guy). Even though I don’t know you or your readers it is comforting to know that other people struggle and feel the same anger, jealousy, pain, sadness, etc. that I do. I wish I could say be patient and it will happen for you (and for me too) but I don’t know if it will. I guess we just keep trying and keep praying. Good luck.
Thank you for sharing your struggles…they suck, but they are real. It’s hard to share struggles, and it’s even harder to live through them on a daily basis. From my blog stalking, it seems you’re a fantastic mom…you’ll be blessed with another baby…or two, or three eventually. But until then…feel free to vent to us…it’s life!
((hugs))
Does reading another woman’s blog on the regular allow for your periods to align? Seriously, I feel like the last time I read that you talked about your period I was on my period too. You know how when you work together with a bunch of women or you’re in college with your roomies and you all menstruate together. And I started my period today. TMI?
Thanks for your honesty. We’re thinking about starting in June after fielding years of questions about when we’re going to have kids already. I hope its not too late.
And now I’m gonna call my friend who’s been trying for 2 1/2 years with nothing.
xxooxxoo
Just wanted you to know that your not alone in your “quest”. We have been trying for three years with no luck so I understand everything that you are feeling and no one can unless they experience it as well. After too many Dr appointments to count and endless tests that say “All your numbers are good” we are still childless. I try to feel grateful and happy for the last TEN friends who are “with child” but sometimes it just makes me hate them and myself! I’m over it and on the edge of a meltdown, but I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and maybe I’m just not meant to ever be a mother and I’m starting to come to terms with that. So Thankyou so much for sharing your feelings…it’s good to sometimes know that your not the only one, even though sometimes it feels that way. If you need to talk more feel free to email me, I know that we have never met but I feel that we are blogging friends. Keep your head up and your spirit high! Tabitha
Okay, so I’ve been exactly where you are right now and it sucks. It just SUCKS. The anxiety, the fear, the mechanical ankles-up-for-twenty-minutes-after sex, the comments from well-meaning people on the street who, in the process of just wanting to say SOMETHING invariably say the most God-awful WRONG thing. Just know this: you will have another baby. It may not be today, tomorrow or the next day, but you WILL get pregnant again and what a lucky kid that will be to have such a wonderful family to love them. But know that I hurt for you right now, and that you can vent all you want because this is your blog, dangnabbit!
I’m going to let it all out now… where to start? Okay, you know how you said you have to “try not to hate all the pregnant girls that are around me” – … well, I have to try not to hate you!
I follow because I love your decorating and your sense of humor. And I can tell you are a really, really nice girl. But sometimes I get crazy jealous of your life. Why? Because I work SO HARD at my job. And I’m engaged. And he’s a full time double grad student. And I never see him. And I pay for everything. And it’s been two years, and I’m ready for it to be over.
We don’t “want” for anything.. but sometimes I just want to be taken care of, to feel like a well taken care of woman. To not have to stress or worry about losing my job, and how we would pay for everything if that happened.
I see you and your awesome husband, your awesome kid, your awesome stay at home lifestyle – and I have trouble being satisfied with what I have, being sure that someday my fiance will be working, and eventually I’ll be able to stay home with a family.
It’s been extra hard lately for us, not seeing each other. I am a hermit too – I spend a lot of time alone at night. I work with all guys in a city where I don’t know know anyone and have no family. It’s lonely.
I guess we both have to just believe that someday things will work themselves out, as hard as it is to accept right now. Sigh..
oh sweetie, hugs!!!!!!!
I’m being very impatient with selling our house. I know it’s nearly as important as a baby, but a full year on the market and tons of feedback that it’s gorgeous and priced right (so why don’t they buy it????) I’m just so ready to be done with this phase and all the lessons I’m guessing I’m supposed to be learning from this.
A Hallmark commercial last night showed people moving and I started sobbing ‘Why do they get to move and not me?!?!’ while my husband tried to tell me that they were paid actors and make me feel better lol!
thinking of you and will pray for you 😉
i could type out a full story for you… but let me just say I understand. completely. and am praying for you tonight. i love your blog and your heart and even though you don’t know me, you are right- you have lots of friends. and my prayers every time I remember you!
I have been in my new city (Richmond, VA) 11mo now and I feel like I should have more friends here. But I like my little hermity ways and branching out is tough…Although I am trying to set an example for my children, so I’m trying. My theory is, you have to teach them to be “alone” too (or have good solid family time!!)
Go ahead, Be grumpy, nothing wrong with that!!
Do you read Maybe if You Just Relax? Hilarious and heartbreaking all at the same time.
my heart hurts for all of you ladies battling this right now! It is totally ok (and justtified) to be cranky and frustrated about this. I have several friends battling this as I type.
I know you aren’t looking for advice or anything to read, but I just read this article last week and thought it was fantastic…http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2012/01/23/dont-waste-your-infertility/
Hopefully you don’t feel like I am stepping on your toes in sharing this, I just thought it was so encouraging to women battling this!
I am right there with you, in more ways than one! It is A-OK to be cranky sometimes! 😉
This past Tuesday marked 20 months of trying: with Provera and Clomid fueled hysterics with each negative test, and a complete void of all hope.
On Saturday, when I had to FORCE myself to test so I could schedule my artificial insemination next week.
And I was pissed I was wasting an expensive test… The one that reads “pregnant”… on just another negative result.
So I weed on the expensive stick and before I could wash my hands it read “pregnant”. I tested again on Sunday because it doesn’t seem real. We plan on testing again, to triple be sure.
I know 12 months is hard but just keep thinking it will all be worth it in the end! And have sex every other day… It seemed to work for us 🙂
You are not alone. I don’t know if that means anything…but reading your words and being in your same boat (oddly enough this month marks the year for us too) it makes me feel not quite as broken to hear it’s not just me. I know that pain, you said it so well what I feel. But your pain gets to be all yours. This month was my last round of clomid. It’s been 6mos on the stuff this time(last time it took 3 rounds, 6mos trying total). Clomid makes me crazy, as if “trying” doesnt make one crazy enough, add some extra hormones…ugh. No one gets it because “you had one, you’ll have another” is their easy answer. So we, those who try so long for the next child, are apparently overreacters 😛 btw, if one more person tells me “your son is 3 already?! Time for another one, you don’t want them too far apart” I seriously might punch them in their ovaries!! thanks for being real KB! You are in my prayers!
Katie, I love this post! The whole rant it’s just awesome…b/c well sometimes we just need to freaking rant!! I will say a pray for your troubles and hope your wishes are granted soon. I am not in your shoes but me and my husband have been trying to sell our house for 7 plus months now and another house and land (land development investment long story bad economic time!) and I am so tired of it all….I am obsessed with it and think about it all the time and I wonder what God’s plan is. I keep saying to myself it will all be ok but I really want a sell and financial freedom!! And all I want to do is rant about it to my husband and he gets so tired of it! blah!! Sometimes you just need an outlet. Good luck! Hugs!!
I’m going to second (or third, or fourth) all the recommendations that you read “Taking Charge of Your Fertility,” and add to that the suggestion that you also read “Real Food for Mother and Baby” by Nina Planck. She has a whole section in that book on “The Fertility Diet”–and the advice is not just for moms, but for dads as well!
Katie,
I know you said you weren’t asking for sympathy or what books to read but I wanted to share this book….. it’s awesome. It opens up your eyes to so many things, cycle related obviously, but as a woman it helped me understand a lot of things. Things that, even for someone as open as you, which I love, can be difficult or socially unacceptable to discuss. Speaking of sharing, just to give you an idea, my cycles are screwed up, big time, and they always have been. This book helped me understand that I am still “normal” and that when I do want to try to concieve, which is soon, the process of trying will hopefully be a little better understood and a little less scary. I wish you all the best, and I love your blog.
The book is “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weschler
and includes how to chart your own cycle to help you better pinpoint your day of ovulation, which I mention because sometimes ovulation kits tell you more THAT you’ve ovulated instead of that you are GOING to ovulate in the next say 24 hours or so….. just some food for thought!!! It could be that leaving it up to chance has maybe left you just a day or so off. GOOD LUCK!
All the best.
xo
Gentry
HUGS! <3
It took me 6 years to conceive my son after a loss, he’s about Wills age now, and I don’t have the heart to try it again. The constant ‘just relax’ made me want to murder people. People who don’t understand are the ones that spew the “stop stressing, just relax” crap. I’m a hermit too. Had a cryfest with the husband last night about it. It’s hard to make friends. I even failed at playgrounds – how cliquey those are, wow! I’d love to be hermit friends. 🙂 Only 30 minutes away…hehe. I hope it happens for you soon, until then, be cranky and rage on!
praying for you and your family!
Playgrounds? Yeahhh I meant playgroups.
something i learned just today that i will pass on to you…
it’s okay to feel that way. just because others have it better/worse than you doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t valid.
so…go grab a pint of ben and jerry’s, kick back, enjoy your beautiful family, and let yourself feel bummed out every now and then. then pick yourself up tomorrow and smile! 😀
Katie,
I won’t say any cheesy words of encouragement about the pregnancy thing cause when I’m cranky that just makes it worse. I will say that I know how u feel when it comes to making friends. I feel like I’m letting my daughter down by not being able to make friends with other girls with children. I guess it helps to know that there are other hermits out there! If you are ever in Wisconsin email me because I always feel like we would really get along!
I know what you mean about hating the fact that all these teenagers can have get preg. when you can’t. I had to leave places before because of the same situation. I just could not get my head around why, Why can THEY get preg. and not us. Or Why would you let her get preg to abort it, when we would love your child so much.
It’s absolutely no fun to be cranky by yourself, so the best thing to do is get cranky on your blog so we can all join in. You will find no “just relax” from me… my hubs & I tried for 15 months before we had a successful pregnancy and on top of that, the fertility meds made me FAT and crazy. God bless my husband and the test on his little swimmers that I forced him to endure ;). After long months of infertility and two losses, I finally have the two precious little girls I dreamed about. And you know what? It doesn’t get easier. I still panic and wonder if number three will be as hard to get here as the first two were. Be cranky. It’s okay. We all have those days and we’re praying and freaking out right along with you.
Lots of love right back Katie – even though you don’t know me.
Have you ever read up on fertility awareness? Seriously . . . I know you have the monitor, but I have found the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility to be beyond helpful and interesting for people on both sides of the trying to/trying not to conceive spectrum. Just tossing it out there as my only bit of I-don’t-know-you-in-real-life-and-can’t-just-give-you-a-hug help.
http://www.tcoyf.com/
P.S. I swear this is a real thing.
Love you back! I kid you not, a couple weeks ago, my sister sent me a link to your redneck photos on FB and then writes “How can we be friends with her in real life?” Saying a prayer for you.
Okay, you guys are making me feel better about my 2.5 years of waiting for “the question” 🙂 PHEW! I was beginning to wonder if something was wrong with us… everyone I know is engaged after a year or so… and/or pregnant!
Perfectly said; I’m going to remember that!
Hi Katie, just wanted to send you a big blogger hug. We found out our IVF was cancelled on Friday (my 29th birthday – such bad timing!) and a friend who doesn’t understand told me maybe if i just relax it’ll happen. BURN. I know the feeling of want and sadness every cycle, but i actually use your blog as a distraction. I think Will is ADORABLE and i dream about having a little boy and creating a nursery. Just know that even in your hard times your still here keeping others hopeful. Best of luck in the coming months to you, thinking of you and Jer!
Aww, love you too. I guess I just think everything is easy for other people and everything is all rainbows and lollipops, until you hear it’s not. I hope things get better, and fast!
My fingers are tired from scrolling through the comments… that totally sucks Katie. No other words for it. I have lots of friends who have gone through it and the good news is that they all survived and they all had babies in one way or another… The waiting is sucky though. But…you are one hell of a photographer. That’s an amazing picture of Will!
Like u probably need another cyber hug…. But I want to give ya one anyways.. Or maybe a pitched in old lap top for u to do a little damage too. Maybe u and will should go throw some stuff! Wishing my little area of town near Raleigh was close to ya. Plus, as I have said before… I wish I could have the Katie bower photo shoot!! Loved your lighting in the horse ranch photos with the sun setting. I hope u still blog when we reach that point with our hubbies. So cute to see a couple still in love twenty anniversaries later. That will be you and your “boyfriend”.
Thank you so much for bitching on your blog. I thought I was the only one who did that!
I’m crying for you and with you. My mean crabby aunt (flow) showed up this weekend for the 81st completely unwanted time. She has other names too…none of which I say but often think. I remember what it was like when we hit that one year mark. That’s when we started treatments. We started with drugs, next was surgery, moved to drugs and IUI, then to IVF. Over six years and $40k later all we have is heartache. I explained it to people like losing a child every. single. month. I know I’ve shared with you before about our struggle and it’s really hard to trust in God’s timing. So, here I am commenting again, because I feel your pain. It’s not easy and at some point it will get a little easier, but not much. Sorry.
But, I know you’re fun and funny so I thought I would share a few things that made me smirk in the midst of emotional hell. Do a search for infertility on cafepress.com. Some of my favorites: Wow, lucky me. Infertility and your stupid comments; Nope, still not pregnant but thanks for reminding me; When are you having kids? When my ovaries start working; Don’t tell me to relax, it doesn’t work.
When you’re ready to hear about a good book, or what we’re getting ready to try (that worked for some friends of ours), let me know. If you ever need an empathetic random person on the other end of an email or a text message, I’d be happy to accommodate. Prayers and hugs to you and Jeremy.
I know hundreds of people have probably said this in comments, but I feel your pain. I’m in the same boat…and sex isn’t even fun anymore. And that’s not how it’s supposed to be! It’s okay to be cranky. At least, I hope it is. Your outstandingly awesome son is just precious!
lol… Your whole post made me smile. Those days are the worst. The horrible, I hate the world days. I won’t say anything else. But at least in all of your misery you made someone else smile!!
I have absolutely nothing to offer on the fertility advice front because I am lost about that kind of thing as well. I’m really sorry though and I think it’s ok to vent sometimes. It’s hard to let go of something like that that’s so important to you.
Also want you to know that #3, that’s me. Only I have a feeling I’m about a billion times worse than you!
Oh, Katie. We’ve been “relaxing” and “just letting it happen” for 17 months now…or trying to at least. It sucks. There is no other way around it. This one would be baby number 1 for us and I swear if my loins don’t produce some sort of fruit by this time next year I will go crazy.
All tests are normal and it just isn’t happening.
With all that said, I have had to really let go of it recently and try to enjoy what I have right now because once I am pregnant it will never be the same again. It is hard. It makes me want to cry just writing this reply.
You aren’t alone. Be crabby. It is totally okay.
Trusting his timing is so hard. I’m so sorry that it sucks for you. Sounds like such a hard time. Praying that you’ll have success…and soon!
Hey Katie. I feel your frustration. Next month marks a year that my husband and I have been trying. Unlike you, I don’t already have a kid, so we didn’t know if we even could get pregnant. Then earlier this month it happened, a positive test. Keep reading, this isn’t a story to tell you about how it CAN happen, just relax, blah blah!
A week later I miscarried, and a week after that I found it was actually an ectopic pregnancy that was still holding on somewhere in my body. I had to get shots to dissolve what was left, and now I have to wait until it’s all taken care of before I can then undergo some tests to see if I stand a chance of ever having a normal pregnancy.
It’s the most awful feeling. All of it. The waiting, the wondering, the trying desperately with no results. The stress of it all. And to go through all of that only to have a failed and potentially dangerous pregnancy. It sucks, all of it sucks.
None of the words people offer are helpful – keep trying, it’ll happen, just relax, stay positive. It’s more infuriating than anything else right? So I’m not saying any of that, no way! But I do hope hearing from other people who are struggling is helpful in some way. Not that you wish struggles on anyone else, but it’s there, it happens, and there’s some comfort in knowing you’re not alone.
I hope you get what you want. And soon! Like NOW!
Katie…Infertility sucks. I’ve been “dealing with it” for over 3 years. I cannot say anything to help you. You’re going to have really good days; you’re going to have really bad days. Allow yourself to feel those feelings and know that you’re not alone in this…Praying for you!! Xoxo!! 🙂 Also, I’m a hermit, too! 🙂
Love you too…. and sending you a hug. I would have you over for tea and cookies anytime.
You have a sister from another mister over here in oregon praying for you.
You’ve been on my heart the last 6 months or so… So I’ve been shooting prayers your way.
Right there with you Katie….but we are trying for our first! It’s painfully painful, each and every single month. I just keep praying it will work one day. And continue to hate on everyone else to proudly announces that they are pregnant!
A gutsy post! Life on Lifes terms is so hard. I love you and your blog Katie. All the best.
Kindest regards Sandy.
Oh man, I feel you. We’re trying for our first right now (going on 9 months this month) and it’s THE most frustrating thing ever. It doesn’t help that every single person I know if real life and blog land seems to be pregnant right. You should probably hang out with me, because that will pretty much guarantee you’ll get pregnant; works for everyone else (hmmmm, that sounds weird…just to clarify I am definitely a lady so I can’t actually get you pregnant). This comment has taken a very weird turn, can we be friends anyway?
I just want to thank you for posting this and for being so brutally honest. My hubsters and I are trying to have our first baby and I know the feeling of disappointment and that lack of control and having faith in letting things happen in God’s timing. Sometimes, even with as much faith as you can muster, it still feels just like you said – like crap. It helps to know that I’m not the only one who feels that way.
Anyway, you can always get cranky with us! We love you too!
Sending you hugs, sweets.
I’ve met you and you’re lovely, and really pretty, especially in terms of hermits.
I’ve been where you are — except it was in waiting on a first child, who turned out to be our only child. You’ve met my boy. He came to us the hard way, but he was worth the wait. Yours will be too…
Praying for the hole that this longing leaves in your heart. Praying tonight too for the rest of your commenters who are waiting. Be good to yourselves girlies…
I don’t often leave comments, but there are certains blog posts you read that just really hit home. Katie, I am so sorry for what you’re dealing with. I cannot relate to struggling with getting pregnant (I’m engaged so not quite there yet) but boy oh boy do I understand being upset with those things in your life that you want but do not or cannot have, and cannot fully control. It can be heartbreaking.
Sending you lots of positive thoughts and prayers. You’re a beautiful person inside & out. I truly hope that things will eventually work out for you!
From one hermit to another, sorry KB! Seriously, I sometimes watch What Not To Wear and think, “If they ever tried to get me on this show they’d never get any secret footage of me out and about.” Because I never go out. I go to work, I go home. That’s pretty much it!
As for the baby situation, I obviously can’t do anything but send you good thoughts. At least this way you can enjoy a glass of wine for a little while longer whenever you have days like this! Love you, all the best.
Everyone is saying the same thing — but misery loves company! This roller coaster ride SUCKS and the emotions are crazytown. How does one get pregnant so easily the first month and then have unexplained infertility for over 2 years?
I told my husband recently I just don’t know how to not get really upset every 28 days. I hate when people tell me to relax, too! Seriously.
I’ve been long distance praying for you since you started hinting you were getting upset. Isn’t that nice… strangers praying for strangers? 🙂 Pray for me too!
So I read your blog, I’ve only commented once to tell you to come to Callaway at Christmas time because duh, I live right here. ha. But reading your blog post was so comforting to know I’m not alone in this “trying to make a baby business.” We’ve talked the it to death, I’m driving my husband insane and yet I got pregnant, miscarried, and was told I don’t know how long it will take again. So to over share as well, my little one just turned 4 and we started on another baby journey 2 years ago and something always gets in the way. The first time we started trying my husband got in a horrible wreck and we were told at first, they didn’t know if he could have kids anymore. Then that he could but we had a to wait a year. SO we waited and got started trying got pregnant, shared the news, had a great doctor’s visit, left and miscarried. So like you I’m losing hope, driving everyone nuts. Wanting to stab all our friends who are getting pregnant in the eye and hating anyone with more than 2 kids saying they want more. So just wanted to say you are not alone and a few hours from you in your state, there is another girl, doing the same thing to everyone around her. 🙂
hugs to you!!!! praying for you in ohio! and i know that if i lived closer, we would be real life besties! feel like i know you from the blog and Will could play with my Ryan. i love being a house hermit!
sending all the good vibes and luck your way! you are an amazing mom and will be again soon! i just know it!
I just wanted you to know that I’ve felt what you are describing. Every bit of it. I got that second precious baby. And she is perfect. And she has been very very sick in the past 4 months. So that has made my view on faith and God change about 30 times a day. You do what you do to get through. If that means that you do take control of your situation and seek out answers, I believe that God wants that for us. Wants us to make decisions that direct our path in life. (Why else would you have ever had a goalie in the first place?) He’s here with us. Best wishes. I know things will turn out how you want them to.
