My eyes welled up with tears.
It was April 1st and I woke up hoping, wishing, wanting so badly to feel all those things that people told me about. I laid there searching myself inside and out for the clues. The clues that would indicate today would be the day. That today would be the day that I would have my baby. But today I had nothing. No compulsive need to clean. No excessive energy. Not even the need to empty the bowels…
…that’s when my eyes welled up with tears.
With a waking yawn, Jeremy rolled over. He looked at my face knowing that I was a bundle of emotion. of frustration. of disappointment. of impatience.
“Could you just make today special even though it’s totally not?” I whimpered pathetically.
“Sure honey”, he said as he wrapped his arms around me pulling me into his warm body. “How ’bout some very special breakfast?”
Ignoring Jeremy’s question, I was fullblown crying. Tears streaming down my cheeks and onto the pillow.
“I just want him here already. I just want to meet him. I just want him.”
It wasn’t that I thought Will would make his arrival on the due date…but I had hoped. And I knew that the weight of the wait would be excruciating. Like each minute would feel like an hour until I had some signal that our baby boy was ready for life here on earth. And every moment was another opportunity for my brain to run wild with questions.
Will our boy come when he’s ready? on his own? Is it wrong to kick him outta there with inducement? Is that forcing our timing over God’s timing? Is my water gonna break or will I have labor pains first? Will I even recognize labor if it’s here? Can I have peace about induction if that’s our only option? Could I make it through laying on my back during labor if Pitocin is used? Should I have an epidural if I already am stuck on my back? Can I handle the pain if I don’t use it?
The questions were overwhelming. Not knowing the answers was even worse. Our visit the day before to the doctor didn’t really answer any questions. He merely said that the baby wasn’t floating away and that my insides didn’t indicate that I would be going into labor anytime soon. I kept dwelling on his words “thick and ripe” as Jeremy and I finished our very special breakfast of Chickfila biscuits. Thick and ripe. Thick and ripe. That doesn’t sound like a place anybody would want to leave. Heck, I would want to live in a place described as thick and ripe too.
“Jer – did we make the right decision about the induction?” I asked as we headed to Baby Gap for the millionth time. Baby Gap, with it’s preppy little baby polos and the chinos in miniature sizes usually makes me feel better about everything…but this time all I could think of was the gaping hole in my arms where a baby should be laying.
“I mean, should we have it on Tuesday or Thursday? I just want to make sure we give him enough time to develop.” Even with the doctor telling us that it was our choice, I feared that things were being pushed. That somehow in my desire to meet my unborn son, that I was considering using drugs not out of medical necessity but out of my selfishness. Was I speeding things up for my own selfish wishes? Should I instead wait on Will to pull the trigger on his arrival? What if he never does? What if he is just peachy keen in his thick and ripe environment and could care less about meeting me?
“Katie, he is going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine. We don’t know God’s will. We just know that He put this doctor in our path for a reason and the doctor said that there are much more risks in waiting past 41 weeks than benefits. And who knows, maybe we are supposed to schedule the induction so that Will is saved from an accident happening. Now, did you find anything cute for him to wear?”
I just sighed. We both already knew we owned everything cute in this store.
TO CONTINUE READING PART TWO OF WILL’S BIRTH STORY…PLEASE CLICK HERE.
You guys are too cute! I can’t wait for the rest of the story… 🙂
This is such a sweet beginning to the story! He will always know how loved he was from the very start! Can’t wait to hear the rest!
Hmm. Riddled with guilt before he’s even born? Yep, you’ll be a good mom.
xo
My eyes welled up with tears. Beautiful story (even though just the beginning, I’m sure). The waiting is excruciating, isn’t it?
I’m so excited to start reading your story! And I think that your boyfriend sounds like an amazing guy! I teared up a little when I read the part about a non-special day seem special. Love you guys!
Awww, Katie, this is so emotional. I feel crying for you. Can’t wait to hear the rest!
Ugh, I remember those feelings! I missed my basby so much even though I had never met him. I NEEDED to hold my baby, so instead of Baby Gap, I sat in his nursery turned on his swing and cried. Gotta love those hormones!
You are making me cry! Can’t wait to hear the rest and kuddos to your hubby for being there for you. 🙂
Ah I love it – I love how you’re going about this. Eagerly waiting for your next chapter, and more…
So..when is part 2 coming..? 😀
Oh my gosh. Wow. I felt like this was the beginning chapter of my new favorite book.
I can’t wait for the rest of the story 🙂
This really hits home. I still have 10 weeks left but today felt that overwhelming desire to meet my little guy. Something just came over me! Obviously he needs to stay warm and cozy inside for a lot longer, and I have so much more to do before he comes. But I’m SO ready to hold him. I didn’t think I had a maternal bone in my body until I got pregnant, and now I can’t wait to *really* be a mom (I know I already am in a way, but it’s different). My, how things can change!
Sigh… you’re a really good storyteller. 🙂
Katie, I love your writing. You are telling
this story so full of emtion and love. I can see
the frustration and emotion in your face.
