Dear Katie,
I don’t want this to offend you. I am purely writing this from an encouraging spirit and hope that it will reach it’s way into your heart and you will hear for what it it truly is…the truth.
YOU GOTTA STOP FREAKING OUT.
Being a new mom has it’s ups and downs…sure, sometimes you wish that you could open the freezer, place your head between the shelf holding the seventeen one ounce bags of pumped breastmilk and the frozen peas and then slam the door shut repeatedly just to distract you from the sound of a crying baby…and sure, curling up into the fetal position and crying like a reality show contestant is a better alternative to screaming at your 7 month old…and absolutely, having a meltdown over fnding the right kind of Sharpie is normal when your baby seems to be attempting psychological warfare on you…but you’ve got to stop.
I know that you are worried. You worry that you are ruining your child. You worry about not doing enough. Or being enough. Or working with him enough. Or playing with him enough. Or loving on him enough. But believe me, you are doing fine. He will not die because he doesn’t yet respond to his name. He isn’t reverting back to how he was fresh from the womb because sometimes he topples over without catching himself. I know you want to be there to break his fall…every.single.time…but he’s gotta learn that falling is part of life. I know your heart feels like it is being squeezed by a mammoth sweaty hand when you think about his sleep habits…or lack thereof…but he will eventually sleep through the night. And so will you. I know you wish he didn’t cry every single time you put him down, or walked out of the direct line of sight, or stopped touching him in general…but one day, he won’t want you near him so you need to learn to soak this up.
That is my message to you. Suck it up & soak it up.
Breathe. In and then out. Slowly. And then again. Dry your eyes. Wipe the eyeliner off your jaw. And then breathe again. You are fine. You are not alone. Even when you feel alone. You are a little hormonal. Which is normal. And emotional. Which is also normal. But you can do this. You are capable. You are a mom.
You don’t need to be in control of everything. You just need to be in control of you. And you need to breathe. Pray a little more often…there is help there. And you need to stop yelling at Jeremy. It’s not gonna permanently scar Will if Jeremy puts him in the jumper instead of performing your definition of father-son quality time. You gotta stop comparing him to other babies. And you need to stop reading so many baby books and reading so many websites and start reading your child. And do not have a meltdown if Will doesn’t eat his homemade Vitamin A and Vitamin C food cubes. He won’t turn into a chimpanzee because he loves bananas. And you gotta stop freaking out.
I know that it feels overwhelming sometimes. I know you feel ill-equipped as a mother. I know you sometimes question who the crazy person is that put you in charge of another human being. It not a mistake. It’s not an error that you are Will’s mom. You have been chosen as the absolute best person to be a mother for him. It is not an error that you are in the position you are in. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. God does not make mistakes. And you gotta stop freaking out.
Sure, your house is a mess. Sure, your laundry pile is like Everest and you are no mountain climber. Sure, the dishes are in slobbery stacks of disarray. Sure, the floor is speckled with food, and toys, and a slew of unidentifiable whatnots brought in by dirty shoes. Sure, your toilets are sporting the ring of neglect and your hair hasn’t seen a brush in four days. BUT THAT IS LIFE. Life is messy. Even if you clean it up or choose not to, life will still be there. And that is a wonderful gift.
Embrace the gift Katie. Embrace life. Hug your baby. Hold him and soak that in. Kiss your husband and tell him that you love him. Hold him too and encourage him at every chance you get. Count your blessings…one by one. Decide to do something fun today. And for heavens sake, whatever you do, stop freaking out.
xo – katie
It is hard being a mom. It is the most demanding and rewarding job you will ever have. I’m praying for you.
Hang in there Katie! You have a happy, healthy, stinking adorable baby, a gorgeous house (even when a little cluttered I’m sure), and a great, loving boyfriend! Plus you’ve got thousands of readers sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts your way – remember to rely on others and you’ll make it through with flying colors!
Thanks for posting this. As a brand new Mom that is having a hard week, this was exactly what I needed to hear and think about as well. Love your blog!
Katie…. In the coming months, you will be amazed at how quickly Will can grow, and learn and change… Specifically between months 13 and 17 they stop being babies and start being children…. I know because as I type this my 17 month old son is repeatedly hitting me on the head with his new Elmo hat… and I am smiling and laughing, because that is what mothers do. Enjoy every minute, they grow too fast.
xo, Arell
Wow, this is being printed and taped to my fridge. I feel like this letter was written just for me today, especially after another night of my baby not sleeping through the night and SCREAMING every time I try to put him down. Thank you for this post, Katie.
Simply because you wrote this is evidence enough that you’re a wonderful mother. Take comfort in the fact that all your thoughts have been shared by billions of other mothers, including myself. As a mom of a 4-year-old and a nearly 3-year-old, let me say that it absolutely positively gets SO much better. Just wait till Will tells you he loves you for the first time. It makes all this totally worth it. 🙂
Oh, and, my son didn’t sleep through the night till he was nearly 11 months old, and I had to force the issue with him. He’s been an awesome sleeper ever since.
Katie, you have so many people that admire you– who you are, what you do and what you have. I am not a mom yet, but I hope to be soon and, even though I only ‘know’ you through your blog I look up to you and think you are awesome! Hang in there– I’m sending prayers your way!
I don’t have kids, so I don’t have any encouraging advice to offer in that department. BUT, I just wanted to say that I think you are awesome. Seeing Will and all your family fun pictures, and how you make everything look super awesome has pretty much been the sole inspiration for me finally agreeing with my husband to start trying for a baby. (Ok, yeah, and now after this post I’m rethinking that decision. Just kidding. Sorta.) But, yes, you are awesome. I mean, who freakin’ makes their kid a spider stuffed animal out of an old shirt. Are you kidding?! I haven’t even made my bed in 3 weeks. And we have had subfloor in our kitchen for 5 months because we haven’t gotten around to tiling it yet.
Oh Katie- you so spoke to my heart on this one! As a mother of an 18 month old I find myself stressing about every.little.thing and then I stop and realize I just don’t think God intended for us to live that way. I also often why my sweet husband doesn’t seem stressed At All over being a parent and how he seems so content with watching TV w/ our little one instead of practicing her flash cards or beginning to teach her long division! It’s just our natural tendency as a woman to feel these things, I guess we can take comfort in knowing we’re not alone. Oh, and a glass of wine every now and then helps 😉
Thank you! I’m a new mom too (to a 4.5 month old) and it’s nice to know that we’re going through similar things. 🙂
Thank you for posting this. We’ve had a rough week here with sleeping, feeding, and crying. This came at the right time. I’m sure I will re-read this MANY times.
This post seemed like a good reason to de-lurk.
My son is now 3, but oh how I remember those early days when I could have written this exact same letter to myself. And then there was a day when I started letting go; I shoved the baby books and the baby websites and the never-ending baby advice aside and just started to pay attention to MY baby. This sounds cheesy, but I still think of that as the moment I truly became a mom.
My son didn’t sleep through the night consistently until well after a year, but now he goes to bed easier than any 3-year-old I know. He hated eating and would spit up food constantly, but now he willingly tries anything I put on his plate. Is he perfect? No. Am I? No. But are we doing the best we can and having a whole lot of fun along the way? You bet.
