WE RECOMMEND YOU READ PART 1 AND PART 2 OF WILL’s BIRTH STORY BEFORE THIS POST 🙂
“Hrrmmm”…I groaned as I rolled my giant belly over to blindly search for my phone on the nightstand. 6:04 am. Why am I up this early? This seems absurd. What’s wrong with me? Oh I know. I’m about to start my period. Wait. That can’t be right. Aunt Flo doesn’t visit when Mr. Stork is on his way.
I stumbled into the bathroom and attempted to understand the crampy feeling in my lower abdomen. “This can’t be labor. It doesn’t even hurt. And I’ve finally come to terms with being induced,” I thought aloud. I’ll just go downstairs and see if the bathroom needs cleaning…again.
The morning sky blazed through the back door. Above the tree line was steel blue with gold streaks. It was like looking at a spilled treasure chest at the bottom of the ocean. Pirate’s gold before a storm. It was a beautiful last day. The last day before our inducement date. The last day of being just married. The last day of a solid night’s sleep.
“Hmmmph”…the cramps kept coming. Maybe I was just feeling aftershocks from the food poisoning. Yeah, that has to be it. Just food poisoning. After checking our very clean bathrooms for the third time, I pulled open my favorite baby book. It was filled with daily bible verses and a prayer for your unborn baby. And it seemed like six oh clock in the morning was a perfect time to pace the living room in my baby blue slippers and read the first three months of baby prayers. I needed that distraction. I needed those reminders. I needed to get to tomorrow.
The time actually flew by and before I knew it, I was opening the garage door to my parents who stopped by to drop off some donations for the church yard sale. It was great. Nothing was a better distraction than picking through my mother’s hand-me-downs.
“How are you feeling?” my mom asked nonchalantly.
“I’m crampy. It’s nothing to get excited about…tomorrow is the day.” I casually reminded her.
“YOU ARE CRAMPY?!?! Honey! That’s labor!” She wrapped her arms around my head and was a bit more excited than I anticipated.
“Mom. It’s not real labor. The contractions aren’t longer, stronger and closer together. That’s what the class said and they aren’t.”
“How close are they?” she asked. Why wouldn’t she just drop it? Didn’t she understand that I had come to terms with the induction? That all I wanted to do right now was rummage through her junk? Her wonderful, glorious junk? I knew that in order to end the conversation topic, I would have to sound as firm as possible without squashing her excitement like a bully stomping on a little kid’s balloon. Either that or I needed a diversion.
“I haven’t timed them. But trust me, this is not labor. Cole, do you want to stay here with me?” Cole, my five year old nephew, was an innocent bystander throughout this entire conversation until I decided that he would be a perfect out. And of course he would want to hang out with me…afterall, I am the Aunt that always has macaroni and cheese and a creek in her backyard.
Twenty minutes later, I was attempting to convince a five-year-old that walking IS a fun activity.
“I have an idea. Let’s play ps3!” He argued back with his little smily sparkly eyes. It’s amazing how a kindergardener can sound so convincing.
“C’mon Cole…I need to walk while Uncle Jeremy helps Pappap. It’ll only take a minute, I promise.” I lied as another cramp washed over my abdomen. I quickly threw on my shoes and punched in our house alarm code.
Walking felt good. Even going at a forty minute mile pace, it felt like an accomplishment. The sun was high in the sky and the warmth made me sweat a puddle into my too-tight-even-though-I-wear-wide’s New Balance shoes. Cole was miserable and my ankles were the same size as my lower thighs, but it didn’t matter. This was my last day before my baby arrived and I decided to focus all my efforts on soaking it in. Soak Katie. Soak it good.
Suddenly, my daydream was interupted by a shrill ringtone.
“Mom?” I could hear our house alarm on the other end of the phone before she said a word.
“Honey….” she was only slightly frantic. “Honey…I opened the door and the alarm went off.”
“It’s ok, Mom. We went walking. Just punch in the code on the keypad and it’ll stop.” I was crossing my toes hoping that she would find the pad in time. Then I realized that the alarm was past it’s warning stage and had started it’s “render-the-intruder-deaf” volume level. “Mom! Mom! Can you hear me?!?! Answer the phone and tell them the password!” This was going to be impossible. She was likely already deaf. At this point there was only one thing to do….call my boyfriend and explain the situation.