Katie, I know what you’re going through! My husband and I tried for 18 months (yeah I counted) before getting pregnant with our first. At the 17 month mark my best friend, who I love dearly, called me up a week after my last period (I over share, too) and was like, “Guess what?” And I literally said, “omg you better not be pregnant…” and she was like, “yeah I am!” I was not exactly the loving, happy-for-you friend I should have been. In fact I think I said, “Oh my gosh, I hate you! I told you to wait until I was pregnant to even try!” Get this, she and her hubby tried three times in a 15 day period and she gets knocked up. How unfair is that? She’s so stinkin’ fertile… with her first baby she was off the pill for like four days and BAM! It’s sickening. :p
After a while I felt happy for her but sorry for myself. I thought it would never happen. Then two weeks later I felt so sick and not myself… I knew I was pregnant, but I was afraid to test and be wrong. I waited until the day I was due for my best monthly friend and tested positive. Maybe you’ll have a similar tale… maybe this venting post will help you. Or maybe you need to yell at a pregnant woman. That worked for me (seriously I tracked 40 weeks back to the day after I yelled at my good buddy to being conception day- I know there’s no science there, but how weird is that?). Heck, yell at me. I’m pregnant again (sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry!!!), I’ll take one for the team! Yell away, Katie Bower, yell away! I’ll know if you use all caps. I’m down with internet lingo.
Seriously though, I have no advice, just lots of prayers and virtual hugs for you (you’re getting a lot of those, I know). I know it’s so hard and disheartening. You are allowed to feel that way, no matter what you have. When you get that visitor it feels like a loss and you are allowed to be sad and mad and all of those things. Your feelings count no matter what!
Take care,
~Gwen
Yup. that sucks. plain & simple. still…. you rock b/c even with all the “c” word going on, you can still see the good, the blessings, even when you are cranky! Crank away sista!
Katie – you don’t have to publish this comment at all. If you really want to push the boundaries of hermit-friendship, I’m just on the other side of Atlanta. I’m a boring, Christian semi-housewife who’s a little mouthy too. 🙂 You seem like just my type of friend!
First off, I love that you put your foot in your mouth. I love that you say what you feel and you are so darn funny. You a a genuine person and it shows in your blog. I know how you feel (the hermit thing), You are not alone. Even this 57 year old feels that way at times.
The other thing (the baby thing)- sometimes you have to wait for what you want most.
Hang in there Katie. You are unique in the very best way.
Let’s have a Pinterest Party to distract us from life 🙂
HI Katie,
I am sure this comment is not going to get published but I stared LOL when I read your post. Not to mock your pain but because I just finished seeing a patient who is 24 years old and has had a perventricular defect since she was 2 months old – meaning she has brain damage but is relatively normal mentally. She absolutely cannot have a normal life. Not walk to the bathroom without an assistive device or go out of the house even to a coffee shop down the street without assistance. As a physical therapist, I had an emotional and intense session with her, and then hopped on to my comp to read some light blogs – found yours- and just could not help thinking how different people view their problems.
I am sorry to say this but please chill – you have almost everything one could wish for. Keep trying and you will be there. And if you don’t please adopt! There are millions of children out there in the workd starving and dying everyday with out food. Sorry for being harsh and but such rantings are my pet peeve.
You are awesome. and I’m still praying. and we all (myself included) love you, even though we’ve never met you. 🙂
Hey Katie-
I know you have no idea who I am but I just wanted to send you an encouraging note from one sister in Christ to another. I’ll be praying for you and Jeremy as you guys go through this waiting game of getting pregnant. I have complete faith in what God is doing in all of our lives and I can empathize with you that having patience on God’s timing sometimes can be the absolute complete PITS! I find comfort in Ester when I’m struggling with waiting on God’s perfect timing and I’d recommend Beth Moore’s study on it if you’ve never done it before. Thank you for being so open, real, and vulnerable with the universe about your life. It is such a breath of fresh air to read a blog where the author isn’t afraid to speak openly about her faith.
Hope things start looking up for you guys from here 🙂
With love,
Sarah in Texas
Thanks for putting fertility frustrations out there, there are plenty of people who can relate, including myself. My sister worked through secondary infertility (not saying thats what you have after only one year). My husband and I knew I couldnt concieve from the beginning of our marriage, so while not as frustrated as you are right now, I am anxious to grow our family and begin that phase of our lives together.
Sending you a vitrual LMFAO dance off to Party Rock…it always makes me laugh…
I read your blog all the time. I typically love it because you have great style, give great tips, have a house most people could never afford and your family is pretty freaking good looking. So I have to say I’m disappointed to read your negative nelly post tonight. You have one beautiful, healthy son and I know so many women that would kill for one child but it’s not in the cards for them. I can imagine it’s upsetting for you but maybe you can turn this into an inspiration for women who are in your shoes.
Give it some thought – maybe that will lift your spirits!
My heart goes out to you! My husband and I are going on year 3 of trying for our first baby. We’ve had two failed IUIs but trying another one this upcoming month. I have friends/coworkers that have gone through similar trouble and it’s nice to have someone to talk to but other times there’s nothing anyone can say to make it better or ok. My husband has been beyond wonderful and each day I’m more excited to raise children with him. He’ll be an amazing father. His faith has never been shaken during all of this and I lean on him frequently as I have had times when my faith has been shaken. You will be in my prayers!
Obviously you arent the only hermit. Looks like there are a lot of us out there. I moved to a city where I know no one except my husband’s family and we dont really see them that much. It’s weird. I wish I had more friends. I have would have more if I was back in Nashville. I get depressed about it, but what can I do. I feel awkward and insecure around people. I feel it’s hard to find people out there who like the same things I like. So I guess I have found comfort in reading your blog and YHL and getting into all the DIY and decorating stuff. It keeps me company and gives me an outlet. As far as the pregnancy thing, I really hope it happens for you. Unfortunately I cant relate b/c my first came pretty easy, but not really thinking about it. New it was my time I think and we just tried and it happened. I was never one to remember birth control yet kind of new what time not to do it, so avoided pregnancy for a few years after my first son was born. I know exactly what night it happened when I got pregnant with my second. I wasnt trying or anything though, so I dont know if I was if it would have been difficult. Without getting too graphic though, have you read into positions(gross and TMI I know)? Some may help get those boys in there better. I know with my first I laid in bed with my hips elevated under a pillow for maybe half hour after and maybe it was conincidence, but that is when I conceived the first time. I cant believe I am talking about this and others can read it, but oh well. I dont want to say what position I conceived in on here, but if you want to know you can email me. I know my GYN has said my cervix is pretty far back, so I dont know if that poses any issues, but that is where positioning may come into play (no pun intended,lol)- it may have helped in my situation. Anyway, keep on trying and hopefully it will happen when you least expect it! My boys are about 3 years apart (2 an 5) and they are a riot together.
I am in the same boat. We’ve been “waiting to see what happens” for almost two years now. Finally, my husband became impatient and we went to the doctor. We’re only on our first cycle of Progestren and Clomid and I feel so much better already. At least we are finally taking a step towards a baby. All the sex is overwhelming. Every other day for the foreseable future?! I am running out of ideas to keep things interestings. The other day I actually contemplated pigtails in the bedroom. I hardly even recognize myself anymore! We’ll get through this- all of us impatient (dare I say- broken?) women together!!
I’m just a few months short of the “one year”. I’m just as cranky as you are. I want to say “hang in there” but I would have to punch someone if they said that right now, so I’ll say “Lets hang out!” I am totally into the hermit thing and I’m only half way across the country. Hehe. Seriously though, I’m glad you threw those thoughts out there, totally what I need to hear from a “celeb” like your self!
I am going through the near exact same thing – not quite a year but it feels like it. Today I had my vent session and it felt wonderful – my eyes and cheeks hurt from crying and yelling but in the end you are right – trust in Him and it will come.
Yours in awesomeness,
J
I am laughing hysterically. I didn’t even see that the first time I read your comment. 🙂
Big hugs to you, Courtney. I thought a second trimester loss was hard… 37 weeks would be unimaginable. So glad you got to hold her.
Hi Katie, I understand what you’re feeling now. I went through the same thing with my boys. My PLAN was to have my kids 2 years apart. Apparently, that wasn’t the way it was suppose to happen…they are 4 years apart. Oh well
Also, you spoke of being a hermit. I’m not sure if I would call myself a hermit, but a lot of the things you said sounded like me. I’m very quiet and have a hard time making friends. I think my social skills must really suck. Striking up conversation is definitely my weakness. Sometimes I think only my husband and kids see the real me, because I can’t seem to let loose all the way when I’m around others. I’m not sure why I told you all of that, but it kind of felt good.
I hope you have a good Tuesday =)
1. I love you!!! Reading your blog (& young house love) is what I look forward to reading while I’m nursing my daughter.
2. I’m right there with you on the hermit thing. My husband is in the navy, so I’ve moved 6 times in the last 5 years. Right now he’s in training, & we’ll be here (Destin, FL) less than a year. I’m not a very social person to begin with, so putting myself out there to meet new people dosen’t even seem worth it right now. I’ve been trying to go to my church’s weekly playgroup, but usually I’d rather just stay home with my kids.
3. Trusting God’s timing is REALLY hard. It took my husband & me over a year to get pregnant with our first. It was stressful & depressing. 9 months in, I had a miscarriage, & felt like giving up on trying. I’m glad we stuck with it, though. Everything was going great, & after my son’s first birthday, we decided that I would stop taking birth control, & just “let things happen when they happen.” We thought it would take a few months, but God had other plans. My husband had a package in to go officer, which ment that if he got picked up, he would have to be away for a few months. So, we were counting on it taking awhile to happen. Once, that was all it took. At 3 months preggo, my husband got his commission, & another month later, we found out that he’d miss the birth. I had to switch my ob at 31 weeks, & move myself & my 18 month old son from Annapolis to St. Louis to live with my mom. About this time, I was pretty much flipping out on God, & telling him how bad his timing was. Tommy got to meet our daughter once at 6 weeks old, & then he had to leave again. We finally got to all be together as a family when she was 4 months old. She’ll be 1 in March.
Sometimes life just seems so unfair. I’m still trying my best to trust God’s plan for my life. But, I can’t help feeling like my husband & daughter have both missed out. Sorry about my own little venting session, just wanted to say that we may not understand why God throws us certain curveballs, but He sees the big picture. Hang in there, & keep trusting Him!
4. I just stopped to check my facebook, & a friend had posted this:
You did not choose Me, but I choose you, & appointed you so that you might go & bear fruit- fruit that will last- and so that whatever you ask in My name, the Father will give you.
John 15:16 (NIV)
Just know that He knows the desires of your heart. I’ll be praying for you!
Hi Dear Friend!
I read your blog all the time–you make me laugh, cry and get my house in order! I’ve got a 2 year old, so I feel like I can relate to a lot of what you are sharing. Thanks for being brave enough to just be yourself. I like it all–good, bad, exciting and boring. May God bless you and your family ‘real good’!
Katie, infertility sucks. And it’s isolating. And it makes you feel like an ass when that little old lady at church tells you how she never had any problems conceiving any of her seven children, but ‘if you just relax’ it will happen, and all you want to do is give her a Top10 list of reasons why that is the stipidest thing you’ve ever heard. And if one more person tells you to ‘enjoy the practice’ you’ll punch them in the junk.
My husband and I have been trying for almost 8 years, and I can promise you I’ve heard every assinine comment out there. And it doesn’t get easier. You get better at handling the disappointment, but it doesn’t hurt less. I know you said you didn’t want advice, but I will tell you this: if you and Jeremy decide to seek a medical solution for this problem, find a doctor that you believe will work as hard as they can for you–anything less is working against you. We wasted years-YEARS-bouncing around from doctor to doctor, accepting everything they told us as fact and trusting their expertise when they didn’t deserve it. Our last Dr. Suggested that we may have just had bad timing all these years. I stopped her mid-conversation and walked out of her office. It took 7 1/2 years and that ignorant comment for me to learn to be my own best advocate.
Good luck to you. I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy. If you ever feel like you need it, there are people who can relate out there.
You know what I thinkkkkk? And you might not like this but!
I think that God is waiting so that Baby Bower #2 can share the growing process with Baby Petersik #2 … because how awesome would it be for Baby Girl Bower and Baby Boy Petersik to be able to have the same stories as Will and Clara?
And even if it happens before Baby Petersik #2 … at least for now it’s a super precious thought!
Love you Katie Bower … we haven’t ever met but I love you nonetheless.
(Wish you had been at the Petersik’s improv thing on Friday …. it was so funny)
Oh absolutely I know how blessed I am…no doubt in my mind that I have way more than I could have ever dreamed for. I think that is why this is so hard…because not only do I want something more but I feel absolutely guilty for dreaming about the more I know I don’t deserve. I think that some posts are definitely like you said – for inspiration for women who are in my shoes…and some posts are just simply putting reality out there….true blue feelings…and hopefully someone somewhere can see themselves in that and know that they aren’t alone.
xo – kb
I’ve been trying with hubbie for our first for 9 months with no luck. I’m starting to use this strategy of ticking things off the “things I shouldn’t do while pregnant” list. We’re headed to Disney World soon. Even though I’m a chicken and am afraid to ride some of the bigger rollercoasters, I’m going to do it, because I couldn’t have if I had a positive pregnancy test this past month! I’ll also probably drown my sorrows in a margarita or two at Epcot 😉
Thank you Katie, for writing this open and honest post. It not only expressed a lot of the same frustrations I had (lack of control being a biggie), but helped me feel less alone in this. Especially when you are the last of your married friends not to have a child.
Oh absolutely I know how blessed I am…and how my little problems are not comparable to things like life & death situations. And absolutely we want to adopt. We always planned on adopting or fostering or both after having our bio kids. It’s not harsh what you said – but I challenge you to remember that everyone goes through different circumstances in their life…and this situation is not about infertility…not really…my hurt is a growing pain. I am learning things a lot of other people may have learned long ago…but the pain is still real…and still hard in it’s own way. Thanks for the reminder that we all view our problems differently!
xo – kb
I am so sad for you, and I am 100% supportive on the whole cranky thing. I am soooooo not going to say, “Just relax; it will happen.” I have a 13-year-old, and baby #2 never happened. A few years back I had to have a hysterectomy, and with a husband who does not believe that adoption is right for our family, it will never happen. I have a daughter who aches for that sibling as much as I do, who burst into tears the day she realized she will never be an aunt… and it isn’t going to happen. But I have to trust that God’s plans are right for me, that of course he knew I would be getting this rats’n frats’n MS – he gave me the most special kind! – and that I would have as much as I could handle dealing with that. And it’s not as though he hasn’t blessed me: I have a loving husband, a beautiful child, a wonderful supportive family. Yep, I have all those things AND an ache in my heart that will probably always be there. Maybe they are there to help me through it.
You know, I always tell Quinland that everyone has a challenge in their life, even the people who seem to have it all going perfectly. I guess I need to listen to myself. Maybe this ache for a larger family is just my hidden challenge. I hope it is only a temporary one for you, but maybe you’re going through it now, and sharing it, to help someone else with their situation… or to prepare you for a different situation in your future.
Ack – sorry to get all philosophical. I’ll leaven that by telling you that my husband’s friend is over, and he just stuck his head into the laundry room where I was folding clothes to tell me that he was about to do terrible things in the bathroom next door, and would I like to put my toothbrushes away first? I told him to throw them under the sink, grabbed the rest of the clothes and ran upstairs. Yikes…
hubby and i struggled for almost two years before i got pregnant so i know how hard it is and how u try to not feel ungrateful to God for everything good in ur life but u still just want it so so bad. all i can offer is a prayer and positive thoughts and energy. i’m sure u’ve heard of a billion and one things u can do and maybe right now all u need is to know that we feel for u even tho u didn’t ask us too : )
AHHHH! How’d I do? 🙂
xo – kb
Sometimes when I’m feeling that way it helps when someone can tell me a funny story or joke to make me laugh. So here goes (this might only be funny to me!)
Anyways, I have a 3 1/2 year old girl, and the other day one of my old friends from highschool was over with her 18 month old son. He needed his diaper changed, so my friend laid him down on the living room floor to change him. My daughter, was watching all of this and must have noticed something a bit different about him.
“what’s that?” she asked my friend
“what?” my friend said
Pointing down she asked “that rope!!?”
Praying for your baby Vicki.
xo – kb
oh my goodness, courtney. i am so sorry. you aer in my thoughts, even though i don’t know you.:(
Love you right back, Katie Bower.
Oh Destiny – your boy was so special…I still vote he becomes a model 🙂
xo – kb
YES. Double yes if it means I’ll get pregnant 🙂 And then I can share the baby koolaid with you 🙂
xo – kb
Oh, Katie… I have some idea of that pain – it took us two years of that longing and hurt and disappointment and aching before I got pregnant with our firstborn. So this is me just giving you a big hug. And I’d totally come hang out and do nothing with you – you know, if I wasn’t thousands of miles away over an ocean and all (living in Jordan right now).
81 months…man…my heart is so broken for you. I’m off to search cafepress…thanks.
xo – kb
i love you!
p.s. if i found an adorable little something for an adorable little someone where might i send it? 😉
CONGRATS SARAH! How very very exciting. I truly am happy for you…and want you to send me some of that water you’re drinking 🙂
xo – kb
Katie,
This post really hits close to home for me. I am going through fertility issues as well and it is very frustrating! I focused on college and my career and just got married for the first time at 37. We have been trying for 8 months and I am frustrated because of my age and dont have much time. I just got diagnosed with PCOS so of course i am upset. It makes it harder for me to get pregnant. There are many women out therewho have fertility issues and struggle to conceive their first child. You have plenty of time to have another child and i know its hard because I want a baby NOW! I really pray that I wont miss out on the joys of motherhood. If you have been trying for a year or more then you might want to let your gynocologist know. Due to my age, I only waited 6 months and went in for testing. We are now moving forward with fertility treatments. Thanks for being brave and discussing an issue that most women never want to talk about.
Oh Bethany – I hear ya. I’ve been there. Maybe one day I’ll write all about Jer & I’s dating life…and how it was a fairy tale and a really bad drama story all in one…and yes, it involves a job that a certain nameless boyfriend actually paid to work at. weird.
xo – kb
Oh my gosh…we are on the same cycle. must be because of the blog.
xo – kb
Praying for you Jessica…brokenness is hard…and you know it!
xo – kb
That’s tough…but I always say don’t live in fear of the unknown…and we all are born with issues, right? I know you and your husband can make a decision together that is perfect for your family.
xo – kb
I hate all your friends right now. mostly for you…but a little for me too 🙂 Seriously though – you are one very strong woman Melissa.
xo – kb
We absolutely want to adopt one day…it’s been a thing for me for well, forever. So it is always an option…I think we were gonna use bio kids as our guinea pigs on how to be parents 🙂
xo – kb
Truly I am so happy that you are one of those obnoxious story people…as much as I hate pregnant girls right now…I also am so very thrilled to find out that people are getting pregnant! Keeps hope alive!
xo – kb
Thank you so much for sharing your story and all your frustrations. I too struggled for years to get pregnant and not only is it hard to deal with the days and months that go by with no little bundle but I think it is equally as hard if not harder to deal with the ugliness that starts to surface. For me it was jealousy of seeing other pregnant ladies even my best friends. I knew they weren’t getting pregnant to hurt me but seeing those growing bumps felt like stabbing pain in my jugular. I don’t have an answer only hope that the next days is better for you than the one before.
Also as a former hermit I can say that I think every woman is facing the same insecurities but if I wanted to make friends I had to bite the bullet and put myself out there. You have to date these broads. The whole nine yards. Put out a pick up line, show interest in their kids. I’m not lying there are coffee dates to be had, fake smiling & laughing endless questions. It takes time to say the least but hopefully you will find someone that shares the same humor. I mean I totally dig the potty humor 🙂
Thank you for making me feel normal! You write what I can’t say. Thank you.
Amen!
xo – kb
Good luck with your reveal – I am sure everyone is gonna scream and possibly throw up with joy 🙂
xo – kb
Cahrazy – I have to tell the boytoy!
xo – kb
Have you hinted at the m word? Why does the gal always have wait??
ooohhhh – adorableness can be sent to our PO Box!
It’s Po Box 2357 Loganville, GA 30052
xo – kb
HAHA! Love it.