Stay strong. You are a fantastic mom, and that little boy is incredibly lucky.
(And at the risk of sounding incredibly snobby and spoiled, if you can at all swing it maybe invite a cleaning service over a couple times a month. When I had a 3-month old and was back to work full-time, this luxury truly helped save my sanity.)
That is a letter to me too! I am the mom of a 13 month old little boy who is into everything, runs constantly and still doesn’t sleep through the night most nights…and most times I find myself worrying and doing, instead of enjoying! Good reminder to stop and “soak it in” – great letter!!! And know that so many moms are in the same boat with you, you are not alone 🙂
As a mom of a 7 month old, I completely understand how you feel. You are doing a great job! It will get better!
I so needed this!! I think every new mom can use this letter as inspiration. I hope you don’t mind be I am going to share this on my blog today, in the hopes it lifts someone else up and reminds them they are not alone 🙂
Great letter, I am going to send this to all my new mommy friends.
You are an inspriation! Motherhood is hard and you are a great mom!
ive been lurking on your blog for quite sometime now (bwuah ah ah) , and your honesty puts me at ease. i JUST found out im about 4 weeks pregnant, and i found your preggers stories to be nothing but helpful during this time in my life, as i peer into yours.
by reading this, i know that all my fights ive already had with ziggy the zygote are OK–and its normal. and when im stressed out in a year i can look back at this post realize, its ok! its normal too!
whats important is that youre capable, and figuring things out.
and it helps that i have the next 8 months to watch from afar 😉
thanks for writing so honestly!
Katie-
SMILE! you are doing an amazing job and I am in awe of everything you are able to accomplish with that adorable little creature taking up so much of your time and energy. I have a 7 week old and sometimes I don’t leave the house for days because it is so much easier to just stay home where I don’t have to worry about my greasy hair or what people must think of the spit-up trailing down my back!
Will is gorgeous. You are amazing. You are doing the absolute best job you can and everything you do is exactly what he needs. You make me feel like I can do this whole mothering thing and maybe even do something else at the same time! (like, I don’t know, maybe brush my teeth or make dinner for my husband!)
now go hug that baby and remind yourself of how awesome you are 🙂
Katie- I am sitting here with tears running down my face. Thank you for writing this. I am in the same boat and it is just what I have been needing to tell myself but haven’t been able to.
Oh Friend, Because thats what you are to me. As I sit here in my cube at work wishing I was a stay at home mom with a baby instead of just a working wife, I do not envy you today. I feel your stress. You are so talented and writing your emotions. What a gift. Please know, if I was there, I would bring you a home cooked meal and do you pile of laundry for you. Wash, folded, and put away! Because I owe you one. You bring a little piece of joy and glimpse into my what I hope my future will be EVERYDAY. So thank you!
Amen! I think every mother struggles with the same thing – I know I do. My son is almost 2 and things do get easier the older he gets. My son woke up every 3 hours until he was 11.5 months. We finally had to let him cry and since then he sleeps all night. You are doing a great job!
That was simply amazing. You captured the heart of every mom’s heart I know. I feel like your letter could have been written to any of us. It is so wonderful that you were able to stop and write it. You are a wonderful mother and you are right, God does not make mistakes! How awesome is that! 🙂
I’m not a new mom YET, but I am a new wife and I find myself struggling with the same negative internal dialogue but with marriage. Stuff like… The house is a mess, so I’m a bad wife! We didn’t get quality time today, so our relationship is going down the tubes! Wow, I was bit**y to my husband today! We need to pray together more. We aren’t being spiritual enough. I’m not being a Proverbs 31 woman! Do I look like a slob too much? Will my husband still want me if I do look like a slob? Is it bad that I just want to go on a shopping spree and not have to have a discussion about the budget first! I hate sharing money! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Not sure what I would do without prayer. It’s time times that I sit down and just take a chill with God that reap the most rewards for my marriage. So silly how we get caught up in the moment and forget that He is in control. We just need to ask for his help and he will
Love this passage…
I lift up my eyes to the hills- Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip –
He who watches over you will not slumber;
Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you
The LORD is your shade at your right hand;
The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm –
He will watch over your life;
The LORD will watch over your coming and going
Both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121
Loved reading your entry. Reminds me that I am not alone either! 🙂
My baby is seven weeks old today. He’s my third child. And I’m still freaking out….STILL. So thank you for sharing the hard talk and perspective, I needed it too. 🙂 XO
Aw Katie, {{HUGS}}. You are doing a great job. It’s so overwhelming knowing that you are in charge of this little mini persons life, but you are doing a great job. You love your son. That is all that matters. No matter what you do (or don’t do) as a parent, he will know you love him. My parents were probably more on the “dysfunctional”side as I was growing up, but you know what? They loved me and I knew it. And that made the world right in my eyes.
When my son was a baby I found a mantra that I still try to use. Here it is:
No matter what you do to your child, they won’t really remember anything before the age of 8 or so, so you are good to go until then!
ha! Seriously, I would tell myself that all.the.time.
Oops, I left my baby in a soggy diaper too long. No big deal, he won’t remember anyway!
Oops, I got him to bed past his bedtime (more times than not!). No big deal, he won’t remember anyway!
Oops, I yelled at him because he just would.not.stop.crying.and.crying. No big deal, he won’t remember anyway!
You get the idea. I try to be a good mom, but the bar I set was just too high and I could never live up to it, so I finally let myself off the hook and just rolled with the punches b/c “No big deal, he won’t remember anyway!” He can feel my love and he knows I love him and shower him with kisses, so if I forget to feed him lunch one day, or take him in public in nothing but a diaper, HE’LL BE OKAY.
BUT, he’s almost 9 now. Oh sh**. He’ll definitely remember everything I do, or don’t do, now. CRAP!!
Well, it sure saved me for the first 7-8 years.
Now, my new mantra is:
I know my kids will need therapy. Not “IF” but “WHEN”. I’m doing my part by putting away money to pay for it. I can’t prevent threapy no matter how great of a parent I am, but at least I’ll be able to pay for it! (Seriously, every person I know has complaints about their parents. It’s inevitable.)
HA!
~Allison @ House of Hepworths
I obviously don’t know what goes on day to day in your house, but I do know through the evidence on this blog that you LOVE your son tremendously and thus you are doing a GREAT job!!!!! Just remember that! You are an awesome mom! Woohoo!
Thanks for writing this letter for me too! I am a mother of a 2.5 month old baby that doesn’t like to be put down either!!I know it will get better and I am trying to soak this all up too!
Thanks for this Katie. I’m among the scores of new mom readers that are going through the exact same thing. This couldn’t have come at a better time. Amazing post.
as a new mommy myself I got teary reading this letter! it feels good to know I am not the only one who feels like this sometimes- i used to wonder if it’s just me & my baby that struggle sometimes. After you posted about the new mother bible – I went out and got it and I love it!! Wish I had it sooner! It’s been helping me a lot.
Wow – thank you for this post. I have an (almost) five month old, and even though you wrote this letter to yourself, it’s as if you could have written it to me. I mean, my name is even Katie, too! Thank you for your honesty – it’s nice to know that we all seem to feel the same way and struggle with the same things in everyday life. Being a mom is a whole lot harder than I thought it would be, but I also treasure the many amazing experiences that motherhood brings that I couldn’t imagine before I became a mom.