Five minutes later, I was ranting about how Jeremy was supposed to answer his phone when his 41 week pregnant wife called. I was the priority, right?!? What if there had been an accident? What if my water broke? Why the heck didn’t he answer my call?! He should know that it is more important to hang up on my mother and answer the dang phone when his hormonal wife calls him!
“Honey, do you think Jeremy will be mad at me?”, Mom asked as she drove her Honda beside me with Cole in the backseat.
“No.” Maybe a little, I silently thought. I kept walking.
As we approached the house, I challenged Cole to a race. “Let’s run to the stop sign!” I don’t know why but I thought I had a decent chance. He climbed outta the car and took off. I started my waddle-run and that’s when I saw a cop car in our driveway. Crap. That means that Jeremy didn’t answer the phone call of security company either. It seemed like ten miles to get past the final three houses. After admitting defeat to Cole, I waddled up to the police officer talking to my neighbor as she watered her plants.
“Ma’am, do you live here?” he politely asked.
“I’m really sorry. My mom accidently set off the alarm…”
“She’s IN LABOR.” My mom chipped in with a giant smile covering her face….
“I’m sorry.” I said to the cop, shooting darts at my mom with my eyes. “I was just taking a walk and she thought we were still at home.”
“Well, the door was open and so I went inside and checked things out. It’s locked now though. Congratulations. You take care now.” He smiled as he slid back into his car. It was probably out of pity that I was lugging around fifty extra pounds of baby weight.
I smiled back and nodded. “Thank you.” I turned back toward the house and the smile dropped off my face. Double Crap, I thought. I didn’t have any keys. I felt slight anxiety wash over me as my brain ran amok. What if my water broke this very instant and I had no way of getting inside?!? I would be standing in the driveway covered in amniotic fluid and shoes full of sweat with a five-year-old and a overly-excitable mother. My thoughts were interupted by the beeping on my phone. It was from my father-in-law. He was texting me to let me know that the security company had called him and he gave the ok to send the police.
I couldn’t do anything but laugh out loud. I held up the phone for my mom to read as I chuckled at the absurdity of the entire situation. My mother started laughing too. I knew that she was terribly embarrassed just by looking at her eyes.
“I’m laughing because I just want to cry.” She stared at her wringing hands. She would have never purposefully tried to put anyone out…literally or figuratively. “Jeremy is really gonna be mad, isn’t he?”
Another cramp hit me…”well, let’s just hope that he has his keys! Besides…this is a great story for Will one day. This is what happened the day before he was born…and I love that.” And I meant it. Afterall, it’s the small things that I always loved knowing about my own birthday…like how it was a very bright day outside and how my older brother was very gentle with me when he came to see me. To me, it’s details that make a birth story a real story.
Anyhoo, it didn’t take long for Jeremy and my dad to come home and rescue us women. And since I continued being ‘crampy’ with no real changes, my parents went home (with the promise that we would call immediately if anything changed) and I continued my day on the couch curled up with the remote control and a stack of magazines.
Throughout the day, whenever another cramp would come up, I found great relief by just sitting on our 1970’s toilet in our master bathroom. No other toilet was the same as this great throne. I could lean back and rest until the contraction subsided and I didn’t have to worry about breaking the substantial piece of pottery since none of it was plastic or flimsy. It was here that I received my first concrete piece of evidence that the early stage of labor actually started…I passed my plug.
“JEREMY!” I definitely wanted him to see this.
“JEREMY!” I can’t believe I am taking our relationship to this level. This is entirely too gross for words. I am about to show the man enough mucus to drown a small animal and I expect him to kiss me afterwards. This is going to either bring us closer together or force him into another woman’s arms. A woman who doesn’t fart or burp or show him a wad of toilet paper covered in disgustingness. She probably still shaves her legs. She probably can still REACH her legs. Dang her.
“What?” He had no idea what was about to hit him.
“I passed the mucus plug.” It was out there. No going back now. Say goodbye Katie. “Wanna see it?”
“No.”
“C’mon. You gotta see it. It’s huge.” I read the books…this was not ‘quarter-sized’…this sucker could have kept the Titanic from sinking. And Jeremy knew that he wasn’t gonna get to walk away now. I had him cornered.
“Fine.” He looked at what I held out and then looked back at my face. “Wow.” He said it completely void of emotion.