My sis has one like that – except it involves two little girls and Cole in the tub and some screaming because they thought he pooped in the tub when really it was just youknowwhat 🙂
xo – kb
katie, you have every right to vent and be cranky. cry, have a glass of wine (or 3), kiss your baby, and remember even if you think you don’t have many girl friends, there are PLENTY of us thinking of you and jeremey and your future (and current) babies.
and always remember this ever inspiring kitty:
http://imgs.sfgate.com/blogs/images/sfgate/pets/2011/09/08/hang_in_there_kitty-thumb-250×332.jpg
Hia Katie,
Love you, love your blog, love your fam! I’m a Mum of one too, with a little girl! I love her she is amazing and so super fantastic, but I guess in a way I’m in the same boat. I’m not dealing with fertility stuff though, and I really feel for you seeing my sister-in-law went through it all. $15,000 later and she was lucky enough to have a second child but I am dealing with the ‘grief’ in a way of not being able to having the opportunity to have another child. Your crazy, awesome ranting totally made my day, haha, in a weird way, seeing as though I can totally relate. My hubby and I have recently gone through some tough times and while our life have never been perfect (whose is!?!) he has unfortunately become really ill. So while I am over here waving my arms about wanting another child, I know that realistically it isn’t an option (at the moment… if ever! how sad to say huh? i know your thinking the same). But you know I am blessed with a beautiful healthy daughter and a secure place to live but I can’t help but think where the HELL is God in all this. Don’t get me wrong, I know he is there, but I agree when you are down to your last option, down to the last bit of strength you have, you wonder is he really hearing me!? I’m so inclined to swear all over the place about this situation haha… crap.. shitty shit shit! But, you know, I want that child, and now we have no control over it, none at all. I used to have a blog too but when my hubby got sick I just couldn’t keep it up and hermit-ised myself thinking no one wants to read this. I’d be lieing, you know, saying things are good when they aren’t. I really admire you for putting it out there on the blogasphere. Your just such a cool cat and I wanted you to know that your not alone. Even if my situation is different from yours. But DUDE I was having a crap day and you made it a bit brighter, you legend you!
P.S. If you don’t post this post I won’t be offended seeing it is long – slash- has swear words in it haha. Just wanted you to know that I read your blog all the way from Australia (i studied interior design at uni and am into all of that shiz) so you’ve got my support girl! Oh and I’ll be cheering for you and Jer to ‘make it happen’ all the way from Aus haha, is that weird?! Well anyway, I truly hope it happens for you.
With love, Amy!
Just wanted to tell you that I’m with you. Thank you for sharing this, thank you for writing down the words I never wrote but man, did I feel them. I waited 4 years for my baby girl – 4years of trying, anger, sadness, treatments, operations, lot of crying, bitterness and baby-envy. And now she is here and sleeping in my hands! We keep telling ourselfs that we had to wait this long because God doesn’t have that huge stockpile of SUCH wonderful, beautiful, perfect babies and we had to wait for a new shipment… to get to most perfect little girl. 🙂 She was the one that was meant to us. But I don’t know really why we had to wait this long, go through all this. Keep going girl. Praying for you.
Man, you sound like me… Be careful not to let yourself get too frustrated. I was so upset to not be pregnant, then when I finally was, the reality crashed down and I had antenatal depression all throughout my pregnancy!!! Was definitely not the amazing experience people go on about!
I’m a hermit too. I keep meaning to catch up with my friends who are near me, but then I just go online… It’s easier to edit the dumb things I say when no one is around!! 🙂
Katie, I’ve never left you a comment but I have to today. This was just so touching and personal and real. I will start praying for you today until I read you are expecting. God bless you for your faith, especially when it is so hard to see His plan.
Just commenting to say thank you for sharing your heart! Your post is real and comes from your raw emotions, it’s what keeps people coming back for more. <3
On a side note I knocked my entire makeup bag off the counter straight into the toilet. Not to mention I was wearing socks on the slick floor and running through the house to get my dog to stop barking and literally had both my feet shoot out from under me….worst part of it all? No one was there with a video camera so that I could reach YouTube fame!!! 😉 Not nearly as deep or important as what you are going through…but maybe something to chuckle at.
No advice. Just sympathy and love. Being cranky is OK. Really and truly. And venting about it here. To a group of people who so obviously love you and care about you and just want the best for you? Yeah that’s better than therapy. I hope you are feeling calmer and more positive. Thank you for sharing. xx
Greetings from Europe! Like many others, I read regularly, but haven’t ever commented, so here’s a first. I understand your frustration COMPLETELY, right down to hating all the prego gals (by the way – you were one of them. We were trying for a baby already for some time when I read your post about being pregnant with Will. I was like “OH GREAT, here goes ANOTHER ONE!”). All check-ups said both of us were a-OK, but still no baby. Had fertility monitors (that only added additional stress, since sex became a MUST at certain times). We went through six IUIs (made us feel like machines, like we were literally “producing” this kid) which resulted in nothing. Then my best friend got pregnant (within two months of trying – whoopy doo!), at which point I lost it (even more, if that was possible). Decided to do IVF. I got all the required meds for boosting ovulation and was just waiting for the period-first day to start shooting away and… that day didn’t come. Turned out I got pregnant in the cycle preceding the IVF preparation. Have no idea how that happened (well, beside the sex part, that is). My biggest worry the entire time was that I was afraid I couldn’t get pregnant (maybe there could be some hidden health issues?). Second worry – that time was a-tickin’, that I’m not getting any younger and every failure meant I had to wait another FULL EFFIN’ MONTH. Now we are trying for baby number 2 and although I would like for it to happen exactly when I have planned it, I’m no longer freaking out about it – because since it happened once, then we’re capable of getting it done again.
Will is proof that you guys are healthy and capable of succeeding, and that is a thought that I think you should hold on to. A big hug from across the pond!
Thank you for being you. Frustrated, cranky, hermit-ish you. You are not alone and we will be here to support you on those not-so-great days, lady. We all have those days, no matter what causes them, and you are appreciated for having the cajones (sp) to share it with the world.
Katie,
I understand…really understand. My husband and I will celebrate our twentieth anniversary this year, and no goalie for 19 and a half of those years. We were blessed to adopt two wonderful children and they fill my life with purpose and joy. We brought them home as babies. My daughter was one day old the blessed day her sweet birth mother placed her in my arms, and my son was one month old. So I have nothing to complain about. I have great kids and I love them with all of my heart. This is not a complaint…I am so grateful for my blessings. Adoption filled 95% of the hole in my heart, but the truth is that there is this little part of me that aches to know what it is like to have another life growing inside of me. The older I get the more that feeling fades, and now that I am over 40, I’ve let the Lord know that he no longer needs to miraculously send me a baby…no need to be a Sarah or an Elizabeth, but all this is to let you know that I understand cranky days, stressed out sex, temperature taking, “sperm-in-a-cup,” stupid advice, stupider comments, ecstasy over a late period to be followed by despair when it comes anyway. We were eventually told by doctors that we would never conceive children and it was actually a relief because we could just move on and explore adoption. But even after that, for years, if my period was late….I’d always hope a little and feel sad when once again that dream wasn’t for me. I’m not telling you…just adopt…that’s an emotional roller coaster ride all it’s own (I did NOT get my kids “the easy way”). All I am trying to say is…Go ahead, be cranky, get it out, but hold Jeremy close…no he won’t understand why you feel the way you do…he may even say some stupid things, forgive him quickly and move on together. I know you are a faithful woman, God loves you Katie Bower. I know this with all of my heart. What doesn’t break us makes us stronger. I continue to pray that you will have your prayers answered soon and the courage to endure until soon becomes today. HUGS!
7.5 years of trying and still waiting.
I hear ya.
trying to get pregnant sucks the big one.
I’ve done it for nearly 4 years in total. (just over 2 years for #1, just over 1 year for #2, just over 6 months for #3)
I know nothing i say will make you feel better, but you aren’t alone.
I feel for you, I really do. It took me 2 years (with the help of Clomid) to finally get pregnant and I went through all the same emotions you are going through now. Don’t feel like you’re not allowed to be disappointed, we’re only human and God knows that.
On a side note – I ended up crying last night because I apparently don’t know how to melt chocolate and now my house smells like a hot burnt mess. That made me pretty cranky -hehe.
I love you Katie, all the way from Perth, Australia were I will never meet you or chat over coffee or cake yet you generously share this friendship with me (ok with everyone) and as a fellow hermit I get to go out to pumpkin patches and family weddings through your lens and words.
Always rant when you need because I’ll always listen (we’ll always listen)
Hi Katie,
Have you seen this book – http://www.tcoyf.com/?
It’s supposed to be great. Haven’t used it myself but have heard good things.
I’ve also heard anecdotal stories about this working – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guaifenesin#Uses, can’t hurt to try, eh?
Sending baby dust your way : )
First, a little story – six months ago somebody (OK, an astrologist, I confess) told me and my man that we are not going to be ABLE to have a baby in at least two years. My reaction was “Who is HE to tell US that WE are not going to have a baby”. So we started trying, I got pregnant in the end of Nov and 2 weeks ago I miscarriaged. Doctors say there is nothing wrong with me or him, it happens with no reason to 30% of the first-time pregnant women. So, am I feeling frustrated – yes, I am thinking about it all the time, but I’ve learned a lot. One of the things is you can’t change things that are not ment to be right in this very moment. They say that a child is a blessing, so I am thinking maybe me and my boyfriend are not ready for this blessing, maybe we have to live some more and learn some more before we become parents… And I can honestly say that I have accepted this.
I live 5ooo miles away from you (in Europe) but if I lived nearer I would totaly invite you to come over. I feel that you are very good person and friend, I read every post and word you write (and I don’t do this with other blogs that I read frequently), you are just “my kind of people”. So, Katie, if you ever happen to come to Bulgaria, I will be more than happy to hang out with you, hermit or not.
I wish you strength to accept what you can’t change! Don’t worry – someday we both will have our babies in our hands 🙂 I really believe in this.
P.S. Sorry for the long, full of bad English reply. Just wanted to say I am with you.
Oh Katie, I feel your pain! We’ve been trying for our 1st for a year and a half with no success. In fact, this morning we were supposed to have an appointment for my husband to have his swimmers checked out to rule out any issues with him. But the lab tech is sick so they canceled the appointment. Boo! On top of that, any day now I should be finding out if I’m going to be really cranky and disappointed again or if finally this is it.
I’m cranky too. And tired-I’m so tired. Tired of trying with no success. Tired of trying to have a positive attitude. Tired of forcing myself to believe it will happen. Tired of people constantly asking me if I’m pregnant. Tired of people telling me to relax, it’ll happen. Just plain tired. I have faith. I trust God has a plan. I just wish he’d hurry it up!
P.S. I’m a hermit too and another long-time reader/stalker that hasn’t commented before! 🙂
You’re an absolute breath of fresh air Katie Bower. I love your honesty in this tough situation and glad you shared it with us all
You make me want to cry because you’ve totally expressed everything I’ve been dealing with over the past couple months. My husband and I have been trying for our first for 8 months, and it’s just not happening. As a complete control freak I’m so used to to making what I want happen when I want it. It’s almost as if God is saying, “ha! you can’t make this happen, now what?” It’s a hard, long, and frustrating journey, and I am totally with you on the tears. And can I just say that hearing that 4 other people I know are pregnant all in a weeks’ time is pretty frustrating!?! (yeah, that happened last week, at the same time that I got the same birthday present that you apparently did…)
I feel like I can live vicariously through you since we haven’t told many people, including family, that we’re trying. I can’t express any of this to many people, so it just feels nice to read that someone else feels the same way. Hugs your way. Love, a fellow baby-trying hermit 🙂
You are like a female David Sedaris and I love it. There is no fury like a woman who wants a child, it took me three years. I was Crank Master. I feel your pain.
Sending you a BIG hug. Hope you can feel it.
Hi Katie,
I get it. Totally been there. You aren’t ungrateful for anything..in fact, you are overwhelmingly grateful for everything. You are surprised by the level of pain that you are feeling, because you know the inexplainable joy that comes from conceiving, carrying, and delivering a precious miracle. You thought you had done that well before and are wondering why God isn’t allowing you a second go-around NOW. You are feeling guilty for wanting it, yet grateful for all that you already have. You are surprised by your feelings of wanting to trip pregnant ladies in grocery stores and also surprised at how much this kind of disappointment hurts – like really hurts even physically.
I walked that road several years ago, and am now striving to be the best wife and mom to 2 boys – 18 and 13. I almost didn’t want to type in that last age to show you that we had a long wait…with lots of pain in that wait – physical, emotional, marital, social – the whole wad of pain. Looking back, I see lots of the lessons and the depth of friendships created because I chose to share our difficult journey with others.
A few of the lessons He taught us:
1. God’s plans are way better than my dreams – I may not realize that for years, but it is true.
2. God’s yoke is easy and light – he can handle it all and has lots to teach us through adversity.
3. We are basically all walking around with broken hearts of some kind, and we get to trust the Maker of the Universe, the Lover of our souls with our broken heart.
4. Don’t forget who you are and whose you are and stick to where you are discerning He is leading you.
5. Laughter is absolutely the best medicine.* (funny story at end of this marathon comment)*
I read a comment that encouraged you to focus on your marriage with Jeremy – to keep that strong and you on the same page with him. Excellent advice.
The two passages of scripture that ministered to me the most during our painful wait were Philippians 4 and Romans 5.
I think the thing about our situation that hurt the most was that I started feeling lost and “left behind” (We had our second after many of our friends had their 3rd/4th.) And…of course, guilty, guilty, guilty, for even thinking that we deserved another – with so many couples wanting just one. That was another lesson – That guilt was from me – mis-placed, over dramatized and not from God. I learned to release all of my hopes and dreams into His eternal plans…not easy or immediate, but definitely necessary.
As I become further removed from the “rawness” of that time, having our boys 5 years apart is actually perfect for us. Who knew? ……we know WHO! 🙂
*O.K….now the funny story to help you laugh – I remembered this after I read the “rope story” in an above comment. ….. We were at one of those farm parties for our older son in Texas years ago. We walked into the covered pen areas, and a huge momma pig was laying on her side in the hay feeding her baby pigs – swollen teets and all were on visual display. Our almost five your old at the time pointed and laughed and said, “Oh my gosh, that pig sure does have lots of penises!!” Then, this dad who was also there (who I later found out was having an affair, which makes this even funnier) says to our son, “That is one happy pig!” Then, our precious five year old said, “Oh yes he is!!” and ran off…I think I wet my pants in that moment……I hope that you are laughing.
Thanks for sharing and for receiving our over shares too.
Just call me! Bed time is a disastrous situation right now, so just call anytime before 7:00 or after 10. Sucks right…
Praying for you Katie… Infertility is hard. It took us 3 1/2 years to conceive number 1 and I’m due in March. Praying for peace and contentment in His timing for you <3
Just wanted to say that I think of you often and wish you the best all the way from Australia.
And also, your love for your nephew Cole really warms my heart. And the rest of your family of course.
Keep your chin up, and like we say in Australia, “she’ll be right mate!”. xxoxo
I’ve been following your blog for a while now, but this is my first comment…
I could write so many encouraging things to you, but as someone who has been trying for a baby for over 3 years now, I know there are no words. Nothing I can say will make it better or easier.
BUT, what I always (always) tell myself is that when I DO give birth to our baby eventually, it will all make sense. Because if I had gotten pregnant sooner, THAT baby wouldn’t have been mine, and I know I wouldn’t trade this life-changing journey for anything once I see that beautiful face who was meant to be mine.
Hang in there Katie, you are a beautiful mom xo
Love your #1!
DH and I are also doing the baby dance and you have put into words my exact thoughts and feelings during this process. Like you, I am trying with all of my might to trust in God and His timing…TRYING. SO. HARD…brings tears to my eyes.
Know that you’re not alone 🙂
Read “Taking Charge of Your Fertility”. It might help.
And I get you with the hermit thing. I am also a hermit who would love friends but am to socially awkward and afraid of my awkwardness to go out and make friends.
Sometimes it’s good to just get it all out there. I feel for you. I have a different yet similar experience. I so badly want another baby and can’t get my husband to agree. I think about it all the time and he won’t even talk about another one. I am holding out hope! FYI here is a product that helped me figure out my cycle http://www.amazon.com/Generic-25-Ovulation-Test-Strips/dp/B0002YIQJ6 Best wishes!
Sending lots of love your way. Appreciate your honesty and keeping things real! Keep it coming, your readers love you and your hermitudinal ways!
Totally just made that word up but whatevs.
Love the pic of Will…those eyes….oh my.
Hermits unite! I really became more ‘hermit-y’ once my daughter was born in May 2010.
So, to answer your question, I’d hang out with you…but that’d sort of go against our hermit-ness, no? 🙂
I So agree with this! I do feel like you have to “date” to find girlfriends, I don’t really have any friends near me, my daughter started Kindergarten this year and I was hoping maybe I could meet some people but I’m by far the youngest mother and my oldest is everyone else’s youngest and I just do not feel like I fit in to the clubs that have already been formed years ago.
It really is just weird and I wasn’t always like this! I had tons of friends until I graduated college, got married and moved to a new city.
I really appreciate your honesty in this post. My husband and I are trying for our first child and its been only 4 months, but they are the LONGEST four months EVER and I can’t shake this horrible feeling that I may not be able to conceive. Horrible thing to think, I know! I totally hope I’m wrong and that it happens sooner than later for both of us. Thank you for this post.
Um, hi. Stalker here. So weird how I feel like I know you and you don’t have a clue who I am. I guess that’s how the bloggy world is…
I don’t have the answers by any means, but I can tell you that I’ve been where you are. Had 1 beautiful baby boy and wanted another child so bad. Then, 2 miscarriages. Still wanted another baby so bad. To the point of almost pushing my husband away because he couldn’t understand (they seldom do). But, lucky for me, he stuck with my crazy self. I kept myself busy painting my sons new big boy room and making a really cool pirate bathroom for him and just being crafty so that I didn’t have to think about what I didn’t have. I trust in God and knew he had a plan although I was really pissed that He didn’t let me in on what the plan was. So, my son is now 4 years old and I just had a daughter. Finally. God’s plan. Now I know why He sent me on that long, frustrating journey. Trust in the plan. When it comes full circle you will see why you had to wait. BUT, I still don’t think there is anything wrong with being cranky in the meantime. It doesn’t negate your feelings of gratitude for what you do have.
P.S. Have you tried an ovulation kit? In all my “trying”, I never did until the last time. And it worked.
Cranky’s okay…just sneak a little hope in there too!
Amen! I too am in your same boat (+6 months) and i feel like a crazy person and try to hold it all in and then of course the same time every month I explode and my poor husband has to deal with me. (he’s a saint)
Thanks for venting and for saying everything i want to say, but don’t have the balls to.
I hear you loud and clear on #1- I had a miscarriage last May. It would have been our first child, due Nov 2011. And now there is no baby- and a bazillion people around me are having babies. And it all seems very unfair. Thanks for sharing your rant! Oh and ps- I’m also a hermit and so is my husband 🙂
I am on of those lurkers who never posts comments! But, your post just brought me to tears because I am in the same situation as you. We’ve been trying for 21 months now. I have peed on a bazillion sticks, take my temperature every day of my life, changed my diet, take herbs/vitamins prescribed by a naturopath, had an IUI done (I just knew it would work that time), had ultrasounds done, had the hubs checked out, and many more things I’m forgetting. We haven’t got to the hormone therapy or IVF stuff yet. And, yes, please write a post and tell people what NOT to say to someone who is trying to get pregnant! The one thing that I do want to share because NO ONE ever mentioned this to me is about progesterone. All the mainstream docs talk about estrogen, but no one talks about progesterone. (My apologies if someone has already posted about this; I’m going to read all of the comments soon and hope I learn something new!) I have just recently learned that you must have significant levels of progesterone in order to grow and sustain the baby. The doctor I’m working with said that I could have a fertilized egg every month, but if I don’t have enough progesterone, I couldn’t sustain it. I had a saliva test done and my levels were SUPER low. So, I’m on a natural progesterone cream regimen to build mine back up. I hope I can share good news with you soon that this works. I was previously diagnosed into the “we don’t know why you can’t get pregnant” group. Very frustrating and heart-breaking. So, like everyone else, please let me know if you’d like more information!
I’m cranky too. When it didn’t happen again this month for us, I thought of you (I know that’s not much consolation but it helps me to know I’m not alone). I think it’s okay to be cranky for a while.
First I just want to say…girlfriend – let it all out! There really is no better way to get your feelings in order than writing it out. 🙂
Then I want to say – I am with you on 2 things
1. Started my cycle Sunday – boo. Time is running out on my window of having another little one. 🙁
2. I am SUCH a hermit. I like it most times, but I realize that my LO needs socialization even if I don’t always. I signed up for a mommy meetup group. Let’s see if I actually attend something.
All things in time right? I just wanna know what the clock looks like…
Hey Katie…I’ve been a reader for a while but this is my first comment. Just wanted to say, I totally understand your feelings. I struggled to get pregnant and every month I didn’t was like a kick in the gut! It’s so not fun! I wish there was a way to make it better or easier for you. Hang in there!
Dear Katie,
I am sad to hear of you’re heartache. While I do not know you. You bring a smile to my face every morning that I read your blog and it makes my work day just a little bit brighter. Thank you for that.
I wish you and your family all the happiness in the world and much joy. Have you and Jeremy ever considered adopting? I know it is a sensitive topic and not my place to bring up but when I think of all the children in the world who need a wonderful home and family like yours it makes me wonder if maybe God put you in this position to bring love and joy into a childs heart that currently doesn’t have that.
Good luck to you. I’m sure that in time your family will have good news.