Thank you. Thank you for writing this.
are you sure the title to this post isn’t supposed to be a letter to suzann??? my exact feelings written in this, down to the yelling @ your spouse for putting the baby down instead of what i consider “bonding”. Thank you for this and thank you for slapping me back in to reality!!!
and isn’t it interesting that you were able to take this moment and understand what is going on and what you need to do! It’s a great idea, writing this letter to yourself. Will is here to teach you something KT… its like a facultative symbiotic relationship… 🙂
katie, i read your blog every single day. i love u so much! though havent met u in real life…gosh u always seem to be like me…crazy , funny sometimes weird…in a good way….just a wonderful amaizng person…well i have just complemented myself …well 😉
anyway…love u…really 🙂 im planning to move to usa to live next door and accidently bump on u in target and become best firends pretending i didnt know u before….:)
so just to let u know…u are great…dont worry…life is good;)
I feel this same way all the time. We must be kindred spirits. (LOVE the words of encouragement from today!)
Oh katie bower…
I have a 6 month old little girl. Sometimes, I drive myself crazy.mad.delusional because she doesn’t sleep through the night. hardly. Not even slightly. I refuse to do the CIO thing. I cannot. and I won’t. So I find myself googling the death out of things, and its true–our babies cannot be compared. For the record, Will is mighty cute, and looks amazingly loved to pieces. So, I think you’re good in that arena 😉 Oh, and if he wants a girlfriend that matches him in the sleep arena (as we all know claras been sleeping through the night since the beginning of time=NOT FAIR! ha)–then you should come by and check out my cutie little Miss Emeline. She’s a doll 🙂
LovesofLife.com
-The other Katie B.
{ps: not sure if you realized the connection, but I’m the one who sent Clara the headbands…did you see them when you visited YHL?}
anyway–hugs from another mom
I have been there, twice and I assure you, it does get easier. You are already wise the advise you have given yourself. This too shall pass. You’re a great mom. Keep on keepin on!
We should be friends-I’ll stop lurking now. My son is just over 7 months too and your post couldn’t have been timed more perfectly. I have been feeling so lost as a mother and human being in general…and so very lacking in the prayer department, even when I know prayer is the only thing that will keep me sane and truly bless my sweet baby (and hubby too). I read too many books about what Barrett should be doing at this age and freak out when he doesn’t. I freak out when I can’t even leave the room without him crying or when I put him down for bed and he screams like he’s dying. I’m glad I’m not the only one obsessing about sleep habits (why does he only nap for 30 minutes??)
Anyway, I really can’t thank you enough for a perfectly timed post and reminding me that I was chosen for this job-in fact prayed for this child incessantly before he was even my belly. When I’m feeling especially inpatient, unloving, and downright pissy, I look at my desk where I have the following reminder:
“Jesus is not repelled by us, no matter how messy we are, regardless of how incomplete we are. When we recognize that Jesus is not discouraged by our humanity, is not turned off by our messiness, and simply doggedly pursues us in the face of it all, what else can we do but give in to His outrageous, indiscriminate love” -Mike Yaconelli
Rock on Katie! You can do it! You are an awesome mom (so it seems anyway), so keep doing what you are doing. If it makes you feel better (likely not), my 18 month old is currently on a bananas and yogurt only diet. He used to eat everything under the sun but now just bananas and yogurt – at least for dinner. He won’t turn into a monkey I am pretty sure. 🙂
I could have written your post 18 months ago (except for the part about the bag of breastmilk cause I don’t respond to the pump and usually can’t get anything). The not sleeping, yep. The screaming if I’m not RIGHTNEXTTOHER, yes. Yes, pray more. I have to remind myself over and over again that these are not my kids-they are the Lord’s. They are just on loan so I have to trust Him to raise them through me. Oh parenting, it’s good for sanctification. It teaches us all grace.
Eventually they sleep and you want to go scoop them up and hold them in the night. Remember, breast milk is the absolute best thing for him right now (God wasn’t messing around when he made that stuff!) and solids are really just for practice, not nutrition, for the first year.
And yes, love your husband. Hug him and kiss him.
Now if you’ll excuse me I need to pick up the boobie traps, er, Legos my 2 year old just spread all over the floor.
O how I love this post….as I sit hear listening to my 7 week old cry I find such comfort that i am not alone. Thank you for sharing your heart- your fears and all that falls in btw.
you are doing a great job!
Yup. You are normal… at least I think you are because I feel/felt the exact same way!! I could have written this letter to myself a few months ago too. My daughter wanted me to hold her CONSTANTLY. She didn’t sleep through the night fully until maybe 8 or 9 months. She took 45 minute max naps. So short I could hardly ever get anything done! Now she sleeps from 2-3 hours at a time usually. I HATED when people would tell me that it would get better. They were right, but I always thouht – “What good does that do me NOW??!!?” But, you already know what to do now… your suck it up and soak it up is so true. Just know you are normal. It really does get better. And you are doing a GREAT job as a mom. God gave Will to you and He gave you to Will. God knows what He’s doing… even when we don’t!!
Excellent advice. We moms have very high expectations of motherhood and when we don’t meet them, the extreme lows are so hard to handle. I remember feeling this same way. I still do and my kids are 10 and 7. It’s never ending. But try to cut yourself a little slack and realize that there are lots of other moms out there that feel the same but are afraid to vocalize it.
And take a break every now and then with Jeremy and leave Will with your mom overnight. You’ll be amazed at how much it helps your family as a whole. 🙂
You are NOT alone! I needed this letter today too. If I was a writer, I would have written the same exact thing. Thanks for the encouragement! I will be referencing this letter often. 🙂
Your honesty is refreshing and touching. Hang in there; it gets better. I remember being in labor with my daughter and suddenly thinking, “What am I doing? In what way am I qualified for this?” She’s 18 months old now, and even though I still sometimes doubt myself, I’m much happier, more confident, and better-rested than I was at the start.
There is nothing harder than being a mother. Nothing. Well, except for being a first-time mom.
It seems unbearable, but the only way to the other side is to go through what you’re going through right now. And it’ll happen much more quickly than you think it will, believe it or not.
My only advice to you would be to put away the baby books, try not to read too many baby-related websites/blogs, and more than anything, trust yourself and your instincts. You will be right much, much more often than wrong. You love Will and want what’s best for him and that’s what really matters.
I have a three and a half year old (also named Will) and a seven month old and I can tell you firsthand that the second is so, so much easier. (In part because I didn’t read any books this time around. They were really such a source of upset and concern for me with our first . . .)
Hang in there. From one mom to another, you can do this. I promise.
I firmly believe that there is no greater strength, wisdom and unadulterated love than that of a mother. You have all three. I know you do. You will be fine, Jeremy will be fine, and above all, Will will be fine. And you’ll have lots of people out here pulling for all of you.
Sweet Katie. I don’t have kids, but lots of my friends do, and I know they feel this way, too. You’re not alone!! I wrote a post about not having kids the other day — about being a part of what Elizabeth Gilbert likes to call the “Auntie Brigade.” Our best friends live right across the hall right now, and I love sneaking over when they’re gone and doing their dishes, cleaning, etc. I hope you have someone like that. Praying for you today!