“yeah. I know.” I was actually surprised that he didn’t ask for a divorce right then and there. Or at least a separation. Or marriage counseling. Little did I know that this would actually be the first of many times in the next four days that I would ask my sweet boyfriend to do something that would bring us closer together. Something I would normally be completely embarrassed by. Something you would only do if you truly loved someone.
CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING PART 4 OF WILL’s BIRTH STORY.
Reminded me about coming home years ago to the police in the driveway as my very arachnophobic housemate stood frozen in the entrance, unable to key in the code because a teeny tiny spider was on the keypad. Alarm blaring, neighbours everywhere. The police should pool all the “I accidently triggered my alarm” stories and write a book.
Oh, so close…how can just you stop there!?!
I love the suspense…no I hate the suspense.
😀
“Wanna see it?” I’m cracking up. That is so funny to me Katie.
Katie, I am loving this! Disgusting plug showing and all.
Your little guy will love to read this one day :0)…im due anyday with my first! Im dying to know how your actual delivery went!
Haha.love it! I had to read this to my hubby and we were both laughing. I am also a burping, farting gal but never intended for my hubby to see what escapes my hole. Well, after birthing a child, he got a front row seat. He had to help me in the restroom after our little man was born. And why I thought he needed to see the tennis ball sized clot I passed…I don’t know. But I thought it was interesting and it definitely brings you closer!
Oh man, you are going to make this a 7-part story aren’t you? I am dying of suspense but you’re right – the little details are so great and Will will love them one day!
Love the part about the mucus plug! Glad I’m not the only one who exposes their husband to the grossness of being female. Best birth story I’ve ever read! I love the narration. Can’t wait for part 4!
HAH! Oh wow. Well, I get to experience this in 2 months 🙂 I love this part of your story and can’t wait for the next…
rofl….the mucus plug has got me cracking up…I love it…can’t wait for rest…I hope you are enjoying your little man ~!
I’m hanging on every word! PLEASE don’t make me wait 10 more days for the next installment!!
🙂
still workin’ the tears… so good!
You weren’t kidding when you said you had a story to tell! This is hilarious! I’m sure it wasn’t at the time, but still…
Can’t wait for the continuation!
Wow. Mucus plug. I had never heard of that so I immediately googled it and found a icky video clip on youtube and then immediately showed it to my husband. I told him I would show it to him when that happens to me, just like you did, and he agreed 🙂
Great story!
Your birth story sounds very similar to mine (so far at least!) I was so upset about being induced that I spent the day before my induction walking, cleaning, sitting on my exercise ball and chugging up and down the steps all day and finally when I had given up and gone to bed at midnight, with my bags packed for the morning, my water broke! Little did I know I was in early stages all day. I had given up timing contractions and just tried to settle for the fact that I would be induced. We go to the hospital around 1am and our daughter was born at 7:30am! My labor was speedy and the docs were amazed that I never needed pitocin.
I love reading your birth story! I love the humor you inject in it eventhough it was obviously a tough time. Looking forward to the next chapter!
Loving this story!
Going through childbirth with someone will definitely bring you closer than you ever thought possible! OR so close that they decide to run away! ; )
Hilarious!!!
I still remember the day I found out about mucus plugs. I think that horrified me more than actual labor!
Oh the mucus plug….they (whoever ‘they’ are) don’t tell you about that. I just found out about it when my friend was pregnant a few years ago. Ick. Oh and they don’t really tell you that you might loose chunks of hair off your head in the few weeks after you give birth.
Can’t wait to hear the rest!!!
Ha! My birth story (of twins) is a snoozefest by comparison: No overdue anticipation. No plug. No real labor pain (barely a twinge, and almost zero dilation). Just Conan O’Brien, a trickle, 8 hours of WAITING, and an uneventful C-section with almost no recovery. That’s it. YOURS is a rollercoaster of sweetness, excitement, and absurdity Katie! OF COURSE you had a cop drop by your house to wish you congrats! LOL! What’s next? Let me guess…. your new car wouldn’t start when you finally left for the hospital? 😉 Can’t wait for Part 4!
LOL you showed him your mucus plug? You’re so gross and wonderful and hilarious. 😛
Isn’t love wonderful? It makes us all do things we think we wouldn’t or couldn’t; and it makes beautiful miracles possible. Of all the wonders I have, I wonder why God in his glorious wisdom, gave us such a gift.