Jill is right. It just SUCKS. Big time.
No advice or words of wisdom here. Just mutual understanding and agreement and hope for a baby. Hugs!
Hang in there. I’m a #3 too 😉 Nothin’ wrong with that.
Katie,
Reading this post made me want to cry, because you basically wrote down everything that I’ve been feeling in my heart for so long but have never said out loud. My husband and I have been trying for our first baby since October of 2010 with no luck. In the time that I’ve been trying, we’ve had friends, sisters, cousins and co-workers have babies and you’re right- it’s hard!
I will most certainly keep you in my prayers and hope that maybe next month you’ll get the present that you want so much! I’m sending hugs your way and hoping that my favorite Bible verse may bring you the same comfort it brings me when I have one of those ugly face, can’t hardly breathe crying fits that come from one of those SPCA commercials after I’ve realized that I didn’t get pregnant during the month…Jeremiah 29:11-13.
I was actually thinking this, too! How adorable would that be?
I understand why you’re cranky. It doesn’t make any sense that you’re supposed to take temperatures, monitor fluids, do special positions, count…when all that stuff just makes you more stressed out, and then extra stress means the process won’t work anyway! That’s some cruel irony.
Also, I am fairly new to your blog so forgive me if you’ve mentioned this…If you don’t have any “issues” with your lady equipment, get Jer tested first. It’s MUCH easier for the guys and might just be the answer…so you can say it’s all HIS fault 🙂
xoxo
My sis struggled with infertility for years, then struggled with the adoption system, in Georgia no less. Now a darling four year old boy has recently been placed with her and her hubby. He’s the best! Just perfect and such a Georgia redneck, with the southern charm and little accent. I’m 30 and scared that I’ll have her same trouble, but I have also pulled the goalie so my husband and I are just being causal about the whole thing right now. Luckily my girlfriends and I all kinda put work first, then marriage, then kids, so I’m not behind in my circle of friend. Prayers to you, prayers to my sis and prayers to my girls!
I think you are the coolest kid on the block. If I lived closer, I would bring my hermit self over and we would chill.
You have a great personality. I can’t imagine you being anything but fun. Give yourself more credit. You are a cool, entertaining and funny chick! Anyone would be lucky to hang out with you.
As for the baby issue, I could give you a few tips, but I’m sure you’ve already read and researched everything possible. So, I’ll just be the friend that listens and cries along with you. ((HUGS)) I’ll say a little prayer for you tonight.
I am glad you see the silver lining! Sorry for being harsh – I am usually not that way but yesterday was just an emotionally exhausting day working with people with really severe disabilities. I hope you pass through this phase soon.
No sappy comments from me- just a quick note to say that I find you incredibly brave. Don’t roll your eyes- you are. Believe it.
I am right there with you. Waiting – not even a little bit patiently. Making too much of a project of the…um… bedroom activities. Hoping. Waiting. Feeling overwhelmingly sad and sorry for myself each time another one of my friends announces their pregnancy.
I am happy for them, really, but every time I get a text or read a blog with a picture of 2 lines or the plus or the digital pregnant, I just think about the oodles of money I have spent on those infernal tests just to get the big fat bold 1 line that screams in my face – NOPE, just wait, Flo is on her way!! barg!!
Then my doc says, try basal temperature monitoring, then you will know when you ovulated. I think great! Lets make the bedroom even more projecty – but my chart – looks like a ride at a Six Flags amusement park – peaks and valleys throughout the month 🙁
Well, I’m glad I got that out – hehe slightly embarrassed face- on your blog.
You are not alone.
Oh, Katie. Thank you so much for sharing this. I have a beautiful 4 year old daughter and we’ve been trying to get pregnant with a second for awhile. It may sound strange but it is a comfort knowing that I am not the only woman struggling with this. When Aunt Flo visits I have a tradition now of mixing up some sangria and taking a super hot bath and try to think of a few more things to do that I wouldn’t be able to do if I was preggo. Sometimes it’s the little things that get you through. Also please don’t be afraid to vent on here! It’s a very healthy thing to do! Yes, you are super blessed, as am I, but that doesn’t take negate the pain that comes from wanting another child so desperately and being unable to conceive one. Just keep praying and try to remember that desires God puts in your heart he puts there for a reason. He loves you and is faithful and has perfect timing.
Katie, the reason we all follow you is because you are completely normal and just like the rest of us. So go ahead and be cranky, although I wish you didn’t have the reason behind it 🙁 If you’re ever in Massachusetts, I would love to hang out with you!
I am sending prayers your way. I have experinced the wait for the marriage, the wait for the baby, then the wait for adoption. Once its passed you will be able to look back and think man why was I so impatient. Gods has big plans for you and your family and he will make it happen one way or another.
I wish you knew how much “we” (yes I will speak for your other readers) love you. You are our friend, our hilarious, completely honest and beautiful friend. Virtual hugs, prayers and well wishes dont remove your pain, but we’ll send them anyway so you know we care.
Sounds like we would get along splendidly.
Katie – Long time no talk! I know you are hoping to conceive this child as easily as your first, but I think you might want to look into going to a fertility specialist to get some tests done. I have several friends who had problems getting pregnant with their second.. seems like going through pregnancy once can seriously change your body chemistry and something just might be slightly “off”, like your hormones, or maybe your thyroid level is out of whack. They can rule them out with simple blood tests.. and then its as simple as taking a supplement every day to get you back on track. This is the problem I had with my first.. they found I had Hyperthyroidism only AFTER they put me through a whirlwind of other tests.. but I digress. either way – getting just a few blood tests done might also help ease your mind?? Please think about it. There are some great resources out there.. I’m sure in Atlanta you have a wonderful array of doctors to choose from.. Good luck – and screw the people telling you to relax! I always hated that. Love wax
Being Cranky is perfectly fine, and its even better having somewhere to vent it. if i was you i’d go out to the bottom of your yard and scream your lungs out, get your anger out of your system! 🙂 or just go get some chocolate / icecream / sweets whatever and just think ‘f**k it’ and forget about it, getting worked up wont help.. xx
Hi, my name is Suzanne. Patience is a foreign language to me and I am a perfectionist with control freak tendencies. That being said…my boyfriend and I won the “Diamond Dash” in Annapolis this past September. A diamond ring valued at $24k. Believe me when I tell you this ring is beyond anything I’ve ever wanted in my wildest dreams. And before you read any further trust that I am ever grateful of our luck and that God was shining down on us the moment we won.
The ring has been in a safety deposit box at the bank since we won it. “WAITING” until we’re ready to use it. Well, I’ve been ready. It’s not just about the ring. But knowing you have something but you can’t actually HAVE is driving me mad. I mean one minute I’m fine and happy and the next minute I could just cry thinking about it. We are currently under contract with a short sale (day 74, another thing I have to wait for UGHHHHHH). Buying a house together pretty much says forever, right? I would marry him tomorrow in a truck stop bathroom! I love him more than the total weight of the world’s elephant population. There’s no one else in the world I could imagine spending my life with. SO WHY CAN’T HE HURRY UP AND GET WITH IT.
We’ve been dating for 3 years. Living together for 1.5 years. He knows we’re meant to be too. We talk about baby names and speaks in terms of “we” & for goodness sakes we share bank accounts already!!! Then to rub salt in the wound my LITTLE cousin got engaged on new year’s eve and has already planned her entire wedding, down the grooms underwear. If one more person tells me ‘good things come to those who wait’, or ‘patience is a virtue’, or ‘take it one day at a time’ I am going to implode. I hope I don’t sound like that annoying purple chewing gum girl from Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. But this waiting thing is getting really really super OLD. Vent closed.
PS I Love You!
IKL, think of this: If you did have another child with hearing loss, wouldn’t it be wonderful to have an older sibling there to understand and support what the little one is going through?
My husband has hearing loss, and the doctors growing up were never able to determine why. We didn’t know if our kids would have it, so I know how you feel “rolling the dice” with each baby. But we always said that if we did have a child with hearing loss, at least we’d know how to handle it. And so will you, because you’ve been through it.
P.S. I just had my first (long awaited) baby on Jan 8… and am ashamed to say, I am not loving the breastfeeding thing. Talk about guilt trip!!! I cry just about every 2-3 hours when she needs to eat. I feel ya on the cranky thing.
p.p.s if you need to get out of dodge, come to Jax, FL. I am bored. and stinky. and sitting on the couch crying and leaking milk. It’ll be a fun time for all!!!!!
Hey, Katie. I found your blog through the lovely Young House Love and have been checking it out more and more frequently over the past few weeks. I wanted to comment because, as for point #1, I am totally in the same boat. My husband and I don’t have any children yet, but we’ve been trying for almost a year now and it’s just getting painful. We’ve gone through 2 miscarriages and each month feels like such a let down. Now I didn’t want to share that to make you feel pity for me or anything (goodness, I’ve hardly shared this with anyone I actually know!), but I just read this post and tried not to start crying at my desk at work because it just resonated with me so deeply. I want you to know that I’ll be praying for you…that we can each have God’s peace during this time of waiting. That we can trust, really trust, that His timing is truly the best. Because we know that it is.
It feels kinda weird to say, but I love ya, girl! Hold tight to the promises that God has given. And I hope it encourages you just a little to know there’s someone else out there who is trying really hard to think kind thoughts about her fellow preggo friends. 🙂
Sending virtual hugs on the fertility front.
I am a hermit too. Though I prefer to call myself a homebody. If I didn’t work, I might never leave the house. I really would like some new mom friends, but it’s so tough to meet new people (especially when you’re home on the couch!). And I struggle with the same things as you, feeling like I’m not quite interesting enough to just have someone over to chill.
I wish there was a hermit meetup group, but I guess the main problem with that is that no one would ever show up to it! 🙂
Katie,
I can totally relate. Not on the child thing but mine relates to marriage. I am 42 and have never been married. I gave my life to the Lord at 21 and waited a long time for a Godly man. Not that I have lived my life perfectly according to His word = child out of wedlock. I have to say I have had absolute screaming fits at God through the years as I watch people get married and have families like it is the most natural thing in the world. To me it is completely foreign like some out of reach dream that I am just not deemed quite worthy to have. It sucks when it seems like the rest of the world is sitting at the feast and you get the crumbs that fall from the table. Anyway, yes, cranky, I can relate.
I went through what you were for a year and a half. I became a hermit too. Every word you said makes perfect sense. Once I finally became pregnant, it was then that I figured out God’s timing for everything. Kind of crazy. When I was trying, nothing anyone could say helped, other than I’m here, and I’m listening. So that’s what we are. Love you.
I will never be a mother. It is so sad to type that, I never have before. I really want to be one, very badly. I want a house full of kids making lots of noise like the family I grew up in. But I know it will never happen so I try not to dwell on it, I try to push it aside to the part of my heart that is full. I tell myself I wouldn’t be a good mother anway, that it is for the best, etc. Any excuse to make myself feel better. All of my friends are stay at home moms and I long to be one. Instead I go to work every day and while I’m at work I think about being at home. Then when I get home to an empty house it just makes me so sad. I just have to know that I am blessed even with out children. That when I hear people talking about their children or see a pregnant friend or co-worker that I still need to be happy for them even though I’m thinking “Why can’t that be me?” That is what is frustrating me, for a long time…thanks for letting me rant for a minute! 🙂 Hope you & everyone who comments gets some comfort to the situation(s) they are going through.
Dude. You and me and number 3 are like this. Ok, you can’t see it but I’m crossing my fingers. I’m so self conscious about having people over and/or being around people(because I’m boring, awkward, etc..) that I tend to try too hard and just make things worse. I exhaust myself going overboard so then I just avoid it that much more.
There seems to be only one solution. Wine and lots of it. For your guests, mainly. That way, if you’re boring/awkward/offensive, they’ll be too drunk to notice or care! I also have fellow hermit friends and we hermit together.
I have to tell you that I think you are too cool for words. You are also so far from boring on your blog, it’s ridunkulous. I read you everday and look forward to it! I would flip out (FLIP OUT) if I ever got the chance to hermit with you. It would probably get weird and stalkerish and I would make an ass of myself but it would still be so great to hang out with you. Because OMG I GOT TO HANG OUT WITH KATIE BOWER ONE OF THE COOLEST PEOPLE ON THE INTERENETS!
And now I just exposed my girl crush. On the internets. Awkward, no? Yay me…
PS – I would make it really awkward and ask for your autograph and then hang it on my upcycled pin board. Because that’s where the cool stuff goes.
A dear friend of mine has a plan to keep from hitting the old women at church: at the next funeral, she’s going to repeat their own words back to them. “When is it going to be your turn? Isn’t it about time you were next?” (She knows she probably won’t say it, but it makes her smile when she has to hear that at every wedding.)
I agree Katie, your pain is still very real and very much yours! I often stuggle with justifying my own pain and frustrations because my situation isn’t as bad a it could be, or because I have friends who are suffering with much harder situations, or have been through greater heartbreak. My heartbreak is mine, and it is real, and we should never feel guilty about that. Everyone’s road if very different, and everyone should respect that it is very realy for each of us no matter how much worse it could be. I love your honesty, please keep it and sharing. It helps all of us, and hopefully you too! Praying your heart is healed soon.
KB
(I’m also a KB!)
Omg. It’s like I wrote this post a year ago. It took me 15 months to conceive while Every. Single. One. of my friends got pregnant. I seriously had 16 pregnant friends at one point and I hated that I hated them for it. I quit going on Facebook because all the updates about nausea and genders and pelvic exams made my whole being ache. I was (who are we kidding, am) a control freak and generally a capable person who’d always been able to do whatever I set my mind to, and I was usually pretty good a it. Not with getting pregnant though. Finally at month 15 I told my husband the emotional toll that trying to get pregnant was taking on me was beyond what I could handle. I had given up. And then 3 days later after a false Aunt Flo scare/monthly freakout I had a positive pregnancy test in my hands. I know it sucks. I do. I know that you hate what’s happening, and how it makes you feel about your friends/random strangers that are pregnant. Oh lawdy do I know. But when it does happen, all that time you spent wanting melts away. You’ll walk away from this with the ability to encourage others going through the same thing. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck though, but keep praying, and whatever you do, DO NOT pray for patience! 😉
I am so glad you were able to put into words what I have been feeling about having a baby. It’s killing me. It is a personal hell. And it’s tough to function beyond that. You are not alone in your struggle…obviously so many of your readers are going through the same thing. It’s comforting to know that although there are so many that are blessed with children easily, there are just as many secretly fighting to feel that life inside of them, whether for the first time or fifth.
Keep your head up. Keep the Faith. Vent all you want.
Hugs and prayers to you! We all need to vent!
Oh the flip side, I would totally hang out with you! You have a wicked sense of humor that is awesome!
I can appreciate what you’re saying Jill, but I have to say that I think posts like this are very important. Studies have shown that the stress a person dealing with infertility goes through is the same stress a person dealing with cancer goes through (http://www.massgeneral.org/bhi/assets/pdfs/publications/Domar%201993%20J%20Psychosom%20Obstet%20Gynaecol.pdf). Infertility (whether primary or secondary) affects 1 in 6 couples of childbearing age. Chances are that you know someone going through it now and many people who have gone through it. So many people don’t understand it and I think it’s important to have people like Katie who are willing to put it out there. Infertility can be an incredibly lonely thing to go through. It’s not something that you want to broadcast to the world but at the same time you want everyone to understand what you’re going through. If Katie pouring her heart out on this blog helps even one reader to understand what his/her sister, daughter or friend is going through and that changes their outlook then it was all worth it. When you’re trying to have a child, it’s more than just a want. It’s a need, a yearning and you feel like a failure. Regardless of if other people see you as such, that’s how you feel. I encourage you to seek out the person(s) you know who have dealt with or are dealing with infertility and see what they think. I would bet that they agree with Katie’s thoughts and comments on more points than you might think.
Katie – I’m so, so sorry. I know your pain. It took my husband and I 17 months to get pregnant the first time, and then we lost our sweet boy Isaac at 18 weeks due to pre-term labor. We’ve now been back on the TTC train for 8 months and it sucks. Lifting you up in prayer.
I just wanted to comment to let you know that I can sympathize, and I’m pulling for you guys! I’m 32, I’ve been married to an amazing guy for 3+ years and we’ve been trying for almost 2 years. No dice. Nothing. After 1 year we started seeing an RE who is amazingly sympathetic and caring! Now I have 3 Clomid cycles, 3 injects cycles and 2 failed IVF cycles under my belt. Last week I was told I have “egg issues” – clearly my body thinks I am older than I really am – so having my own biological child will be nothing short of a miracle. Crushing. You are great parents to Will! I can’t wait to hear that you are successful – it will give much needed hope to people like me, old eggs and all. 🙂
Oh, KATIE!! HugshugshugshugsHUGS!
1. I know this feeling. I won’t get all into it but, my hubs & I stopped ‘preventing’ almost a year ago and well… nothing. The only difference is, I freaked myself out so bad with all my overanalyzing that I up and quit. I took a month ‘break’ to breathe and… it’s been at least 3 now. I’m so proud of you for still trying even though it drives you crazy =) I’ll send some prayers your way & cross my fingers for ya’.
3. This hit the nail on the head for me. As in, I’m currently semi-avoiding a new friend because I made an oversharing, probably offensive, boring idiot of myself the last time we hung out and I’m pretty sure she now believes I’m nuts and isn’t too upset over me leaving her the heck alone. We can be hermit friends together. From our own hermity houses, of course.
4. See 1. & 3.
xoxo & thank you for being you!!
I won’t bore you with all the platitudes I’m sure you’ve heard a million times… but I will say that it sucks to want something so much and not be able to have it. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.
I also want to say that you aren’t weird in a creepy way… you’re weird in a sweet and funny way… and anyone you befriended would be lucky to have you as a friend.
I totally mean that in a non-stalkerish un-creepy way. 😉
Oh my goodness….do you know how many people would love to spend an afternoon doing almost nothing with you (which would turn into a whole lot of something)? Make yourself jump out of your comfort zone and befriend someone new. You’ll be adding so much to both of your lives.
Awww, Katie. . .I’m sorry you were/are having such a rough day. It’s okay to be cranky/sad/hermity/borderline offensive/etc. It’s just plain okay. We all have those days and we will all continue to have those days. It’s life. It happens. And it sucks.
Here’s to hoping that you will soon have a little pee-pee that’s laced with some thc. . .or is it hcg? tlc? . . .well, you know what I’m saying. I think.
Ditto your response Katie, your feelings are your own, completely valid, and irrelevant to the situation someone else is in because no matter what someone else is going through that may be better/worse (who decides that anyway?) you still have to feel your own feelings. Also ditto to your post. XOXO
Katie- I understand how painful it can be to wait on God’s timing (not to the degree that you are experiencing right now, but I can sympathize). Keep on reading His Word, and resting in His promises for your life. He is a faithful God who knows your heart and understands your struggles- and He has promised that He will give us the desires of our hearts, as we ask in faith and according to His will.
I think maybe that you might never fully understand the impact you are having through this blog. Your openness and real-ness are exactly the encouragement and inspiration that I need right now, and I appreciate you very much! The way you just are who you are… yeah, I need that example. Thanks for sharing with us, and allowing us to be part of your journey. I very rarely comment on here, but I read every post you write, and somehow I feel connected to you, like we’re great old friends 🙂
Prayers and “hugs” from a fellow awkward homeschooler/hermit!!
We tried for 18 months on our own before we went to see a doctor. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE don’t wait that long! It can be intimidating and feel like defeat to go to a clinic, but it is so much better than feeling betrayed by your body every month without having any idea what’s happening. Like comments have said, sometimes it’s just one tiny thing standing in your way.
If you are considering it at all, go sooner rather than later. Maybe God’s plan for you is a little more meandering than you thought. My only regret is that we waited those additional, excruciating months before looking for answers.
I wish you so much luck. *hug*
Hi…this is kind of awkward. I’ve blog-stalked you for months&months bc you’re basically awesomesauce and I can totally relate to all of your crazy moments/random thoughts/actions bc I too am a random thought/action-er. Does that make sense? Anyway what I’m trying to say is, I think I get where you’re coming from. Even on the baby front. We’ve been trying for 1.5 years and so far no dice. Apparently my body likes to play games&basically be a dramatic 14 year old. So it helps to hear it’s not so easy for even “normal” people too. Good luck& happy sex planning! Which in itself is kind of awkward lol
PS I just moved to Georgia…
Hi Katie,
You described the pain perfectly. It is EXACTLY like making a clean freak lick the floor of a truck stop bathroom; the act of having to do something so treacherous, and not being able to control any ounce of it.
Nobody’s words comfort me, and no one can say the “right” thing. It’s an awful feeling to be so cranky about it too… I wish I was all graceful and trusting about it, but that often is not my reality.
We are still in the middle of this journey, and I have a lovely, lively 3-year-old, who is my gift from God. I try very hard to concentrate on her, but, I am not proud to say, my sights stray sometimes, to the baby I don’t have.