I can’twait to read each part of baby Will’s
arrival.
I want more!!!! You are such a little tease Katie Bower 🙂 Can’t wait for the rest… I just hope there aren’t too many chapters. 🙂
I can’t wait for part II–as well as an update on how the first few weeks of having a newborn have been!
awww. i like that part, but you better now keep us hanging on too long for the rest!!
Oh, I am all teared up. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with all of us. So fun reading this knowing Will is already here safe and sound, and that your arms are no longer empty. 🙂
I’m just going to say that I hate installments. 🙂 I can’t wait to hear the rest! Thanks for sharing.
You are an amazing writer. I can’t wait to hear the rest of Will’s birth story. Really, no pressure. I can wait. Enjoy every moment of his newborn goodness!
Oh gosh Katie, if you were this emotional BEFORE Will’s birth, I sure hope you & Jeremy are keeping a close eye on your emotions now that Will’s here because (pardon my language) PPD can be a b****. Hope you are ALL having an easy transition into familyhood. 🙂
Such a sweet beginning to your story.
I love how you are writing the birth story! I feel like I’m re-living the whole moment with you 🙂 Very Sweet. And it will be nice for Will to be able and look back on the entire story…
Ahhh! I can’t wait to hear the rest! You are a great storyteller, and reading this makes me excited and nervous for our first little one, due in 20 weeks. Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us, Katie. We really appreciate it.
This is already such an excellent story!! I got teary eyed too. I’m so glad you aren’t posting a 6 paragraph birth story, this way is so special.
Oh the suspense!
Thanks for sharing such a personal story. I don’t know you personally but feel like I do. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your insight into your pregnancy and labor, especially as we think about starting a family of our own.
Can’t wait to read more. Hugs to you and Will!
So sweet! I love this and Will will too when he’s older! I wish my parents did something like this for me. I was number 5 in my family, so there is WAY less documentation of me growing up than my older siblings. 🙂
What a great start! Immense thanks for taking the time out of your crazy new-mom schedule to get us started on Will’s big story. I can’t wait to read part 2!
Hope you’re getting some rest!
These better come quickly! This is written like a good book and I want to know what happens next!
– Miss Em
Oh Katie Bower! I love you guys! This is a beautiful start hun! I can’t wait to read more!
I so love how you are documenting the birth story so soon after the birth. What a precious memory to have written down! Congrats to you and Jeremy on your wonderful blessing! God is so good!
awww! I can’t wait to hear the rest. I bet every Mother feels like this, but you put it so perfectly 🙂
You are a great writer Katie and I am so excited to read your story.
I can’t wait for the rest of the story. And, you are totally right that babyGap has the amazing ability to make almost any bad day better!
Katie Bower!!! I have been so busy all month long, this is the first I’m scrolling through my reader. Your baby boy is super precious. What a cutie pie!!! I just want to eat him up! You and your boyfriend look fabulous 48hrs post b-day. Congratulations!
Katie, one of my very very favourite things about your blog is your total honesty which is why I was so looking forward to reading this story!
Looking forward to the next installment, but don’t put yourself under any pressure getting them up on the blog, y’hear?! I’m sure everyone wants you to put “Real Life” first right now and would totally understand if it takes a while to get them up.
Besides, nothing like a bit of anticipation to build excitement 😉
Lynnie
uh.. you’ve found a new calling in writing… I feel like Im starting the beginning of a book that I cant put down. Cant wait for the next installment.
what a lovely story. thanks for sharing! our first little one will be along in october and it’s so nice to hear other people’s honest stories.
What a wise hubbie! So glad you are both Christ-followers. I’m sure it made this process 100% more bearable to know that He was in control…ok, maybe 98%. After all, you were having a baby, for crying out loud! I think He’d be alright with a little nervousness 😉
Love it Katie!! Keep it comin!
wow that sounds WAY too much like the start of my own birth story. I was induced 9 days past my due date. A tough decision. The natural birth I had planned for would now start with an induction. An induction that would include every cervical ripening agent possible, water breaking on it’s own,and pitocin. Ending with a c-section 40 hours later after never dilating, not having a single contraction or feeling of labor. My end result was also a c-section. The last thing I wanted. I got over it quickly though the second I held my little guy:)
*sigh* I just love this story! You are so sweet to share this incredible journey with your bloggy-buddies 🙂 I get baby fever just reading this, this is such a special & treasured time with your adorable lil’ man & very sweet boyfriend! 🙂
So sweet! Can’t wait to hear the rest 🙂
I am so glad you shared this story. I’ve read this and the story of Weston’s birth several times each, and I found so much comfort in it today as I scheduled my next appointment to discuss induction and had my own uncooperative cervix measured. God is so breaking me down and taking away my sense of control–I hate it when He does that! Maybe if I didn’t fight Him so hard every time we wouldn’t have to keep learning this lesson about surrender. Anyway, thanks for sharing your stories and giving another voice to the frustration so many women face!