Amen! **high-five**
Oh Katie!! Though I’ve never met you, I feel as if I know you. So listen please: You are doing F-I-N-E. In fact, you are doing better than fine! The fact you paused to write that, to let your feelings be known– speaks volumes!!
My oldest, my son is now 9 and I still sometimes have days like this. He was a colicky baby. NEVER slept (so it felt). A wild toddler, kicked out of countless daycares before I left my job to stay at home. (Which was a HUGE blessing in disguise) Oh the stories I could tell you that made me cry, now make me laugh. And I had/have worried over every milestone, especially when I was told he was developmentally delayed in some areas would need a special services preschool. Well that didn’t work out as I was getting calls constantly for his wild, never in his seat, challenging behavior. Eventually against their wishes I decided to take him out and work one on one with him myself. Well, fast forward now and he is a strong-willed yet vibrant, ridiculously smart, loving child who I wouldn’t trade for the world! He actually now is in an all gifted school-(go figure!) And he is the BEST,most affectionate, loving big brother to his 4yr old sis. And though there are days I still feel tested and have wondered what the heck AM I doing– I pause and think how I am blessed. I am blessed to have these children and a loving and understanding husband. I am blessed to have a noisy sometimes crazy, forever needing to be picked home. Because that means this place is lived. It is live in and filled with those people I love and hold so dear in my heart. Nothing would matter the same without them. So I try to let go what I can and hold on to what matters most. My family. And knowing that every day is a gift– after all, that is why it is called the present:)
So please just know you are not alone. You are a part of a sisterhood. You are loved and understood by others even when you don’t understand yourself. And God loves you and handpicked you especially to be Will’s mom. YOU Katie are the very best mom for Will. Period. 🙂
Hi Katie- I laughed when I read this because it sounds like I wrote it! I have a daughter the exact same age (born April 6th) and I feel 100% the same about everything! It’s good to stand back and evaluate the picture in front of you and realize it’s all a good thing and we’ll see that one day! I love the daddy baby refrence about “quality time” it’s the same in my house!!
Hang in there Katie! It gets better I promise. First time motherhood is so hard that first year. You get so worried about every little thing but eventually you begin to trust your instincts and realize you know what’s best for your baby and what works for you and your family. Will is going to turn out great. You can tell in all the pictures just how happy he is and well loved he is. You are doing an amazing job. Keep it up! My husband’s favorite thing to say to new parents is with the first child if the binkie falls on the floor you quickly sterilize it before giving it back to the baby. By the 2nd kid you rinse it off in the sink then give it back, by the 3rd child you wipe it off on your pants, by the 4th child you let the dog lick it off. The point is you start to realize the little things don’t matter and they will grow up just fine and be well adjusted members of society – with a slight desire for eating dirt! LOL
Wow. I didn’t imagine a post making me ball the way this one did. I had to run and get tissue twice. I think I’m going to steal this. Put my name, my husband’s and my 5 month old son’s name on it. And read it when I’m freaking out. This is exactly how I am feeling. About myself, my son, my husband. Yesterday I had a terrible day. I have barely had sleep the past three days. I broke down in the middle of the day and could barely speak to my husband when he got home. I retreated to my bedroom and cried and slept. It is wonderful being a stay at home mom, but it can be so hard. And so lonely sometimes. And when my son cries for everything I want to pull my hair out. It is easy to forget to be grateful. Thank you for the reminder. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have no idea. Thank you.
I just started reading your blog a couple weeks ago thanks to Young Love. I have to say you are so funny and I love reading your posts everyday. This post today really hit home. I too am a new Mom, my little girl is 16 months old. Your letter was perfect!! It made me laugh, it made me cry and it also made me think…you are correct…this is life. Things do get easier, but there were times I felt just like this. Will is so lucky to have parents like you two, I don’t know you personally but by your post and pictures I can tell he has a wonderful upbringing. Good luck and know your not alone!!
Thank you for your post today! I have a 7 month old son named Reed and you’ve just described my life perfectly. I know exactly how you feel. Reading this just made my day better, so thank you!
I’m bookmarking this for when I do have a baby and replacing “katie” with “christine”, because I am certain I will feel this way too.
Thanks, Katie!
Thank you for this. Even though I only know you through blog, you are an amazing mom. How do I know? Because you worry about all this stuff and you want to be perfect. Know this: you are.
awww I hope you feel better! Letters like these, and marathon episodes of “16 and Pregnant” reinforce my decision to wait to have kids for at least 2-4 more years, until I feel ready for the kind of responsibility a child brings. I’m still too selfish and enjoying my husband all to myself : )
Katie B – I could have written this same letter to myself a thousand times over. It especially sounds like something I said to myself when my first was still quite young. And sometimes now I feel like I could write it again about my second. I don’t know you in real life, but from what I can tell, you are doing a great job being Will’s mom. Sure, we all have areas of weakness and things we could do to improve, but I know you’re covering over all those stressful times with a whole heaping ton of LOVE . . . I’m sure that Will and Jeremy both know that. Hugs to you, friend.
P.S. I saw a seller on Etsy the other day selling bacon scented candles. I thought of you. It also seemed terribly cruel though . . . like if you lit the candle and that wonderful bacon-y goodness filled the air and then you realized IT’S JUST A CANDLE. NO BACON TO EAT. It just doesn’t seem fair. Though, it’s probably better for the ole waistline. 😉
This is wonderful. Sometimes we all need to stop. Stop thinking. Stop obsessing. Stop worrying. And just breathe. Your note is a perfect and prime example of Stopping and Breathing. We all need a little pep talk every once in a while, even if it is from ourselves.
Oh Katie, what a beautiful post! It brought tears to my eyes. You are a wonderful momma. We freak out, that’s our job, but it’s ok. My son is 16 months and he still gets up at least once during the night (and that’s really good compared to how many times he used to get up when I was breastfeeding). I so get how you feel. I’ve got our 2nd son due in December. What the heck am I gonna do with two of them waking up in the night?! Yeah, I’m freaking out — just slightly :). And there are some days my son eats french fries for dinner because he won’t eat anything else. Or there are days when I don’t put him to bed earlier because I REALLY want to finish my show on tv. Or I take him to Target with cookie all over his face, no shoes, and non-matching clothes and I cave when he throws a tantrum in the store and I open up the goldfish we are buying just to get him to stop crying. It’s ok. I’ve learned to stop caring what anybody says or thinks. My baby is happy and healthy and he knows he is loved! Yours does too!
Theresa
Oh my gosh lady, you are adorable.
You poor girl.
And not comparing your child is SO HARD.
I know. I had a terrible time with it. Still do.
It’s even harder when you have a baby very close in age to your friends. It’s inherent. “My baby’s doing THIS”/”My baby’s doing THAT”.
It’s hard.
And as for the momentary insanity – you are with him alot. Which makes it even harder. Little to no breaks.
But you are right taking your perspective and pulling yourself back. Will will be completely different than any other child out there, and you have to be ok with that. You are a completely different mommy than anyone else out there. Jeremy is a completely different daddy….
And you are right, God’s hand is totally all over it.
Rest, breathe, and enjoy what you can.
And laugh at yourself alot.