He is faithful to His servants Katie. I keep repeating that to myself. A peace that passes all understanding is what my prayer will be for you, me, and anyone else going through this circumstance.
Hang in there and vent when you need to; it’s how the heart heals and does not grow bitter.
Isn’t ‘just relax’ the most annoying oxymoron when you’re babymaking?? I know it is for me. We’re experiencing the same pains so I understand your need to just VENT for a minute. As hard as it is, wait on God and it will be better than you imagined 🙂
Who wouldn’t want to hang around you? If I were in Georgia, I’d be there in a minute to be all “hermit”y (not really a word, I know) with you. I love the comfort of my house and not having to sensor my often awkward and outright improper conversations.
And regards to #1 – throw a tantrum like a two year (stomp around, yell, whatever), watch a sad movie that you know will make you cry, go ahead a take it out on the overly cute and happy pregnant ladies around you….they’ll forgive you. 😉
It’s your blog and you can “rant” if you want to. Someone in the comments said earlier that just because someone has an issue that might not seem like it’s as big as someone else’s doesn’t make that issue any less valid. I completely agree with that. There’s no use in feeling guilty for wanting the things you want. You wouldn’t be who you are otherwise.
I hear ya girl. From the comments it sounds like a lot of us are in the same boat. Praying for you!
Thank you SO much for sharing with us! For being a hermit, you are awfully brave. 🙂
Thanks, too, for sharing Will. Our little boy is a bit younger than Will and still hasn’t grown his sideburns – I feel better knowing they are coming! Looking forward to ‘meeting’ baby 2 someday.
ok – i’ll call tonight after 10 🙂
xo – kb
I would say let’s create a club for blogging hermits, but I feel like that’s similar to creating a club for social anarchists or black sheep- they would never show up to meetings 🙂
So just picture this non-club attending, house blogging hermit in another part of the country waving at you happily each morning from New England!
Maybe this little one is on the back burner because the Good Lord wants to give you all the best shot possible for a 2nd Bower/Petersik arranged marriage? I don’t know, and I’m probably not qualified to guess because my kids are kitty cats.
But if you ever need a break and want to get away, and end up in this part of the country, let me know, and we are happy to play tour guide or Respect the Hermitude and give you a list of best places to see 🙂
Katie, hang in there girl. God really does have a plan for you guys and his timing is always best in the end. I know it’s hard though. We went through the same thing. With our first two we had absolutely no problems getting pregnant. I mean first try. Bam. Pregnant. Then we decided we wanted a third and for whatever reason couldn’t get pregnant. Finally 2.5 years later. I tearfully told my husband that I guess it just wasn’t meant for us to have anymore kids. Then I gave all of our baby stuff away. And Bam, we got pregnant the next month….lol!
Other people’s comments are the worst. I’m sorry they said such things to you. So happy for your miracle baby. I’m sure he was loved in a way that others who conceive easily cannot. Praying that everyone gets their miracle baby, me included.
I’ve been a reader for a long time it seems, but I don’t think I ever commented – but your comment about prayer being your only anesthesia rang true for me. We’ve been trying for our first baby for 18 months, and there just is no other way to describe how heartbreaking it can be. Thanks for your honesty.
HB~
Awww Katie! I’m so sorry for your pain! I’m sure that is very hard and frustrating to deal with! It sounds like you need a girl’s night! Complete with feel-good drinks, chick flicks, and tons of ice cream and chocolate! I’m sure most of your readers would show up for a girl’s night with you! Your personality and sense of humor is what keeps us coming back to your blog day after day and most of us would love to be real life friends! I know I would for sure! Keep your chin up! Don’t you hate it when God tests our patience? But the reward will be so much greater in the end! *HUGS*
Hi Katie,
I hear ya sister! I too just hit the 1 year mark this month. Ugggg ! It totally sucks with a capital S! It’s ok to be upset, sad, mad, angry! I sometimes feel like I’m being punished! Seriously? WTF!
Hang in there, we love you too!
From one hermit to another hermit, I feel your pain. I am also NOT pregnant after a year of trying!!!!! My husband does not understand my pain, but tries to console me the best he can. It is an un-consolable feeling that only women understand.
Hey Katie-
I’m sending my thoughts and prayers your way right now!
My hubs and I had been trying to get pregnant for about 2 years and we both just kept saying it’s in gods hands and he will decide when it will happen. Finally after hacing a meltdown each month once I got my visit from aunt flo I decided to make another appointment with my girl doc and figure out what the heck was going on and why the heck wasn’t I preggers!
You see we were blessed with our little girl about 5 years ago, so I knew there should be no reason we couldn’t give her a little brother/sister she had been begging us for. So anyways I went to the doc and they did some blood work, all came back normal (yay!). Then they sent me to the hospital to have a dye test done (not the most fun) but the results came back not so normal. With our daughter I had to have an emergency c-section and then ended up getting a terrible pelvic infection which had caused lots of scarring and adhesions on the inside of my uterus. The scarring and adhesions have pretty much ruined the inside of my uterus wall, resulting in no more kiddos. The news was completely devastating to me and the hubs; however it was a huge relief also not having to go thru a complete meltdown every month when I have my visit.
And as hurt as we both still are and probably always will be, we know that we have still been blessed with the most beautiful and wonderful daughter any parents could ask for.
The only advice I can give you is to talk to your gyno about it (if you haven’t already), a few simple tests here and there can give you so many answers to all the questions you’re asking yourself.
God Bless you and your beautiful family!
XOXO
I, too, am a hermit and I am the exact same way you are! I get sad when I see other people, “friends” being so social but then I think “well, I’m a hermit, so no wonder I don’t get invited places.” I’ve tried branching out and making myself go places but at the end of the day I just want to hang out at home with my husband and our dogs. It’s sad but it’s me and that’s all there is to it. Don’t be afraid to be who you are. Embrace it for what it is and use that positive energy in your life. I’ve spent too much time being sad for what I don’t have (friends, lol) that I never focused on the things I DO have: a great husband who is willing to sit on the couch and watch Seinfeld with me night after night. Having friends is overrated, anyway 🙂
Not gonna leave you encouragement because you said you didnt want any but I’ll be praying for you because I know how deep that yearning goes and how painful it can be.
Your sisters wedding was absolutely beautiful and I’ve been dying to find a DIY way to make a branch votive holder and of course you provided.
Love reading your blog and love how much you mention and credit our Lord and Savior.
Sending positive and thoughts your way
Hi,
Just wanted to say that I think you are wonderful. I am not a hermit but I hide because of my own insecurities. I have a lot of friends that love me just the way I am. I am pretty, smart, successful at whatever I put my mind to, I am funny, I say whatever comes to mind. I think I am pretty great too but I am scared of not being liked or that women will get jealous of me and not like me. I am nice and I do not have a big head at all. I suffer in silence when all I really want is a good girlfriend that I can just be me. I have “hi and bye” friends and friends I get together with once a month for brunch. But do I call them when I am having a bad day or feeling like my little world sucks, no. I tell my lovely hubby. I am too afraid of being judged. I am working on it but at the moment its pretty lonely. All I have to do is reach out and they would be there but….it never seems important enough to bother them. Your comments help me see that most of us have similar issues.
thinking of you. Marilyn
This post made my stomach ache and heart break for you. I wish I would could say “relax”, “it will be ok”, “it will all work out”, “think positive”, etc. But, I can’t.
I personally know the monthly heartbreak of wanting, needing, and praying for a baby. I have had this feeling going on now for exactly 75 months – yes I said 75 months – which breaks down to 6 years and 3 months – or 2,282 days….but whos counting. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful house which we are slowly making our own, we both are blessed with amazing jobs, a loving marriage which is extremely solid and strong and an extended family that supports everything we do. I know we would be great parents. I know we could financially, emotionally and physically take care of a child. We have done everything in the order in which we thought we should – dating, proposal, marriage, career, house…then comes baby right?
People who have never had problems having a child or getting pregnant will never completely understand. This heartache makes you feel less of a woman (or it does me anyway). Makes you feel like the one job that should be easy and come natural for all women – doesn’t. I try not to question why me or why her because I try to stay humble and greatful for everything we do have that others don’t. But everyday I am reminded on the one dream that may never come true, the dream of being a mother. Like my mother.
If you ever need to vent, cry, scream, rant, or even celebrate please know your not alone. All of us are just a blog post or email away!
xo-
Dawn
I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles to get pregnant! Hugs to you on this difficult journey!
I wanted to also say that your description of yourself as being a hermit totally describes me as well, I can relate to that completely! My hubs is not so much that way, so he really doesn’t understand, it would be easier I think if we were both that way.
Love your blog, thank you for sharing your life with us (the good and the bad)!
okay, this could be a long comment. I’ve got some venting I need to do, too.
1. someday I will have a house (very someday, because despite working 70 hours a week at a physically and emotionally exhausting job, and despite being unbelievably careful and not buying anything I want and eating lots of noodles and keeping my tiny 1 bedroom apartment heated only to 59, my salary is too low for me to save any money) and then I will blog about making it pretty and then I will be jealous of all your bloggy followers and wish you were my best friend. Until then I’ll mostly just be jealous of your beautiful house.
2. totally a hermit also. which is part of what makes my job so emotionally exhausting – I’m a high school teacher, so I have to be up in front of people all day. and be cheerful. and deal with crabby students who haven’t finished their homework. and all their other issues. I have to take it. and even on the best of days that’s difficult for an introvert like me, but today my grandfather is dying and I have no emotional energy at all. and I still have to be in front of people all day and be cheerful and take their crap.
3. I’m getting married in June to the best guy in the world. And I know he’ll love me and take care of me no matter what. But I also know that I’ll probably never be able to have a baby due to PCOS. And that makes me ache. We’ve already talked about that eventuality and we know that we want to adopt (whether or not we can conceive – because babies without homes is even more heartbreaking than not having a baby), but…..still.
4. finally….God knows. God knows how much you hurt over not having another baby yet. And the best thing is that He can handle your hurt and anger. Venting on your blog is fine and healthy, but the best thing you could do would be to vent to God and to listen for His response.
How about we both abandon our hermit ways for a day and indulge in a little self-pity at Baconfest? I’m totally serious by the way. It exists — a short one hour from my little abode. And I know you love a road trip.
http://baconfestchicago.com/
Just throwing it out there.
On another note. I don’t totally get it. But I get it. I am yearning for #2, but there are some circumstances preventing us from trying right now. And it kills me every time I hear the news that a friend or family member is expecting. I’m happy for them, but I’m sad for me. Sending lots of good baby-making vibes your way!
I can relate to this post in so many ways! I too am crabby, I too am a hermit. I work full time from home and the people I talk to most are my husband, 4 year old, and my two dogs. I do calls for work but it’s all work stuff so I’m not making big friends. I don’t venture a lot of places, and because I moved to a new state I have no friends :o(
But when it comes to baby making, I have no idea how that miracle happens. It’s easy with one baby and hard with another. It’s elusive I guess. I don’t know why that happens, but hang in there. I found out I was pregnant over Thanksgiving. You will be too, just try and hang in there. When you get really down… Cook up some bacon… Have some brownies…. And LAUGH with Will! Those things will get you through!
I’m so glad to hear you open up! And look at all these comments! Snap. I’ve always thought if you lived near me we’d be friends. We’re a lot alike, only I’m blond and flat-chested. 🙂 The Lord works in the most frustrating ways sometimes. I don’t think He cares that I said that either. Do you Lord? Anyway, as much as it sucks, He’s preparing your heart. You are going to go crazy over baby #2 – he/she will be such a miracle, a gift (I know they all are, but when you wait so long it’s often more amazing). I’ll pray for your uterus and eggs…and Jeremy’s little swimmers. TMI?
Hello Katie B. I won’t trouble you with sorrows or sadness, but I will tell you that you are heard. Big warm, mushy, squishy hugs to you. You are in my thoughts.
P.S. Hermits and “weirdos” rock. I take great pride in being one myself ; )
Oh Katie – my heart just hurts so much for you! I was in your position twice and it totally sucks! And yes, the second time around after months of just trying and then fertility treatments plus 3 A.I.s, I finally gave up trying (for good – as in we’re done, not gonna have a second, no more ‘timed’ sex and then waiting and peeing on sticks and HATING Aunt Flo with a total vengeance) and the very next month I got pregnant – which was great – but trying to RELAX while wanting a baby so bad and trying to figure out your fertility time to having sex when you just don’t feel like it – it’s very hard to relax and so easy to say – esp. other people who either never went thru it or get pregnant by looking at their husband. And it doesn’t matter if it’s your first, second, third or tenth – if you want that baby, you WANT that baby! Yes, you’re grateful for Will and love him fiercely but that doesn’t stop your heart from wanting another baby to smother with love and raise and be a sibling to Will. All this to say – my thoughts and prayers are with you girl – yes, God has a plan but we are only human and it’s HARD to be patient. I hope with all my heart that your prayers are answered 🙂
I won’t say what you don’t want to hear because when people told me to relax about getting pregnant and said “it will happen when it happens” and blah blah blah I WANTED TO PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE. So I won’t say any of that shit. I know a little bit how you feel. IT SUCKS. It sucks when you feel like finally you are prepared, you are financially, emotionally, and literally just READY to have a baby… and then it doesn’t happen. It took us months of trying before I got pregnant (I know that sounds like bragging but I swear I’m not – hear me out) and those months where I didn’t felt like FOREVER. It felt like I was broken. There was something wrong. and I couldn’t give my husband the son he’s always wanted. So I feel your pain. If it had taken me a year I probably would have gouged my eyes out by now. You are not alone in this and if it helps to type it out in a blog post and be judged by the rest of the world to see, then for God’s sake, do it. I’m sure my friends were tired of me bitching so this is the perfect outlet. It’s gotta be so damn frustrating for you because you know you aren’t broken – you had Will. So you’ve got to be at the point where you are like, alright, it’s worked before, wtf is the problem now? I would be so confused and just dead inside.
The other thing – the month I stopped using the ovulation kits it happened for me. But I also was taking mucinex and using pre-seed. Look it up – take mucinex after your period is over and until a couple days before you ovulate – it helps to create mucus down there which helps the sperm travel where it needs to go. (Don’t take Mucinex-D, though, the decongestent actually dries you out. Just plain mucinex which generic is called Guaifenesin ) Also, pre-seed lube is expensive but worth it. When sex becomes not “hot” anymore and you are just doing it to “do it” – this stuff helps. It helps by being the only sperm friendly lube, and can also help the sperm travel where it needs to. The worked for me.
So that’s my two cents. I hope it helps you. Much Love, Katie Bower.
I am a cranky, infertile hermit. You describe so well what many of us who struggle to start or add to our families feel, Katie. It is nothing short of excrutiating and I hate that you are hurting. I will pray for you and you family.
Occasionally, I find humor in 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility – there is a blog and a facebook page. It might help. Hey- sometimes you’re just outta tears!
Haha!! So funny!!
Hugs Katie 🙂 Almost 2 years of TTC here and your post is everything I’ve wanted to say out loud for the past year or so.
And I’m a hermit too, sometimes I feel like a freak because I used to be SO social but now I’m content with my little fam (DH and pups) in my little house just praying for a little baby. Love your blog Katie, thank you for existing.
Hey Katie. What you are going through sucks. I will be praying for you. I do the same thing when life gets bumpy- I retreat. I become a little hermit and just hang out at home to weather the storm.
Also, have you seen your OB? I have many friends that went through “second child infertility”. They ended up with a second child but it just took a lot longer than getting pregnant with the first.
I’m with you, girl.
Aw, your anguish in this post hurt my heart. *cyberhugs*
I know you have probably received advice upon advice, but I’ll just throw mine out there, because you’ve put it all out there. Get the book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weschler. It opened my eyes to a ton of things I didn’t even know about my own body and how it works. I was kind of embarrassed that as a woman I didn’t know this stuff–but now I do! http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0060881909/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328033877&sr=8-1
hugs to you in your time of vent, girl.
also, just read this:
http://www.girltalkhome.com/blog/when-life-is-hard
and it ring SO true in my life and heart right now, just wanted to share. love and prayers!
I’ve been there. It sucks, it hurts, and then I cried. And then, I got pregnant. He’s beautiful and funny and we almost named him Will. He’s 15 months old. But, I am a hermit too. And we just moved to Nashville and we have no friends. So, if you’re up in our neck of the woods again, we can be hermits together and I’ll fill you in on the rest. In the meantime, go find yourself a good doctor. I’ll say a prayer for you too.
I’m not going to say hang in there and be patience. I did that for two years and know how hard it is. I am going to say be proactive and go for it. Whatever your beliefs and values, you absolutely can have that second baby, or third and so on. My husband and I just found out we are having twins. After 3 years of dissapointment, heartache and sadness we are having twins. We did IVF, something that I was always against for really no reason, but you want want you want, and you do what you have to do to get it. I’m not saying this route is right for you, but look at your options, talk to people who know the options and go for it!
It’s so nice to read post from a blogger who isn’t all, “My life is nothing but sunshine, gummy bears, and rainbows.” You are honest, you are you and you don’t try to be anyone else. That’s amazing. If you were a little closer to East TN, I’d just come on down and give you a hug.
First of all, it’s your blog, you’re allowed to be cranky! Didn’t you read Sherry’s post a few days ago about that?
Next, I’ve been reading here for a bit, but not long enough to know how you came to expect Will (talk about potential for oversharing). Perhaps however that happened could lead you in a similar path again. (I have a friend that got her first unintentionally with the help of a couple of bottles of wine, then tried for her second for many months and finally got him with the help of an excess of tequilla. I’m convinced booze is required for her to conceive, perhaps there’s something somewhat similar that would help you.) I also have two friends who got pregnant about the second the started clomid shots after trying for months with no results, in case you’re open to medical assitance.
Last, if I lived in the ATL, or even still in Chattanooga, I’d suggest we hang out. I also have hermit tendencies and the desire not to, with no motivation to accompany it. If you’re anything like you are online in person (Sherry’d probably say you are), you’d be so fun! Get out there and do it!
I remember the one year mark. It sucked big time. I felt so completely hopeless. I wish I could tell you it gets easier. When I hit the two year mark I thought it couldn’t get any worse. The three year mark looms over my head like a brick. I don’t want to see it.
I will say that there have been good moments. There have been times when I have given up inside and those are actually the best times. I feel a sense of relief, because at those moments I don’t care anymore. I don’t care if I get pregnant, I don’t care if anyone else is pregnant, I just don’t care. I guess you could say those months I “just relaxed”, and guess what, I still didn’t get pregnant.
Sorry, I really don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer. Like they say, this is an emotional roller coaster, but not the fun roller coaster. This is the one where you will have good days and then suddenly drop into some bad days. My only advice is to surround yourself with a support group, friends and family that will listen. If you can, find at least one friend that is dealing with infertility who will not only listen, but understand.
In other news, I am a hermit too. I love my house and could stay in it forever, never leaving to make new friends. So, if you need an infertile hermit friend to vent to, but never see, just send me an email.
Hi Katie,
I. Know. Your. Pain. I cried reading this because I understood where you were coming from. You took the wind right outta my sails.
I understand that those who love and care for me don’t want to see me suffer and they mean well but I don’t always want their opinions. They’ve never been in this situation. Sometimes I just want to vent! I’m a believer too and it’s still hard. It’s like mourning the loss of a loved one that never was.
I guess there’s nothing I can say except…yup. Thank you for your candor, it’s refreshing.
Btw, I read your blog daily and love it! My husband is southern so I had to show him your family Thanksgiving pictures (the hillbilly ones)…we died laughing! That was awesome. We still talk about it.
You have every right to be cranky! I just found out that my two sisters-in law are BOTH pregnant! BOTH! They will be giving my husbands mom her 8th and 9th grandbaby and I havent even got one to give! It’s rough and I have already threatened to punch the next person who gets pregnant in the face…with a chair…ok fine I will just visualize it but still, trying for so long and seeing others get what YOU want so easily sucks. period. Keep up the great blogging, you rock!
I hate this for you. I hate this for Will. I hate this for your family. I hope that you will get your baby. And it is okay to be cranky.
What does your ob say? HAve you guys ran any tests or anything yet? You don’t have to go into details obviously but I was just wondering…
Praying for you!!!