Now I know you’re busy being a mom & all, but I can’t wait to hear the rest of the story! Don’t keep us in suspense!
haha aww, that was very gross/informative/sweet!
I LOVE THIS!!! i swear you need to get this published.. then write more stories of little Will as he grows and his adventures. LOL…
Im dying.. I just want to sit down and read the whole book/story.. I also love the anticipation of the next one.
I think its funny about showing your hubby the mucus plug!! I understand about being the girl/wife that is not afraid be “normal” around them and to expose him to all the gross things being a girl is all about. Having a baby and all that happens after.. wow.. I bet men say a silent prayer about how they are so thankful they dont have to do that… LOL…
I can’t stand the suspense. I LOVE reading about your birth story. I delivered our first baby on April 1st, so I’m right there with ya on some of this stuff. Keep writing, it’s great. 🙂
Oh my, Katie Bower. You make me laugh. When I went into labor with my son I was in complete denial too. I just did not feel like eating that morning when I woke up. My mother-in-law, bless her heart, came over in the morning to pick up my daughter to get her out of my hair for the day. When I told her I had lost my appetite she just kinda smiled and didn’t say anything even though she knew it was starting. I want to know the whole story, but I kinda like the dragging it out because it’s so much more full that way. The being locked out of the house thing and the deafening alarm is seriously priceless!
Thank you so much for sharing the story of Will’s birth w/ us…I can’t wait to hear the rest!
I love reading your birth story! It makes me think about mine (a year ago or so). I can’t wait to read the next installment!
I had to laugh about the mucus plug! I woke my husband up in the middle of the night with part of it on my finger like LOOK HONEY! LMAO! He totally didnt want to see that but I was so excited cuz I knew what was coming. He is still grossed out by the word mucus!!
*Giggle-snort* Welcome to the club, Katie.
HAHAHAHA! Oh my goodness, this is so funny! I sometimes wonder how Jerry puts up with my grossness…that’s how you know it’s true love! Can’t wait for the next part…and more pictures of Will!
-Emily
Was that baby book by any chance “Expecting” by Marla Taviano? I love giving that one to my newly pregnant friends and yours sounds similar. If not, I’d love to know the title as another gift alternative. Thanks!
Actually Sarah the book was called “I’m Having a Baby: Help me Lord”. Pretty much sums up my pregnancy. Unfortunately it is outta print but you could still score a copy on Amazon!
XO – katie
HAPPY FIRST MOTHER’S DAY!
Happy 1st Mother’s Day, Katie!
Happy (FIRST!) Mother’s Day Katie! 🙂
Happy Mother’s Day! Can’t wait for the other part(s) of the story!
Happy Mothers Day Katie 🙂
I’ve been waiting for the next chapter of birth story. It’s bringing back a lot of memories! I’m on the edge of my seat for the rest of the story.
I’m loving the birth story. Happy Mother’s Day. 🙂
Oh Katie, the suspense is killing me!!!
Waiting anxiously for part 4 (and more) – at least we know the outcome is good: Will. 😉
Ohmygosh, the last part of this CRACKED ME UP.
Kelly
Hi Katie. I stumbled upon this recipe today for Chocolate Chip Bacon cookies and thought immediately of you! A combination I never would have thought of. http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen/recipes/desserts/chocolate-chip-and-bacon-cookies/
I forgot to add: Hope you had a very happy first Mother’s Day with precious little Will.
Hahahahaaa… I thought only my sister and I called our period “Aunt Flo”!! In our case she is usually preceded by “Cousin Dot” (a fairly prominent pimple) 🙂 We had quite the code so it’s hilarious to see an element of it mentioned on someone else’s blog!
You have had me on pins and needles for days!!
Love your story, Katie! Can’t wait till the next installment!
why do you call yourself his wife, but call him your boyfriend? isn’t he your husband?
“Wanna see it?” Hilarious! I am still cracking up at this as I type. My mucus plug was ginormous too. Seriously, maybe they should put a disclaimer in the book saying the quarter size is just a guess, because I was terrified when I realized how much goo was coming out of me. I was winding that stuff around and around a wad of toilet paper. It seemed like it wasn’t going to stop. I didn’t think to show my husband though. That would have been fantastic. He would have died.