(I am resisting every urge that I have to dole out advice, but I will pray for you!)
Oh so true. My third baby is now 7 months old. It gets easier, I promise. My oldest was a clingy, high needs little guy. In the trenches the first time around, it was so hard to not project. I feared he’d always be a clingy high needs little guy. I worried I was screwing him up irreparably. I thought all babies took two 2 hour naps a day in their cribs by themselves. I didn’t get babies who got that memo. But you know, with each child we relaxed a little more. We realized how fleeting it all is, and how each difficult period is really a phase. It passes. And just when you think you’ve hit your groove, found a routine that works…life throws teething or big developmental leaps your way or baby drops a nap and you start over again. And that’s the way parenting goes. There is no right way. You love them, you do your best, you try to enjoy the ride. Sometimes you cry. Sometimes you worry. Sometimes you screw up. Parents have done all of the above for ages I’d say 🙂 With each kid I can say it has gotten easier to realize that the difficult weeks and months pass. They grow up, they change. The way your baby is today doesn’t mean he’ll be the same way tomorrow or a month from now and certainly not a year from now. The challenges change all of the time…some parts of this parenthood gig get easier, some get more difficult. It is never static.
Hang in there and know you are not alone. Sometimes parenthood has become so isolating…we really need a village to rally round us and let us know we aren’t alone in facing these challenges. You can do it . Read that letter to yourself as often as you need to. Your little guy is doing beautifully, mama. Try your best to enjoy the ride.
I need this reminder every day! But in the end, as long as you LOVE your child, all 3 of you will be just fine! You’re a great mama!
As a new mom to my 8 month old baby…I needed this post today. Thanks for your honesty and helping me not take everything too seriously.
Oh, Katie! I don’t know you, yet I know you’re an incredible mom, and you bet Wil knows that too! Thanks for being so honest and sharing this with us… I know that I will remember this when I am a new mom one day.
Just wanted to say that I needed to read this today. 🙂 I am the new mom to Elijah, 3 weeks old…and we have already had quite a few meltdowns in our home. Thanks for being open because I needed that encouragement too.
The freaking out totally subsides when you start sleeping through the night again! It is no wonder sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. Before my second started sleeping through the night, I had full blown thought-I-was-having-a-heart-attack, went-to-the-emergency-room- panic attacks, and now, sleeping through the night, I am back to my old self again! Hang in there!
i know you’ve already had lots of encouragement from others but i also know that in this time every little bit helps. Your husband and son will forgive your meltdowns. Somewhere around the first year life does start to get a bit easier. Anyone who tells you their three-9 month old is sleeping through the night and being calm all the time etc etc is LYING! Look at all the posts above from women who are in the same boat as you. That first year is HARD. I was pretty crazy with my son and husband, but they still love me. And my husband, God bless him, was even crazy enough to agree to have a second child with me. Either he has a memory issue, or I wasn’t as bad as I thought I was.
As the mother of a 16 mo. old who seriously struggled with some postpartum issues, I HEAR YOU. Let me just be about the billionth person to tell you—It gets better. I know it feels like each day is a week sometimes, but you will get through it. I think becoming a Mom is one of the BIGGEST life-changing events. It redefines you in almost every single way. I feel like I am just now overcoming the SHOCK of what my life had become.
Remember to try to get some time for you every day. Even if it’s leaving him with Jeremy while you walk around the neighborhood, or pick up coffee. Remind yourself that life out there is going on and on and on, and you have just brought one more BEAUTIFUL person into the fray, and one day, sooner than you think, that little person will toddle over to you and throw his arms around your neck and say “MAMA!!”
God bless and good luck.
Katie,
Thank you so much for your honesty. There are so many women who claim that motherhood is the greatest thing ever (and it may be, I don’t know) and that everything is perfect and wonderful and sunshine-y. Reality is much more comforting. It’s nice to know these things which for some reason, not all women are willing to talk about. I remember when a close friend had her first baby, she felt the same way, and she felt horrible talking about it, because no one else did. Kudos to you (the extra chocolate chip kind) for being so honest and courageous.
Emily
hey! i could read this to myself every day! my first boy (who is now 2) literally cried just about every minute of the day and half of the night his first 5 months… and he continues to be a daily challenge. Thank God that my 2nd baby (a 10-month-old girl) is just about as happy and easy-going as they come!
you can do it! 😉
Be honest… was this hard to write? ‘Cause I KNOW it’s hard for most moms to even admit to themselves, much less to other people…
Oh, Katie. yes Yes YES!!!
Wow. I can sooooo relate to this from when my youngest was a baby. Right this second, I am sending this to my sister, who has a 5 y.o. and a 9 m.o.
Hugs and love to you and your boyfriend for this real post.
xo
Hello Katie… I hope you can find peace in the middle of your daily routine.
I don’t have kids already but i think that when it happens…I gonna feel like you.
I’m a perfectionist person and I get stress about every little tiny thing that doesn’t go like I want!!! Its pretty sad to be like this because I can’t enjoy simple things or precious moments with my husband, friends or family … Im always worried about the next thing ”Ihave to do”
A friend of mine, who has 7 kids, said to me ”my kids do not remember if the dishes were clean or the laundry was done, they will remember if I was a happy person and having fun with them”
Sarah,
I am a blogger. I posted a messy house tour. I have no pride. This was not hard. It was actually therapeutic.
xo – kb
Katie-
Everyone here (including me) is saying “You’re doing Great!”, and you are!!! So, as long as your baby doesn’t have Jiffy store feet (really nasty dirty feet) and coke in his bottle while you have him out at walmart at midnight (don’t laugh, there are people in my community who fit this profile!) you’re in the clear! 🙂
Also, something slightly unrelated, but funny and made me think of you…There is a restaurant in Texas that serves ‘cowboy sticks’ which is Chicken-fried Bacon slices, and they serve it with a side of white gravy! Can you imagine!?! How crazy is that?
So, get a nice glass of wine and fry you up some chicken fried bacon slices. It’s gonna get better! 🙂
Mom hugs from Florida,
Lauren B.
That’s awesome… and I do love your “reality check” perspective on blogging. 🙂 REAL people are so much more believable anyway.
Miss Katie Bower♥
From my 30,000 foot vantage point, you’re doing a GREAT job. We all love reading your blog, seeing your joy over life and laughing with you (or sometimes at you, but who’s keeping track). Will is going to be an amazing kid becuase God picked you and the boyfriend as his parents. Never lose sight of that.
Good luck, and stay strong. You’re doing it.
Thanks for posting that. I think it takes guts to admit it’s hard. I could’ve written this myself. I’m just a few more months into this than you are.
P.S. I used to call out my son’s name about 100 times a day because I swore he didn’t know it and had read somewhere all those stupid scary milestone missing dianoses. He totally knew it and was just ignoring me, as I would if someone were calling out my name that often!
P.P.S. I stopped going to new moms groups in the early days because I was too focused on what all the other babies were doing that my son wasn’t! I got over that too and so will you.
Wow, really good writing…what a great post!
First off.. massive hugs… My little one is 2 and each stage is a great adventure.