Laura,
I have PCOS too!! I married my real life hero in 2005, after years of trying, I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2008. It’s an emotional roller coaster when you are trying to get pregnant, then when you learn you have a medical issue which may prevent it forever, it’s simply heartbreaking. I wish you and your husband nothing but the best!!
xo-
Dawn
I think the reason we all wait is the same reason some guys have about asking a girl out on a date. Simply because we’re afraid of the answer. Afraid that we might hint and make them run the other way. Afraid that if we just try to hint it he will say no he’s not ready and then find it annoying. It’s just that simply being afraid is better than rejection. But if they have been with you for 4 years I think it’s time for hints here and there, also some guys just don’t understand subtle hints so if you’re gonna go for the “oh isn’t she gorgeous in that wedding dress?” type of deal, be assured that he will tone you out because 1) you’re talking about fashion and he just doesn’t understand and 2) he’ll only think that this is a trick question question about his friend being pretty or something ridiculous. I still haven’t been able to decipher why guys always think girls are into something other than the plain truth, but oh well. Good luck girls! Hope your hinting strategies work soon 🙂
I envy your balls, Katie. I’ve been struggling with the same issue but haven’t been able to talk about it with anyone (just the hubs). It’s too painful. I wish I had your guts to tell the world what I’m going through but, as you can see, I barely have the guts to properly sign this post…
After a year+ of trying, we went to the GYN. Got Clomid 50MG and round 2 did the trick for us. We’re now 6-weeks preggo, but don’t want to get too excited as things can still go wrong. The GYN said the garbanzo was too small for 6 weeks… #FingersCrossed
Main point of my comment: huge vote for Clomid.
Sending cyber hugs your way and saying a few prayers, too.
Also saying prayers for all the others in the comments who’re hurting. Sometimes life just sucks, but God makes all things new.
Oh, katie. Girl, I hear ya. We waited 2 years, 6 failed rounds of Clomid, and thousands of dollars of tests that showed nothing other than that I couldn’t get pregnant, before our sweet girl came along. God’s time indeed.
HOWEVER, I think my baby came from Vera Wang. Only halfway kidding.
One afternoon I was having lunch with a priest friend of mine and another friend who had just gotten engaged. We were, like you do, discussing china patterns and I mentioned that since we married straight out of college, my husband and I hadn’t registered for china. My priest friend dropped her fork, looked me straight in the eye, and said “Oh honey, that’s why you can’t have babies! What kind of a tacky child would you be raising in a house with no china?” Two days later I drug hubs out to Macy’s and we bought a single place setting of Vera Wang china. I got pregnant the next week.
xoxo. good luck, fellow hermit.
I have been there, Katie. I know it is frustrating to the core. We were pregnant with our first daughter in no time. We bought our house when our daughter turned a year and at that point we were ready to try for another baby. It took us just under two years to become pregnant. After the first year of trying, I went to the doctor to try and navigate what may be wrong. Every test came back normal. The one thing my doctor did tell me was that we were trying too hard and stressing too much. Which was also something my mother had been telling me. Countless phone calls to my mom every month with me in tears because aunt Flow came knocking….Finally, I said I was done. I was done trying completely. I washed my hands of it. I completely let go. I was too fed up with all the hurt. We did it one time in the month of November, no ovulation kit to tell me if it was “the time” or not. I just couldn’t take it. December 10th I found out I was pregnant. I know it is hard to let go and release the stress of it. But, even till this day I can’t believe that it worked. It was what my mom and doctor had told me all along. I will keep you in my prayers. I will pray for your strength. It will happen.
xoxo
Jolie
Katie – I’m sorry, really, I’m sorry to hear all of this. But good for you, getting it all out. Sometimes it just helps to vent. I am no where close to your situation so I can’t fully relate, but I am right there with you on #3. I like to think I’m outgoing, and I dream about having a few girlfriends that I get together with on a regular basis, but I’m a total hermit. I like to be at home. Yeah, I like getting together with friends and being outdoors doing cool stuff, but I’m always excited to get home, to be with my stuff and my man and my two cats. Thank God for the internet and blogging, otherwise, where would some of us be. 😉 Keep your chin up, girl. You’re amazing and really, I admire you.
I found this today and thought you, and also many of your readers it seems, might enjoy: http://thefoxisblack.com/2012/01/11/the-desktop-wallpaper-project-featuring-mary-kate-mcdevitt/
Katie,
I have just started reading your blog about 3 months ago so I am newbie but I love it. I love how honest and quirky you are. It reminds me of myself and its always good to know “your not the only one”. I, like you, have been frustrated lately with having a child. My husband and I have been married for over 4 years now and have not had any luck. In being honest, we havent been “actively” trying the whole time, just this past 14 months (actively trying in that I am taking ovulation tests and timing everything). I just recently started clomid which I am hoping is the extra boost we need. Have you been to your doctor yet? It may help to just get checked out just in case. Anways, back to your post, reading your post today was helpful for me. You don’t know me (Hi, I’m Laura from Baltimore MD) but your post helped me see that its ok to be frustrated, its ok to be mad at your body and why things are taking so long to “click”. It’s o-k. So thank you! I wish you and your hubby all the luck in the world.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers:)
Laura Adelman
You are loved. That is all! <3
I know you weren’t asking for book suggestions but I swear by this book
http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0060881909/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1328038838&sr=1-1
And if I lived in Georgia I would totally bring my kids over and hang out with you every day. I’d be that annoying friend who never leaves because you seem like someone that would be amazing to hang out with…. and now I’m sure I sound uber creepy.
{{{Hugs!}}} I’ve been there – wanting another baby, things not working and not knowing why. There are tons of people with similar experiences and most of the stories have happy endings. Don’t give up hope that your story will have a happy ending too!
I spent time looking up tips and techniques, reading book reviews, etc. I found calendars, ordered tests, etc. It was maddening. Eventually we got our #2.
Hang in there!
Katie – long-time reader, rare commenter here. Thank you for being yourself, thank you for being honest, thank you for not being afraid to share your story with all of us. I too struggled for nearly a year to get pregnant with our second – after getting pregnant with my son almost immediately. I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant, and just praying it continues to go smoothly. I’m definitely more anxious this time around, given how long it took us to get here. I was cranky, I cried, I prayed, I pleaded.. I tried to remind myself that like you, I feel so lucky and blessed with my current life with my husband and son, wonderful family and friends – but unfortunately, it doesn’t make you want #2 any less. It doesn’t make going through it any easier. I would urge you to see your dr. if you haven’t already – just to make sure everything is okay, it was amazing to me how many things could change after your first pregnancy. Sending prayers and good thoughts your way!!!
Oh sweetie.
I’ve been in a similar place. I had one son and desperately wanted another baby. He came… finally finally finally.
I can also relate to your hermity stuff. I truly love people but I would be 100% fine with staying in my house for two weeks straight, either all alone or with my little family.
We love you too, KB. xo
Sorry you are hurting. I was in those shoes before Cole was born, and it SUCKS. It turned sex with my incredibly handsome husband into a chore that we both dreaded. It made me question myself so many times. It made me bitter toward people who were going through the most wonderful experience of their lives, people whom I loved dearly. I still get twinges at pregnancy announcements. I can’t offer any encouraging nuggets of wisdom, but I can only say “hang in there.”
I am also a hermit. I’d just rather stay home with my little family. We do “us” very well. Truth be told, you were probably the last non-Burks person to come to our house when you did Cannon’s photo session. All our family lives in Alabama and it’s just easier to stay home.
Ok, so I know you don’t want anymore “how-to” advice but I have to let you know what my midwife swears by, yes, it worked for me…….start counting the day your period starts then be with the hubs every other day of days 10-20. I’m a nurse in a women’s hospital so we get lots of advice from the ob/gyns. I also agree with many others though that after a year of trying it is time to see the doc. It doesn’t mean something is wrong but most will check things out for you after 6mo-1 yr without conceiving. My midwife also says not to waste money on the ovulation tests (I know, I did too) but to use her 10-20 plan and you won’t miss when you ovulate. I am a hermit with my 21 mo old too!
“. . . all I think about is what I don’t have.”
I needed to read that today. . . well, everyday.
Thank you.
I’m right there with you Katie – totally feel your pain!
I’m loving this pregnancy bucket list! I don’t have an official list, but I usually “celebrate” with wine and sushi when I know I’m not pregnant. I figure those are two things I enjoy and wouldn’t be able to have if I were.
Oh, if I can vent too…
It totally sucks when you have friends that started trying after you, have since had their baby, and now their baby is almost a year old. Truly sucks!
Hi Katie!
I am sending you a hug from your “friend” in Lake Tahoe! I read your blog daily, and feel like I know you and your entire family so well! I know things are difficult right now, but as they say, this too shall pass.
So, since it seems like there a lot of us Katie Bower loving-hermits, I suggest we have a Bower Power Hermit GTG! Name the place and your “friends” will come running!
I hope I don’t seem like a stalker. I stopped that a long time ago!
Amy
Hi Katie,
I had to comment because your post was so relatable and honest. I do not have the same issues as you, but I have my issues. I appreciate that you let us in on your doubts, fears, and frustrations. Family life is one of the hardest, most “real” parts of our journeys as Christian women; and, for me, and perhaps for you, when you grow up in a pretty sheltered, loving home where most things in your life have always gone your way, suddenly losing control of this type of thing can be very difficult. Suddenly you are not in charge. No work ethic, great attitude, good looks, or charming personality can get you anywhere. It just is.
For me, I have three kids, but my frustrations with my family life come with the fact that my husband is a teacher and we can’t afford for me to stay home. I have to work full-time so we can have a house and live in a decent area. I really miss my kids. It wasn’t my choice to do this. However, my husband was a born teacher and thrives in his career. I do not want to take that away from him. Plus, we live in California, so our tiny, old house cost twice what it would anywhere else. I would love to be like you and get to stay at home and decorate. In fact, you pretty much have my dream job. But that won’t be happening for me any time soon.
My point is not to make you feel bad or say “hey, brat! be grateful!” No, because I’ve had those words said to me before and I know how annoying they can be.
I just think we all have certain expectations going into marriage and family life and when God doesn’t seem to comply, it can truly be heart breaking. So, while I think it’s perfectly acceptable for you to feel the way you do, try to have faith and know that we all have our own path.
For me, I’ve got the kids, but no money and no time. I feel like a crazy person most of the time. For you right now, you don’t have quite the family size you want, but you have a lot of wonderful, never-gonna-get-it-back time with your baby and your husband. Trust me, once you cross the threshold to two kids, things will never be the same. God bless you! I’ll pray for you! Thanks for the work you do! It’s so fun to read!
That’s hilarious! We’re definitely exploring the adoption side ourselves. We’ve always felt called to do it.
I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but reading this post, it breaks my heart for you. I am sad that you have to go through this, and that each month life’s cruel joke is to make you find out you’re not pregnant at the same time your emotions and body are completely out of control. I feel for you. While I have never been in the same boat to the extent that you are, I want you to know that I totally understand your intense desire to have another child and your frustration that it isn’t happening when you thought it would. You are in my prayers sister!
Oh Katie, I feel your pain. My husband and I tried for exactly a year before I finally got pregnant. I had been miserable and stressed out about and couldn’t think about anything else. Then, I got pregnant. Then, 4 weeks after finding out I was pregnant (and 8 weeks along) I had a miscarriage. I was devastated (still am actually). And the worst part about it is that I feel like I have to start all over again. Back at the beginning. And what if it takes another year to conceive, and what if that ends in a miscarriage as well? It’s all very frustrating and out of our control.
Hold tight. I’m sure it will happen for you (and me).
I think you just decribed my life! Except I’ve wanted another baby for the last 8 years! kinda sucks!
Raw! 494 comments! People are looking for real.
Keepin it real. Thats why I keep coming back.
That is hilarious. Maybe you need new china for each additional child? Maybe that’s my problem 🙂
xo – kb
Your entire first point is EXACTLY how I feel. Tomorrow marks 8 months of infertility for us. It’s so hard to give up total control when you see people that abuse the privilege of being pregnant or people that pull the goalie and get preggo like a month later. I have PCOS so we can’t have children without the help of some medications, and we just finished the first cycle of using the fertility monitor. We don’t know if the medical treatment worked yet, but the one thing I do know about the monitor is that it doesn’t always get the first cycle right. I just want you to know that I completely understand and feel for you what you are going through, and in my personal opinion, sometimes, those feelings are completely justified! Good luck girl and we say a prayer for your family every night 🙂
Oh Katie B! I seriously love you and your blog; the best people are usually hermits 😉
1. You have every right to be cranky. And mad. And frustrated. Don’t apologize for that.
2. I think the two worst things someone can say to a woman trying to get pregnant are, “Just relax! Then it will happen!” and “It will happen in God’s time.” The people that said that to me are very lucky to have walked away without my handprint on their face.
3. Good luck with the fertility monitor! I never used one (those suckers are expensive!). Have you considered going to a fertility doctor? I know that step is a very scary one but after making it, I really felt like I was finally making progress because I was actually doing something and taking charge of the situation.
4. Whatever happens and whatever you choose to do, it looks like you have plenty of people who love and support you here!
Katie,
Let me begin by saying that this email comes with no advice, no “give it time”, none of that bull-crap! (because when you’re going through something so personal and someone gives you the “patience” speech it stings as bad as the months that slip by.) I know, I too have been there. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. (6 of those married) I let nature take it’s course for the majority of our marriage. The last 2 years were more of the “every other day sex” and “legs up on the headboard” to help the little swimmers find their way. I, like you, hated every pregnant girl I saw. When friends of mine complained of morning sickness and weight gain I envied them to the depths of my soul!! They had no idea that the things they complained about was what I ached for! We sought out medical help (which failed us for a couple of months) until finally I had those two lines. I gave birth to our daughter, Ivy, this past November. We are blessed beyond measure! I know God answers prayers because he answered mine. So, I will be praying for you!!
PS. Kiss Will for me, keep on blogging because I love you and I love bacon, too! 😉
Everyone’s allowed to vent and complain and be cranky so thanks for sharing, honestly, it’s good to let it out.
Regarding your wanting another baby, I’m not going to say, “relax” (or anything along those lines) because anytime someone says that to me it just makes me want to scream and say, “if I could relax, I wouldn’t feel this way. If I didn’t feel this way, I wouldn’t be complaining or telling you about it so that is the last possible thing I can do right now!”
All I will say is that I hope with all of my heart the best for you and your family and I really hope that means you all have another baby soon. You’re wonderful parents and I think it would be great for you all to share that with another kidlet.
Now for some tough love, get out there and hang out with those friends! Nothing wrong with being a hermit sometimes but you are a) awesome, b) give yourself too hard of a time, and c) should share your awesome self with others and enjoy the time together.
I know you don’t need any more comments on this blog post, but this resonated with me so much that I can’t just leave it. My heart hurts for you on the baby front. My husband and I have been trying for a year and a half and I melt into a puddle on the bathroom floor every month when I find out I’m not pregnant … again. I just finished my first cycle on Clomid and while I’m grateful for my supportive husband, family, and friends, there is just something so lonely about infertility. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
can i please say thank you for getting in this out in the open, so i can feel human…i felt like i just wrote what you wrote:) I’m a Georgia hermit as well, who has some of the same issues going on you do, wants the same things as you do…so heres a BIG hug beacause i totally get it:)
Katie,
So. Honest. So. Beautiful. Thank you for your writing.
I’m a crabby person a majority of the time without nearly as good of an excuse. I say run with it! I’m also socially awkward and very hermity but everyone around me thinks I’m fairly normal, imagine that 😉 Hang in there girl and don’t hurl the laptop, hurl a $1 goodwill plate or something else instead (it’ll be a cheaper hissy fit promise)!
Ok I realize that I am just a guy on here, I have been following your blog for a long time, something about your writing just speaks to me [my wife has a good chuckle at my reading the blog from “The Crazy Georgia Girl”] and I have learned a lot about home decor ideas from you that I doubt I would ever have before, and photography to boot!
That all being said, I am sorry you are frustrated, it can’t be easy and my hopes are with you that you come out of this situtation smiling in the end, with or without a new bundle of joy
Katie- I’m a lurker but just wanted to send you some virtual ((hugs)). I also unfortunately know the pain of desiring another child. Last year I had an ectopic pregnancy that was both mentally and physically painful and draining. I was so heartbroken over the loss and so fearful it would happen again. Subsequently we had to wait to TTC again due to the injection I received to prevent a tubal rupture. Prior to becoming pregnant with my ectopic baby we had to postpone TTC for several months because of a house fire we had in 2010. It just seemed it was one thing after another.
I had a hard time trusting in God’s timing but I can now (at 37 weeks pregnant) look back and say that this baby couldn’t be coming at a better time. I had always wanted my children spaced about 2 years apart but it wasn’t meant to be. However, I’m finding so many blessings already in having them spaced about 3.5 years apart. Through it all I tried to focus on the special one on one time I was able to have with my son that I know will not be the same after our daughter is born in the near future.
I know there are really no words of comfort when you’re going through anything involving trying for another child that you desperately want. But, perhaps some bacon roses would help?!…..check this out, I immediately thought of you when I saw this… (not sure how to make it a link though, sorry!)
http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/bacon-roses.htm
((Hugs)) and prayers for you to conceive soon and have a healthy and happy 9 months. All the best to you 🙂 And thanks for all the laughs- you’re certainly more than entitled to a complaining post once in a while!
Oh, Katie. I just love you. Wish we could be friends IRL. Please complain all you want, that’s what we are here for. Lots of hugs & prayers.
Thanks for writing. It takes real courage to share this with us, and I appreciate it. I love how you are so much yourself. And, if you threw your hermitness to the wind and hosted a party for internet friends you’ve never met, I’d definitely come. Yep, see what I did right there? I just invited myself over.
“Just relax and it’ll happen” is the stupidest advice ever. I’d also get people saying “Haha, you need to get drunk and do it in the backseat of a car, that does it every time!” Seriously, shut. up.
This is not advice but just my story. We had two kids and it was the easiest thing ever. With #1 I got pregnant a few days after stopping birth control. With #2 I got pregnant the second month we were trying.
So when we decided to go for #3 I figured it would be easy peasy. Not so much. We tried the “natural” way first, just doing the deed around the middle of my cycle. Didn’t work. I used a fertility monitor and took ovulation predictor tests, and I was ovulating and able to get pregnant. But I didn’t. Then we moved on to temperature taking and charting. Still nothing. Finally I realized that, despite all the stuff I read saying my cycle was just fine for conceiving, it really wasn’t. I had a 30 day cycle and was ovulating on day 18, which left 12 days for the baby to implant. Technically anything over 10 days is fine, but when you’re going on nine months with no baby you realize that maybe what’s technically true isn’t actually true for you. So I looked up people who had had the same issue and found that the solution was ridiculously simple. I started taking vitamin B12 and my ovulation date moved back three days the first month. That’s also the month I got pregnant.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I hope whatever your solution is, I hope you find it soon. I hope it’s easy on your body and your mind and I hope it’s fast. Even if it’s not any of those things, I hope it gives you a baby.
i was on vacation a few years ago in myrtle beach sc. we went into one of little hole in the wall surf shops and i was immediately attracted to the little cage full of hermit crabs. my eye went to this hot pink shell with black zebra stripes painted on it with her little crab claw sticking out waving hello to me. it was a sign. destiny. i named her… wait for it… Myrtle Beyotch. (:
we all have our hermit tendencies-its all in how we rock it. my shell might be hot pink and zebra print-you shell could probably be reupholstered for each season and would totally rock.
hope i made you smile kb. (:
Katie,
Just wanted to let you know I’m praying for you!
Stay strong hun!
P.S- You are my favorite hermit 🙂
I totally feel your pain. It’s been a year of trying for my husband and me as well. The waiting is totally turning me into a nut job as well. 🙂 Then since we don’t have any other children, my mind goes over and over the thought of what could be wrong with me and if I will ever have any at all. Which really does a number on me. Hope you guys get pregnant soon!
I’m so sorry, Katie! We ventured through unexplained infertility hell for 3 years, two of which were with lots of drugs that didn’t work. It’s awful gut-wrenching, hateful, painful stuff. Be angry. Don’t relax.
I randomly got pregnant the month we experienced a hurricane, an earthquake, and the month I stopped prescribing contraception at work after my priest sat me down and metaphorically smacked me around. I was stressed. the hell. out. ” Just Relax” my ass.
I’m still disgusted by glowing pregnant women, even if I am one of them. Don’t read my blog right now. It’s disgusting. Have you watched the “Pregnant Women are Smug” video? It’s totally worth a laugh. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJRzBpFjJS8
You are allowed to be pissed. You should be pissed. It’s awful stuff. Being pissed doesn’t make you a heathen wench. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
HALLELUJAH!!! You’re normal:) Just kidding, but seriously I’ve been reading your blog for some time and I was beginning to think that you were freakishly perfect!(in a good way) Super funny, beautiful home and family, so flippin’ pretty!! I know how you feel wanting to be pregnant like yesterday..I’m dealing with the same feeling..and it’s pretty though and confusing! I love your blog! It’s definitely a bight spot in my day:) Cheer up Mama, Your readers are a rootin’ for ya :)!!!
Thanks, Katie! I have to avoid certain situations to avoid punching pregnant women in their faces. 🙂
Cranky is the new black, right?