First off Im gonna say.. sometimes letting them cry is the BEST thing you can do for them. It teaches them to self soothe and that they dont need you touching them all the time. I had to learn this and it was the hardest most rewarding thing yet. I remember putting my little one down and her crying until i thought i was gonna die and then she got quiet and slept… slept…. yeah.. sleeep!!!!!!
We learned many things that first year and second year… realized how determined she was to have her own way and my feelings were NOTHING to what she wanted. Sometimes you have to take some time for yourself. You will not break your child…. you will not hurt him if every single need is not met when he demands it. remember you are setting the stage for his entire life right now… if you jump when he makes the smallest noise he knows hes got you. sometimes letting them figure out how to pick themselves up even this young lets them know that yes… they can do it. I know it sounds hard… but really your child will be better for it… you will be more relaxed and calm and not wanting to pull your hair out.
The best book I EVER read was “on becoming babywise”. Its the best book EVER… mainly because is talks about a child coming into an established home… where the world does not revolve around that child but revolve around the home (the marriage should be the center). I read it and knew it was controversial but it made sense to me and my daughter is a better little girl because of it…. im a better parent because of it.
im praying for you girl… take one day at a time…. it goes by soooo fast.
I am not a mom yet… though I hope that some day I am… I can’t tell you how nice it is to just know that some one else occasionally feels how I do and that just because I sometimes have to tell myself to stop freaking out… there is nothing wrong with me and that it is a feeling we all get sometimes (like today)
Wow, Katie – this is like a letter from me to me!! I have a five month old little boy and it seems like we are going through the exact same. Thank you, thank you for being real, thank you for sharing and thank you for being you!
Oh Katie, this letter could totally have been written for me. The good news is it gets easier. The bad news is, I’m still neurotic and still freaking out (or at the very least, feeling guilty and inadequate about far too much.) I think because this precious calling is so important we want to do it Just Right, right? Which sometimes feels like we need to be perfect. You are wise and faithful and you are doing a great job. You’ll be fine. xxx
I really appreciate this honest look into motherhood. Thank you for being brave enough to admit that it’s hard sometimes!!!
So needed that today!! Thanks for your transparency!
Thanks for writing this, Katie. Like many other moms here, this message was right on the money and well timed for me. I’m home with my 5 month old twins–one sleeps kind of, the other sleeps none unless touching me. Having a bit of a meltdown today. Had to call baby 911 to get grandma over here stat (which I’m usually too proud to ask for). Your post has lifted my spirits. Many thanks for that!
Hey Katie,
Do you have an Ergo or Beco carrier? You could totally put Will on your back and hopefully get some stuff done around the house. With my first (And second. And I’ll probably do it with my new baby too.) my husband would always suggest this and I would whine and moan that I didn’t *want* to carry him around on my back! I just wanted to be able to put him doooooowwwwnnn! But then I would put him on my back and get some work done and end up much happier.
I am not even a mom and I identify with every word in this post, except maybe breastmilk. I work 70+ hours a week and am pulled in all directions all the time and want to be perfect in everything. Life is messy. We are human, and remembering to pray more is a huge help. Thanks for being brave enough to share.
I’m glad my daughter isn’t the only one who refuses homemade baby food! I slave away over organic green beans for hours and all she wants to eat is a banana!
I heart you for your honesty!
I’m about to be a new mom so reading this was good for me – thankyou. I especially take to heart the line, “you’ve got to stop reading so many baby books and so reading so many websites and start reading your child.” I can get so caught up in reading about so many things and now I am completely overwhelmed. I need to (when I am a mother) let that motherly discernment that the Lord has given me take over. (people have told me this, but your post activated it in my brain). Praying for you (and me).
hi from north carolina! i found you through YHL and have been a faithful lurker for awhile now. i was pregnant with my 2nd child and due a few weeks after you…and then my little tinkler decided to up and come at 33 weeks on march 7th. the nerve, huh?!
anyway, i had a particularly rough night last night with both my kiddos (my daughter just turned 3) and this letter really helped to put motherhood into perspective. it’s hard. boy, is it ever hard! you are always second guessing yourself. you yell at your husband when you don’t mean to. your house is a mess. the laundry is never done. you stress over every little thing.
but you are so right – stop reading the books. start reading your child. weissbluth would kill me for rocking my son to sleep every night. i don’t care. like you said, i’m just going to soak it in. there will be a time when he doesn’t want to give me hugs. when i won’t be able to kiss his head 1493x a day. do what is best for you. do what is best for your child. that will make all the difference.
cheers,
laura
p.s. oh, and if it makes you feel any better, my baby still isn’t sleeping through the night either! 😉
I’ve enjoyed reading your website for awhile now, and I’ve never commented but this post brought me to tears. I needed you to know that I needed it today. My son, Dean, is one week old in a few hours and I’m feeling what you expressed. I praise God for allowing this community to connect. I’ll be praying for you tonight while I contend with the crying and the feedings in the wee hours of the morning fretting about whether I’m enough or if I have what it takes. I hope I’ll remember this post and the idea that God didn’t make a mistake making me mom to Dean in those bleary eyed hours. Thanks from a gal in Kentucky.
Word.
& very well written.
A million thank yous for this post! As a new mom myself (of a five-month old little boy), I feel this way ALL. THE. TIME. Throw in returning to work, and I feel like I’m losing my mind most days. My house too is far from clean, I worry about not being there every second of his day, and time for myself? Non-existent.
But your advice is totally right on – we are doing a great job, and, as I tell myself every day, the chores can wait. They’ll only be this age for so long, and one day they WILL sleep through the night and we’ll feel more caught up. But for now…just take it one day at a time. I know I do.
Hang in there and know that you’re not alone, by any means.
Katie,
Thank you so much for writing this…really! I’m a mother to a 12 month old that was born 3 months early weighing 1lb 13oz, she is doing well but delayed. That is a whole other story. But often times I get down and wonder “why” or rather “why me”. I often think I bet moms of full term healthy babies don’t have to worry about all things that I do and as bad as it sounds, I was so relived to read that you worry about too. I have thought of every detail of your letter down to her falling over while sitting but the glory is that for the first time I feel like I can relate to a mom of a healthy baby boy. I know it sounds strange but for the first time I don’t feel alone in my feelings. In fact, I think I may print this out and read it when I’m having those moments of insecurity.
I love your blog, love your attention to detail but this post has a much deeper purpose (for me at least) thank you for sharing.
Erica
I’m going to add to the hundred other comments already here by simply saying thank you. I’m not going to give you advice or tell you that it’s going to get better. I have an almost-five-year-old and a two-year-old and there are still days that I feel this exact same way. So thanks for being real and honest. There is so much pressure on moms to be perfect–and seeing adorable pictures of your beautiful baby makes you look just as perfect as the rest of them. I’m so relieved to know you’re not.
Once upon a time, I had a baby that would not sleep. She’d fake you out by falling asleep in your arms, but if you put her down, she’d scream.
When she was two weeks old, I called the advice nurse and asked, “How much is a newborn supposed to sleep?”
The nurse chuckled, “Oh, you new moms! You just want to play with your babies! It is perfectly normal for a newborn to sleep twenty hours a day!”
I literally screamed into the phone, “She sleeps EIGHT! And never more than AN HOUR AT A TIME! Get me a twenty-hour baby!!!!”
At five weeks, I called my husband at work and told him, “I am going to California so my mom can take care of this baby.” He said, “When were you thinking of doing that?” I said, “I’m at the airport.” I went, too, with only the baby and a diaper bag, not even clean underwear for myself. I came back after that weekend feeling better, but it took almost a year to really feel confident in myself as a mom. (And 12 years later, my house is still messy.)
Katie, all your feelings are real. They are the result of raging unstable hormones and sleep deprivation and expectations that you couldn’t possibly have known were unreasonable and perky people who say, “Isn’t this just the greatest thing that ever happened to you in your whole life!!!” It is, ultimately; but for many of us, it is also the most scary, exhausting, complicated thing imaginable, and the pressure to do it well can feel unbearable.
I actually decided to pop in tonight because I was feeling down – my baby has been at Outdoor School all week and I miss her – and your happy self always cheers me up. Then I read your letter and thought all over again how much I love this blog. I don’t love it because you are always cheerful. I love it because you are always real. Thanks for that.
(and I apologize for the humongo post above. ack. just came spewing out…)
Love this- so true- so real! My kids are 6 and 4 now. Praying is the best thing you can do! 2 other things help me get through my “mommy freak-outs” – a children’s book called Let Me Hold You Longer by Karen Kingsbury and the song You’re Gonna Miss This by Trace Adkins. Thanks for being so real!
Thank you for this. My little girl is just shy of two months old and I have already written this letter, (with a few name changes), in my head 100 times. Isn’t it funny how we feel SO alone when there are millions of other new moms going through the same thing??
I wrote myself a very similar letter one month ago when I had to stop breast feeding my 3 1/2 month old baby girl (I was only pumping 1-2 ounces at work and she was eating 6 ounce bottles)….I was devastated! I have found that the things that gets me through all the trials and tribulations of first time motherhood is support from loved ones and holding on to the little things that are going well for you (for example, the fact that my daughter sleeps through the night). So be optimist, except help from those who love you, and hold on tight to those little things! Good luck!
Thank you for being brave enough to write things like this. I’m not a mom. I’m not pregnant. I just have a youth pastor husband, an okay job and a super tiny house. If I was your friend, I would remind you that you’re not alone. I’d tell you to call your sister or a friend or your mom to talk about your day. And then I’d give you a big hug, and let you cry for a few minutes.
So please know that I’m sending you a big hug and a prayer. Please keep on keepin’ on. We love hearing from you!
Katie you are an angel.
You are so switched on.
And you are brave.
I am normally just a blog stalker but I just had to comment on this post and thank you. I look at your blog every day now because I like how honest and true it is and how comfortable it makes me feel.
Thank you for just being you.
x
Katie – I love how you wrote that letter. I remember feeling that way sometimes and you’re absolutely right in writing it. Sometimes words just come out easier on paper than they do when you are trying to talk to someone about them. Words on paper can be more raw – you don’t have to worry about what the paper is thinking as you spew them out – and you can get what’s really on your chest off. I can remember feeling that way with my first and even worse with my second kid. By the third kid – I was pretty much on auto pilot so I don’t remember feeling too upset about things – my 2nd kid had colic and that made life with the 3rd a breeze by comparison. I remember several days when I just ran outside to sit because I couldn’t take it inside any more. Sometimes fresh air helps clear your head enough to get back in there and be the best mama in the world. Sometimes nothing does. But, you’re still the best mama in the world to Will and God is definitely helping you with that. OK shutting up now. Good luck and I will be praying for you!
I commend you for writing this, hang in there. Thoughts and hugs go out to you!!
Thanks so much for sharing this. I’m bookmarking it so that I can refer back to it when our little one arrives!
For all of you young moms with endlessly crying babies who feel unloved and rejected this is for you. I have four children, three in their 20s and a 16 yr. old. The first one was a needy, fussy baby. The second one was, according to her wonderful grandmother “the world’s worst baby”. My third was a mother’s dream, and I can’t remember #4. Also, the world’s worst baby was NOT cute, which didn’t help. She had huge ears, buck teeth, and lifeless hair. She cried non-stop and refused to be comforted. I was sure she would grow up with attachment disorder or worse. Today she is 24, kind and loving, graduated with honors, was a college athlete, high school cheerleader, has an impressive job, and is a real beauty. She turned out absolutely nothing like she was as an infant. Babies cry a lot. It’s how they release tension, get their exercise, and communicate. Frequently, you will not be able to calm them. Don’t feel guilty about putting them in their crib after you’ve tried to address their needs. Then put in your ear buds, listen to music or a podcast, or sit outside and flip through a magazine. Take care of yourself. Your baby will turn out just fine. Oh and read the baby books with caution. They are guilt-producers.
Katie,
How brave of you. As a mom of twin 11-year-olds I know I yelled at when they were way too young to know why, and an 8-year-old (same thing), and now, overdue by 4 days with Baby #4, I FEEL YOU, GIRL! All of my girls were there to witness my own version of the meltdowns and frustrations you are going through now. I’m nearly 40, and have had to let a bunch of my type-A home-care behaviors get taken over by a well-intentioned-but-no-housekeeper husband and my three girls…I step routinely on dried up spilled cereal, crumbs of all sorts, and am constantly noticing that the kids’ sheets haven’t been changed nearly enough and they’ll probably develop some sort of auto-immune disease if I don’t get to it. That said, they are all happy, curious and thriving people and I can’t believe it. I would have thought by now, based on their first years, I would have ruined them completely. Shocking! I didn’t. You won’t ruin Will. DO be nice to Jeremy. He’s doing the best he can (I drive a very hard bargain so any bone I throw to the husband is being generous, for ME), even though it doesn’t seem like it to you sometimes. Good luck. You’ll all be FABULOUS. As my husband, who is amazing, always says, “It will all work out. Don’t worry, Baby” (the Beach Boys)…and it does.
Great post Katie – I think all moms can relate. I know I can especially relate to the sleeping issues. I hate that I let it define how good of a mom I think I am, even though I logically, I know it’s not related at all.
Katie, this was beautifully written. You obviously do have perspective when you can write down your feelings as you did here. I went back to work after maternity leave a month ago, and it’s been so very hard to balance life now. If the dirty house is stressing you out and you can afford a cleaner, get one. Just twice a month will help you gain a few minutes of time and sanity. Also, try a grocery delivery service. I just started this, and while I won’t use them every week, it’s very helpful to not have to do a task that I loathe every single weekend. You don’t have to be Super Mom. Will thinks you’re a super mom no matter what. 🙂
Thanks for sharing–it was so encouraging for me to read that! I have a just-turned-three year old and a just-turned-one year old and I completely understand every single thing you wrote!!! It’s nice to hear another mom verbalize the struggles and blessings of being a mom. Children are definitely a huge blessing but they are hard work! 🙂
I have written a very similar letter to myself two other times. With my first, I felt all the same things you did. When my second came, I didn’t know how I would handle 2 alone. And now, with my 3rd I have a totally different perspective. I don’t know if it’s because she’s a girl or because I have felt the fear, the panic, the inadequacy or something totally different. But, I do know that God has given me peace. I know my role is Mommy. So what if that means life isn’t perfect for me or others that look in on our life. What matters is that my children feel that they are perfect to me and my husband. They don’t need to change to make us happy. Your letter reminded me that I have made it through the hard times. I’m even in the newborn phase now (Ella is just 11 days old) and I’m able to say I’m stable. I never could have imagined those would go hand in hand for me….stability and completely sleep deprived!!!