I feel your pain, lady! We tried for a year and a half, with a miscarriage thrown in there, before we got pregnant with our second. I was all, “Seriously? Is this really happening? Why?!?” The “why” was über-dramatic. It finally happened for us, and I know it’ll happen for you, too. Lord only knows when. Literally. 🙂
Side note…
Tonight every time my five month old rolled over she tooted. My husband, older daughter, and I laughed hysterically every time. Hubs said, ” geez, we are so immature. No other 30 year olds would be laughing this hard right now.” And, I thought to myself, “Ummm, Katie Bower would totally be laughing right now!” Anyway, all that’s to say the if you need to laugh about toots or anything else normal people deem inappropriate I’m your lady!
If you’re up for a new blog friend that could interrupt your hermit time we could have a little play date with the kids. I hope that doesn’t sound creepy/stalkerish, but I could use someone forcing me out of the house every once in a while, too!
Big hugs to you!
Katie-
I haven’t read all 543 comments before mine, so I am not sure what has or hasn’t been said. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog daily, in my quiet little world, I feel as though we are friends but just haven’t ever met 🙂 I am sad that your heart aches. There is nothing I can do to help you, but pray. I am sure you have heard it a million times before, but in all sincerity, I will pray for you. If you know my God, he is able to do anything. I know this because I too, was in similar shoes as you.
Praying for both you and Jeremy!
My husband said during those years there was not one thing anyone could have said to me that was “right”…and he was right. There just isn’t anything you can say good (and yes, a lot of bad in the lines of “just relax” and “take a nice vacation” mode).
I’m sorry your are going through this. You aren’t alone, and if I had a blog during our IF years, I would have posted something very similar. Vent away…there’s nothing you can say I didn’t think; I was so angry during those years, so having a place to vent is good.
Hugs and my prayers to you,
Laura
My response: “Oh, no, I’m actually not seeing anyone at the moment — why, do you know someone?!” heh heh. I figure, I might as well put these people to work and find me a date! 😉
#3 is Me. We just moved and I desperately want friends but I am such a hermit. And hermits don’t get friends. How can I be a butterfly?
Let it out sweets…………Your post obviously has struck a cord……you are a bit like Giuliana Rancic………..unplanned but somehow becoming a voice for those who feel they can’t talk about this subject….. maybe that’s God’s plan……..having you touch those house bound people in ways you never imagined..
I am house bound because I have a 6 yr old profoundly disabled boy……and a 4 year old and find it tough to do the things that “normal” families do…
I had a plan for a house full of kids…..but a genetic diagnosis means I am taking a huge risk to have another….(even though Mr 4 is perfect its a 1 in 4 chance) so no more 🙁
Mr 6 is my angel but he can’t smile, talk, eat, walk, sit up, has seizures everyday….. I love him to bits but I do feel robbed of being a mum to two boys who can play together and feel immensly saddened that my Mr 6 has no way of interacting with the world…..
I see kids that are 6 out in the shops (can ppick them a mile away) and and picture my boy doing these things knowing he never will. Literally I feel like someone is sitting on my heart sometimes…
But you know what I never say but truly feel is hard its that I feel the most jealous of other disabled kids… you know the poster disabled kid with the huge smile that laughs and delights at the world despite the odds….. But my son has never expressed happiness……really sux so so much
Sux….. but luckily most times the big girl inside me takes over and says now you know Rosie…..you have been changed and learnt the most about the power of love, about strength and about what is truly important in life through this journey…
And the little Rosie says yeah well who asked for this lesson….and why did my son have to suffer to teach me these lessons?
But even now I reckon u can hear big girl Katie saying all the grown up stuff and can hear all those lessons being learnt……but little girl Katie wants to kick and scream and say get lost to the big girl….
It’s all part of growing up……to take the knocks and keep going………but what you have done through your venting is connect with so many and that’s the big girl Katie stuff happening all by itself….. You are growing and changing and changing others in the process….
Oh and I am in Australia…………..see how far your emotional connections reach.
Oh and yeah you have permission to say oh yeah I have a “girlfriend” in Melbourne….I have given permission to John and Sherry to say the same thing…… And as soon as they make a bacon flavoured vegemite its coming your way….. John was lucky enough to get sent the cheesymite version of vegemite…. Hmm hope u know what vegiemite actually is ROFL…..
thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent too…………..such good therapy…….
Katie, I know exactly what you’re feeling right now. We started trying Dec 2010 and woke up this morning, again, to an unwanted gift….blegh. It’s just another month of waiting. It doesn’t help that both of my sisters and all my friends are pregnant and got pregnant in their first month of trying. I encourage you to go out and make some friends so you can share in these things with them in real life. I have several girls in my bible study that are going through similar things and it’s so great to have a gal pal to vent with, cry with, pray with, complain how your husband doesn’t understand with, etc. It’s a frustrating time, but I’m trying to understand what God wants me to learn and understand in this time. I’ll add you to my prayer list and hope you get the positive soon!
PS: after 545 comments, are you still reading these??
I’m right there with you girl! We had a miscarriage a year ago and have been struggling to even get pregnant now. It’s ok to be sad, and ok to be frustrated and cranky. Just continue to seek the Lord! Read through the Psalms and it will completely change your perspective, or at least it did mine! God is good no matter what my life looks like right now! Praying for you and loving your openness and the fact that you say whatever comes to mind!
POURING over them 🙂
xo – kb
Oh girl, I FEEL YOU. I’m not waiting on a baby though, I’m waiting on a husband. Sometimes there is no amount of prayer or patience that can comfort you when every ounce of you is longing for something so badly. I appreciate your honesty in this post so much because it makes me feel like maybe I’m not so crazy. Maybe other people really are in the same boat as me even though all the people close to me seem to be having all the luck in the world with finding what they want. Anyhow, not that feeling the same way you do can make it any better, but at least we know we’ll have company in the looney bin once we drive ourselves crazy. Thanks again for your honesty! I’ll keep you in my prayers!
Wow, so many similar stories. Reading others comments makes me feel a bit less insecure about our own fertility tale. I have a 10 year old daughter and have been married to my husband (whom has a 10 year old son) for 3 1/2 years. We have been trying for a baby for over a year now. You never think that secondary infertility could/would ever be an issue. I just thought we’d try when we were ready, and bam…we’d be preggo (we were obviously both fertile at one time right?). Little did I know that God would lead us on a journey that would cause us to lean on Him and His promises more than we ever had before. Within the past year, we have had 3 miscarraiges, all early on, around 5 or 6 weeks. Such a tough time…espcially when you are so anxiously awaiting a baby. To take that preganancy test and have it come back positive, only to lose it a couple weeks later…what a roller coaster! So many tears, so much heartache, so much hope for the next month.
Miss Katie, …I will be on my knees for you…such a scary time and hard to keep your mind focused when you go through these kinds of journeys. Let me recommend Philippians 4:4-9…oh and go to iTunes and download “Before the Morning” by Josh Wilson…It’s been an amazing comfort to me…do it asap…you won’t believe the comfort it gives. You and your beautiful family will be in my thoughts and prayers!
Thanks for posting this:)I am in the same situation! Where is baby #2? My friends who had their 1st baby later than me are having their 2nd one and here we r not even moving:( Makes it soo hard. Well we just gotta believe in God and lean on Him!! PATIENTLY waiting:)
God bless you guys:)
Hi Katie,
Two things for you:
1. This is my first foray into the comboxes, and I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your blog and how much my kids like looking at photos of Will. Keep them coming, he is a great little boy. Oh, and every time I see bacon on Pinterest I think of you. Let me know if I should start sending bacon-pins your way:)
2. I have been going through a really tough situation with work the past five months or so and things have intensified as of late. I had been praying for a quick resolution, but it just wasn’t happening. This past week was super high stress; however, this weekend was one of those times where I received so much affirmation and had so many “God moments,” it was like He was saying, “Hey Jen, even though I am allowing you to go through this crappy situation, I am taking care of you. Look at what I have given you already, look at your family who loves you and cares for you so deeply. I have your back, and I will always give you what you need to handle the stresses of your life.”
And even though the work situation remains unresolved, I finally feel a real sense of inner peace. In spite of all the pressures of this particular situation, God has given me what I need to be where I am, and I have no doubt He will do the same for you.
Katie, thank you for your honesty and your willingness to be real with us. I’m not trying to say “be grateful for what you have” because I know that you are already – your love of life shines through in everything you write, that’s one of the reasons why I keep coming back to your blog. I hope that very soon you will experience peace about your situation, despite its immense challenges and frustrations. I’ll be praying for you and Jeremy.
My husband and I tried over a year with our second. The first, it was like instantaneous so I was beyond frustrated. My OB would finally take an appt at one year though so we went. He thought things were fine but did labs just in case. They said my thyroid was low, gave me some meds and said once that was fixed, I’d get pregnant. He also said it’s often minor things. Like a couple who used the hot tub every night. (apparently that slows down the swimmers) They got out of the tub and “prego!” So, I never took the thyroid medicine and was pregnant in a month. Guess I just needed permission from the doc that time. 🙂 Moral of my story: our timing was obviously not God’s timing. Our kids are almost 3 years apart instead of the two I wanted….and it’s been amazing! Love the stages and how they interact. I would’ve missed a lot of indepence and help from the older if I had gotten my way. I hope my story is slightly encouraging. Although, I totally remember the angst I felt where you are. And trust me, no words to “relax”. I still haven’t figured that out for myself.
Oh Katie, I have been there. I know how it feels to ache for a baby. It took me three years to make my son, and he is perfect and absolutely worth the wait, but it’s easy to say that now that he’s here. It was A LOT harder to be patient when month after month I was visited by an unwelcome friend.
I wish I could give you a baby… Except that would be a little weird… So instead I will include you in my prayers.
Xx
Love your honesty, it’s the reason I read your blog.
Katie- I am not going to feel bad for you because
a.) It’s not what you want, and I know what it’s like to sometimes just want to say something and not have people go “awww poor you”. It sucks. Sometimes you just way to scream from the roof and then have a friend go, “you good now?” and then we go do something fun.
b.) I’m hermitish too. I have friends here, and I should see them more – but I don’t. I like staying home. I like being with my family which consists of the hubs and our two dogs. I generally don’t like being away from them. All I’m saying is I know what you mean, and I would hang out with you in all of your awkwardness if you could handle my loud talkative (they need to come up with a new word for me) franco-american new englander ways and my “I think I’m funny and nobody else does” nerdy awkwardness.
You’re the woman. You trust God. I trust God. I trust God for you. Also, if anyone says “just relax” you have full right to blow a gasket.
Oh Katie, I feel you. I have been wanting a baby for so long, and it’s so hard. It seems like everyone around me is pregnant, and most of them either didn’t want it or honestly probably won’t make very good mothers, and it just hurts. But the hardest part is that I feel that I was born to be a mother, but my husband keeps making other plans. I know we said we’d wait 5 years, but the thought of waiting even longer to fill the only role that I was born for just kills me. I’ve been silently struggling with this especially over the past couple days, and it’s so nice to see that someone else is in a similar place. Not that I’m glad that you’re hurting, because I’m not. But I don’t feel like I can talk to the women around me, because all they ever say is “oh honey, we were there once too, it will get better.” And then they pick up their babies and go on with their lives. And I just want to scream.
Katie,
THIS! This is exactly how cranky I am. You took the words out of my mouth and placed them here. And I cried, because I’ve been waiting two years to become pregnant. I just celebrated my 32nd birthday yesterday and was cranky all day long because I don’t want to get older, I don’t want to go another year without a baby. I was put on this earth to be a mom, and I’ve feel, sometimes that I’ve been cheated. I’m in the middle of testing with a specialist, but the waiting, it kills this organized, control freak. I’d like to be there to (virtually) hold your hand and walk with you and many other women in this/our very situation. Hugs to you!
Erin
Katie B! Queen of puns! In the post that you confess to being a hermit and that you are cranky, how did you miss the obvious? It natural for a hermit to feel crabby!
Seriously, love your guts. Been where you are and praying for you. I know the only cure for what ails you is a full ute.
Want to make God laugh…tell him your plans!
Get over yourself…you seem to be the type of person who needs “just this one more thing and I’ll be happy forever” tpe..yet you are never done asking for “just one more thing”…..I’d take a serious chill pill honey….JUST LET GO!
Oh Katie…I’m so sorry to hear you’ve reached the dreaded 1 year mark. After struggling with infertility for nearly a year, we have suffered two miscarriages and two D&Cs in the last 6 months. I get why you’re cranky and it’s ok, girl! One thing you haven’t mentioned is if you’ve gone to see your OB or a specialist about it, which of course isn’t any of our business. But if you haven’t, and I can understand the resistance, I hope you’ll think about it. My OB sent us to see a reproductive endocrinologist after our 2nd miscarriage. I have had so much blood drawn in the last 6 months between the two miscarriages that they pretty much don’t have to look for a vein anymore, they can see where the last needle stick was. I have also had a bazillion ultrasounds, looking for a baby, a heartbeat, an egg waiting to be fertilized, for any issue at all, and you know what? We finally found one! The specialist I saw did a saline u/s on me and found scar tissue and then just extra uterine lining that needed to be removed. I had a hysteroscopy last week and he also found a polyp that he removed along with all the tissue. Hopefully this is going to be the fix we needed to be able to get pregnant and carry a healthy baby to term.
Things change after you have a baby! That I have learned the hard way, so my point is, what was fine when you conceived Will may have changed, ESPECIALLY b/c you had a c-section. There might be a real reason why things aren’t working out for you yet and it could be resolved. There are probably dozens of stories like mine in these comments, but if you do need an online friend to talk to, you have my e-mail address now. 🙂
No. I’m not that type of person. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression…because I really do feel very very blessed.
xo – kb
haha…true…and hilarious. how did I miss it!?!
xo – kb
Thank you for your honesty, or venting whichever …it’s refreshing. I too am a hermit and it’s awesome that there are others out there like me! Sometimes I get so wrapped up in reading others blogs and feeling that I don’t have enough, I’m a loner or plain how the heck does everyone have it so pulled together?
Kudos
I have been an avid reader of this blog for years and I have never got that impression from Katie. In the blog world it is so easy to paint a picture of a perfect life, with a beautiful house, perfect husband, healthy baby. I think for Katie to post something so personal just shows us that even in the blogging world where things sometimes appear to be too good to be true, at the end of the day we are all simply human and not everything is perfect. I admire the post. And if she gained even a little relief from getting the hurt off of her chest in writing that post, then I am happy. Chin up, Katie.
Oh Katie. I could have written the first part of your post. But here’s how it played out for me… When my oldest was 5 and my youngest was 3, I spent all of my time and energy trying to get pregnant with #3. Drs. appointments, IUIs, tests, u/s’s, etc. So much so, that when I look back to my beautiful (and only) daughter at that age, I can hardly remember anything. Mind you, this was almost 10 years ago – long before blogs and digi pics, etc. But I am so angry at myself for overshadowing her pivotal years with my own selfishness (too harsh?! sorry!). After a miscarriage in 2003, We tried to get pregnant for another 3 years (6 in total). And then I was done. I had two wonderful children. But God gave me Nic in 2006 (even if he delivered him 12 weeks, too early!). lol… My comment isn’t about “stop trying, it will happen,” or all of the other things people say. This comment is to tell you to continue to trust God (I know you are!) and keep cherishing the ground that Will walks on. Document EVERY SINGLE THING (like you continue to do)… You don’t want to sit back, 10 years from now and only remember the spot checks, calendar checks and the jumping of the husband (well, maybe you will want to remember that part!). 😉 Continue to live each day as you have been; keep focused on the loves of your life. xoxo, me
Ohhhh girl, I hear ya. We are going on 6 months and if I hear one more friend say “I don’t know, I went off the pill and got pregnant 2 weeks later!” I will PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE FACE!! Ughhh. I also think it’s unfair for people to say you need to be grateful you have at least one baby. Who the freak cares if you have 5 babies? You want another, you are a wonderful mother and you are desperately trying to create a life…it’s what you want, it’s not happening and it’s stressful as hell. But everyone always has an opinion. Always. I just want you to know I’m thinking of you.
I had an older MAN tell me for years that he didn’t like seeing me sit alone at church and that he was going to pray for a husband for me every time he saw me. Yeah….I started going to the other service.
Fast-forward several years, I ended up getting married to a complete (-ly awesome) weirdo who I never thought I would even want to talk to, let alone date or marry. And now every time I see the gentleman, he gloats! Who knows. Maybe it was his praying that got me to consider my husband.
Oh, Katie! I hate it when your Bower Power is down 🙁 Please hang in there! And, if all these comments don’t make you feel a little better, then we’ve got big problems! Know that you are loved! Heck, adored!!! You’ll get your Bower Power back soon!! If not, you just might need to take a short drive to Athens for a BIG glass of wine with an admirer who’s praying for you!! XOXO!
I have one of those obnoxious stories. We tried for 3 years to get pregnant. I yelled at God, got angry when “undeserving” people got pregnant, cried at diaper commercials and tried to hide my struggles. Then we saw a specialist and were told we wouldn’t be able to conceive naturally.
We decided to adopt the second the doctor walked out the door to get us the IUI information. You know what happened next right? We started the process and got pregnant.
We were told he was a miracle. So two years later we started the adoption process, this time paid a huge check to an awesome adoption agency and wait for it….got pregnant. We’re a little afraid to try again.
Now I’m jealous when friends get to adopt! Ironic, right? I may never be content this side of glory, Lord help me!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you Kate Bower! Thank you so much for posting this. My husband and I have been trying for 5 months now (with complications) unsuccessfully for 5 months now for a baby. It feels like I’ve lost something (and I mean more then just blood) every month. If God didn’t have you write this at a more perfect time I don’t know what did. It makes it a little easier to know that I’m not the only one going though this or feeling this way. It makes me feel just a little more sane as I cry on the inside for something to change and try to stay happy and think of all the blessings that have come our way in the last year alone. I’m staring to find it a little easier each and every day as I pray every night and ONLY thank God for all that I had happen that day and days/weeks/ months before and leave the pleading out. I have found peace in know he will provide use with a house but still find myself longing for a family and its such a blessing to know I’m not alone. today I woke up and all I could think about was Gods promise to Abraham and that if he had waited for His timing he could have had as many children as there are stars. That I could (if I ever wanted so many) could have how ever may He has planned for me too if I stay patient and trust. Its so hard to trust in what you have no proof of. How are we to know if one or two or twelve or none at all is how many children the Lord wants for us. I pray that you will, in Gods timing, have the child you want and that Will will have a little brother or sister when Jeremy, and you, and Will ,and most of all GOD is ready for you all to have one. and thank you again for posting.
Thank you Mama J for your post….I’m in your exact situation with ur #2 and I’m hoping that it will be that simple of a fix!
I agree with Jolie. Katie does not seem to be someone who needs to “get over” herself. It is okay to be grateful, feel blessed and want another baby. When pregnancy doesn’t happen, it can be very scary. Good for you for sharing your feelings, Katie.
I am in your situation, Sarah. My husband and I moved back to my hometown because I got a job, and I realized that no one is still here that I know (or like). All of my college friends stayed in our college town, and now my husband and I spend hundreds and hundreds going back to visit each month! I am definitely a hermit now, which is not great at 25!
Oh man oh man. Feeling that crankiness too, and the hermit thing. I’m in college, and would rather come home from class on a Friday and watch all the tv shows that I missed during the week instead of partying. I feel like I am too mature for my age, hah! Fast track me to being married with children and I’d be a-okay. And lets add the fact that I changed my major for the billionth time and I am still not sure I like it t the reasons why I am cranky, shall we? Anyways, I’m trying to work on being happy with where I am at. Mm, yeah and here I am overstating in a blog comment.
Katie,
Don’t feel guilty about wanting this. You’re not praying to win the lottery, you want a baby. You deserve the best!
-Kelly
Katie,
I have been reading your blog for sometime now and you always keep me entertained. lol I never comment but I thought today was when you need it most. Thank you for your blog!
I wish I had words of encouragement in your time of need, but I am right there with you. I have been married for almost 6 years and we have been actively trying to have our first baby for the last year. I know it hurts! I get question like … “How long have you been married? Oh and no kids yet?” … to which I see NO, no kids yet. Haha I guess I am cranky too! I also know I can’t say anything to make it ok, just know you are not alone. Keep up the great work on your blog and keep us posted.
Kimberly
Laura and Dawn,
Sorry to use Katie’s blog as a way to ask this, but how did you get diagnosed with PCOS? I regularly have ovarian cysts, and have had 2 rupture in the past. I’m 25 and on birth control, so my cycles are always regular, but I’m not sure if that’s just because I’m on the pill. My husband and I aren’t trying yet, but this has always been in the back of my mind.
I’m so sad for each of you.
Thank you.
Kelly
Hi Katie,
Thank you for being so real and posting this. You have been in my prayers since I read this a few days ago. Go ahead and vent, be mad, and cry. You are entitled to all of that in this tough time. I’m praying this happens for you and Jeremey, and I truly believe God answers prayer.