Love to you and your wonderful role as Mommy!!!
THANK YOU for this post. I have had some of the same feelings. But no one talks about those feelings. People only talk about the joys of motherhood and then you wonder, what is wrong with me/my kid/my family? So refreshing to know we’re not alone out there in this new, confusing, scary, rewarding world. Thanks for sharing, Katie.
Katie,
Thanks for this letter. I hope to become a mother soon, but often times am worried about struggling with these emotions you’ve described. You’ve shown me that it is normal- or should I say natural. And the fact that you (and one day I) can feel this way is evidence of one of God’s greatest blessings- a mother’s love.
Thanks.
Dear Daughter-in-Law,
You need to listen to the advice of this wise one who is called Katie. Sounds like she is a sharp cookie. So….breathe in….breathe out…enjoy the moment, your precious son, and your great husband…and rest in the Lord that He is in control. Nothing touches your life that is not first sifted through His hands of unconditional love. The One Who is crazy about you says to you, “Cast your care upon Me, for I care for you.” He believes in you…you are an awesome wife and mom! Pastor Dad & Nurse Vicki pray for you everyday. Give both Williams a big hug and kiss for us! Ciao, M&V
Your honesty is refreshing. Keep being you! 🙂
awww you made me get all teary! now i may only be a mother to two naughty little house rabbits but i still know that overwhelming feeling that you are just not getting it together!…dont be to hard on yourself, you have a lovely family and a beautiful attitude towards life 🙂
thank you for your honesty x
Krystal
http://krystalleeart.blogspot.com/
Katie,
I have just recently started following your blog..which I love! You have such a talent in well..everything!
I just wanted to thank you for this letter to yourself. I have a new baby that was born right around Will. Her name is Noel, born April 13, 2010. and you have hit the nail on the head with EVERYTHING in this letter.
I am completely there with you, especially the part when you mention putting him down and walking out of eye sight. Sometimes I feel like I can’t do anything (!!!!) without planning mission impossible of ‘where to put the baby while I do…’ from things like throwing a load of laundry in to trying to pee! and then that guilty feeling of, well maybe I should be reading to her more or playing with her more instead of cleaning the kitchen..ugh!
Thank you for beautiful pics of your beautiful baby..I SO wished you lived in PA so I could snag you to take some pics for me!
Thank you for your writing, humor, and realistic life!
.elissa v.
omg. you sound just like me when my son was that age (he is now almost 2). Some days, I can’t believe I have made it this far. I hate when people act like it’s all fun and giggles and flowers and sunshine and all that crap. Some days SUCK and there is no other way to explain it. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely adore my child, but let’s face reality and stop acting like we live the life of Angelina and Brad (we don’t have the money, nannies, housekeepers,etc). We are only human and we need to stop acting like we don’t have these days/weeks. I feel like if I say this to one of those Moms out there who acts like everything EVERYDAY is perfect, they think I don’t love my child. Not true. I am just saying what is REALISTIC! Thanks for sharing Katie!
Katie, I hope it makes you feel better to hear I don’t even have a child and my house is pig-sty. At least you have an excuse! 🙂
Are you sure you wrote this to yourself? I feel like you wrote it for ME and just changed the names of my husband and 5 1/2-month-old son. In any case, it is comforting, even refreshing to read that I’m not the only new mom who isn’t sleeping the whole night through (or anything like it) or being perfectly cheery all of the time. I will join you in trying to suck it up, soak it up, and stop freaking out. Thanks for the company!
Thank you for your honesty…and it’s true, you are not alone. All moms have felt this way, and if they say they haven’t, well then, they are lying!
I am a lurker who was sent your way via YHL. This post resonated with me as it did with every other mother on the board. My son just turned 2 and he is the absolute best…but there was a time in his early life where I didn’t think I would make it. I thought to myself “Is this what postpartum depression is?” “Is this natural?” If only I had a coalition of girlpals who had been there to say It’ll be okay…things will be better someday soon I probably wouldn’t have agonized so greatly!
Now that all of my friends are having children they commend me on my mommy skills and I always make sure to be 100% honest with them. It’s much easier now and will get easier as Will becomes more independent. Parenting is the most challenging yet rewarding job God will ever give us. You will cry sometimes but when Will says “Mommy I love you.” for the first time without your prompt it will make it worth it a thousand times over.
Praying for you, Jeremy and Will from VA!
The fact that this post speaks to so many of us is heartwarming and telling. Thank goodness for blogs 🙂 otherwise we may never ‘know’ each other. I really want to emphasize that we as moms and friends and relatives of other moms, need to be on the watch for signs and symptoms of post parteum depression, and just mommy depression in general. I, like many other mom, felt many of these same things, when they continued to get worse and I had a harder and harder time coping with life, my husband and I still didn’t realize I was suffering from depression. It took my wonderful girlfriend reaching out to me to say – something is not right with you, and I’m worried. She had a couple of other girl friends check in with me too. I sought out help from my doctor. Meds made all the difference, and very quickly. I was able to cope again. I’m so thankful for my girlfriends – and my anti-crazy meds 🙂
thank you! i needed this…. 🙂
xo
-fellow freaker-outer…
I just wanted to tell you how much this post inspired me. I have 3 young kids (currently 8, 4, and 14 months) and this was the ONE post that just really helped me to think “I am not the ONLY one”. I realize that you posted this quite a while ago, but I just wanted tot let you know how greatful I was for this post. Thank YOU!
Wow. I think I could have written this letter (probably not as eloquently) to myself. Being a new mom is tough. I had no idea how hard it would be. The constant worry that I’m not doing good enough. The barrage of books that contradict one another. The hormones on top of hormones on top of lack of sleep that make you absolutely crazy. I crumpled to the floor weeping after spending 60 minutes trying to get my daughter to sleep and she slept for all of 10 minutes. Not my proudest moment. I’m slowly starting to figure out that I’m doing just fine. Thanks to some help from other moms who show me that I’m not alone, and who help lift me up instead of beating me down. Thank you for your honesty. You are doing an amazing job.
I just saw this as a link to your letter from today. I have a 6 1/2 month old son and today was one of ‘those days’…nothing was going my way and I was tearful and moody from when my husband left for work at 7am to when he returned at 7pm. Reading this made me feel so much better – like I’m not alone in feeling like this. I just wanted to write to say thank you for that. Because I really needed to read something like this today.
And by the way – your son? Adorable. And I have a feeling mine is following in his footsteps, considering I already have numerous ‘throwing stuff’ photos. I, too, am jealous of my friends with calm little girls. I wrote a letter to God on my family blog requesting a special place in heaven for moms of little boys. Reading about Will makes me laugh and gives me a glimpse into my future – a future that will be spent with my head frequently buried in my hands, I’m sure. God bless you and your lovely family.
I could have written this letter myself some days, especially in the first year. Hang in there and thanks for echoing back feelings that resonate for so many of us!
What a great comment. I wish you had been around when my babies were little and I was devouring the baby books, getting more paranoid by the second!