Katie, I had to share this comment because maybe it will be useful in the fertility department… I have been using the Creighton method of NFP for 5 years and I can confidently say that I know when I ovulate (which day exactly) each month. I know NFP sounds crazy to some but it has been a beautiful thing for my husband and me, we even conceived our daughter the very first day we were trying after 3.5 years of ‘avoiding’ getting pregnant. We have not been in your situation yet but we have many friends who are desperately trying to conceive, too. My heart hurts for their frustration. Feel free to email me if I can be of any help explaining the methodology…
Love your blog and your wonderful personality. Feel free to come visit in San Diego ANY time! 😛
hi, katie –
so sorry for all you and jeremy are going through right now. i had trouble conceiving our first, so i can completely relate to the obsessive behavior and monthly anticipation and then devastation. i just wanted to give you one piece of unsolicited advice. have your thyroid checked. it can be just a little bit off but can have a major impact on fertility (whether it is hyper or hypo). my numbers were just slightly above normal and i got pregnant the first month i took synthroid. i know thyroid levels can change after pregnancy, too. wishing you and your family all the best.
🙂 katie p.
ps will is absolutely adorable!
I’m a little behind this week but I still wanted to let you know from one hermit to another, I can sympathize girl! With that big of a weight on your heart everyday, words don’t always do everything you want them to. Your head knows it will work out, but your heart…that’s a different story. Keep talking though. Let it out. Prayers and positive thoughts coming your way!!
Katie,
Hang in there girl. Venting is good!! You’re post brought me to tears as I sit on my sofa drinking some wine and watching American Idol on the DVR with my husband. Wow…I have so much to say to you…where do I start??
First, I’m not here to give you advice and pat you on the back and tell you to deal. I hear your pain!! I’m here to share my personal perspective that I hope will help you. I have been trying to have a baby for three and a half years. My husband and I have no children. We married in our late thirties and probably should have tried having a baby the first day of our marriage, but wanted to enjoy being married. Long story short….after three months of trying we went to the fertility doctor. After trying Clomid, injectables and several rounds of IUI and IVF, we still aren’t pregnant. The positive note to all of this, is that I have an amazing husband that none of this has hurt our relationship. I feel so blessed for that. We also have great families that would love another grandchild and in my in-laws case there are no grandchild. Needless to say, I feel a lot of pressure to give them a baby that would be so loved.
I’m not sure what our next step is. Maybe adoption??! I do know we can’t imagine our life without a baby! My husband and I haven’t discussed our next move. I’m almost afraid to have that conversation, but we need to!! My husband and I are Christians too. My fear it that he will say having a baby grow in my belly isn’t meant to be and God is pushing us towards adoption. I haven’t completely accepted adopting a child, although my heart breaks to think of any child not being loved.
I only say this to let you know you’re not along in your frustration and sadness. Somedays it’s hard to not to be mad at God. We are good people with an amazing family that would love another child unconditionally!! What I have learned in life……..some people have no problems having babies and their husbands cheat on them. Others have a specials needs kids. Others have great kids and husbands and get cancer. We all have something!! I will pray for both of us!!!
If I lived in the south, I’d love to come over for an iced tea, cup of tea to hang with you and play with your son.
xo,
Lynn
Katie,
Lynn here again….I just wanted to add that as much as I want a baby, I realize it’s a lot of work. For now, I am embracing my child free time. I do enjoy being able to have a glass of wine, grabbing a manicure after work or spontaneous hanging out with one of my girlfriends and not having to run home to take care of a baby. I know it will be amazing when it happens but it will be a different life style. Oh, and I love my sleep. I’m trying to enjoy the positive in my current situation!!! 🙂
Hang in there love!
Hi Katie
I wanted to share this with you last time you were stressing about getting pregnant…if “letting it happen” doesn’t work, why don’t you take action? This book was amazing and taught me so much about my fertility (http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Toni-Weschler/9780060881900) – we got pregnant right away.
God isn’t going to “make you” pregnant – but planning might!
I just wanted to say thank you for posting your feelings. I’m currently struggling with infertility and my brother and his wife just found out they were pregnant. I have felt like such a selfish, insensitive person because I don’t feel happy for them and that just makes me feel like a terrible person, but its too hard to feel good for them when I feel so bad for my husband and I. Just knowing that how I’m feeling is common makes me feel better. So feel free to have a few good cries and feel selfish. The way I have been looking at it is that I’m not being selfish for myself, but I’m just beginning to want everything great for the child that doesn’t exist yet.
(((Katie))) May you feel God with you as you wait. We waited for over 4 years. Our son will be 4 in March. I truly had given up the idea. And we didn’t tell people we were trying (until a year before, then I asked my parents and my husband’s parents to pray).
Funny, though, AFTER — when I was announcing I was pregnant (which took 18 weeks because I didn’t believe it was true — you don’t get babies from fooling around, right? I mean, over 4 years of lots of trying and perfect timing had shown that clearly)…but when I was pregnant I remember SO MANY PEOPLE would tell me “Oh, you finally relaxed then!” (Because I always overshared and said we had tried for so many years….we were married for a long time before we had the baby.)
I cannot tell you how many times people told me I must’ve finally relaxed. (What I never have overshared is the response in my head which is always “No, my body just likes to release an egg about every 5 years and we got lucky.”)
Anyhow, I am rambling. Sorry. Just know that so many of us out here do know from personal experience. Don’t worry, though. God won’t give YOUR BABY to anybody else. He knows who He has in mind for you.
(I hope you get that last sentiment.) I have been a reader for a long time but have always lurked. Just thought I would post about this one since it is near and dear to my heart. ((((KATIE)))) Hang in there. I know how much the waiting hurts.
After having 2 kids “easily”, I waited 1 yr. & 2 mths. for my third. It starts out fun, then turns to an awkward scheduling thing…and the waiting and waiting…and opening a new “box” every month IS crappy! So I feel your pain. You know it’s worked once, so it’s just a waiting game. Your bucket list should help you through the wait.
Confession #1…I’m a hermit, too.
Confession #2…I like being a hermit, boring and all.
Confession #3…I have the same desires to have friends too and hanging out doing…nothing.
Last weekend, my husband and I were out for a (only happens a couple times a year) date and as I sat at dinner looking around at the other couples , I wondered if they too secretly wanted to have new friends…doing nothing together…and enjoying every minute. If we only knew each other…and why does it all have to be such a pain in the booty!
I understand your pain and ; frustration. Your honesty is amazing. Go have a fun and crazy night out with your hubby and try to let go of your frustration. 😉 Sending love and luck your way !!!
I’ve been reading your blog for over a year. Since the first time I read it, I’ve been amazed by your humor and ability to articulate your sincere feelings while still being real and humorous. My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for almost 2. I come from family of 4 children and have 10 nieces and nephews. My husband only has one (much younger) sibling and is still unsure if he even wants to be a father… I on the other hand, have dreamt of being a mother since I was a child. My little sister just found out that she is pregnant with her second child and while I’m over the moon excited for her, I hurt inside. I want my husband to be ready. I want him to be sure. I want him to want kids as much as I do. So although I don’t know the achy feeling of that waiting game for the second chance to come around, I know the feeling of wanting it and wanting it now, and it being out of my control. You make it easier for me to understand my feelings are normal and be reminded that it’s in God’s time… not mine. Thank you for continuing to make your life an open book for others to enjoy. xo
Katie,
I am not a regular reader (although I plan to be now after this post) but I happened to stumble on your blog and read this post several times. Actually this post is very timely for me, because my last angry rant was last night. Your post contains so many of the things that I said last night through tears and tissues!
I don’t want to say I understand what you are feeling, because I know it is a different feeling for everyone. But, I do wish you all the luck in the world. I am experiencing the frustration and sadness and anxiety that comes with trying, and miscarrying, and dealing with the loss. Through this, I have questioned Gods plan for me as well. I have also felt guilty for not being more grateful or more appreciative. Similar to you, I always want to be in control of things in my life. I think that is the hardest part of this whole situation – I can’t control any of it.
It is so hard, and it feels like no one can understand, and no words will make it go away. But know that your post made me feel normal, and helped me accept some of the ways that I have been feeling. And all of the comments make me realize that I’m not the only person who feels this way, hopefully this will help me accept, relax, and move on to bigger and better things.
xxoo from my home to yours,
Kate
Katie – I know you have gotten about a million comments on this – so this is just probably another one – BUT – thank you SO SO much for writing this!!! This is EXACTLY what I would like to scream from the rooftops!!! I miscarried almost a month ago, and I’ve been trying to put on a happy face, and say “it’s okay,” when it’s really not!!! It’s crap, just like you said!!! So, that you for being cranky and saying everything that I have been wanting to say!!!!
Sorry for the late comment, but I just wanted you to know that I completely understand the difficulty of relinquishing control to God. Sure, I know He’s in control, but I still want to be in control. Of course I am grateful for all of my babies (2 on earth and 3 in Heaven) but I want more. Does that make me selfish? Here I am wanting many babies, while others get pregnant accidentally and don’t want them…why? Oh well, I just have to remind myself that He said his grace is enough. Easier said than done, right?
if hazel & i lived closer than CO, we’d be the annoying friends that you have to kick out just to have family tine 🙂
You are awesome! Thank you for sharing your cranky 🙂 I’m cranky about the opposite … feeling like I’m suppose to be ready for a baby when I don’t feel like I am yet. lol
Anywho, thanks for your honesty its refreshing 🙂 peace and love. m
Katie- I just wanted to let you know your not alone. We have been trying for our second child for several months now. The pain , frustration and hurt of not being able to get pregnant yet can be all consuming. I feel guilt for not being able to give my son a sibling and guilt that my son should son should be enough. Thank you so much for writing this …helped me feel like I’m not alone in this. Baby dust to us both!
I understand. 110%. We tried for almost 4 years. I know every stupid comment/suggestion in the book.
I wanted to invite you to a Christian forum called Hannah’s Prayers. (I’m on the Board.) It was the ONLY place that had women who got it. Who truly got it. Who would be an ear to vent to and a shoulder to *cry* on. They uplifted me in encouragement and prayer every chance they could. We would love to have you.
http://www.hannah.org
Katie,
You don’t know me. I don’t really know you. I do have some advice to add to your ever growing list. We’re Catholic and you know what they say about Catholics….no not that….big families. We use NFP. It is basically learning to read your personal fertility signs instead of having to use a fertility monitor (at this point that may be a good idea too though). You may google Natural Family Planning if you are curious. I hope it helps if you haven’t tried it yet.
Good Luck!
1. My heart breaks for you. I’ve been there. I know that pain. It is so overwhelming. I’m not going to give you advice. Just know that I feel for you and that it’s soo good to get those emotions out. I’m glad you blogged about it.
3. If I lived close to you, I’d so be your hermit friend:)
Hi Katie, I know how you feel. My husband and I have been trying for sixteen months now for our first child. It is the toughest thing I’ve ever experienced, and it’s so easy to get angry and bitter. I’m praying for you!
When our twins were 4 weeks old and we had a 3 year old already, my husband and I agreed a vasectomy was a good idea. I was convinced I wouldnt want any more children. 18 months later, I think Im an idiot. Every month I pray Im pregnant. Its a slim chance, but my husband never went back for his check up to see if the vasectomy worked so I hold out hope. Then I think omg everyone will think I cheated on my husband if I end up pregnant LOL
Wow! This is a pretty amazing thing you started here, Katie! Just by opening up about how you were feeling and being honest you got all these amazing women reaching out not only to you but to each other! Some of these posts and replies really touched my heart.
I dated my husband 5 years before we got married. It was super hard to wait because I knew that I knew he was THE ONE for me. But now we look back after 13+ years of marriage and say if what we have now is due to what we did then, we wouldn’t change a thing. And I wouldn’t! Doesn’t mean I didn’t whine, cry, and yell a bit during those 5 years of waiting. Those were some of the most frustrating years of my life!!!!!!! Also, to all the gals who were talking about waiting for him to pop the question…if you are scared he’s going to run off because you bring up marriage after 4 years of dating then seriously, girls, I think you are hanging on to something that isn’t what you think it is. I finally got up the guts to just say “Look, we either are or we aren’t. What do you think? If we are, let’s get ‘er done! If not, I’m sorry but I need to move on with my life.” Okay, I didn’t use those exact words but we did have “the talk” and know what? It worked in my favor and we couldn’t be happier! He got real honest about what was holding him back and once we talked it out he realized it really wasn’t as big of an issue as he thought. Shoulda had “the talk” years before! Ha!
Love your blog, Katie! Thanks for sharing and being honest with us. Let yourself go through the things you are feeling because life is a process and it’s better to let it out than stuff it and pretend everything is better than bacon jam.
I think you and Sherry will get preggers around the same time again, and since she’s still a little ways off from getting the go-ahead from doc’s… well practice makes perfect!
But seriously I hear ya. From a girl waiting for the right time to buy a house/start a family/grow up.
Hi Katie-
Just out of curiosity. If you don’t reply back, I understand. I was wondering what’s holding you back from moving forward with adoption now instead of keeping it as something to do in the future. I only ask since you mentioned that you have always wanted to adopt. I guess my real question is what is the reason you have for wanting to adopt (now or one day)?
In case you don’t respond, may I suggest a wonderful book. It’s called Adopted for Life by Russell Moore. It changed my perspective on adoption and I want to share it with you.
P.S. I am a Christian, and my questions only come from one intent-one sister encouraging another-I admire your faith, that’s really why I keep reading. I mean, you are funny and creative, but I respect that you cling to Jesus and yet aren’t afraid to be who you are. So, I hope you don’t take any of this in the wrong way, but I really do hope you take a look into that book or be in prayer about adopting. Maybe it isn’t your time to, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask God if he thinks so too.
Praying for ya.
Erika
My reason is really simple…Jeremy isn’t ready right now. I have always wanted to adopt or foster but Jeremy is really new to the idea…so right now he feels led to have biological kids. Simple as that. I don’t think that adoption and fostering is for everyone…and that God leads different people to serve in different ways at different times. I don’t want to be the one to push readiness on him…I prefer to pray 🙂
xo – kb
Katie,
I long to be a mother some day (we just bought our first house and aren’t married yet – which I would like to be before baby comes) and this post both scares me and gives me intense respect for you.
I cannot imagine the strength it takes every month not to totally lose it. I guess I did not realize how common infertility is. I remember in college how every month it was a “relief” every month to get your period. (Not that I was some ho, haha I had a boyfriend but was just in no place to be having a baby) When you are young you take that for granted and it was very real that you could become pregnant “accidentally.”
I hope someday to have babies and I pray for you that this pain does not last. What a strong relationship you and Jeremy must have. I think if I was in your shoes I would be bonkers and knock some people out. You are honest and strong and by the number of comments, please know so many people support you and send you love.
xo
I like to describe it as “when the pain you feel is beyond your words”… At least that is how it is for me. I have had times where I have cried to oddly…so hard… so painful that I sounded like an animaly dying… NOBODY knows what it is like to long for a baby and not get pregnant…unless they have experienced it, there is no way to make someone feel the pain you do, unless they have themselves. Just like nobody knows the pain of miscarrying a baby, that they so deperately wanted and tried so very hard for, unless they have been through it.
Going on 4 years ttc with Unexplained Infertility. I feel your pain.
Just want to add my own experience with using the Creighton method for anyone reading these comments. It is NOT the “rhythm method”, but rather completely backed up with medical science and studies show it is more successful than IVF!!! I can’t believe most Infertility clinics have never even heard of it! I have pretty severe PCOS and really irregular cycles and learning how to chart helped me know when I was fertile. Also, i worked with a doc trained in Naprotechnology ( look it up) to help get my cycles under control and conceive our second child. Seriously, one of the best kept secrets out there in the IF world….especially for people who don’t want to do IVF.
Yes, I 2nd Taking Charge of your Fertility! you could also look into taking Mucinex and getting PreSeed.
worked
for us!
I’m just catching up on blog reading and wanted to send a virtual hug to you!
Since this is like comment #618, someone has probably covered this idea already, but have you read “Taking Control of Your Fertility”? It explains charting your cycle and at the very least will give you some insight into what may be happening with your body and to help you to time when to do the deed. I used it after “trying but not trying” for several months before I got pregnant with my son, and it definitely felt empowering to have more knowledge about my own body. Many people also use the same methods for natural family planning (aka not getting knocked up). It’s worth a read if you haven’t done so already. Best of luck to you!
I’m sorry Katie 🙁
Katie I just want to say I LOOOOOOVVVE you and think you are soooo cool. This post is amazingly honnest and all I can do is send you a virtual HUG.
Ann, I think that is so awesome! Great testimony.
Thank you for sharing….non-filtered, honest and real. I can relate to your intense yearning and desire for a baby. I too am trusting God to grow our family and it’s painful being in the waiting room. So thank you for being an encouragement today by being REAL- sometimes we just need to vent and not worry about how it sounds.
Ha. The actual word your mother used is “crapshoot,” which means risky/uncertain and comes from playing the game of craps in gambling because it’s obviously risky and uncertain, but I like your slip much much better. The rollercoaster of having/not having kids is definitely more like a chute full of crap. 🙂
I read your blog all the time and had to come back to this post today. I just found out (through my little red gift wrapped in white string:)) that I’m not pregnant for the 16th time since starting to try. I feel every word you wrote and it’s soooo not fun. If you ever need someone to vent to, I’m with ya! There sort of is comfort in numbers sometimes…sending lots of prayers your way!
Katie-
I just want to say DITTO to #3. Im very hermity too and my insecurities keep me from making friends. Im trying to work on that this year because I feel like I’m missing out on some great times by not having some close girlfriends. And there is no way you are boring and you shouldn’t think that no one would want to hang out with you. I would love to hang out with you! You seem like the kind of sweet funny girl that everyone wants to be friends with! BTW I’m the weird girl who came up to you in Kroger last week like some kind of celebrity stalker! (Just be glad I didn’t ask to have my picture made with you! jk) But for real, if you ever want to hang out just let me know!
PS I’m an oversharer too
Dearest Katie,
Do not fret! I know this could sound strange coming from a college student, who may not have life quite figured out, but I read your post this morning in the middle of a horrible week and it’s inspired me! I too am a horribly introverted hermit and I long to speed up the process of life and get what I want. But after reading your post (however long ago it was originally posted) I thought I’d thank you for your perspective and let you know you are not alone in the pity-party-for-yourself-club. Sometimes it really sucks to long for things that are just slightly out of your reach, but just take a second and enjoy one little thing a day. Whether it’s sunshine or that beautiful little face of Will’s, just enjoy. Life is seriously too short to focus on what you can’t have, but rather what’s there in front of you. I’ll admit that sometimes it’s waaaaaay more easy to just hide in my room on a friday night than to go out and make new friends with my fellow college students, but taking a step out of your norm and doing something bizarre helps. However strange it is to say, I totes mcgotes understand your frustration, but never fear! Things do perk up and your won’t feel this way for long!
<3 Deanna
My boy and I have been together for over 6 years. I am SO ready for a ring. I’ve hinted. It’s something we both want. We talk baby names (in a practical way, and not in a puppy-dog-love kind of way). FWIW, we both like biblical names. It doesn’t help that basically every single person I know is engaged, married, or pregnant.
The problem now is that I find I’m not enjoying special outings with him because I think that he’s going to ask me to marry him, and when he doesn’t, I’m disappointed… even though we could have had a fabulous time and nothing went wrong. I didn’t get a ring, so I’m all meh.
Hi Katie, I’ve been reading your blog for a couple months and really like your writing style. I suffered a miscarriage last month and while it was happening was really unpleasantly surprised at how few support resources I found online for women going through sometime similar. In a moment of desperation, I randomly started searching blogs I knew to see if old posts could perhaps calm me. That’s when I came across this post, and though I am so sorry to hear that you suffered a miscarriage I was oddly comforted at knowing I wasn’t alone. Though we don’t know one another at all, reading your experience helped me. In fact, it encouraged me to start a blog of my own, in the hope that one day I too could help someone in the future. Anyway, I felt since I relied on your blog post that it was only fair for me to share my new blog with you.
http://bumpsandbeginnings.blogspot.com/2013/07/so-tired.html
Hope you’re having a good day, and thanks again.
Hey Katie, I’ve been reading your blog for a while and remember reading this and being moved by the honesty of your writing. At that time, I wasn’t married, and kids were the furthest thing from my mind! Now, a year into marriage with no babies, your post resonates with me. It’s so frustrating that all my friends are having kids! And I keep telling myself we’re not financially there yet, we’re still young and that God has a plan. But oh man, it can set me off in the worst mood! I never thought I would be this impatient! The point is, you sharing the realities of your life keeps me grounded in my life. I know it’s ok to feel these things. It’s not ok to let them overcome my life or relationship with my husband. But at least now I know normal people have these feelings too! Phew!
I am trusting in God, and no I don’t know if it’s timing or infertility. But for now I choose to be a good wife to my husband, pay off some debt and learn how to be a better person (and grow some patience!!). So thank you with all my heart for sharing.